moonlit

I want to talk about my experiences with sleep paralysis for a moment. As a child, it affected me in such a way that my parents took me to a sleep study, around age 5. I remember seeing shadows moving across my walls at night, they would grow in size, get close to me, and when the light would be turned on, vanish. I still see them, moving around in mirrors, darting across the hallway that is always kept dark. They frightened me a lot when I was a kid, but they're either there with bad intent, good intent, or they're passing through. Some are simply travelling around, and have no business with you in particular, and some seem to keep an eye on you- I'm not sure if it's good intent, but that's debatable. Because none of us know what they are to begin with.

Anyway, any time I've had SP, it's from these things. I'll see one of them hanging around the ceiling, or it's pulling at my feet. Since I'm an adult now, I fight them pretty easily. I just scream at them and they'll get off of me and go away. The only pain that they've ever caused me was when I was sleeping over at a boy's house, and I felt tons of negative energy in his room and around him, I really wanted to leave and could barely sleep. I was woken up by what felt like hands and fingers of multiple things pulling me from underneath, almost like through a dimension or something. It was very uncomfortable. I could feel all of the fingertips and their hands grabbing, this is a sensation I'll never forget. It would be nice to sleep without these dumb annoying pests, which is all they are, bothering me. Any time I feel intense fear, they come hang around. In my waking life, I'm not often afraid, but if I'm walking through an area and suddenly become filled with intense fear that I can't explain, there's a shadow person hanging around.
Prayers don't help with these things, because using prayer assumes that there's evil in the world to be prayed away, and evil is merely a projection of our inner fears that we can't externalize. The only way to get them to go away is ignore them, pretend that they're not there, and don't feed them any fear. Just leave the area or try to wake up, show them who is the boss, you're alive and they're... well... not, I guess. I'm still not entirely sure what they are, but I'll say that they're not from our time, space, or world.

I had to forcefully wake myself up this time. It was hard, like it usually is after I've experienced SP, but this is the most vivid dream I've had in the last few weeks. I was somewhat lucid, and remember returning to my physical body to wake myself up. When I woke up, for some reason, I was lying on my back, and I never sleep this way. Man, what an intense dream tonight.

I was in the bedroom, on the computer. I loaded up Youtube, and turned on some song I can't remember, I think it was by The Who. In the comments section, It was a long comment that I remember feeling very freaked out by, it was along the lines of "He's alive, and well, and he wants you to know all is okay. All is alright". I've never been able to read things in my dreams, not even once, so this is new and it frightened me.
Suddenly, a song started playing, it was "Happy Birthday" by the Beatles, which is a song I like a lot but rarely listen to. So, I was web browsing after that, and ran into a website which was a blog, of someone that I feel familiar with for some reason. His last update was in 2006, and there was a large noose hanging from the top left, so I decided to google his name to see if he had died. Yes, he had died, and looking back at me were pictures of him just staring.
It wasn't anyone that I knew, at least nobody in my life. It was very unsettling.
At this point, I decided to wake up due to this feeling, and returning to my body, I had flashes of a symbol that means something to me (a flaming skull). I felt a presence around me, on my upper right of my bed and my instincts took over as I tried to wake up, yelling at it to go away and I remember being very vicious about it. Eventually, I got myself awake. What a weird dream.