My worst nightmare ever...and I asked for it!

[Aeo]

in response to my previous thread about a dream where I was running <http://www.dreamviews.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=31002> I still want to know exactly what the question at hand was. My friend saying "Don't you see!" is etched into my brain now, and I have to know what he was trying to say. Anyways, before I went to bed I said to myself "I want to know what he's talking about" and this is the dream that happened: I'm at my best childhood friends house, but it's not my friends house, it's my house. When I was younger I used to almost live over there, because it was right up the hill from mine and we were such close friends. Back to the dream, somehow I get news that i'm going to have to have another kidney transplant (I had 1 about 5 years ago this week...it was pretty traumatic to me, i'm 19 now) Now i'm just screaming and crying saying basically "why why why!" and "no no no this can't be!" because I know that I my kidney may fail at one point, but it's possible for me to live my entire life with it. In the dream it had failed and it was so soon, i'm not ready to go through an experience like that again...I couldn't take it. One image that stands out from my lashing out is that i'm sitting in my computer room (again, it's really my friends) and there is a repair man there working on the computer...no idea that he was there or who he is. The only reason I notice him is that I lash out and yell really loudly while I bang my hands against the desk...i'm so mad that this is happening and theres nothing I can do about it! It scares the repair man and my mom puts me into my room (which is my friends room). I guess I was going to go see a movie with my friends. The movie was Saw II, a movie that I havn't seen and don't have any desire to see. I was really freightened of gory/scary movies when I was young, and i've kind of avoided them since. Anyways, I call my friend who was the same friend that was chasing me with the gun in the other dream. I tell him that i'm not going to go, but I don't tell him why (the kidney transplant is the reason). Last thing I remember is sitting in my room wanting to call and tell him the reason, but I don't. This is where I wake up. on a side note having to do with movies I have an idea about the connection. When I was younger I saw the first 15 minutes of a clockwork orange and it scared the hell out of me. Just 2 nights ago I finally watched it, only to find that it was a good movie. maybe this is relevant.

[Liam]

Man..I am affraid to say .....I think you are going to die..

[Aeo]

Everyone's going to die ehhh....maybe i'm looking to deep into my dreams...

[think green]

Wow, there's a lot of fear and anxiety here. I'd be worried too. First, it's the cleaning woman. Cleaning is kind of the job of the kidneys, isn't it? Then, it's a repair man. I'd go to a doctor. I just would. Probably, nothing is wrong, but I'd non-challantly go anyway. I'd causally make and appointment and causually go. Fake it til you make it. All the fear and anxiety isn't going to do you any good no matter what the problem is. You've got to get a handle on that. You dream of your friend's house, but it's really your house. Your body is literally your house. That's where you live. Saw II. Ok. You were sort of sawed open, weren't you, in order to get that kidney transplant? The other thing is that there is confusion about were you are. Is it your house/body? Is it your friend's house/body? Could your friend be ill? The thing is if you hadn't said that you'd had a kidney transplant, I wouldn't have thought of any of this. Has something made you think of the transplant recently? Is something triggering that old anxiety? Just get a grip on the fear. Best wishes

[think green]

Ok, another option. Have you ever heard of an anniversary dream? People often have them about loved ones who have died around the same time of year that they died. Rape survivors have them sometimes. Any traumatic event. You said the transplant was 5 years ago--what next week? Maybe, maybe, it's just an anniversary dream. My thoughts are with you.

[Aeo]

I don't think anything is actually wrong with me health wise, and yea, I start to think about it because it is an anniversary of sorts. It's not that I have a lot of fear and anxiety, but I used to have tons. My fear/depression/anxiety started when I was a child, which I can trace back to my earliest memories. Because I was really sick when I was 3 all of this started, and my earliest memories are that of being in a hospitol connected to tubes and everything. I don't know, I just feel like my first memory of being alive is being afraid and scarred and not myself. All of my youth only reinforced this... losing at everything, always being afraid, and never trying to break out of my shell. But I can see this...and I can see through it. I'm trying to see further though, to be the best person I can be, I need to know what is going on in my deepr thoughts. thanks for your concern

[think green]

By the way, I really like reading your interpretations. At least twice now, I think you've been right on the mark. I hope you keep posting here.