17 nightmares in one

[crazydreams]

Hi, it's 4:30 am. I've slept under 3 hours. I just woke up in horror. I get tears and chills when I try to remember all this. All getting fuzzier, thought I just have to get up to write this stuff down. Keywords... - First one. Work again. Main dream: (it's all fading away) Woman colleague talks to me: "we can never go back". Me: "but I have to get my stuff, so I have to!". She: "Suit yourself, but I'm not going". Me: "It's not like I'm going to talk to any of those motherfuckers. I just want my stuff." This one lasted a bit. (.. fuzzy scary stuff.. other nightmares...) Then I just started spiraling into horror. Some recurring themes. It's only now I realize I've had this one before: a violent crazy sexual scene: I'm tied up. I'm not a participant, but I am watching, like a movie. I can't move. I have to lift my head to see: - one woman teasing another that's tied up. One guy is holding some sort of lioness or leopard that is to claw up the teased one. It starts mauling her back once, he pulls it back. I can see the marks and she's screaming in pain. I'm horrified. Edit: She says "it's as real as it gets!" after the first maul. This sort of stuff does not turn me on at all... But then it gets worse, the catlike creature just mauls her really bad, the tortured woman is screaming her lungs out in pain and horror now. And I clearly hear a whisper in my ear: "It's as real as it gets.". (... fuzzy scary stuff...) Whispers in my ear again, spoooky woman voice: "It's as real as it gets". (horrifying even though it may sound silly. I'm in tears when I think of it) Another nightmare with my grandfather who died 15/16 years ago: "It's as real as it gets"... He reveals to me some things. I wish I could remember. Whispers of that same voice again: "JFK." "HE'S FAKING IT!!" "It's as real as it gets!!!" (much louder) I wake up in horror, I need air. I can't move for 15 minutes, trying to remember all this crazy stuff. As I do, tears are running, and I'm scared. I turn on the lights. I try to remember more. I come here to write as much as possible down before I forget. I'm not sure why I know I just had 17 nightmares. I just know.. I need some more sleep. Maybe some of this will make sense tomorrow. Probably not. Am I crazy? Is my brain damaged!? Man, I need some sleep...