Rape dreams. I've been remembering them for the past week, so far that's three.
Also an unrelated one involving my mother being accused of manslaughter, and my ex (whom I'm recently back in contact with, he's still deported) was something to do with the incident, he was also wrongly accused. I woke up in tears.

Sometimes I wake up physically hurting from the rape ones. I don't get it, I've never been raped or done "it".

Usually I don't even remember my dreams, so I'm wondering... is this what I normally dream of? There's no change to my diet. Nothing except being in contact with my ex for the past month, and having some strong feelings about this. Still have feeling for him but dunno what to do about it. So complicated and awkward, given our history. AND find it difficult since only two people really support me where this situation is concerned, feels like everyone else just thinks I'm a silly girl or obsessive. So nothing's talked about.

Anyways... to the dream:
Last night dreamt I was staying in a bedroom flat with three other girls. One of them was definitely a face remembered from school, someone I never even spoke to. The room was light blue, and there was a white bathroom with no door next to the bed. This bedroom was at the end of the hallway from my local shop.

Anyway the girls were out. This middle-aged, kinda overweight police dude came around for some reason, don't remember what he was asking about. But I know he was making me uncomfortable, probably eyeing me up or flirting, so was happy when he left.

Woke up in the bed suddenly. Then the cover shifts and an arm falls across my chest. I recoil and fall off the bed. It's the same guy, he acts calm as anything and to my horror isn't wearing any clothes, or has his thing out. No idea when he came back, but he's followed me off the bed and is pinning me on the floor. So he holds me tighter and smiles all creepy, and says "So why won't you be my wife?" and by he way he's holding me I guess what's gonna happen next. I didn't fight, or struggle.

And I barely react to the thread, but then one of the girls I recognise comes in just in time and the cop is gone in moments. She's all worried like "Omg wtf was he doing!"

Then the other girls come back and they all take pregnancy tests, but they do this right there in the room. And it's... just bloody.

The other rape dreams were more violent. I forget the first one but the second happened out in the open, behind a rock or stone building, on the grass in shade. I'd been pleading with the guy for a while not to do this, because we were walking around for some reason beforehand. When he did, I don't recall having any resistance but I didn't like it at all. He didn't care what he was doing to me.

Usually these guys have clear faces of actors I've seen, menacing-looking ones, and they play middle-aged, nasty characters.

A couple of years ago, I had a bizarre one with Peter O'Brien (the actor who at the time played a horrid character in a series). I had that one again a few months ago but this time, the guy was faceless.
Basically involves me being cornered in my dining room in pale underwear, him looking menacing, cold, like he's hunting me. He throws a chair at my legs when I slip by him over the table, and him dragging me by my hair/arm to the carpet in front of the fireplace to rape me from behind. He's got a leather jacket on that I felt cold on my skin, zippers and his rough jeans. I try grabbing anything to stop him dragging me but he's too strong.
That scene skips to where he's gone, I wake up with "SLUT" carved onto my back and my hair is bobbed and blonde... and keeping it tidy is the only thing I'm worried about in front of the mirror above the fireplace.

So... what to rape dreams have to do with feelings for your ex?