Reccuring Dream of Hurt & Confusion....

[ShannonHeat]

[COLOR="Indigo"]Let me begin by telling you a little about myself. I am a 30 year old female, who divorced last year. I live in a small town with my 3 children. I have been dating a wonderful man (46yrs.) for about 9 months now, and am scared to death of losing him (due to my previouse divorce, I guess). My ex-husband cheated on me, verbally abused me, and never shoed respect of any kind. I hope this isn't too much info. My dream begins in a house that I don't recognize in life, but in my dream, it's my home. I'm sound alseep with the windows open, and I awake to a man raping me. I can't see his face, but he's raping me. I feel so scared, and so helpless, and tears are running down my face. just as soon as he appeared, he's gone, and I cry myself back to sleep. In the morning, I wake up and go out back to the swimming pool, as to cleanse myslef in the sunlight and in the water. Then I proceed to clean my house. I see the kids mess, but I never notice my kids in my dream. Still wondering who this man was that came to my home the night before, but trying to fall asleep the next night. Finally, I drift back into a deep slumber, and a man's voice whisper's my name softly, and then climbs on top of me. I'm so scared again, and can't even move. All I can do is lay there with tears streaming down my face. I wake up in the morning, and begin cleaning my house again, and start thinking that he may very well be my stalker. My phone rings, I answer it, and it's his voice again saying "Did you get the clue I left you?", and then he hung up. I hadn't found a clue yet! So I frantically began to search the house. hoping I'll find out who he is. Then, just outside my bedroom, I see my daughter's small shoe, marked with a huge blue X. A clue? It may be, I think. This night, I have a date with my boyfriend. We're going to a highclass party of some sort, so I get all dressed up. He comes to pick me up, and tells me how beautiful I look. I had not yet told him about the rapes, but he could sense there was something wrong with me. So, in the car on our way to the party, I tell him everything. He hugs me, and tries to comfort me, and I tell him I'll ben okay. We get into the party, and a man comes up to shake my boyfriend's hand, and tell him "It's been a long time buddy, how are you?" That voice! I know that voice!!! It's Him, it's him! My heart starts to flutter, and I become very flushed, as my boyfriend proceeds to introduce him to me. The man winks, and reaches out to shake my hand. I ran quickly up the stairs, and my boyfriend runs after me. "Are you okay baby?" I tell him no, I'm not okay, that man is the man who rapes me. My boyfriend looks at me in disbelief, hugs me, and says "There's no way it's him, you must be confused." So he went back downstairs and started talking with the man as though they've been best friends for a long time. Later that same night, my boyfriend drops me off at home, walks me to the door, and kisses me, telling me he loves me. I go to my room, and fall asleep. The next thing I know, I'm being woken once more by my raper. Laying still and scared again, crying, I finally mumbled some words "Why are you doing this to me?" He says, "You are the one I want, and I will have you." Then he was gone. I woke up, and called my boyfriend right away, and told him about it. He said, it couldn't be him because this man was at his house last night. Nobody believes me! This day, I am at a church getting ready for a wedding. I am a bridesmaid, but for some reason I am wearing a pure white bridesmaid dress. As I am getting dressed, I notice that my dress is see-through! You can see my white lace panties very clearly. So I start digging through a dresser in the changing room. There's a slip, thank goodness. So I take the tags off the slip, and put it on. I rush down the isle, to take my place at the altar, next to the bride. I remember being happy, and scared at the same time. After the wedding, we went to the reception, where my boyfriend met me. We were dancing, I was clearing my mind, and then all of a sudden, I notice that my finger is bare. I begin to panic. "Where's my ring, oh no!, Where's my ring!?!?" My boyfriend is helping me look for it, but we can't find it. (Remember, I have no ring. I'm divorced, and not even engaged.) For some reason, we're both looking for the ring, I'm crying, and looking, and crying some more. Our eyes meet while we're on the floor looking for the ring, and I confront him about my raper. I ask him how he could be friends with someone who was hurting me. That's all I can remember of my dream so far. Can anyone help interpret this dream? This dream will NOT leave me alone. It keeps coming back, and haunting me. I'm scared to sleep.

[The Doctor]

that's a lot of information to take in, but here is what I think might be going on. Firstly verbal abuse is very hard to explain to others who haven't gone through it, it is just as bad as physical abuse, so I think your rape scenario is you making physical the verbal to demonstrate how your ex husband made you feel. The current boyfriend reaction in your dream is probably expressing how your feeling when you try to explain verbal abuse to you it feels as bad as rape, but to others they don't see the harm in it, as I said you have to live through that type of experience to appreciate how devastating it and crippling it is to the victim. I think you are also maybe in your dream expressing your insecurities about your present relationship there may also be an attempt at trying to explain to your boyfriend that you may have issues from you past relationship and you may be having difficulty in your current relationship as a result of this and you are worried that his patience and understanding is going to wear out

[ShannonHeat]

Sorry about the legnthy post, I read in the sticky to give as much info as possible. My boyfriend and I met in a divorce support group, ironically....lol. With that said, we have leaned on each other a good bit. I was almost thinking that my raper is my ex-husband as well. I just can't really make sense of the rest of it.

[The Doctor]

I think it is just your mind sorting out your feelings from your past relationship their is a lot of wedding and marriage symbolism in your dream, is it possible you have a slight mis-trust of men due to your experience and this is what is being expressed in your dream with your supportive partner?

[ShannonHeat]

You very well could be right. He's a very supportive partner, and all I'm used to is hurt from my ex. Maybe I can finally stop having this dream sometime soon.

[The Doctor]

yes you need to recognize that your new partner is not like your old partner and get over the feelings of mistrust. It is only natural having gone through what you have been through to have these feelings, but don't let one bad experience spoil your life. You need to separate your feelings for your ex from your feelings for your present partner, only then will your ex stop having control and power over you. You have took the biggest step, already leaving him, now you only have to make these small steps to be free from the past.