hi i'm new and i had a really freaky dream last night, hoping someone could help? =]

[sothisislove]

ok so i had an extremely scary dream last night and i was hoping someone could interpret it for me.... so i was at the YMCA i think, and i had just gotten out of my hip-hop class. i went into the locker room to take a shower, and chose a really extravagant shower near the back. it was essentially a bathroom. i noticed two army caps on the toilet and on the sink, but i disregarded them. as i was showering, i noticed a small laptop in the bathtub next to me (there were two partitions to the bathroom, a bathtub and then another bathtub where you shower). it was getting wet with suds and such so i put it outside my bathtub. at the moment i had curtains around my bathtub. Then after i take that laptop out i notice that i had my own dell laptop in the bathtub with me, on the side, and it was getting wet with suds as well, but i left it because it's extremely hardy and would live. Then some woman came in wearing a towel and was surprised to see me here. I apologized for taking her shower and she left taking her laptop with her. then i continued showering, but for the longest time. i remember wondering when all the hot water would be gone because my shower was so long. then some man walks into my bathroom. i remember thinking that i knew him, but in real life i don't. the only thing i remember about him was that he was a dark haired/dark man in general, and much older than my 16 years, maybe about 20s or 30s. at that time my curtains changed into clear sliding doors, exactly like the ones at my home. we began talking about things that i don't remember, but he inched closer and closer to my bathtub until he was right near it. i felt uncomfortable being naked near him, but at the same time i felt like showing off. i knew that something good wasn't going to come out of this. as i reached for some shampoo, he slammed the sliding door open and started going into the shower with me. terrified, i started screaming, and as i did, he shoved his penis into my mouth. i resisted again it, scraping my teeth against it and causing pain, but i felt like i didn't really want to cause him pain, and that i liked it. i could actually feel it in my mouth. he kept saying "stop screaming, you know you like it. you want it." and though i kept screaming, it felt like i was just doing it because i was supposed to, not because i actually wanted him away from me. (which makes me sound like a sex freak, but i'm not....) then after his attempt to get a blowjob from me failed, he started to try and have sex with me. i started screaming, and in my dream i could scream much higher and louder than i actually can. after a couple of minutes, someone hears me and some redhead girl around my age jumps into the room, and beats the man off of me. actually before this, the scene shifts into watching the redhead, who hears my screams and runs into the bathroom. it was sort of like a movie, where you could hear my screams and watched the redhead tilt her head, the rush in. i feel an intense sort of relief, but even in my dream i was disturbed that i even liked it in the first place. the redhead leads me out of the room, carrying the man with him while i somehow am already dressed and ready to go. we walk into some busy hallway thing, like a circular hallway with staircases in the middle. she pushes him away, telling him to never come back, and i remember thinking that since i knew him then i would easily be able to have him convicted. the redhead left, and i heard something about it being on the 2nd floor. then my dream ends. i apologize for this being so long =P i know this sounds really screwed up but i feel like this coincides with a fling that i once had with an older boy, who was 18. i didn't really want to have sex but then when he asked i decided it was alright and that i didn't mind. i really hope someone can help me interpret this dream because it's been bothering me ever since i woke up and i really can't concentrate on my finals studying haha. thanks!

[Liz]

quote-i know this sounds really screwed up but i feel like this coincides with a fling that i once had with an older boy, who was 18. i didn't really want to have sex but then when he asked i decided it was alright and that i didn't mind. Key words in your quote-"I didn't really want to have sex" When an adult (18 is an age where individuals are definitely called adults) pressures someone into unwanted sexual acts, it is rape. Rape CAN be an experience where the victim was NOT physically brutalized. Clearly you are attempting to work through this unwanted sexual experience. Since the beginning of time, unwanted sexual acts have occurred to weaker people (1. physically,2. mentally and/or 3. spiritually weaker). If you were a teen when this happened, then you fall into one or all of the previous 3 categories. You are not alone here and it is not your fault. Although this advice sounds over-the-top, you can get free guidance about healing through a Rape Crisis Center or even by calling them on the phone anonymously. A very kind, well-trained female will assist you at one of these center. If you run into an unkind volunteer, hang up immediately and call at another time to get a different, trained volunteer. Please seek healing.

[Burned up]

Sounds like you're confused about what sex means to you, and I wonder also if your posting the dream here is at the same time a wish to explore these issues further. I'm getting the sense of the (symbolically) frightened/abused/defeated child who massochistically accepts what those in power wants from her because it brings the attention she craves. And at the same time the (again symbolically) extrovert/manipulative/brave woman who is trying to find her way in a world of adult behaviour. Sounds like the best you can say about sex is that "I didn't mind" and the worst - well, your dream illustrates that. Your concerns do appear to be much deeper than "I didn't mind". I am left thinking that somehow you find it hard to form intimate relationships on your own terms, always allowing them to be defined by others. Maybe the dream is showing you the dangers of (symbolically) showering behind a glass door where your sexual self can be seen by all. So although you desire intimacy, it brings with it an undesirable power relationship. Perhaps think about how to put yourself more in control of your sexual agenda, where you are an equal partner rather than someone being (ab)used.

[Silverwing]

Are you confused about your sexuality? I ask this because I'm trying to see which part of the dream is the issue for you. Sex dreams are very common and I believe they're a result of it just being one of those primal urges we have come through the generations with. Is that part about you being with another man confusing you, or is it the fact that in your dream you were unsure as to whether the experience was enjoyable or not? It sounds very much like an insecurity or a memory of the incident you spoke of, but again it could be stemmed from a confusion as to what sex is, at such a young age. I would say that both posters above me have very valid points, and you should maybe explore more.

[Liz]

Hi sothisislove, Perhaps this can help. Tell yourself: This is MY body and I will now choose who and when to have sexual experiences with. YOU DON'T HAVE TO REPLAY UNPLEASANT MEMORIES OVER AND OVER IN YOUR MIND. Visualize yourself placing your unpleasant memories in an ugly box labeled “crappy memories”. If you find yourself beginning to think of unpleasant memories, stop yourself! Visualize yourself SLAMMING the box shut and then walking defiantly and self-confidently away. You can visualize yourself cursing at the box, flipping it off (or whatever) while walking away. Then think of positive memories of yourself. Today, select the positive memories you will use after you walk away from the ugly box. Love from, Liz

[sothisislove]

thanks for answering! no i don't think that i'm confused with my sexuality or something (i like boys a lot haha) i think that it was the fact that i actually liked it that confused me a lot, because clearly you're not supposed to LIKE getting raped =P

[sothisislove]

thanks for answering! well, thing is, i really really liked him. and i guess, i guess i don't really classify it as rape...i mean it's all very complicated i wanted to have sex i guess but then i got scared because i didn't want to get pregnant so i stopped him after a bit and told him that. and he respected that.

[Liz]

I'm glad he stopped when you said, "No." Sexual partners must respect and trust each other. If they don't, emotional trauma begins.