Short Romantic Dream: just wondering . . . .

[Cypocryphy]

Hello Forum! Any insight(s)/interpretation(s) are most welcome. This is a short dream: Background: There is this girl I know. We are best friends. We talk all the time. Last month I spent 67 hours talking to her on the phone alone. We are not lovers or anything like that but I care a lot about her. Dream: We were talking to each other over a phone. The phone was a necklace with a silver heart on it. (I just recently noticed she wears a heart necklace, though I suppose I must have noticed long ago and forgot about it.) Our voices were coming from the heart on the necklace, and when we spoke to each other, we spoke into the heart. Although I cannot remember what was being said, I remember having a wonderful conversation. As I was speaking to her, these words, this voice, kept coming around, saying "Heart to Heart, Heart to Heart, Heart to Heart." So I'm wondering if this is a dream saying we are in love with each other or something else entirely. Thank you very much for reading!! All the best, C.

[Burned up]

I guess that's what the dream is saying, yes. But I would be careful about what you mean by love. We can feel very secure with someone - their presence comforts us and soothes us but that doesn't mean we want to have a sexual relationship with them. Trouble is that, being human and all that, the two things often get tangled up and we find we can easily desire our closest friends - if not IRL then certainly in fantasy and dreams. I am guessing from your post it would be hard for you to tell her you love her because of the implications (you say you're not lovers, for example) that go with it. Maybe you need to find your own language to express that. But in my opinion it would help you to bridge the gap between your dreams and your real life experience of this friend if you could somehow integrate them. Why not tell her your dream? There's also a chance it has nothing whatsoever to do with her, and it's a dream about your wish for intimacy with anyone. Indeed that's what I would often say in response to a post like yours, but the background and your need to tell us that suggests otherwise.

[BigFan]

To me, it sounds like your subconscious is telling you that you love her based on the information that you have given us. As to how to approach this, try and see if she feels the same. Maybe drop some hints to get your feelings across to her and see her reaction, but, I wouldn't jump head in and tell her you love her until you know that she loves you, otherwise, you might ruin your friendship and you wouldn't want that

[Cypocryphy]

Dear Burned-Up: Thank you for the great reply, and I did show her my dream--and she liked it. That being said, I want to posit a question to you: If a person comforts us and soothes us, is that not a form of love, and wouldn't it be better for that basic form of love to be complimented with sexual love? The alternative to this would be sexual intimacy first, and then the hope that comfort would follow, as if the sexual act opens the door to something more. And, in reality, does not this act often sabotage comfort? Is it not uncomfortable to be so intimate with someone without having the basis of friendship to create a level of security, so sexual intimacy can be expressed fully? Perhaps your scenario of tangled emotions occurs when there is an imbalance of feeling between the parties concerned. Nevertheless, if a man and a woman are best friends, the other aspect to a loving relationship must be inevitable, unless of course major external obstacles are present. Well, that's a whole lot of babbling. Thanks again for replying. I understand the point of view you shared for I too have entertained it. Nonetheless, such a perspective uses the framework of pessimism, and I, being in love, cannot not be anything but an optimist. Ha! Take care and thank you again for the great reply!

[Cypocryphy]

To me, it sounds like your subconscious is telling you that you love her based on the information that you have given us. As to how to approach this, try and see if she feels the same. Maybe drop some hints to get your feelings across to her and see her reaction, but, I wouldn't jump head in and tell her you love her until you know that she loves you, otherwise, you might ruin your friendship and you wouldn't want that Hello BigFan: Yes, very true! But my biggest wonderment is in the knowledge that all subconscious minds are connected, and if they are all connected, then wouldn't it be prudent to assume that the nature of the dream spoke of mutuality, i.e., shared feelings? Knowing that are subconscious has our best intentions in its heart, would it truly try to mislead us in its messages, as long as we can decipher the message correctly! If it were not so, wouldn't the subconscious have communicated something else, such as our talking and then sour lemons beings squeezed into a cup of bad medicine, which I then would have had to drink or some such metaphorical message? Just wondering what you think, and thank you very much for replying. Best!

[Burned up]

Dear Burned-Up: Thank you for the great reply, and I did show her my dream--and she liked it. Well done. :bravo: Sounds like the two of you have a great relationship. That being said, I want to posit a question to you: If a person comforts us and soothes us, is that not a form of love, and wouldn't it be better for that basic form of love to be complimented with sexual love? There are so many definitions of love - as you've demonstrated by referring to two in your reply. I can't think of any theory or belief that backs up your thoughts nor contradicts them. So if you say that comforting love compliments sexual love then you've made a connection that feels right for you. And sex can be comforting as well as exciting. Comforting love is probably the first type of love we learn - i.e. when we're first held as babies and clearly long before we know about sex. And we crave that love for the rest of our lives (probably). Many people know how to self-soothe (warm bath, nice music etc) but some (I have heard figures of up to 30%) have never learned to do this and tend to form highly narcisistic relationships, believing that the other person should comfort them and feeling hurt and angry when they don't. We all probably recognise that to at least some degree. The alternative to this would be sexual intimacy first, and then the hope that comfort would follow, as if the sexual act opens the door to something more. And, in reality, does not this act often sabotage comfort? Is it not uncomfortable to be so intimate with someone without having the basis of friendship to create a level of security, so sexual intimacy can be expressed fully? That is my belief based on my experience, yes. But again I would be reluctant to generalise. Some people seem to be very secure, including secure in the sexual nature of their bodies, that they can enjoy sex without needing to form attachments with their sexual partner for any other reason than that. Others, probably like you and I from what I can make out, would rather be sexual with someone we already feel comfortable with. Perhaps your scenario of tangled emotions occurs when there is an imbalance of feeling between the parties concerned. Nevertheless, if a man and a woman are best friends, the other aspect to a loving relationship must be inevitable, unless of course major external obstacles are present. I wouldn't say inevitable (see my earlier statements) but yes, I would expect to sexually desire a woman I have become close to in other ways. Unless there are other reasons that work in opposition (e.g. if they have poor hygeine!). Not sure what you mean by imbalance. You mean when one person is in love (sexual desire?) and one isn't? Well, that can be awkward, yes. It's hard to know what to do with strong feelings when their object isn't reciprocating. But that's a form of narcissism. We're really in love with our fantasy of the other person, not the person we experience in the moment. Well, that's a whole lot of babbling. Thanks again for replying. I understand the point of view you shared for I too have entertained it. Nonetheless, such a perspective uses the framework of pessimism, and I, being in love, cannot not be anything but an optimist. Ha! Take care and thank you again for the great reply! My pleasure. You have a great chance of engaging with someone about real feelings here without needing to become manipulative. Sex is not inevitable, but it is the result of a choice that two people can make. Why is it, I wonder, why two people can't talk about this in the same way as they talk about what time to meet or what to have for tea? Well, some can. But from what I can make out most people just "fall into bed" or say "it just happened, we didn't mean it to". Thanks for the interesting discussion. Hope all goes well for you.