moonlit

I didn't post yesterday, I was busy and my dream wasn't too remarkable, so I forgot to update. Here is the dream:
My grandma had moved to another state, where I'm moving to soon, and she contacted me over the phone, she was with a friend of hers I never met. I couldn't find her, and had to call my grandpa to get her phone number from him. I remember writing it down, and calling her. I got really angry at her because she left without telling me and I felt mad that she would go there without me!!! I remember yelling at her over the phone because I was so hurt and upset. She's always been in my dreams my entire life, watching over me, helping me in ways I may not understand now. I think she was scoping out the place, seeing for herself that it was good for me.
In real life, she's been showing me in ways that she's about to pass on, she's ready to leave this earth. I told her that day in real life that I was going to move there soon, she was asking me where I'm going to after this, in a very lucid and strange way. She's been struggling with lucidity lately. I have a sense regarding death and her sisters around her age have been doing the same thing. I guess she is preparing me, because it'll be incredibly hard for me, I'll be completely on my own with nobody for the first time in my life. I've lived alone before, but I have very little family left, and they're all elderly, and when she leaves, I know they'll all leave together.

Before the dream: I smoked marijuana last night for the first time in months. I don't drink, or do drugs, because I'm a highly sensitive person, and my body takes in everything. I'm a vegan for the same reason, my body can't handle it, I absorb the energy from the meat- animals are in fear before they die, and I could tell when I ate meat. I smoke pot for the spiritual reasons of it, and it's remarkable (both good and bad) the effects it can have on a psychic, so I limit my use to every once in a while when I'm looking for something...
I had a productive night of playing guitar, and at the end of the night I curled up in bed with some records and my headphones. Recently, I've been feeling like my third eye has been opening completely. I've been getting pressure headaches and my head doesn't hurt often, so I knew deep down why it was happening.
Last night, while listening to the records, by candlelight and with my headphones on, I felt the deep existence of my soul. It hit me all at once, the certainty, that we are souls inhabiting bodies. It all made sense in an instant. I started to cry because it felt so beautiful and enlightening, and so true, with no ego or fear or defense. I felt my body melt into the music completely- I could hear every note like never before, every layer, like an ocean of music that I was swimming in. I felt my body dissolve into the center of my being- and I thought, this really is god, isn't it? The universe was made from sound, we are truly god expressing itself, through our beings, and music is one way, the closest way, to uniting with it on this level of our existence. We are souls and we forget, and it's our duty to get back to the center of us, forgetting our egos and all that it carries with it. And love, love is it, love is that feeling we must focus on. For ourselves, for others, and everything else will fall into place, once we get past any blocks not allowing us to love.

My dream was of J again, we were talking, and we were having a conversation for the first time in a dream of mine. I can't remember what he said, but I can see him in great detail, like it happened in reality. His strands of hair, his blushing, everything. It felt hazy and foggy again, it was a premonition. It didn't feel far away into the future, like my previous ones did. I had one once, a long time ago, a small snippet, of him drinking coffee and laughing. That was very hazy, but I knew it was a premonition, that wasn't to occur for a very long time, because of the haziness of it. I was having visions of him all night while I was stoned and awake. I get them and ride with them, and they're just of his face, as I would see it in first person. Now, they stir up incredible feelings in me, and it's frightening me how intense they are.

I just remembered- I did have a dream too. My best friend was there!!! I've NEVER had a dream with her in it, and she's also a psychic. Even stranger, out of the blue, for the first time in weeks, she contacted me today. We were hopping around, having fun, like we love to do together. We arrived at a room... There was a big hotel room, in the multiplex, and it had two king-sized beds and the sheets were taupe-colored silk. J was in there, inviting me in, very seductively. He said that he wanted to have a threesome, with my best friend and I, and he said he wouldn't make love to me unless we did. I figured this odd, so she said okay, and once I jumped on top of him, she left the room. She is truly a friend, lol. I remember kissing him, and feeling his weight beneath me. He was allowing all of it even though he said what he said earlier. I think that he was testing my trust and my faith in him, that he wouldn't betray me that way, and once he saw that I knew he was kidding and he was only trying to keep me away, he just accepted it and the premonition began.

My dream life and my abilities are getting more and more intense. I'm excited for whatever else is going to come. I hope that I have more answers soon.