Need help interpreting an ex-girlfriend based dream..

**teracore** · 08-20-2012 01:13 PM

Hey, guys. This is my first post here. I've tried looking all over the internet for a reason behind this dream, as I don't believe it was simply coincidence that it happened to be on this very night. Basically, me and my ex-girlfriend split up a while ago now, it was round abouts last August. I have not truly forgotten about her, ofcourse I still have feelings for her, but over the duration of the time that we have spent split up, I have never once cried over her or told anyone of my emotions that I still feel for her - whilst keeping these emotions bottled up, the emotions have gotten more and more distant, and I've stopped caring half as much about her as I initially did. The views that I have found by using search engines on what my dream could be about is basically that it is probably my emotions showing me how I feel about the person. I don't completely agree with this, I would like to know what you guys think.

Last night, I had a dream where I was in the town center, with a female friend of mine (initially, she seems to 'disappear' a little later into the dream). We are at a small coffee shop getting something to eat. I don't remember what it was that we ordered. During this time, I felt very in the moment and everything had a neutral feeling to it. Shortly after we had ordered, my friend was then replaced by my ex girlfriend. She was sat in a chair next to me whilst we waited for our food, but she was crying. I tried speaking to her and calming her and stuff.. But she did not respond to me. This reminded me of the times when we used to argue so bad whilst we were in a relationship that we would split up. During these arguments, she would enter some sort of lock down phase, where she would be incredibly upset but would not speak to me nor acknowledge what I was saying. The type of crying that my ex-girlfriend was doing in the dream was a sort of hysterical, uncontrollable crying. After so long of me trying to speak to her, she got up form the chair where she had been sat next to me whilst we had waited for the food that we had ordered and she walked out of the shop and into the pedestrianized area that the coffee shop was based on. However, when she left the coffee shop it was not like she was leaving to get away from me, she was just strafing up and down as if she was helpless for some reason. I went up to her to comfort her, but she just stopped moving. She did not rest her head on me, put her arms around me or anything. She didn't even bat an eye lid in my direction. I have read that if it is calm crying, where the tears are just rolling down her cheeks, then it is possibly some sort of acceptance crying, whereas both parties can move on peacefully - but this was not the sort of crying that I witnessed in my dream. She was crying quite hysterically. Moments later, I turn around to find that my recent crush (nothing has happened, and I don't think she knows that she is my crush) is stood on the opposite side of the said pedestrianized area, in the doorway to a different shop crying as well. She had somebody with her comforting her, but I do not think this is relevant, as I did not recognize the person who was stood next to her comforting her during her crying. I felt I woke up after looking at both people who were practically crying their hearts out in front of me, as I can't bare to see people in that sort of state (so upset). But as I was waking up, between realizing that I was now awake and opening my eyes, I seemed to have flashbacks of every single memory I have ever had with my ex girlfriend. How would you guys interpret this dream? Do you think that I should/need to act on it by getting in touch with my ex girlfriend and making sure that she is OK? Could it be that she is going through some sort of trauma in life - or maybe that she is distressed about the break up with me still? Even though I'm sure she had moved on since and had started seeing somebody else during the amount of time that we have been split up?

In response to the sticky, here's a bit of information about myself.
I'm an 18 year old guy from Manchester, I live with my mother, her husband and her stepson. My step sister has just had a baby, she lives with her boyfriend and her mum around the corner from us. Everything in my family life I would consider to be absolutely normal and perhaps irrelevant.

The female friend that I initially mentioned who I was sat in the coffee shop with before she randomly turned into my ex girlfriend was a girl from school that I might just of been having a catch up with, I remember her from my English lessons. We used to talk and muck about (just generally having a laugh in a friendly/sociable way) a lot during lessons, and we'd often talk outside of English lessons, too. We don't talk since I finished school 2/3 years ago.

**Alucinor XIII** · 08-20-2012 02:25 PM

Well, as I said in response to your introduction, dreams are very subjective (based on the person who experiences them) and no one can tell you exactly what it meant, only your own understanding can (you're dreams ARE you, in a sense.)

I don't believe in premonition dreams (just to get that out of the way), and I dont think the dream was some sign of your ex-girlfriend having some sort of a trauma. Checking up on her might not hurt, I guess, but that's your move.

What I do believe is that dreams are a representation of yourself, both your conscious an subconscious. Perhaps this dream is a representation of your frustration in the relationship, since you were unable to console her and she did not respond to you, a feeling of frustration of not being able to work things out. Perhaps it represents the distance that you have been putting between yourself and the whole situation-- again, the distance being represented by the fact that in the dream it was like you weren't even there.

That last bit seems a bit reinforced by the fact that everything came rushing back to you when you woke up (closing that emotional distance). I don't know if that distance between your past is there because you have come to terms with it in a healthy way, or if that distance is you simply cutting yourself off from everything. This dream could be a sign to deal with these things up front, but that doesn't mean contacting your ex necessarily.

I hesitate to say, but perhaps the guy across the street who was consoling the other girl was in fact YOU. (my dreams, personally, like to be crafty in that way) And you perhaps fear going through this situation that you had with your ex-gf with your future relationships. (I feel like if the guy across the street was in fact you, though, you would have already suspected as much)

Again, this is all a very iffy! This is just me putting in some interpretations-- YOU know what the dream meant, somewhere in your psyche, you just gotta unravel it. hopefully my 2 cents will untie a few knots in that unraveling.

**teracore** · 08-20-2012 06:36 PM

As iffy as it may be, and however subjective dreams are... That was so helpful it was almost unbelievable, the idea of her distress respresenting a trauma was something that google pulled up for me, and I thought better than that anyway, hence why I created this topic.

That is incredibly logical,

Perhaps this dream is a representation of your frustration in the relationship, since you were unable to console her and she did not respond to you, a feeling of frustration of not being able to work things out. Perhaps it represents the distance that you have been putting between yourself and the whole situation-- again, the distance being represented by the fact that in the dream it was like you weren't even there.

This explains A LOT. Whenever we were together and we would have an argument, she would always shut down. She would ignore me, tell me to go away if I started playing on her senses, and just do her very best to avoid the situation at all costs at all times. But at the same time, I was able to see her emotion.. So this could be the answer for this part, and I can't think of any other reason for why this would be in one of my dreams. I don't think anybody else could sum up my dream as well have you just have, sir. Thank you.

This dream could be a sign to deal with these things up front, but that doesn't mean contacting your ex necessarily.

Do you have any idea how one might go about doing this? I don't want anymore of these sort of dreams happening, I need to put my mind at rest. But I'm not entirely sure how.

**Alucinor XIII** · 08-20-2012 09:11 PM

Haha, wow. I'm glad I could help.

As far as dealing with it...that can be a toughie. If you are familiar with meditation, I would suggest giving that a try (but that's one of my solutions for everything. >_>; )

I'd recommend just thinking long and hard about the relationship. Analyze how you felt then, how you feel now. Weigh the good and the bad, the joys and fun you had, but also the relief of not having those "relationship problems" anymore. Be purely objective if you can, and see every aspect of it until you've come to terms with it. If you want any detailed info on meditation, feel free to send me a message and I'll give you some tips!

Also, in your next lucid dream, summon/find her and confront her in the dream! Tell her everything you want to say, everything that bothers you. Its a dream, so you don't have to worry about embarrassment or hurting her feelings. (Lucid dreams can be great fun, but a lot of times its easy to forget their practical applications! )

A lot of that advice comes from my past break ups btw. So, I know how you feel in a sense! It's best to think out and face all the feelings that you have about it until you've overcome it. Good luck, brother!