unclean, a libertine. [dreamjournal]

[unclnalbrtn]

there is only so often, that i've remembered what i've dreamt. in knowing there is a place for them in words, they will now reside. + "what we do in dreams we also do when we are awake: we invent and fabricate the person with whom we associate, and immediately forget we have done so." -nietzsche

[unclnalbrtn]

there is a building in a city. it felt as though i've worked there for years. someone is familiar in this dream. michael has been working in this unit over a few months now. our relationship is watching out for one another. i feel like i care for him, but don't know what he is about. the building were in seems to have a structure of a factory, not undeveloped, but worn down. we live in a city under constant war and anarchy. on the main floor, in the center of the room. there are empty cubicles. everywhere was dark except the light from an entrance further from where the three of us were stationed. michael, another girl, and myself were going through files. i'm not sure what they were of, though i felt i was searching for an answer to what life was before there was no law. i remember seeing a shelving in front of the girl. it was filled with assorted candy. we were discussing to one another of how we ended up in this structure. the girl said she had needed refuge from the war, and she had been there for years. i don't remember seeing her before. michael made his way the few months before, also looking for refuge with no direction. when i began to explain my reason of having ended in the same location. it felt like a film was playing out through scenes of my words. we were inside the building, but in the front entrance on the second foundation. it was an open space to look around to the first floor entrance, and walk way under where we were viewing from. every entrance was another dark entrance combining to where you were going, but through the glass windows on the wall, you can see daylight outside. i can look around, and see the walls are decayed, and there is debris all around the floor. i could even make out the detail of wire frame in the wall, and wires hanging from the ceiling.. . broken glass, and rust. i guess we had come from the first floor, but walked up to the second area, to overlook the front. when seeing the foundation layout, it felt so familiar. i was explaining that i had come to this place years before in search of refuge myself. it was tiring on my own, and running from section to section over the continent was wearing me down. back then, the factory wasn't a place to sort files of information from the past. it was just another hole in the wall for anarchists war amongst a failed system. constantly there were raids, and you would always think you were prepared, untill it came for you. the standing point where i was telling my story, was the place it was happening years ago. it went to a past memory of me standing in the same location as another outbreak continued. i was trapt up on the standing point overlooking the front entrance, and i had to make my way to the basement, so that i could escape under another level through the tunnels. this may read ridiculous, but i think my conscious made candy a form of person. i really think it was a person who was supposed to take that part in my dream, but for some reason it was candy. because it goes back to the cubicle setting in my dream, where i was explaining more of why i was there. there was this licorice on the shelving unit, telling of how then he remembered a story her heard about that girl having disappeared. i explained how a person like him was the one who had saved me. there were men after me when i was trying to figure out my way down, instead of back tracking through the stairwell. the licorice came and helped me down, and through the entries i needed to get through to escape. i don't have a story for what happened to the one that saved me. but i think it was the reason i stayed in this place after all. i felt safe.. . thinking he may come back. after explaining my presence there, a siren started going off. we were having to make our way outside to another safe point, because our area was under fire. michael and i were walking as though nothing was really going to happen. as though it were a drill. we walked not even a block around the corner, when this loud noise was getting more of a tone. i look to where i was standing. near a smaller building, and a church beside. i looked up higher and this missile came down, after another in the street. there was a loud sound for itself setting up, and after it had it's stance it began to tear apart into a movement. the one that first went to the ground went passed me, and the other seemed to go for me but i ran opposite in direction. michael ran near the church, while i was standing in the street where more missiles were dropping and shooting for a distance. i was scared, and determined to make my way for the church near michael. i kept thinking how i don't want to die alone, like i might have if it weren't for that licorice that day long ago. another set of missiles landed, and the one nearer to me came to my direction ofter spinning, looking for a target. i tried to run for the church. i seen the few i was with earlier running from building to another. michael was in front of the church pleading with me to run. i felt i had to get to him, but every time i tried to run to, there was a missile. when i could move, it felt so slow in pace, like i was trying to run while in a large body of water. it killed me before i knew what happened, having my last thoughts of how i don't want to die without him. i don't want to die alone. and i didn't want him to be alone, think i never tried or cared. i am not sure why i dreamt of licorice as a person. but that was what i dreamt, and i am trying to consider it as detail.

[unclnalbrtn]

the room was my own. out the window, there was a different view. higher. three others sitting on the standing point out of it. i got up to get ready for studies. i could see them through the slips of the curtain. i opened it to let light in. there was a girl. she set herself partly in and started to acquaintance herself. sitting on the bed frame, she introduced herself as rico. she had short waved brown hair, and a frame not too smaller than me. she looked collective, and uncaring yet so full of interest. we talked, mostly about issues. telling her it would get better in time. she turned her back to me, so she could rest in my arms and calmed her head deeper into me. my arms around her, she turned herself. we kissed.. . felling as thought it was a beginning for her and i. this is an older entry. thought i'd set it in the profile for further reading.

[unclnalbrtn]

four story snow color victorian house. there was others inside. a male and three females. derek. a nurse. a girl. and another girl. (i was her in the beginning. i was myself. though as the dream went through, i was more of a ghost following them.) a nurse in the house was taking care of us. was given a test, and the other girl found out the result by sneaking about. she wasn't telling me so i held a blade to her throat. the nurse was coming so i asked her, referencing the girl a coward. the nurse was telling me i was pregnant. i felt something was happening in moments. there was this shattering sound down one floor. we had to leave the house. these infected rotted pig carcasses trying to end us. it felt like it had happened before. they were telling us we had to end ourselves. that they were stronger now. (this reminds me alot of princess mononoke with the animals and how i appeared.) we ran out of the house, derek and i. by now he wasn't derek, still himself, but the face was different. and another man appeared int he vehicle. we were driving down a highway, in escape. when i turned to the other girl, and was out of my own body as another self. i had to stop to use a restroom, though i was really trying to use my mobile to find something out in one of the towns we kept passing. the two in the front by now weren't paying much attention to me in the dream anymore, i wanted out of this. we stopped, but heard something coming. running through some brush in the back of the buildings, we found this bridge, but it was torn in segments. the guy started walking over the together parts, and then jumped down and started a monkey bar transition. the other self did the same. i.. .was too scared to go that way. i started walking forward, and walking across the edges. looking down i seen this other part of a bridge, like a layer of sheets of wood you could sit on, while others could pass the bridge. they weren't waiting for me anymore, because i wasn't visible. i felt scared that i would be left behind, and the girl had me feeling urgent, as thought something would happen. before the guy pulled up from the venture, he cawed like a crow. it rang in my mind till i eventually woken up. this is an older entry. thought i'd set it in the profile for further reading.

[unclnalbrtn]

first: i feel like all the siblings are my own, just older. we gathered at my mothers house. she was almost bed-ridden, her substance had it's damage over the years. i kept telling her to quit smoking, that i needed her. crying uncontrollably, everyone gathered having their own identity. my brother seemed so insolent, his comments as though he never knew this person, why would he care. his twin, she just watched, afraid. jessie seemed a leader, like i had been all my life. kat was crying but kept her distance.. . i just layed on the bed beside my mother. she had tears, slow with time falling from her eyes. looking around to all of us. i feel like i felt her pain, her shame for the judgment from her own children. she grasped a blade.. . and began to stab herself in the face. her mouth was now jagged with a sunken hole. blood was meshing with the seams she lay under. i cried, and screamed, but never took any notion to stop it. a metaphor. she made a sore barrier for nothing to go in any longer. she wanted it to stop. i wanted it to stop. (i woke up whimpering in my sleep, and layed for a bit teared and scared of what i dreamt.) secondly: i was in a mansion of a home. this was all in the night. erich was in the backroom sleeping. i could not fall into the same, so i walked around the connecting room. derek was on a bed there.. . trying to comfort me, be the priority. it disgusted me, his arms around me. i wanted him to go, but never wanted a scene. waking up erich in the middle of the night with derek in the next room.. . it just seemed like such a set up to explain. derek wouldn't leave. he wanted things to be assumed. somehow.. .i got him outside. but he was threatening to come through. as he started stalking towards me.. these woman came from behind when i called for their names. sierra, raethae.. . we held our hands in front of us, and worded chant.. derek was coming forward, and these dead like creatures came behind him from the soil. they all turned to flame, then dust.. this is an older entry. thought i'd set it in the profile for further reading.

[unclnalbrtn]

i was running outside in a place that seemed it was made up of ruins. there were objects everywhere that you would find in a junk yard. though, as i looked closer they were broken useful things. like umbrella's torn, and bicycles without a wheel. men were chasing me through, but i don't remember how it began. when i reached the end of the flats, there was one last house in front of me. i went inside, and there were shrines of images that were blurred. i could see the lit candles, and golden trinkets surrounding them. i heard the men coming near, so i ran outside to see where i could hide. there was a field to the right of me, and in the distance were trees that had surrounded. there were men walking slowly towards me, but they didn't see me for some reason. i layed close to the ground in the grass, thinking i could crawl the short distance and hide in the woods. then there were ants, quite large ants. they were trying to get into a wound on my arm that was healed already. i tried to brush them off, but they were stubborn, and few were already biting their way in. i had a dream previous to this one, but my boyfriend came in my room this morning disrupting the memory of it. also, not remembering the beginning of this one. maybe i should make it known to leave me till i'm clearly awake in the mornings.

[unclnalbrtn]

having this dream where i live in a house with my mother and step father. my friend joanne is living there too, in my sisters old room at my grandmothers house. my parents were int he front room, and i was putting some clothes away of joanne's in her room. i came across her makeup, and started to put some on. i was scared she might walk in. my dream than went to another house, not my own. i was alone in the house physically, but there were ghosts. i endedup in this dream world.. . all their teeth were stolen. mine were starting to fall out one by one. it's was surreal.. . the more i had seen what was happening to them in this dream world. the more i would lose. but when i came back to reality, my teeth were all there. till this last time i came back, i had the bowl with me. i was separating the teeth from the blood, and gums. even jawlines.. . i started to find my teeth, because when i would pick up them, i would have these visions. i ripped the tooth off the gum from in my mouth, and tore the rest of the gum from the tooth while setting it in the bowl. i think i was saving these people from something in the house. in exchange some of my teeth were to be taken.

[Big Moot]

Nice Dream Journal! I've had dreams about loosing my teeth also. I wonder if that is common for most folks? That dream about your mother must have really freaked you out. Keep up the good work. Regards, Moot