Illness

[Vespertine]

I have a grandmother (we call her Nana though). She's very close to all of us. It's not like she raised me or anything, but without having her or hearing stories of her, I wouldn't be the person I'm becoming. She offered much advise such as "If he doesn't love you, ain't no use loving him." Well, that one was directed to my mother as a young girl, I never heard that from her. She'd always have a cigarette and martini in hand. She was bold, yet honest and really loving. After her last hubby she was determined not to marry again and raised my mother by herself. She had bright red hair, and--I know this is morally wrong--dated married men. Why? She didn't wanna get married again. She didn't wanna be screwed, but she loved her last significant other, who died about one year ago, may he rest in peace (even though I disliked him greatly). Well, she's almost 80 years old. She's been smoking since she was thirteen years old. Her blood flow sucks, she lost a leg due to poor circulation. She's been with one leg for three years now. I still remember this dream very vividly and really want to share it. I had a dream about two weeks before November 3, my older brothher's wedding. Here's the dream: My parents, brothers, Nana, and I were in Disney World. Nana had both legs though! It was night time. Nana had to keep holding her legs funny because she wasn't used to walking. We were in Toon Town--at least I think it's called Toon Town--and it was empty. I knew why it was empty. People were trying to get to the castle (we were in magic kingdom) to set up "good" seats for the fireworks. Living in Florida for so long, our fmaily knows the true trick. You see the fireworks just fine in Toon Town and it's not crowded so you can also ride this stupid little kid rollercoaster that's one of the best rides I've ever ridden. Anyways, we were just walking and my cell phone rang. I answered, "Hello" and a man replied, "I'll be meeting you guys at nine o' clock, okay?" "Okay" I said. "Tell your mother to wait for me" "Okay" I said and hung up. I told my mother, "He's coming at nine" and my mom blew up. "No! We are NOT going to be here so late!" I gave her a confused look because nine o' clock just isn't late. Then I understood, it may have been late for Nana (who is up till 2 AM anyways). My Nana looked at my mother (her daughter) and said, "We are not leaving early just because of me! I wanna stay" So we began walking away from Toon Town, closer to the Space Mountain area and I saw something. My Nana had this smile on her face and time seemed to move in slow motion so I could get a better look. My Nana's a happy woman. She always has been. This smile was different though. When looking at the smile a memory hit me from when I was around four years old. I remember being in a treehouse hotel at age four in Disney with a Jiminey Cricket (excuse my spelling) stuffed toy. She and I played with that thing for a very long time and she had a special laugh I had never heard since then. She had a special smile. A special voice for talking to little kids, ya know? Then I found myself watching her present smile again. She was a different happy here in Disney. Time went back to normal and my phone rang again. "Hello" I answered. "I'm still coming at nine, you can't leave without me" the man said. I told him, "My mom's a little upset but she'll be fine" and my mother yelled, "We WON'T be here!" and the man on the phone said, "Yes, you'll all be there" and we hung up again. I wasn't paying attention to the time but my Nana started arguing, "I'm not leaving here, I want to be here" and she started to walk backwards, her knees bending all wrong. She was walking kinda like the girl from The Ring movies. Through all this, I felt calm. There was nothing to fear. My mother started crying. My younger brother bowed his head. My older brother got angry and threw his body around. My father was calm like me. My Nana's face started looking funny. Only one side would seem to work, like one eye being open. Then she kept opening and closing her mouth like a fish, with her hands moving up and down, past her face. Then poof, she "imploded." She curled into a little ball and vinished in space. I didn't understand my family's reactions. Why was everyone so sad? In my miond, it wasn't like she was gone. She just disappeared. I wnated to go on Space Mountain, as if Nana was just taking a break and she'd be waiting for us once we got off the ride. She was gone, but I didn't feel she was gone. She was just resting while we went on a ride. But she really wasn't. That was just my feeling on the whole matter. She was gone and it broke my mother's heart. That was my dream. I had it a long time ago though so I've got more to update on it. My Nana got a wound on her remaining foot. I heard this news and felt my heart rate go up. "Is she okay?" I asked and my mother said, "Yeah, she'll be fine but we'll have the doctor look at it." Then, before my brother's wedding she got a really bad cold. I heard this and I had a strange feeling. That night I cried. I had a really bad feeling about all this. I was already asking myself, "Is she going to die?" She started falling asleep out of nowhere and falling out of her chair and bed. This is not normal. She won't take an oxygen tank, but I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to either. She went to the doctor, her foot hasn't been healing. Well, they started doing tests and one day she's admitted to the hospital. Her potassium levels were out of whack, amongst other things. Her foot is infected. The simple wound turned into a mortal wound because of poor blood circulation. They wnated to amputate her leg. Her kidneys aren't doing well either. They wnated to do a... begins with an a... asomethinggraph but the dye could have made her kidneys not work at all. I was sitting next to her bed when she went off into sleep. Her face started acting funny. I was going to get up but realized she was dreaming. Her mouth was opening and closing like my dream with her whole body moving. She moved her hands up and passed her face. She was dehydrated and her fingers felt dry so she rubbed them a lot, but to me it looked like she was craving her cigarettes in her sleep, which is possible too since she was trying to put her fingers in her mouth. It was just like my dream. She didn't implode though. Doctor told her she had two options: amputation or nothing. I knew what she was gonna choose and I didn't have to dream to know. I just knew her and knew what I would have chosen. She chose to do nothing and signed papers for hospice. Yes, she is dying. And there is nothing we can do. Her hair looks so thin now, she looks just like my dream, instead she has one leg instead of two. My family's taking it hard, like I did about a week before she even got sick. Now I'm the only one not weeping, when before I was the only one crying alone in my irrational predictions. People at work found out from my older brother. "Talk to me if you need to" they say but I feel like I already knew and already passed that. Now, I'm trying to be there for everyone else. I tell them, "She made the right decision. she made the decision based on what she wnated and no one else, and THAT is the right decision." I'll miss her and seeing her in pain hurts me greatly. I'd rather be numb to it after seeing it already in my dream. It doesn't work that way though. My mother cried when she tried to tell my younger brother, 18 years old, and my younger brother cried. My father stood quietly as I told my brother, with a straight face, "She wnats to be happy and have happy ending memories, not ones of where she hates life." My Nana got home and my cousin called us with a report. "I've never seen her so happy" she said. Apparently, she got right into her chair from the hospital and was just so happy to be home with her decision, she just zoomed away on that thing. She's happy to see everyone and she always smiles, even when she's tired. She really is happier than I've seen, even though she was never NOT happy. What do you guys think? What did my dream mean? I've had dreams like this before and a little too often than I'd like. I don't see the point I guess. It's like a tease, "She's ill and there's nothing you can do so let's tell you the whole painful story twice" You guys seem to have more experience with these things, so I'm interested in opinions, or questions? I'll be more than happy to ask questions if you have any.

[QwinsepiaSquared]

I guess your dream is trying to tell you that your grandma may be dying, but don't worry about her. Don't try to stop her, because it's her time to move on to the next greatest adventure. Her body may pass on but there'll always be a part of her left inside of you. Best wishes for you and your family.

[Vespertine]

I had this dream before she even got sick and had to go to the hospital, before she even had the sore on her foot that has now turned into gangrene (sp).