Compulsive rituals

[Sover]

Hi! First some explanations: My office – I work as a psychologist in a psychiatry so this is the room where I meet my patients. I am not that experienced. I can be very confident in my work, but recently I have been quite stressed and uncertain regarding how I should proceed with a couple of my patients. The new doctor – The new doctor is a woman who recently started to work in the psychiatry where I work. One day she did something with her door which gave me the thought that mayby she had some compulsions regarding looking doors. But she is not the woman in the dream. So here is the dream: I was sleeping in my bed in my office. The bed stood where I have the chairs where me and my patients sit. It was dark, but some light came from the window to my right. To my left side the door stood open and outside in the corridor it was pitch black. Out from the room, where the new doctor sits, a woman came. It was the woman who compulsivly locks her door several times. I was afraid of her. It was as if my eyes where closed and I was seeing the room at the same time. I wasn't really facing any particular direction with my face and body. In the corridor, the woman met someone else. The woman wanted to include the other person in her compulsive rituals. She asked the other one, if mayby she should also ask me if I wanted to be involved in the rituals. I never saw the other one. That person was hidden to me. He or she didn't even speak. But somehow I knew that someone was there. I felt afraid and was hoping they would leave me alone. In my mind I was begging, please leave me alone. I hoped that if I continued to close my eyes, and kept still, then they would think I was asleep. And if they thought I was asleep, mayby they would leave me alone. I was afraid about the horrible thing that would happen if she came in to me. The woman stepped into my room, and my fear became even stronger. I thought that mayby if she touches me I will wake up and kick her in her head. And she will think that I was asleep and that she just startled me. She touched my shoulder and said: ”It's time to wake up!” And I screamed in terror. … That last part made me think about the cowboy in Mulholand Drive who steps into Ritas (?) room and says exactly that: ”It's time to wake up!” To me waking up is about becoming aware, gaining insight, having to deal with the reality of things.

[JoannaB]

Your eyes are closed and yet you are seeing things. You pretend to be asleep. It's time to wake up! Yes, all this could be about gaining insight, but it could also be about your on some subconscious level being aware that you were asleep, that this was a dream. Lying on a bed in a psychiatrists office makes me think of the stereotype of the patient being asked to lie down on a couch in a psychiatrist's office, and then tell the doctor about their dreams and fears and wishes. Dreams are often stereotypical. I think you may have cast yourself in the role of the patient in this dream. So as the dream patient, what's wrong with you: fear. What are you afraid of? Being involved in a compulsive group ritual at the office? I don't know about your work, but in my work there are lots of rituals and lots of things I would rather not get involved into. A new person in an environment such as a workspace may start messing with established rituals, changing things. Nothing to be terrified by, but our dreaming minds do often exaggerate, and thus a pet peeve in waking life can turn into a much more scary issue in a dream. Of course, I am just brainstorming ideas here, so if this does not sound right, please disregard and look for different interpretation.

[Sover]

Hi JoannaB! You have some interesting ideas. It made me think about some things. Since whe continously have new personel at my work, that doesn't tend to stir things up. But here is something about having to deal with thoughts about what I think that other people expect of me. The compulsions is probably about being obsessed about doing the right thing, and in that sense being caught in thoughts about doing what other people think is right. Trying to fake being asleep is mayby about trying to escape work responsability. So to me the dream says that I am not willing to meet the fear of taking responsability. That is, I am obsessed about doing what is right (norms, rituals and rules at my work), instead of thinking about what I think is right. I think it has both to do with my patient work and social situations at work. That is, I adapt, at the same time as I am terrified that I will loose my own will, being caught up in other peoples obsessive rituals. So it could be a projection. Other people are trying to force me. I am lying passively, hoping things will resolve without me taking action. And mayby as you say, taking the sometimes helpless role of the patient (but instead of wanting to be helped, I want to be left alone).