The most vivid and terrible nightmare so far, looking for meaning.

[cb88]

I've been having a lot of nightmares recently, and I say this is the worst one because of the way in which it has affected me the next day (today). So I had a very vivid dream of when I was much younger (perhaps 13/14). I'd met a beautiful young girl, with blond hair (same age) who was intelligent, funny and incredibly enjoyable to spend time with. In fact, she was everything I'd look for in older women today. In my dream she became my girlfriend, and we were incredibly happy spending a lot of time together. In my dream, we would spend hours talking to each other and generally greatly enjoyed each others company. I felt a huge love for her, undescribable love. Then she got leukemia. In my dream, the period during which she had leukemia was short, I knew that she would be gone soon but we still enjoyed those times. I don't remember her exactly dying in my dream, just that I held her hand whilst she was lying down in bed before she died. Some more things happened after this which I cannot remember, other than that she was placed in a gold and silver coffin/casket which was put in a place for a short time where everybody could see it. I just remembered feeling sad that it wasn't an open casket so that I could see her face one last time. At this point I woke up feeling very depressed and glad that the dream was over. Unfortunately the dream continued when I fell asleep again. After this, my dream seemed to move into a new chapter because new people were introduced. I went about my everyday things after she had died but I felt continually incredibely sad throughout. In one of these everyday moments I was at the beach, I remember infact that the water was extremeley clear and blue, like you would expect at the mediterranean. The sand was equally as amazing, a perfect beach you could say. I was there with some friends and a family member (although I cannot remember who), and for a while I was happy to be there, but there was still a great underlying sadness. Then the happiness went and I cried. When I was 14, my mother was still married to may stepfather. They divorced when I was 15, mainly due to the fact that he wasn't a nice person and used to hit me. But in my next part of the dream I was sat in the backseat of the aforementioned stepfather's car with him driving and my mother in the front passenger seat. We drove past the location where the coffin was and I could see it on display, all the while feeling sad and depressed. The last thing I remember is that after driving fast the coffin we took a right turn through some traffic lights. If I remember anymore I will add them here, but I think I've pretty much exhausted my memory here. I really appreciate you reading this and any feedback that you have. I've never felt this shaken or depressed following a dream before.

[IrisRavenstar]

Hi cb88, I wonder, reading this, if you have a fear of committment, both because of your mother's divorces and remarriages, and having a hard time with your stepfather, and also because of feeling like even if you met the perfect girl for you, how could you be sure, in this world, that she wouldn't develop a disease as terrible as leukemia and die? Relationships seem less stable than ever lately, as I notice in my own family, let alone hearing about it in the news and in friends' lives. I guess I sense some of the same feelings for myself, that at 62, I'd just as soon learn to be alone, and know I can live with just ME, and a dog for cuddling and companionship. So, you know, as with all dream interpretations, I'm looking through my own filters, not wanting the pain of a bad marriage and divorce again, and certainly not wanting the pain of loving someone who seems just right, and goes and dies on me! It is discouraging sometimes, living in this world. Nothing seems stable or lasting, and it's scary too! Another way to look at it, is to question whether you are working with developing your inner feminine, your right brain functions: insight, intuition, imagination, art, music, creativity, emotional comfort, etc. The silver and gold together in the coffin are representative of masculine (gold) and feminine (silver) being joined, as our left brain and right brain are joined. So the dream may be pointing out a need to get to know this other side of yourself, for the sake of being whole. Maybe then, the real girl you're intended to be with will come along, and be with you, and not die off from blood cancer. But somehow, you have to also ensure that "she"... your inner feminine... is healthy too. How do you nurture that part of yourself, and allow "her" to thrive? What do you wish to create? What feelings do you stuff instead of allowing? How do you use intuition to further your growth, especially your spiritual growth. Maybe the blood cancer is about your earlier family turmoils, how your stepfather poisoned your sense of "blood"... family... and maybe you have inner work to do that will carry you past that, allow forgiveness and acceptance, and allow you to move into a more whole place. That, too, can be scary! But it's well worth it. All best... I've been having a lot of nightmares recently, and I say this is the worst one because of the way in which it has affected me the next day (today). So I had a very vivid dream of when I was much younger (perhaps 13/14). I'd met a beautiful young girl, with blond hair (same age) who was intelligent, funny and incredibly enjoyable to spend time with. In fact, she was everything I'd look for in older women today. In my dream she became my girlfriend, and we were incredibly happy spending a lot of time together. In my dream, we would spend hours talking to each other and generally greatly enjoyed each others company. I felt a huge love for her, undescribable love. Then she got leukemia. In my dream, the period during which she had leukemia was short, I knew that she would be gone soon but we still enjoyed those times. I don't remember her exactly dying in my dream, just that I held her hand whilst she was lying down in bed before she died. Some more things happened after this which I cannot remember, other than that she was placed in a gold and silver coffin/casket which was put in a place for a short time where everybody could see it. I just remembered feeling sad that it wasn't an open casket so that I could see her face one last time. At this point I woke up feeling very depressed and glad that the dream was over. Unfortunately the dream continued when I fell asleep again. After this, my dream seemed to move into a new chapter because new people were introduced. I went about my everyday things after she had died but I felt continually incredibely sad throughout. In one of these everyday moments I was at the beach, I remember infact that the water was extremeley clear and blue, like you would expect at the mediterranean. The sand was equally as amazing, a perfect beach you could say. I was there with some friends and a family member (although I cannot remember who), and for a while I was happy to be there, but there was still a great underlying sadness. Then the happiness went and I cried. When I was 14, my mother was still married to may stepfather. They divorced when I was 15, mainly due to the fact that he wasn't a nice person and used to hit me. But in my next part of the dream I was sat in the backseat of the aforementioned stepfather's car with him driving and my mother in the front passenger seat. We drove past the location where the coffin was and I could see it on display, all the while feeling sad and depressed. The last thing I remember is that after driving fast the coffin we took a right turn through some traffic lights. If I remember anymore I will add them here, but I think I've pretty much exhausted my memory here. I really appreciate you reading this and any feedback that you have. I've never felt this shaken or depressed following a dream before.