lucid

Friday, July 22nd

I. Lucid #14 – Still Afraid

My first memory of the dream is being held in a captive type situation. I am with two other people who are familiar to me but upon wakening I’ve forgotten who they are. We are sitting on the ground and (this is a stretch) I believe it is some type of deformed humanoid figure that is lecturing us. I look to my left and there is a mound of earth with a path on the other side of it. I recognize myself as being somewhere in the woods behind my house and I see the dirt path separating the houses from the woods. Unlike physical reality, the path still has not been paved over.

Our captor mentions something about there being a lack of ways to escape, and as these words pass through his mouth and before I even realize what I am doing I have jumped to my feet and bounded over the mound of earth. I take a left and start tearing down the path as fast as I can, leaving my two fellow captives.

At this point I start having déjà-vu. I have run down this path before and I have hidden somewhere on the right side – I find the spot where I’ve hidden before and can see my own footprints there. I go to return to this spot but I have trouble climbing up the bank on the side of the path for some reason. I decide I must continue running.

A combination of the déjà-vu and the wild, irrational fear I’m experiencing causes me to realize that I am dreaming. However, this does not make me stop being so afraid. Now fully lucid, I see a wooden shelter at the end of the path, which I intuitively know means safety. As I run down the gravel and wood boardwalk up to the bottom entrance the dream begins slipping away from me. While still running, I attempt to stabilize the dream. I yell “Increase lucididty!” and for once this actually works, my vision jerks back into focus. I look at my feet, my hands, and begin clapping them as well. “Increase lucidity!” I shout again, however this time the words get lost in the fog as the dream dissolves with me just feet away from the door.

II. Lightning Storm

I am with someone familiar, and I am allowing a 3rd person to stay the night in my parents’ house. As I am showing them the accommodations I begin to notice that for some reason the entire upstairs has no walls or ceiling, only screens with several large holes in them rendering it useless. There is also a very intense lightning storm approaching which makes our current location a bad place to be.

The wind whips through the screen and threatens to knock us all over. We retreat to the lower level of the house where I soon receive news that somebody’s pet rabbit has just been killed by the storm. This makes me very upset.

This rabbit is normal in every way except for its ears, which look more like bat wings.

The next day B (and maybe her boyfriend K.S but I’m not positive) come to the house to survey the situation. For some reason B is topless when she arrives. After coming back inside after seeing the rabbit though she has a black sweatshirt with white writing on it. She says that the rabbit has actually survived but would not come with her when she tried to pick it up because it didn’t “want no sympathy.” She says this in a joking personification of the rabbit’s attitude. Nonetheless she has called a doctor for it.

For some reason I am still upset and she remedies this as well by singing Bob Marley’s “Jammin’” at me. For some reason this greatly improves my mood and I join her, making drum sounds with my mouth. I look inside the refrigerator for something and as I bend over I grind against her, only half seriously. She says “okay we’ve taken this too far.”

My notes say there’s another little side-plot to this dream but I hardly remember a thing about it. There are several different plays that J.S will judge to see which ones he wants to use in some thing he has going on. He proclaims the winner to be some people’s theatrical version of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”

Saturday, July 9

I. Lucid #13 – I Brought This Hand to Your House

The first memory I have of this dream is being in the passenger’s seat of a convertible that A.J.R is driving. I pop a zit and watch in the rearview mirror as a huge amount of stuff comes out. It looks like a soft-serve ice cream cone. We are on our way to stay with someone at their house. I do not know them or recognize them when we meet them later in the dream.

More things happen which I do not remember now.

I then remember sitting in their living room. The couches that A.J.R, S.B and I are sitting on are red. A.J.R picks up a magazine and opens it to find that it’s full of ants. This doesn’t bother him though, he goes on to observe that they have chewed a hole through the middle of the whole magazine. He sticks his finger in it although we tell him that’s probably a bad idea. The ants also are growing larger, they are suddenly a little more than half a hand’s length long. He flicks one of them onto the table and S.B kills it. This greatly upsets A.J.R. He yells and disappears suddenly, leaving the floor covered in these large teardrop-shaped gold or lighted objects. The owner of the house comes in and gives us a dirty look. I say “well, I guess we’re cleaning these up then.”

I close my computer, which to that moment I don’t remember having in front of me, and I place it on the footrest in front of me to find that my computer is already there. The one I put down has two stickers and the one sitting in front of me has three.

I start questioning reality as I’m looking at this, and as I ponder it I am suddenly in a completely different place. There is a blond girl next to me I haven’t met. I am in a place with a stone and walls, and I think it has a ceiling yet I am still looking up at the sky. I look down at my hands, and I can’t really explain the problem but I notice something wrong. I think I may have even had an extra hand. I start figuring this out loud to the girl.

“I had this hand with me when I got here, and this hand I brought to your house…” I pause for a second, looking at her and then say “we are in a dream right now!” I ask her some question, something like “do you know what this means?” I look at her for a moment as she stutters and babbles nonsense. I leave her and start walking around the room, stabilizing the dream. I’m not sure exactly how long this lasts, anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute and a half. I look at my feet and jump into the air, feeling the dream’s gravity.

The moment I had start running around doing all this, B.R my guitar professor walks in from the distance (the outsides of the room are completely dark) and comes slowly across my field of view, getting closer and closer to me. He gives me this strange smile, almost like he was daring me to talk to him. I don’t, I think I may have been afraid to because of how many weird dreams I’ve had recently about playing guitar with him in them.

I stabilize this dream pretty well, however I am still unable to bring myself fully into a dream and gain control of what I think and do. I still lack a specific plan or goal to accomplish in a dream, so as soon as I become lucid my thoughts race and I just run around, preoccupied with racing thoughts that I have to DO STUFF! Since there’s nothing around me except B.R whom I stupidly ignore, I run back up to the girl and try to kiss her, but this makes her mad. After a moment she has disappeared and another appears. I ask her nicely and she obliges. The act of closing my eyes is what ends the dream, I black out briefly and wake up.

Thursday, June 30th

I. Burger

Another Pasty dream. We are playing the show in a tent, just like normal, however it’s completely a different scene. The tent is open on all sides, and is on grass where a dirt road lies in front of it and goes into a wide clearing. There’s a bit of a medieval quality to it; this is expanded later. I also have to play the songs acoustically with one other person before the show, however it’s not E.G. It is a male whom I cannot identify. We are playing the songs in a small stone chapel, also with a dirt floor. At least one of the times nobody shows up. I am in each of these places a few times apiece during this dream, the particular order I can’t quite remember. During intermission of the show there is also a singing contest, which some unidentifiable male wins the first time.

At another point also, K.S is playing a song and singing and I’m just sitting there listening. I can’t tell if it’s the chapel or not but it is definitely in a nearby area. The only part of his song I remember is “You don’t always have to listen to what I say.”

The 2nd or maybe 3rd time I show up to play the show, I have the intuition of having come back from the house where we’re staying, which is completely different from physical reality in that it’s mansion-like and a straight shot down the dirt road from the tent to get there. When I show up, somebody asks if I can go and get the coat rack with the costumes on it that has been left behind at the house. B.R follows me, inclined to help with the task.

We pass an enormous truck, wider and longer than usual but also stilted at least 50 feet in the air. It does not seem like this from the ground, however when I climb it I find myself at a dizzying height (once again.) B.R says “hold on!” and he somehow gets it to start moving without driving it – he also hops on the back. I hold on for dear life and am therefore not very observant of what’s happening around me as we get to the house.

The room where I have to get the coat rack from is on a higher floor of the house, and I must go up several flights of an ovular shaped staircase. I can vaguely envision the hallways, hardwood flooring and lighting as if the only light source was flame. The strongest memory I have of inside the house though - I am hurrying back down the stairs, not wanting to be late either getting back or getting there in the first place. I have no coat rack with me. I run into Z.G, H.R and a friend of his who he introduces to me as “Burger.” He’s blond with sideburns and seems a bit strange. He says he’s “basically moved into the apartment,” meaning Z.G’s apartment, and I say that I remember him. In the dream I genuinely do remember him though he doesn’t exist. Then I see C? come down the stairs. I give Z.G a long hug, and as I look over his shoulder I see a setting that I cannot describe. Very 'out there.'

Unfortunately I have to rush away from them after the greeting and head down to the tent. As I get there I see that the place where we play is suddenly empty. I turn to B.R and he says “Looks like we’ve got some stolen equipment,” with his eyebrows high, using humor but obviously trying not to show his agitation.

We walk toward another tent at the right and we learn that all of our equipment, and apparently in fact the show, have been moved there. I talk to S.A briefly who is dressed in some medieval garment. I think she may have even had a conical hat on. She is singing the song that she’ll be competing with in the singing competition at this particular intermission. She’ll be singing a song that has something to do with a bed (whose melody is a sped up version of “Your Cheatin’ Heart,” one of the songs from the show) and she then notes that R.S will be competing with a song called “Kiss my Pillow,” (?) and notes the coincidence. I am interested but I am also preoccupied with trying to consolidate all of my equipment.

While I am trying to drag my music stand toward where I am sitting I notice that there’s already some type of scene going on and I’m right in the middle of it. I think I just leave the stand where it is and rush away and sit down. The main character of the show, who seems like a mixture between B.W and M.C.C, is addressing the crowd about something completely irrelevant to the show. She then introduces everyone to her “sister” who looks much like a smaller version of herself. They walk off in a stately way. The following lucid dream may have been the end of this one, but I cannot remember for sure. I even have a few fleeting impressions that there was stuff from Rocky Horror.
I think this dream was a commentary of the possibility of my playing for pit bands in musicals for a living. Either way it's affecting my dreams quite a bit.

II. Hut

I am in a small hut with B.W. I’m not sure exactly how big the house is but I’m decently sure the ceiling is not square but more rounded. Everything inside the place is also quite small.

As she is talking to be about something that is very fascinating (I could remember when I woke up, I can’t now because I tried to fall back asleep instead of writing this down immediately) I suddenly become lucid as I realize what my surroundings are. This time I do not impulsively try to fly or anything but I don’t do a great job at stabilizing either. I do not look at my hands, my feet, or rub them together or anything. I turn around and start walking around the little house. I am standing in the kitchen and see very small dishes and appliances and the cookware all looks very alien and I cannot think of any uses for it. I wait for B.W to stop talking (I don’t even bother interrupting for some reason) and I say “What…would you say…if I told you I was in a dream right now?”
Bap. Awake.

Monday, June 27th

I. Back in High School

I am younger and living with my parents again, or at least I have drawn this conclusion because I am relying on my mother for a ride.

I am going to a show in Boston (I dimly remember that it might have been Wayne Krantz) with several friends, I remember K.S and C.H but no one else.

I have apparently bought C.H’s ticket and she is driving from her house, about 45 minutes away, to meet me at mine. I become distressed over the fact that all the seats in the car are taken and there is no room for her despite all that. My mother makes some pseudo-prophetic remark about someone changing something (?) and I tell her “No one’s ever changed anything” thinking this to be a statement of the law of conservation of energy. My dad recognizes this quote from a book we have both read (and therefore I assume in the dream is Kurt Vonnegut). This makes much less sense to me upon waking.

My memory skips to being in my old high school, presumably the next day. C.H finally arrives to meet me, in the middle of school. I attempt to apologize, but she says something to me quickly that I don’t quite make out and she walks away. End of recall of this dream.

II. 2 Brief Lucid Dreams Involving Songs

Unfortunately, the only thing I can clearly say about these dreams is that they happened.

I am sitting in my old high school cafeteria, but not at a table, I am in a chair in the corner of one of the hidden bathroom hallways with 2 other girls I don’t recognize who are also sitting in chairs. They are playfully singing some song with a melody unfamiliar to me in weird voices. I become lucid nearly the moment after I become aware that this is going on. I join them, making up my own lyrics about how “this is a dream, I am dreaming right now,” etc. I start trying to stabilize immediately. I’m decently sure that when this happened I had just woken up briefly and fallen directly into this dream and it was therefore very unstable from the beginning. I rub my hands on my knees and look at my feet, then start touching the walls (and I think the 2 girls stopped singing and just stared at me), but I don’t make it more than 10 seconds or so lucid.

I wake up and have this dream right afterward. I am at a house I’ve never seen before that belongs to K.S; it is just the two of us there. I am there for awhile I think, but I don’t remember most of what happens.

The only clear memory I have is standing in the backyard, which has a pond at the edge of it. I look and see a fiddle and some other strange looking string instrument (I think it mostly resembled a cigar-box guitar) floating in the water. I look for K.S to tell him about this, but I see him come outside right after this with a fishing pole.

Not long after this I become lucid again. I am either running around in the backyard, which must have suddenly been stepped, or on his rooftop. I am singing a familiar song to myself (that I did not know I knew the words to) quite loudly, thinking for some reason that this might keep me in the dream. I don’t remember what the song was but I remember that I didn’t make it through the whole thing.

III. Ask More Questions

I remember being in the Jazz rehearsal room of the arts building watching J.C and some other people playing. I walk out, I think I may have been a bit discouraged.

Suddenly I’m sitting with them all in a room, looks like a finished basement and we are watching T.V. J.C says something about how he requires all students to ask questions, and I haven’t been doing so at all (which to him I often don’t; I still have a very hard time not being intimidated, or maybe just cripplingly humbled, around him.)
He tells me that I should ask him more questions, and T.S says something about being more acknowledging in the hallway and not closing up so much. End of recall from last night.

Wednesday, June 15th

III. Lucid #9: “An Experimental Experiment”

Unknown locale and situation bring me to this point. Memory picks up as I suddenly find myself left alone with A.D. It is quite dark in the room but I can still see. She gives me the smile I haven’t seen in years, we both lean in and begin kissing. The feeling is vividly familiar, I feel a rush and as she thrusts her waist against me I come almost instantly. The orgasm in the dream is very intense. Suddenly her shirt is off and I can see that my sticky fluid has gotten on her chest. I start thinking about what to do about that and hoping she won’t notice that I’ve blown it this early. To my surprise she begins telling me how sexy she thinks cum and blood and snot are; how she wants to be covered in it. She talks to me more vulgar than she ever did when we were together in physical reality, telling me to fuck the shit out of her etc over and over again. She puts my penis between her breasts, expecting me to do something rough. Surprised and upset, I stop what I’m doing and almost begin crying; there is none of the love and tenderness there used to be, only a nymphomaniac type hunger for obscene sexual gratification. She responds to this by walking over to another man who is suddenly now in the room and fellating him emphatically. I don’t feel particularly jealous, only slightly awkward about being in my first threesome and it being with another man, and it being with my ex lover. She cares nothing for this. She briefly knocks our dicks together and begins walking away.

I find myself and the unknown man following her through some woods, with many broken down amusement park rides randomly scattered in the trees. She tells me that we’re going to go “walk on the rides.” I see she now has some shorts on and I am still naked. Unknown voices soon begin telling me how this is an “experimental experiment” to get herself alone with me. However as we come to the bottom of a hill, Batman and Robin come dashing out from behind something and I run from them on sight. A more menacing voice tells me that this is actually an “experimental experiment” to get me to leave, which I do.

Next I remember I find my way back to a large room filled with bleachers of different species of humanoid spectators with many different colors of flesh and facial features. Everybody seems afraid, suddenly A.D comes running back in and throws herself into the arms of yet another man, yet again unfamiliar but I do remember him having short blond hair and sideburns. They begin kissing each other hard.

I wake from this soon after, only for a second with a T-shirt over my physical eyes so I awake to complete darkness. Falling back asleep a moment later, I drop back into the dream, this time fully Lucid. There are wide, elaborately decorated hallways back to the room I intuitively know contains her and all the spectators, and some people on benches observe me. The walls are purple or blue and bejeweled in spots. I decide (quite impulsively) to try to fly into this room and confront her. I focus on the doorway and try to superman-fly over there. I had been quite unprepared to become lucid again. I make it not quite halfway to the door before the dream dissolves into yet another false awakening, I am suddenly being led down very narrow, dank and bizarre looking corridors by hooded figures that are short and hunched over. Their heads are covered and their faces are not visible. The entire landscape is made up of discs piled one on another, getting smaller toward the top forming pancake-like pyramids. I see that the path I’m on continues far upward and I can see another place to land high above me. I decide to attempt to fly, again, and this time I don’t recall even making it off the ground.

I wake up to find that when I had an orgasm in the dream I also had one in physical reality and I will have to clean myself off. I am now feeling as if this was some sort of test, which I have inarguably failed.