Slumberless

Back to my end of the world dreams last night.

This was all perfectly vivid.

Dream starts in a supermarket. It is not the typical sort, this one is on the first floor of a four story building. The layout of the first floor is simple, it is a perfect square and all the isles are lined up one by one with the registers all up in the front. I am in isle with the canned vegetables with my (dream) boyfriend. There is a young woman with blonde hair holding her baby, who is probably around a year old. She is farther back in the isle. Then there is an older woman by herself shopping and she is near my boyfriend and I.

The whole time we have been shopping I have been extremely on edge and trying to hide it. I feel sweaty and cold. Finally I turn to my boyfriend and try to explain to him that something is wrong. He is pretending to listen but I know he isn't paying much attention to what I am saying. I start grabbing cans of food and stuffing them in my purse. This grabs his attention. He wants to know what I am doing and I am panicking, trying to tell him that we need to get everyone upstairs (somehow I have a good idea of the building layout). I am starting to raise my voice and the older woman shopping stops and stares at me. I start trying to convince her, too. My boyfriend tells her something about taking me home and he starts trying to calm me down.

I run up to the front of the store at start shouting at people that something bad is going to happen and that we've all got to get upstairs. They look at me like I'm crazy, of course. I'm shaking uncontrollably and its all quite scary. What I am telling everyone catches the attention of the blonde woman with the baby. She wants to know more and comes closer. Then someone from outside of the store runs in and starts shouting something about water, and finally people are listening.

I have no idea if we are near the ocean or not but we can see a huge wave coming over the freeway far in the distance. It comes closer rather quickly and I get some people to listen to me and start heading for the stairs. It all happens in a rush: the waves crash in the windows, the lights go out in the staircase, and most of us are screaming. I'm trying to usher everyone upstairs.

We get to the top floor and it's just a dark, dusty space. There are nine of us, including the woman with the baby. The older woman didn't make it. I'm crying because I know everyone has died and I tried but nobody listened. We spend several days upstairs and eventually venture down to the second floor, finding it to no longer under water. The same goes for the first floor.

When I walk outside the ground is covered (and I mean covered) in small, green bugs. They look like worms. They're all puffy from soaking up the water. They're trying to climb up my legs and there literally isn't one place they haven't covered completely. We all run back upstairs. I really don't like bugs.

We spend more time there and I am convinced that we should stay, because I think it is important that nobody find us. My boyfriend is the one who decides he will go look around, for help or whatever.

We stay there for some time and eventually the bugs start to go away. When my boyfriend finally returns he is not the same. I don't know what happens in between, but I am out in a field near the supermarket, looking for the others. I am crying because I have lost them, and it felt like my responsibility to be looking after everyone. My boyfriend knocks me to the ground and starts sticking paper-clips (the ends of them, anyway) into my stomach. It really hurt in the dream.

I woke up scratching at my stomach. I wish more of my dreams were pleasant.

This was several days ago...


The dream starts out in an alternative version of the Grand Canyon. Surrounding the canyon are several stores and neighborhoods. I get to know these places very well in my stay there. The beginning is a bit hazy, I know that I am looking for my mother. I am far out somewhere in the desert, far from the canyon itself. I know to find her I will need help. I am having trouble grounding myself so I can perform a proper search. I am not lucid. Somehow I come into contact with an army of baby sea turtles. I am hovering up in the air but not flying, just watching. There are thousands of them just crawling along the desert floor. I think I wanted them to help me, but they just kept on to their destination.

Time passes and I am feeling more grounded. I guess maybe I was searching for the canyon itself. I spent a long time wandering in the desert, sometimes flying and sometimes walking. Just searching rather aimlessly. There is a period of the dream I don't remember, and eventually I find the canyon and the city surrounding it. I fly above the city at night, this is still non lucid and not all that vivid. I've got this feeling like I'm trying to ground myself to the dream, so I can search for my mother properly. But it's really difficult and I'm more hovering then flying, trying to find my way down.

Another period I don't remember, and here is where things get interesting. Dream becomes vivid (as vivid as they come!). Still not lucid. I am on the ground in this city surrounding the canyon. I know I've got to find my mother. The first time I try, I find a pay phone and attempt to call her. A gun appears from within the pay phone and it begins shooting at me on its own. I have to run to escape the bullets. Another time I try to use the same pay phone, and a man with a machine gun is up on a hill and starts shooting at me. Every time I try to find her, something stops me.

Eventually I find my mother. I am walking along a hill and look down at a Lowe's parking lot. I can see her outside in the lot, helping men unload some boxes from a truck. I don't feel relieved to have found her. I go down and try talking to her. But it just doesn't feel right. She looks like my mother but after talking to her, I know she isn't. I become convinced that I am in a dream. I want to wake up so I can find her.

This is my first time switching realities.

I wake up in a house that I have never seen before. I walk to the kitchen and my mom, her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend in real life) and my best friend are all in there making breakfast. I am so glad to have woken up! I tell my mom about the dream. She does not respond as I would expect. I refer to this as reality one, with the GC being reality two.

Switch back to the Grand Canyon. I am really frustrated now. I had just woken up (still under the assumption that reality one is real life). I now know this is a dream for sure and I feel like somehow I've fallen back asleep after just waking up. Still not lucid. Although I believe this to be a dream I am still left wanting to search for my mother. I don't really know why, but its the whole point of this dream. I spend time searching and find her near a restaurant. We talk for a while but it is so upsetting to talk to this woman who looks like my mother but really isn't. I try to tell her about how I am dreaming and want to wake up, but she tries to convince me that THIS reality is real. I start to feel like she is trying to harm me in some way, this imposer. We are near the edge of the canyon and I run away from her and leap into the air, flying away.

Switch.

I "wake up" again. I am back in this unfamiliar house. It is just my mom and her boyfriend now. Despite the fact that I can't recall actually waking up in this house (like in my bed), we are talking in the kitchen and it feels like real life. I am talking about my dream and how someone needs to watch and make sure I don't fall back asleep again, because I am having a bad dream when I sleep. My mother says something about how this is real life, and she is saying the same thing she said to me in the Grand Canyon. Realizing I am still dreaming, I switch.

In the Grand Canyon I have little to do now, because I don't want to find my mother. In fact, now she is searching for me. I don't want to talk to this woman who looks like my mother but really isn't. I just want to wake up. Reality one doesn't feel real anymore. I want to wake up for real. I wander around a lot, just flying at sunset, walking in and out of stores, etc. A man offers me a job at Lowe's and I take it, to help pass the time. I work at check-out.

Switch.

The important part of this switch is that after speaking to this woman who looks like my mother, I start to realize that she knows too much about the Grand Canyon. She knows what I am not saying out loud. I become convinced that this woman is MAKING me switch realities. She keeps telling me I am awake. I start to play along, knowing I need to find my own way out.

Switch.

One day I am taking a walk in a neighborhood in the Grand Canyon. I have nothing to do and spend all my time walking. I meet a man and I think I already know him, probably from work. He's really sweet. He walks with me and we talk. Part of me feels bad for leading this guy on, making him think we are developing a friendship when really I know I am dreaming and he isn't real. He knows there is something going on but I don't want to explain. The more time that passes here, the more I start to feel like the Grand Canyon might not be a dream. Maybe I am awake.

Many more times I switch. More and more I forget what place is a dream, I don't have a concept of reality anymore. I begin a relationship with the man I take my walks with. It doesn't feel like such a lie, anymore. It feels real.

One time when switching I send an e-mail to the Grand Canyon, from reality one. I want to see if it goes through. I want to know if I am dreaming so badly. I want to know if the man I am dating is real.

I never get a chance to read the e-mail. Reality three is fully lucid. I am in a large city and spend most of my time in the library there. I fly around a lot, over snow covered mountains at night. I tell everyone I meet about how I have been dreaming for weeks and want to wake up. Never so badly in my life have I wanted out of a dream. I feel like I've been gone forever. I try my techniques for waking up but they just don't work. I have little control. It's extremely vivid.

I false awaken five times. In this reality three, I know that in real life (finally I grasp on reality!) my cell phone alarm is going to go off at some point and wake me up. All I want is to wake up. Eventually I do, and real life has never felt so good. Thank you, cell phone.


This took place over a twenty minute period. I felt like I was gone for two months. I have written all this down, leaving out so much, but I don't feel any better. I feel like I should have woken up in March instead of January. I feel like I could work at Lowe's now and do a damn fine job.