Holding hands with ex-boyfriend...

[mrdek11]

Hi, I've had a recurring dream for quite a while now. I am almost 15 and a girl. I used to go out with Derek, and then we broke up for a while, this dream happened while we were broken up. And still happens now. (We started going out again and are now not because we live in different cities.) My next door neighbor was driving me, Derek, my friend, and my neighbor home from school (Normal while he was living here). And I reached over to hold Derek's hand (We've only ever held hands privately.) and no one said anything about it (which is odd) but we started holding hands and then the whole drive up the hill you kept glaring at me and you looked mad and frustrated. I was all sad cause he was mad at me, but he didn't try to pull his hand away or anything. What does this mean?

[Anansi]

Hello, I was a little confused by the usage of the pronoun "you" in the dream...I assume it must have been pasted from a journal and that "you" means Derek. My comments are based on that assumption. It seems that perhaps you are dreaming about Derek quite a bit simply because you still care about him and think about him, and he was probably a big fixture in your life that was taken away from you unexpectledly, without you being prepared, by his move. I imagine that you have a lot of unresolved feelings due to his departure, especially if it came very closely after the emotional roller coaster of the break up and subsequent reconciliation; you just get him back and then you lose him again. It's normal for him to be on your mind. The holding hands in public with no one noticing bit seems maybe like your relationship with Derek might have been secret or something you didn't really want to have to discuss with your parents? Without knowing what sort of real-life taboo was being altered by the behaviour in the dream, it's not really possible to give a good interpretation. It does feel, though, that the act of physically reaching out to him in the dream seems to echo a desire on your part to reach across the geographical distance that is between you - or perhaps emotional distance. Could it be that, because of the distance and the lack of face-to-face contact, you feel that you don't really know what he's feeling anymore? Perhaps you are unsure of the status of the relationship between you; this time you broke up due to distance, but you said there was a previous break-up. Did that involve some of the feelings he was exhibiting in the dream? Could it be that your unconscious fears are transplanting some of the same negativity from the first break up onto the second; and perhaps you are unable to resolve this because you aren't able to meet with him to see how he is really feeling? If this feels like it might be the case, maybe you could help resolve your doubts by having a fairly open discussion with him by chat or email to see how the both of you are feeling? It would probably help you to find closure. Hope that helps!

[mrdek11]

Yes, sorry, you is Derek. Anyways, this is Derek, we're actually working together over msn to figure out the meaning of this dream. I'll just refer to both of us by name from now on to prevent confusion. Derek has lived 4 hours away all his life, and has come to visit his cousins (Camille's next door neighboors mentioned in the dream) for a week or 2 every summer. He finally managed to move down there and live with his cousins from early november to early january. We really have liked eachother for a few years now, and just admitted it last year, and started going out (failed miserably because we lived so far apart), but were and are still really close. When Derek moved down there, we started going out again for a short time, and then we broke up and Camille went out with Aaron for about a month, and then they broke up, at which point we got back together, but Derek had to leave back home in around 20 days. Anyways for what its worth, Derek is pretty timid, and we haven't really done anything but hold hands. Over msn or any non face-to-face communication, he opens up, though. Anyways here are Camille's answers to your questions: Was the relationship something we didn't want our parents to know about? Camille! says: well obviously i dont WANT them to know, especially my dad cuz he thinks im going to do the same thing my bro did. even though my moms still understanding, she doesnt approve of anything. (Her brother was caught having sex with a girlfriend) Were you frustrated and mad at Derek when we broke up just like he is frustrated and mad at you in the dream? i was frusterated the whole time i was dating aaron, so yea Could it be that, because of the distance and the lack of face-to-face contact, you feel that you don't really know what he's feeling anymore? Perhaps you are unsure of the status of the relationship between you; this time you broke up due to distance, but you said there was a previous break-up. i guess it could be Camille! says: but i knew how you were feeling the whole time (Derek had moved down there for the purpose of being with her) Camille! says: but it could be the lack of seeing you

[Anansi]

It really sounds like these are all bits of your waking life showing up in your dream as your mind goes over all the aspects of the situation that might be bothering you. Talking to Derek is the best thing you could do. It's the only way for either of you to start to feel some closure and get your own feelings in line. Best of luck!