The dream

I was in one of those water rapid rides they have on amusement parks with a water theme - those who are a bit like a water coaster, but with round wagons. This ride was inside, and for some reason, my mom owned it.
Before the ride (which I took with some other person I cant recall) my mother told me that there had been some accidents with it before - some wagon falling over or something. Anyway, so I rode the ride and everything went fine until all of sudden we went downhill a bit too fast and into a dip and a corner. The wagon "jumped" out of track and landed outside. We were all okay but I was a bit angry at this point because obviously she hadn't fixed the ride even with the accidents it had had in the past. I called her name... no, more like shouted. She didn't respond so I started walking to her, shouted to her
again to shut it off, but she wouldn't. So I hit a red stop button and the entire ride stopped. She got angry, I got angry, and we got into a fight (verbal). Mom refuses to accept that the ride is faulty, and I start
getting real, real angry here because we could have been hurt. It felt exactly like another argue/fight we had in the past, about either my dad or my personal views on drugs. I argue with logic and facts, telling her it wasn't our fault the wagon jumped off-track, and that she got to get it fixed. She argues with impulsive emotions and denial, saying that we were responsible for this particular accident. My grandparents are there too, and I notice that they are a little hurt by this argument, and everytime I swear (I usually dont swear unless Im very, very angry) to my mother it's like someone punches my grandparent (they obviously didn't like this situation at all). In the end, my mother just leaves the discussion... no, the entire building - she always does when she lose an argument (again, denial instead of accepting defeat). I become very emotional by this, and I feel betrayed and pushed away, in fact I become so emotional I start crying in despair. I ask myself what I've done to be treated like this by her. Of all her children, Im the most diplomatic one, the one with logical reasoning, the one who never asks for anything but always help her out if she needs anything (unlike my older siblings who sometimes see her as a babysitting tool - especially my sister sometimes does). It's always me who calms her down and take her side when my sister have said something bad to her or accused her of never helping others (which she do, she helps my sister with her kids a lot imo). I ask to myself, in a loud voice what I've done to be treated like this by her, whats wrong with her and why she has stopped listening to/trusting me. My granddad tries to calm me down, I don't remember exactly what he says but he and my grandmother are just as confused as I am over my mother's behavior.


The reality

This dream reminds me about something that happend this summer. I had been visiting my parents in another city, and was about to go back to where I live when we decided to go to my grandparents house which is in another
city. So me, my little brother and dad went to them. Then, when sitting in their couch one afternoon, I realize I have forgot one of my backpacks, and OFC the one with the most important stuff in it. It was very very important
that I got this backpack back before I took the train back home to my place, so we tried to find out a way how to get the backpack sent up to my grandparents house via bus transport or something. I called my mother, and
told her that she had to take my backpack, label it with my name, talk to a bus driver going up to this city and pay him some money to bring my backpack with him on the bus (this often happens here where I live). My mother said that she had no money whatsoever for this, and that no one but me seems to understand her economic situation. So I told her that I was siding with her, but that this backpack was important. I told her to borrow some money from my sister. This, my mother found way too complicated because she doesn't have a car. I told her to take the bus next day, visit my sister, borrow money, then go back and get my backpack and then have it sent via bus transport. For unknown reasons, my mother didn't want to do this, and my grandparents +father +little brother also found this
weird. In the end my mother just hung up the phone, which made me feel very helpless. This whole situation was later solved though because I talked to my sister instead and asked her to talk to my mother, and my mom finally borrowed money from her, got the backpack sent with bus transport and everything had a happy ending. Anyway, I think this dream was a recall about my mom and how she sometimes can act. I do not blame her for this though, she has had a very very tough life, especially during the last 8 years when basicly we moved into a new house and everything went to hell:
my parents relationship, their economy, my mother's psychological health. She started visiting some idiot therapist who she talked to to get help through the breakup with my dad. And this therapist was a real dickhead, told her my dad was a psychopath and stuff like that (which he certainly isn't - I have schizoid personality disorder myself so I've done some reasearch on personality disorders and my father is definetly NOT a psychopath in any way). Another thing this idiot therapist was, was to write her some pills (some addictive SSRI's or MAOI's) and she became addicted to those
and started overusing them. There were periods when she was very weird, almost behaving like a drunk and seeing her like this hurt me real, real bad - but, even worse, all these changes during those years of hell changed her in
many bad ways (she is not the same woman today that she was before we moved to the new house). Anyway, she is better off now, they have separated since some year back and she has recovered a lot after those years. Me, my little brother and my father managed to heal from these years of pure misery, but my mother didn't, something broke which cannot be fixed.

(I wrote this down in notepad so some of the lines look a bit weird - I hope it's readable though)