The Quillchoir: Dreams

[quillchorus]

~Okay, here is part I of my old dream journal thus far...this is since close to the beginning, although, many entries are not included here but mature topics are included, so be forewarned. My comments on each dream are preceded by a "~" or an asterisk and different dreams from the same night are seperated by paragraphs. 7-21-03 In a candy store. Owner is a man suspicious of my mother, who is wearing makeup. When parents leave, he asks us about our mother, who he suspects is a dog in disguise. We try to convince him otherwise but he doesn’t really believe us so we plan to take the makeup off when she returns. He gives us tastes of different candies. There are jawbreakers a little larger than a golfball that will give you the memory of whatever animal is the toy on the box and the experience written onto the box. He gives my sister a sheepdog, I think. He gives me a dog as well but I don’t want the memory of the dog. I look through the packages and see a lion toy tied to a box that says, “First time at Paris.” I don’t want that because I’m afraid that there are rats in Paris and that for some reason, that lions are deathly afraid of rats. I see a tiger toy that is larger than the others, but it is more expensive, so I decide not to get it. We look at other toys and see sketches that go along with games. One is the face of a man with a cigarette and sunglasses. He is for some kind of lonely renegade game. There are others but I soon awaken. ~There was a first dream that I just forgot a few minutes ago…which really disappoints me. I had a little lucidity but I kept on waking up only seconds after realization without time for spinning. I’m also disappointed that I didn’t use the text reality check when I was reading the boxes…but they were very clear at the time. I would say that I have a good start and am doing well so far…I’m anticipating improvement and more remembrance and am very glad that with the successful MILD technique. 7-22-03 We’re at a dog store and this gay couple (from the movie Best in Show) are buying things for their rather large black dog (an older version of a puppy that I saw yesterday…half mastiff half great dane) Mom and dad sort of work there…their job is to lead them back to the car and I follow. Mom wants to go a different way and she says that it is faster but I don’t think that it is and when we get there, there is a man who says we can’t go this way. Mom decides to take us another way that is unsuccessful and therefore embarrassing to me, and the couple is annoyed. In another dream from last night, Amanda and I are in the military. We are on a large complex for mainly loading and unloading trucks. I am following a man and we are walking in a straight line and I can’t pass him. I gain up on him and he turns around and, hey, he’s a young Harrison Ford. For some reason, he starts beating me up but it doesn’t really affect me emotionally and I don’t get any battle scars later but when Amanda comes back from what she was doing, I tell her about it and we get to work. We make fun of him for beating up a girl. Amanda says that his idol boxing star was a guy named Omar and we mock him about that, too. He was just annoyed and frustrated but kept it bottled up as we worked. Later, Amanda and I needed an e-ticket to get back to our houses. But, we procrastinated so it becomes difficult to get our e-ticket. I run around trying to get it but Amanda doesn’t think it’s that important because she says that we can just get our families to buy another one but I think that that would be a waste of money. I see a port-a-potty slash telephone booth and recognize it from “Trigger Happy TV” and start messing around with the person playing the trick and am so pleased that I will be on TV but Amanda thinks that I’m silly. ~I’m almost embarrassed about all of the television references from last night’s dream. I got a call from Marcus last night, which really upset me, so I wasn’t able to think clearly and concentrate on becoming lucid. 7-23-03 Someone tells me that I’m not wearing any underwear…the truth is that I am but I had to roll them down a little bit to wear my low rider jeans. I tell someone that I can solve a rubix cube and so later, someone hands one to me. I am doing everything right but some of the blocks change on me so I find solving it very difficult. It is taken away. I don’t think, “maybe I’m in a dream” like I should, but that I’m doing something wrong. I am at home and there is a picture on the mantle of a man dressed in Ku Klux Klan garb and me underneath a chest. I recognize that KKK man as the one I drew in one of my art projects. I reach into the picture, and move the man and myself into different positions. Then, I take them out of the picture, as they become actual size, and place them in the room. My sister comes in and asks about what I’m doing. I say that it’s to trick Mom for fun and she thinks it will work. We have to go to the library and return a number of items that we borrowed. A small book on roses was one and a red shirt that I have was another. As we drive to the library, I see my KKK man in the lawn and I think that he wants to come with us. I imagine what would happen if I took off his hood…and I think that I better not because he is just a drawing and he would probably just become nothing and have nothing under his hood. I hope that none of the neighbors try to hurt him because he is dressed as a member of the KKK. We reach the library and I am a little confused because the library door says that they close at 3:15 but we are entering at 3:30. We have a somewhat difficult time finding the place where we can return the items. I put one item down and another down in another place because I am carrying too much. I sit by an area and hear a mature woman’s voice say something about the play area I am next to. I turn and it is only a child with a woman’s voice. She is kind of creepy and the play area is just a mat pinned to the floor. We discuss it for a little while and then I move on. I see a lady I recognize and say hello. I think she works at the library but am too afraid that she doesn’t to ask her where to return the items. I finally find my mother who is returning the items and I watch as the lady does some calculations while on the telephone and writes down amounts of money ranging from zero to fifty. I’m afraid that the calculations have something to do with late fees and think that my mother will blame it on me and be angry. But, the woman behind the counter simply says, “This is what you would have had to pay but you have a card so you have already taken care of it.” I am very relieved and am suddenly a little worried that some of the items belong to a different library and my mom will be mad that we will have to go to another library and blame it on me. But, that doesn’t happen either. The woman picks up the red shirt and I remember that in real life, I had taken both of the sleeve strings off and even ripped a little of the fabric. But, both strings are still on the shirt and it looks like it’s in prime condition. Later in this dream, I don’t remember much but my KKK man is standing a few yards away from me and we are in a giant half pipe…well, it’s more like the road from the first chase scene in Terminator 2. Near the both of us is a giant black, winding vortex which is bad. I don’t remember much after that but I think that my KKK man had to enter. ~I tried the MILD method before I went to bed last night but there were distractions. I don’t think it worked or I don’t remember it working and I was really disappointed when I woke up this morning because I didn’t remember any of my dreams and the method didn’t work. But I lay in bed for a little while longer and then Hannah called and I suddenly remembered my dreams. And, I’m actually quite pleased with my dreams because instead of accepting everything that was presented to me, I recalled true information from real life and was confused by the incongruity of my dream which makes me feel that I am closer to becoming lucid. And, the fact that I am recalling two dreams a night is really good. I do not know yet whether I will continue to try this method, or move one to something else that I think will work better for me. I’ll probably do a combination of MILD and something else. 7-24-03 I go to Seattle with Ron and Richard. We are hanging out and then we decide to separate. I am left in a scary area with apartment buildings. I walk around and after a time, I begin to look for the others. I am deathly afraid of being kidnapped, raped, and murdered in this scary area. ~This was a different outcome to a real situation. The night I had this dream, when I was awake, I had really gone to Seattle with Ron and Richard. 7-25-03 I’m in bed and my sister is laying next to me and we’re ready to go to sleep but then my leg itches. I scratch it but then realize that it’s swollen. I look at it and it’s so disgusting. It’s covered with pus-filled blisters with blister upon blister upon blister. These pustules span from my ankle to my knee but I’m not very concerned and take it as an allergic reaction to lotion or something and I’m ready to pop away, then I awaken. LUCID DREAM! I find myself sitting in a big, comfortable chair. I turn and see a young girl with dark hair looking at me in a forlorn sort of way. The first thing I say is, “I am so lucid.” She doesn’t seem to speak and she simply turns and looks ahead dreamily. I am in some kind of lounge. I walk outside and start walking towards the ocean. I see a very fat man dressed in a little kid’s sailor outfit, sitting on a bench with a sign near him that messily reads, “Pirates.” And I know that they are looking for pirates. There is a woman near him. I go up and she starts asking me questions about if I want to be a pirate. She gives me a cookie and I eat it. I then grab more cookies and she starts getting angry. The cookies spill and I just chuck the sandy cookies into my mouth as fast as I can. Later, her and I, who I think is kind of bitchy at the moment, are in a pool of water in which I try to convince her that she is just having a lucid dream, too. I don’t really know why I thought she would be a dreamer. Anyway, I continue walking towards the ocean but then I am suddenly at a door. I am trying to call Amanda using one of the techniques. I call her name but nobody answers the door. It’s slightly disappointing, but that’s okay. I try to change the color of the door and it works but then returns to its original form. I open it and there are perhaps five corridors. I turn to the right and open the door into a room with a bathtub in it. There is a thin, naked girl in the tub. I think she communicated telepathically. Within moments, she transformed into a beautiful mermaid. I was about to state the obvious and say, “You…turned into a mermaid.” But, she opened a trapdoor in the tub that went to the ocean. She looked at me, as if she wanted me to follow but if I couldn’t, she would shut the door on me. I went into the tub and tried to swim down but I was afraid of drowning. While this was happening, I realized that it would be impossible for me to drown but my body wouldn’t sink and she shut the door on me. I am then holding onto a rope that is connected to a bunch of connected boats on a river. The boats are known as a train and I am repelling off of a rock wall. The boats are very beautiful and the scenery is amazing. I’m in Asia and there are cherry blossoms with the petals floating through the sky and all colors are brilliant. The boat is red and gold and black and is beautifully detailed. Soon, I am off the boat and walking on a path. I see a woman behind some bushes and she is the mermaid but she looks very different. Then, I am walking on a path with a man who has a strange look about him and ridiculously small shoes. I decide that instead of him having unattractive feet, he has hooves. I ask him questions about being in my dream. I ask him if he is in other people’s dreams and he says that he is only in my dream though characters like him are in the dreams of others. I ask him other questions and we walk on. Then, I reach a computer lab. There are computers in a row and a chair and a television. I remember a technique to change the scenery is to watch TV and when a scene you like comes up, just walk in. So, I start watching TV. The first thing that comes up is the Rugrats which is the show, but the animation is very strange so I flip the channel and it’s Rocket Power…another weird animation. So, I change the channel again and there is Eddie Murphy in Dr. Dolittle but he is cutting open a dog to reveal another dog under it’s skin. At this point, or moments from it, I wake up again. I’m in a strange, dark neighborhood. It’s nighttime and I’m with a very, very attractive boy. We are laying on the sidewalk and talking and we are very close friends. I cannot believe how well I connect with this person. I look in the sky and there are gray clouds against the vast darkness and they make the shape of two cow heads. I tell the boy to look but when he does, they have already vanished. Then, a bus pulls up and a few people get on including two cow-headed people. I try to show him but it doesn’t seem to matter when we realize that we have somehow gotten into the middle of the road. I suddenly have a plastic, green whip and we start joking about cows and horses and then one of us suggests riding like a cowboy so I get on his back and start whipping his butt and riding him like a bronco. It’s a lot of fun but then I get off and we start walking with eachother and we suddenly see Ashley. I’m so happy to see her but she is mad at me for some reason. Then, I am driving around with a few people and we see a forlorn looking girl walking. I barely recognize her until someone says, “Hey, that was Sally.” And it was Sally. We see a bunch of gangs just destroying cars. They are burning them, breaking the windshields with baseball bats, etc. There is a particular all-guy gang that is destroying a car and we see Anna holding a bag of coal, walking with April, going to help get a fire started. They look so cute and innocent it’s almost hilarious. ~In the first dream I had this night, I thought it was an allergic reaction due to lotion because I’m allergic to lotion and baby oil, but only on my neck. This dream was before my first awakening after the five or six hours that I slept in the first block and after my lucid dream, I woke up after every dream period. For the lucid dream that I had, I used the WILD method which worked wonderfully the first time. But, I think that I was so aware of myself in my dream that it was hard to truly believe I could do absolutely anything like breathing underwater. I’ll work on this, though. I was so pleased with the environments! The labs were modern and everything was amazing…I am so pleased that these came from my mind. Many things were water related in my dream, which was interesting. I cannot wait until my next lucid dream. These dreams were all very vivid, though not all lucid. I will try the WILD technique more. 7-26-03 Dad gives a real life actor a ride on the flight line on Atsugi base. But, the man makes Dad angry and he drives horribly. I’m in a Mario-like game. ~The next two nights of dreams are quite sketchy because I was in Bremerton and had to sleep in the same room as my parents so I couldn’t set an alarm for the middle of the night and only wrote notes for the dreams that I had while there. 7-27-03 I am in the backyard and I am introduced to a new kid who is a little chubby. I tell my friends, who include Hannah and Jeremy, to wait for me while I get ready but I take a few hours and am afraid that when I come out, they will be gone. But, they’re not. Then, we ask my dad for a ride home to drop them off and he accepts. Hannah and Jeremy are gone and then the chubby boy is dropped off. He is very strange. He has blonde, ashy hair and blue eyes and looks just…strange. Strange Fabio sex dream…I have no idea where it came from. We’re in an opera house and people I know are sitting right near us but they don’t notice us or are trying to ignore us. There are these strange plastic butterflies on wiry supporters that we play with and then we streak throughout the town, which is reminiscent of base housing in Okinawa and Atsugi. 7-28-03 I’m at school but it looks different. It’s much larger and grander than my real school. I am in the gymnasium and there are some girls sitting on strange-looking bleachers with their legs dangling off the edge. I start talking to them and I meet three girls, all with strange names that are hard to remember. The first one and most friendly is named Precucia, I think, and there was another I met named E-mar. E-mar starts telling me about this adlib like news article in which they submitted their names and their school name to the newspaper and they were put into a fake article that was printed. She is very proud of it and Precucia shows it to me but then is confused when E-mar talks about the names again as if she never knew her and her fellow cheerleaders’ names were in the article. I notice that one of the names in bold is “Linen” which is strange, but acceptable because everyone had a strange name. I am very excited about knowing these new people, even though they are strange, because I imagine myself becoming very popular in my senior year, even though these cheerleaders were just going to be juniors. I am leaning against a car and there are friends gathered around me. I just finished a practice video game in which I had to collect stars and find treasure. Now, I am competing in a worldwide championship for kids who play the game but I realize that the game is not the same as the one I’ve been practicing…it’s more like Pokemon fighting. I am at first a little worried but my little brother comforts me and even lets me wear his old championship bracelet from one of the many times that he won. But, then there is a policeman who is trying to kill me. I get into the car and it starts to race about, trying to throw the policeman. When I finally get rid of him, there is a cute puppy in the backseat that I go to. There is a creepy woman outside the window and she says something threatening about the puppy that I don’t remember…something like it’s evil or it’s all part of her evil plan or something. ~Last night I got home late and was very tired. Marcus called again a little after one o’clock. I set my clock for 8 am so I would wake up and use the WILD technique anyway. But, then I realized that I would have to stay up until at least nine o’clock and I’d have to fall asleep quickly in order to use it. And, I had to clean the house today and my mom wanted me up early so I just turned off my alarm and went back to bed. Argh and grrr and thensome. 8-9-03 I’m living in a big house. Many people live in it and I’m in a room and hear someone coming upstairs. It’s Philip from Japan. He hugs me and I’m very glad to see him. He comes in and puts down his bags and suddenly, I remember that he used to look silly in dew rags he used to wear and a nylon appears over his head, covering one eye. But, it’s still nice to have him. Then, Marcus comes. I’m surprised to see him since we’re not on a talking basis anymore. He gives me a hug that lifts me up off the ground with ease. I am really short and the guys are really tall. He talks about going to the aquarium in Seattle. And he’s very, very happy. Later, my grandmother needs someone to take her to a massage place. I’m walking her there and someone says, “the linked elbow grasp” so I grab her elbow with my arm already linked with hers. I do it as something funny but it seems helpful. My grandma is nervous about being naked for the massage and thinks that someone might see her. But, when we get there, she is assured that no one will see her. She goes in and I see Nick Spadaro. We walk together and he says something like, “Either we aren’t lucky together or…” I forget the rest but the jist of it was that we weren’t getting to know eachother really well as we’d like to. We’re walking along and we see some stairs. He suggests walking down them and we enter a stadium. It’s rundown and I want to go down but then there are little kids in brightly colored clothing playing there. So, we continue walking and we go into a house that I think is Nick’s but then I realize that it’s Aleta’s. She talks about how once Nick got cheesecake on her computer keyboard and how she always has to clean up his mess. Then, I realize that I have to get back to my grandma. I get there and she’s sitting eating pizza that she ordered. There are four or five boxes. Nick says a bad word in front of my grandmother…shit I think it was but he’s just singing a song. Grandma is appalled and I say, “How could you say that in front of my grandmother? That’s so disrespectful.” And he says something like, “oh, one of these families” but not in a cocky way at all…it’s strange. So, I’m about somewhere again and realize that I need to pick up my grandmother but when I go back, she’s already gone. It’s like a flashback with a different ending. Jennifer Connelly is somewhere in my dream too. ~It’s strange to hear this voice from nowhere telling me to do certain things….it’s happened another time in between the 9th and the 12th but I have forgotten that dream so I am writing this add-on on the 12th of August. 8-12-03 I have a few friends living with me in a camp type of dorm house of many people. It’s very strange. One of my friends is like a hotter, taller, more fun-loving and less serious Mars. Surfery. He’s hot but doesn’t know it, an all around sweet close but cutely nerdy friend. He’s trying to set a record. He always plays a song on stepmania before 10 AM not missing an arrow. I move around the house and there are these three guys who ask us if they can chill with us later…but they don’t say “chill” they say something else that has the same meaning, I think it started with an “E”. Later, I am in a room with beds and cots laid out talking with Hannah Oh. It’s somebody’s birthday party and soon people begin to leave the room to sleep in their rooms. I know that I should go, too, but I decide to stay and sleep where I lay. After a time, I am driving a car around but end up going the wrong way. I am very concerned but there aren’t many other cars around on these hilly, dusty roads surrounded by countryside grasses. But, then I see other cars driving horribly and dangerously. I then find myself in the car stopped and looking at two cars that are smashed lying against eachother. No one is hurt and I exit my undamaged vehicle. The people driving were young teenagers. There is an instant where we are back in a dorm and the young male teens are walking down the hall being scorned by a man and myself for driving so recklessly. But, back at the accident dream area, we go to a house and our whole dorm group is outside getting help from the residents. They are quite quiet and the dorm people get rowdy, not knowing what to do. Then, my father stands on the porch and speaks to them. He takes charge and I am glad. One of the things he says is, “Do you know who these people are?” Though he is referring to the residents someone replies, “That’s uh, the Commander….Commander Colaia—“ But he is cut short for his insolence. Later again, I am with the Mars-alike and another close friend of mine who is gorgeous with brown hair we are in a desert surrounded by some small and large cliffs, reminiscent of the Grand Canyon. Marsy believes he will be able to play stepmania and we know he won’t but we humor him. He is childlike. The three guys who asked to hang out earlier drive up in an old school car. I stand in front of the car and they get out but I have forgotten that they were going to hang out with us…which is very strange because I remember….gah. Well, they want to get to know the guys but suddenly there is a girl with us. She is very petite and beautiful. She’s very thin and has very rich dark brown or black hair color. We are amazingly connected and she takes my hand. Her hand is so small, I think about saying something about it to her. We start walking and she asks me, “Wanna listen to track D?” I say yes to her but I know that it’s her way of telling me that she is a lesbian. I awake in a standing bed and a few of my friends are around me. They introduce me to an orange haired girl who is snobby and whose company I do not enjoy. I try to get them to leave so that I can go back to sleep in order to have a lucid dream. This dream soon fades away. LUCID I awake in my room more disappointed then ever at the fact that I didn’t realize I was dreaming in my dream while I even spoke about lucidity. Suddenly, Ron, Ally (who turns into Meagan Dibble), and someone else are in my room. Ron isn’t allowed in my house so I ask how they got in and why they were here. They said that my parents were out and we talk for a while. I tell them that I was just dreaming about them in a Wizard of Oz, “You were there…and, and…you were there” sort of way. Then hear my front door open and close and am worried about my parents being angry. I tell them to either hide in the closet or go in the hallway and I begin to take off my shirt as they leave to change. They wait in the hallway and I close the door. My room is just like my real room except there is a small, square mirror in the center. In the mirror, I see the reflection of my body clearly but then wonder why there is such a mirror in my room. I look past the square mirror into my rectangular mirror leaning against the wall but my image is distorted. I think, “That’s strange and…dreamlike.” I am suddenly sitting on my floor and test to see if I am dreaming. I try to float and I begin to hover. I then look at my wall which has turned into a pattern and a few shades of hot pink and say, “That’s not my wallpaper.” I am relieved that now I won’t get into trouble with my parents but I am having a little trouble gaining total consciousness. I keep on telling myself that I am lucid in order to keep from slipping back into the dream where I will take whatever happens as reality. I close my eyes and imagine the scenery changing and when I open them I am hovering over a dark ocean. I am so pleased at how well I was able to change scenes but am concerned that the setting is a little dismal for a shared lucid dream. I see a great Egyptian ship and enter it. I am at a door and yell, “Nick! Nick!” I open the door to a luxurious but dark and mysterious room. I turn right and there is a figure lying on the bed. He rolls over and it is Nick. I am so pleased. We are suddenly lying and the floor talking and I ask him, “Are you lucid?” and he replies, “Yes.” I don’t continue to drill him. He tells me that control is difficult and that, “…It’s hard to explain anything.” He also says, “You’re so perfect.” He means that it’s really cool that I can bring him into my dreams. We are standing and I say, “Look” or “Check this out” or something along those lines. I make a small, blue energy ball between my hands and hand it to him. He takes it for a while, it changes shape, and disappears. He then reaches under a rug and a bunch of shrimp-shaped stuffed toys are thrown at me. I am a little scared because he could really scare me in this dreamworld. We talk for a while and then sit on a bench in the room near the table. Suddenly, Ron is there. I don’t talk to him and he doesn’t speak or move and Nick doesn’t even seem to see or notice him. Nick holds my hand but then I stand and slip my hand out of his grasp. He says something and I believe it is, “No Quieres?” I stand and feel the dream slipping. I try to spin but it’s too late and I feel that my physical body is the one moving now. Later, after waking up into reality, I fall asleep again. There is a lot of water in this dream. I am trying to live with a few people who are entertainers…maybe in a reality show or something. They feel I don’t truly belong yet and are unsure if I ever will since I have not been with them since the beginning. I feel that they may be right and that I might be having a little too easy since I am in love with one of the entertainers who is giving me an easy time. At one point, I am swimming in a pool and I suddenly realize that I don’t have any bathing suit on or bikini bottoms on and there is a camera in the water broadcasting a picture of my butt to a large crowd of people. I am shocked and embarrassed but soon stop caring even though an old video clip of my butt that showed by mistake on a home video that my dad sent in was also being shown on the giant television to the masses. I crawl through a tube back to the water-filled apartment and the dream ends. ~The first dream was during my first six hours of sleep using the WILD technique and lasted two days in dream time. The next dreams occur after the six hours while I am trying to experience a lucid dream where I experienced two false awakenings. They take hours, maybe a day, but truly lasted, collectively, about an hour or so. I tried to have a shared lucid dream here. Unfortunately, most of the time during this time period was spend dreaming unconsciously until an RT occurred and I changed scenes. I woke up after my dream, wrote it down on paper, and fell back to sleep. When I awoke again, I received a call from Ron and when I told him he told me he had a dream about Nick Spadaro and I and this excited me but his had us placed in a park. Then, I called Nick Spadaro and he had had a dream about me and a dream about a park that was somewhat lucid but his dream about me took place at a different time then when I was dreaming about him and took place at his house where he killed me because he had learned lucidity and felt I had nothing else to teach him and he didn’t want me to teach anyone else lucid dreaming but then awoke and called me (a call I was too tired to recall) to make sure I wasn’t dead. All very, very strange, none of it proves or disproves the reality or falsehood of the shared lucid dream or its possibility. I am hopeful but skeptical. I will continue to try because it’s quite possible that they simply did not remember our shared lucid dream, which lasted only about ten to twenty minutes dream-time. When speaking to Nick on the phone, he told me he had difficulty with control and being sure of himself during a lucid dream, which he told me earlier in the dream, which makes me hopeful. A few things that concern me though are that they could have just been from my head and the fact that I think Nick said to me in my dream, “No quieres?” which is something that Ron says to me and Nick doesn’t speak Spanish. After my lucid dream, I fell asleep again and dreamt once more. 8-14-03 Marilyn Manson and Nicholas Cage are in my dream. They are sitting in a kitchen area and are eating breakfast. They talk and I call Nicholas Cage something like “John Cage” but Manson calls him David as if it were his real name or an inside joke. I can’t believe it’s them but I keep cool and after spending a long time looking for my camera (, I eventually have to use my mothers because I can’t find mine,) get a lot of photographs. Marilyn and I are alone and he is laying down on the floor. I approach him and straddle him. He says, “What are you doing?” I then reach for his left hand and feel his wedding ring. It is thin and gold. “Oh,” I say. But then, I straddle him again and I press my face against his. I arise and he has a look on his face that is surprisingly submissive and I know I’ve got him. He treats me like his daughter and I lie to my mom and go out. He gives a few friends and me a free flight to someplace to see him. We go to this place and then we have to complete a mission. We have to go to China. I’m a little worried about getting home on time but in my dream, my home is located in Southeast Asia so it wouldn’t be so far. Suddenly, I am a one-eyed Patrick looking thing from Spongebob Squarepants. I am one of three tiny pets of an alien. There is a layer of jellyfish at the top and when they start whirling in the aquarium, the alien says, “Oh, they are evolving again.” Then, a giant amoeba appears and I become an onlooker. The amoeba eats the three one-eyed Patricks and goes into little volcano-shaped sand areas and eats the things that are inside. “Not my only whale,” the alien says as the amoeba creeps into a volcano and eats the whale inside. “Ooh, nitrites,” the amoeba says. Then, Manson and the rest of us, are running from a bunch of giant aliens that want to make us their pets but we are trying to stop the extinction of the one-eyed Patricks and tell this to the aliens who understand. Then, suddenly again, I am wandering through waist-high marshes and swamp with Manson, an Asian guide, Nicholas Cage, and a few other people when the guide tells one of the men to catch a snake for food. I have already caught a snake and so I hand it to the guide. The man who was supposed to catch the snake feels a little skittish, relieved, but embarrassed. The guide carefully holds the snake by its head and then takes its body, twists it and pulls it. The snake’s body makes a sound of popping bone, wriggles, makes another pop, and is limp and lifeless. Its color is sadly faded now as it is handed back to me. Then, I am sitting next to Manson in a theatre. We are watching a film with him in it. I am so very pleased to be in such a posh, starlit setting. Manson then has to go to be in the show. I take lots of photos and a band plays in gothic attire. I think it’s very attractive and then someone says that the band is Incubis. I think that it’s very cool that they are being goth for the very dark show. Manson plays a man in the film with a girl who is supposed to be me, I believe, or is me at first. She is dark and Manson loves her because she is so young and usable. I take lots of photographs and am happy because before when I was looking at the photographs that I had already taken, there wasn’t one of Manson and me because the camera had shut off. So, I took pictures of the screen that turned out well. The pictures of me looked like I had short hair. Whenever I took pictures I worried and thought to myself that they may not turn out because I am dreaming, but the pictures were way too cool to not come out so I didn’t truly realize I was dreaming, I wanted the photos to come out so badly. After a while of watching, I see that the girl doesn’t look like me and then I think that maybe she’s not even supposed to represent me. I am then laying in the seats with my blanket over me and can see the empty chairs next to me where Manson was. I worry greatly about how I will find him so I can return home in this busy place where the media is sure to be. And I soon realize that I’m talking to myself loud enough for those around me to hear. I am saying, “I’m not in it….not in it. I’m not. Not supposed to be? I’m not in it….not involved….” In a rather crazy tone. I looked back up at the screen and saw the credits running. I knew people would be getting up and seeing me so I tried to cover my face up partially with the blanket when I awoke. ~I tried to have a lucid dream unsuccessfully last night. I think it was because I stayed awake for so long (2 hours) that I had a really hard time falling back to sleep. I tried very hard and after thirty or forty minutes of trying, I just stopped trying so hard and waited for it to come over me which lead to unconsciousness. I was a little disappointed that I became so involved in this particular dream that I couldn’t concentrate and realize that I was in a dream, truly in a dream, so that I could control it. 8-16-03 I’m in a department store with an elephant, my father, Ron, and a few other people. We are playing a game on a table but the elephant is getting frustrated and my father only taunts it. I try to make it happy by saying, “Oooh, look at all the pretty diamonds!” and diamonds appear on the elephant’s feet. Ron and I are then walking through the aisles and I see a gameboy. One of the gameboys is only $49.99 or $49.95 and I want to buy it. It comes with a Super Mario Brother’s game. LUCID I am following a small rodent into a Navy lodge. I enter and become lucid. I feel that the dream won’t last long as I am only napping so I don’t phase out for fear that phasing would cause me to jolt awake and also because I am feeling especially lazy. So, instead, I stay in the lodge and decide to try putting myself through a wall. I poke the wall with my hand but it is solid. So, I make my hand and arm fragment into many pieces, which go through the wall smoothly up to my elbow. I get my arms and legs through the wall but I wake up before I can get the rest of myself through. ~Once again, I had a cup of coffee which made me stay up for three hours when I woke up at 5:30. So, I realized that I must cut back on the caffeine. I talked to Nick Spadaro and we’ve decided on a simple system to test the shared lucid dream. He gave me a question to which he already knows the answer to and I will ask him during what I believe is a shared lucid dream in order to verify or condemn the possibility of the shared lucid dream. I think it’s possible but I want to test it to be sure. 8-17-03 I am driving in a red Volkswagen bug when I start driving hastily and out of control. I can’t really help it. Richard and Ron are with me in the vehicle but they aren’t very panicky. Suddenly, we are vaulted off into the air very, very high and we know that we are going to die when we hit the earth. We acknowledge this to eachother and as we feel ourselves beginning to fall and see the ground coming closer, I try to say, “I love you guys” but I’m not sure if I blurted it out in time. We are picking up speed but when we land, we are unharmed and the car is fine. We discuss this and try to realize an explanation. I then say, “We are dead. There is no way we could have survived that crash. This must be our afterlife.” Later, we are in a home with Richard and Ron who seem to be my roommates in the house that is much like Ron’s except it is all made of brown, natural-looking wood. I’m wearing a white shirt without a bra. A police officer comes over who has heard about this and knocks on the door. I answer and he wants me to flash him or a chance to look at my breasts or something. He then starts bubbling about what I’ll get if I show him and he says, “Next time you’re in a car accident or something, it’ll be written off as a small ticket and not be put on your record…anytime you do anything like that, just a small ticket.” I then ask him if that would apply if I murdered someone and put chunks of their corpse in some buckets that I have nearby and point to. The officer agrees and I am ecstatic. I don’t really show him anything, he just leaves and I am so happy that I go back into the house to tell Ron and Rich that we can freely murder. ~I had a little bit of coffee this time, which caused me only mild sleep difficulty. I’m going to try to find something else that won’t keep my body awake because only when the caffeine wears off am I able to return to sleep. I’ve found that the caffeine is also affecting my dreams. The more caffeine I have, the less vivid my dreams are, or so it seems. 8-18-03 I am walking at night through the rain to Aaron’s house offbase. It is very dark and dreary but I really like the rain. There is a clip of a man suddenly in my dream who is destroyed by the rain as he enters it. I go to Aaron’s house but there is a big blue sign on his balcony which makes me figure that he’s not home. I continue to walk and find myself in a warehouse. I am then bitten by a vampire and myself and an unknown other person, who is my friend, become vampires. I am very pleased, as now we are dark and mysterious creatures who will eternally live off of the blood of the living. But, the head vampire explains to us that our one weakness is the rain and we must never venture out into it. I am very disappointed and almost furious that now we will never be able to be in the rain. Then, I find myself battling other vampires. The fighting is very fast paced and Matrixy and I’m doing really well. Keanu Reeves is there dressed as Neo and I jump onto him and straddle him ready to attack but he then turns pale and his hair and clothing go from black to bright white. I say something about this change and he says, “My persona always changes.” After more fighting, I become Xena and with Gabrielle, we are in a room trapped. But, we escape by beating up our captors. One man enters as we escape and has a brown ball with two knife-like shards coming out of it on a string. He cuts my cheek twice and it burns but I grab the ball out and slice his eyeball twice; two deep, deep gouges. Suddenly, I am a vampire again and I am having sex with the head vampire who is really packing. I’m ridiculously good and he has to stop every once in a while to stop from coming too fast. He asks me, “Have you had any training?” and I jokingly say, “Have you heard of sexcraft?” but he doesn’t get it and just says, “No.” Later, I go into the bathroom and see someone who has the body of my sister but an obscure face that I don’t really take note of and is a friend of mine. First, she is trying to create a superhero outfit and asks for my help. She’s going for a green, Poison Ivy-ish type of suit. In a tray are a few paints but they are sitting in a milk-colored substance and when move, slightly swish around and mix a little bit. I start painting her breasts a green yellow and beige color. Somehow, she pins a few flowers inbetween her breasts and makes me realize, “Oh, you’re trying to be a bouquet!” And she is so glad that I figured it out. I find myself as a daughter in a large white family in the south. I was entered into a boat competition and I’m very happy because I’ve always wanted to make a boat. But, I’m told that I only have a little bit of time. I’m confident at first, but then start thinking about all that it’ll take to make a boat. I imagine creating a long but small boat that can only fit me inside where my feet will move a bicycle-like device that will spin the wheels. I am helping an older man and a younger man with two horses hauling wood. We see a rodent in the grass and I see a tiger running away. We pull the horses but when we reach the huge woodpile already made, one horse falls and flips over. No one seems concerned, as the horse is okay. We start building by a small river and I hear an announcement saying that the boat competition is next. I am concerned but somehow the boat gets done. I am a pure of heart white girl and race with the boat. The race travels onto land and ends in a parking lot where I am second. A man gets out of his boat and says, “I’m first!” so I say, “I’m second!” and another man from the first boat gets out and says, “And I’m third!” as he is quite slow. We go to the room where the prize-giver is. He is an old, Santa Claus-looking man and is already talking to the winners. As second place, he gives me a quarter and I am understanding and pleased and leave but when I’m at the doorway, he throws me a few more coins. One bounces off of my knee, my elbow, and lands again on his knee. “I told you, I’m not catcher,” I say and he throws it at me again. It bounces off of the floor and I catch it. He winks at me and I look to find that it’s a coin from 1492. I know that I won more than the first placers for my good heart and purity (which is frankly ridiculous and very Disney movie.) I go in and give the man a big hug but then leave with my little brother or friend or whoever this kid is who helped me with the boat. We see one of our older relatives and I say, “We need to go to the bank.” And he says, “I’ll take you. I’ve got a full tank of gas. Family gas that I need to use on the family.” Then I think that maybe we should go to a pawn shop or something but then I wake up. ~Very vivid dreams. The fighting sequences in the first one were ridiculously cool and much longer than I explained them to be. So much ass kicking, it was really fun. The second one was strange and I don’t know how that whole thing came out of my head. 8-19-03 LUCID I’m at my house in the backyard, which is large, and there are a few tents. I see an old creature that is small and wrinkly, but really wise and want to take a picture because it’s in a movie. I think, “Oh, so this is how they get all of those photos and autographs, by following the movie conventions around.” I yell, “Hoggle!” and Hoggle from Labyrinth comes out from shuffling in a drawer. I get a picture of him and the creature and I think it’s so cool because I have two creatures from different movies on the film but before I can get a picture of the wise creature, and myself it hobbles away. Then, I go into the house and into one of the rooms. There’s some kind orgy or kissing or just a bunch of clothed people moving around on the small space of the bed and I get on. This is when I realize that I am dreaming. I have difficulty calling Nick into my dream. So, I go into the master bedroom, crawl into a drawer of an armoire and close my eyes, trying to dream within a dream but it’s all just darkness. So, I leave the drawer and go to the front door. “Nick, nick, nick!” I yell and I open the door to see him walking up to the house with a bunch of friends in a car. Nick is dressed in very unattractive clothing that is all baggy and red. We lay in the grass and I ask him, “Okay, who did you want to talk to at last years Light Festival?” He thought for a while before saying, “Shaniq.” I actually accept this as an answer and then I find myself straddling him and kissing him. He’s acting very sexual, as if we were having sex, but we have our clothes on but then I realized that what he’s feeling in the dream may be different than me so we then had sex on an assortment of brightly colored plastic spoons which were remarkably comfortable. ~I called Nick on the phone when I woke up to, of course, find that “Shaniq” was not the right answer. I should have known by the time it was taking for my brain to put in an answer to Nick’s mouth. 8-27-03 I’m in a dorm type of house or maybe a school. I am drunk and Richard and Ron are there. I choose between them to have sex with Richard but it is a bad decision. We go into another room and I start grinding on him. He looks much more attractive than he does in real life. He has dark hair. We don’t kiss, just rub our lips against eachother to increase tension and desire. But, then I black out, and when I wake up, I’m in my underwear and Richard is in the next room in his boxers and a T-shirt. I’m appalled. I’m so scared that I may have slept with Richard. Someone comes in and I ask him if I did but he doesn’t know but because of my situation he feels sympathy for me though I was stupid. There is also a girl in this dream who I liked very much. She was gorgeous with maybe…long purple hair and tall, thin legs. ~This is something that Ron always warns me of. He tells me not to get drunk with Richard because he will take advantage of me. 8-28-03 LUCID I am in a house or room and it’s really shabby but Rich and Ron are there. I call Nick into the dream and when he appears, I ask him the question and his response is, “Marco” but I realize that he isn’t real and so I want to stab him with a fork but can’t find one. I am lucid but I cannot change the scenery at all. It’s very difficult. Once, I change the scenery to a white room but I’m just in another room of the same house. At one point, I try to put my hand through an object but it doesn’t work. I’m finding it hard to concentrate because of the presence of Rich and Ron. I start making out with Ron because I realize that he’s probably not real, too. I wake up, but I fall back to sleep soon, into the same dream. I wake up again and I roll over, then fall asleep into the same dream. I go to a fish store with Richard and Ron and there are beautifully colored man-made salamanders that live in the water being displayed. They are forty dollars for forty eggs but I really want some so I think about buying twenty. Richard tells me that I shouldn’t but then he goes and buys forty of them. I get a little angry at him so he gives me an egg. I try to take really good care of it but it rips. I show it to someone and they say that it isn’t a salamander and that it’s really some other strange animal until they pull the insides out to reveal that it is but a few green onions. I’m sad because I think that that was just a food supply put into the egg for the salamander to survive off of. ~Last night, the WILD technique really worked and I didn’t even try. I went through the stages really quickly since I stayed up until about seven o’clock in the morning with only about twenty minutes of sleep behind me at about two or three. I went through hypnagogic imagery and sounds and I even tried to have an out of body experience. I think I was close but my body wasn’t paralyzed enough. I think that my body fell asleep so quickly that the chemical that causes sleep paralysis didn’t take effect until after I started dreaming. The lucid dream was a bit frustrating since my control was very limited. 10-25-03 Hmm…I was with a close friend or my sister and someone else. We had to time travel and I remembered a type of travel from another dream where I had to squeeze through a small space that I could barely fit through then and now I am concerned I would have gotten too fat to fit in now since I ate at Izzy’s. My mom had just bought a white convertible with a really high middle back seat, where I was sitting, and we were going along the highway...it felt like we were driving a boat and sometimes my mom wasn't behind the wheel; a little scary. We drove into a neighborhood and eventually into the pond of someone's backyard. There was a sign that said, "Beware of Polywogs”. I was concerned about being in the water and lost a shoe on the way out. I found it later and was hesitant to put it back on. I climbed into the window of this Japanese-style house where I met a girl. She was blonde and thin…she seemed in need of something. Then, Nick Spadaro was there. We kissed, just a peck on the lips, but we didn’t anymore. He made an excuse about something and trailed of at the word “and”. I finished for him by gasping and saying, “Agh, and I have bad breath! I didn’t brush my teeth this morning!” So, I ran to the bathroom and brushed and later we kissed more. We were making out on a field and a football kept on just missing me. We then realized we were on a playing field for children’s sports. We talked and had a somewhat deep and connecting conversation. ~I have been having memories recalled during dreams from both other dreams as well as real life. In reality, I had eaten a lot at Izzy’s and I also remember fitting through this vent-like space from another dream. 10-26-03 my father gets some kind of facial in which the area in between his eyebrows has become ridiculously smooth. 10-30-01 nick spadaro shaves his head like rob muchamp. I’m shocked and rub his head generously. 3-24-04 LUCID I called nikk into my dream again. It was difficult for me to do actually, as I tried to use the door technique but later it worked when I just yelled for him and thought I may have seen him on the sidewalk and caught up to him. I go up to him and he looks a little different, not like himself. I look him in the face and we begin to talk. “Will you remember this?” I ask him and he replies, “Yes, but am I even here?” And then I realize he is just my dream character despite my desperate want for this to be a shared lucid dream. I put my hand through a blue car door but can’t get it through the glass I breathe underwater with a creature that keeps bringing me to the surface to breathe but I don’t have to. Later, we enter a pirate ship where nasty pirates are with gigantic heads and small bodies that scared me. I realize that the creature wasn’t trying to allow me to breathe air, but convince me not to go deeper because of the evil pirates. ~my doubt is limiting me. I have to get rid of it. 4-2-04 surfing, I’m picking a surfboard and later am surfing and surf all the way to the shore and increase in size as I get closer. The surfboard is pink. 4-3-04 there’s this superhero woman who looks really familiar. ~need to start writing dreams again and not wait a few days as when I do…that memory thing doesn’t seem to work at its best. 4-23-04 I’m in the car with my friends when suddenly my driving is quite horrible. I’m embarrassed but when they leave I realize it’s because my brakes are out. I drive around a lot really badly with difficulty and at one point I’m steering from the front passenger’s seat. I finally hit something and I get out to find Mr. Jefferson and Weezy are the ones I crashed into. I’m with Katie Brown on a wooden and metal play set type of thing on the edge of a cliff. It hangs over a little bit but it’s stable. The only thing I’m concerned about is slipping and it is very slippery. She’s not concerned. There are slides that go off the cliff but hook up a little making it look like it would shoot you up into the air before you fall into the bottomlessness of the canyon below. But, Katie goes on the slide and the hook gets bigger and she hits it hard and it cradles her safely. I’m too scared to try it. 5-12-04 Jackie and I shat into a silver bin and are embarrassed. 5-?-04 LUCID I’m in a huge house but the atmosphere is dark and dismal. I leave the house and there are three versions of Spadaro there. One is all in white with purple hair, another is kinda punky, I dunno. I can’t change the dismal setting. 6-?-04 Weird sexual dream with Max Rounds. He’s so hot and in my dream, he didn’t have that high voice that is really his only turn off. 6-14-04 I’m in a huge building…huge in a futuristic training facility surrounded by water. I am standing in the window looking down at the water and know that if I want I could fly. I see some birds and think of flying with them. So, I leave the building and start to fly. Later, I’m in the water and my sister and her husband as well as a two or three others are there. There’s a cute younger boy who is asking about my purpose at the facility. My sister and I quickly conjure up an excuse. I tell him that I engineer and fly my own aircraft. He’s really impressed but the truth is that I don’t even need aircraft to fly. Peregrine falcons are in the sky and it’s an amazingly beautiful day. Later, I’m in the water and see that some bitchy girl and one of my friends or my sister, who would now be blonde and bruised pink, are in a fight. The girl is winning so I call my falcons. Before, they were behaving but now they are reluctant to come. So, I take another arm and wave it down and they return to my arm. The other arm is the arm of a trainer, which seems lifeless at the moment, but the trainer is quite alive later in this dream. The first falcon to come is the smallest so I make it attack but call the two other much larger falcons to me. I can’t carry them all on my right arm so I put one on my green-latex/spongey covered other arm. They are confused by my inattentiveness to procedure but I have them attack the girl. They aren’t being as vicious as usual but it’s working. Later, I am conversing with the bad girl and her friend. My largest falcon takes an immediate liking to the friend of the bad girl. The friend has dark hair and dark eyes, she’s black and curvy. I tell her she can have the falcon, as it’s apparent the falcon wants to be with her. The trainer now comes up from under the water looking sad but is subordinate and maybe mute so he must obey my decision. She is very appreciative and I give her the spray for her arms so that the falcon’s claws won’t cut her. She’s spraying it and the falcon doesn’t like the fumes. Someone enters and says, “Who’s spraying the Axe?” jokingly and she replies explaining what she’s doing and that she’ll only have to do it once. This dream ends with she and I walking alone together arm in arm, with my head almost completely unable to leave her breasts to stand up straight and I knowing that she will become evil and Catwoman. I have a baby. His father is Grant and Grant wants to name him Matthew. I want the child’s name to be Ezra, or have that name at least as the middle. Suddenly, I’m in a bathtub laying down with a male child who seems to be about four or so, a girl child who may be two or three, and Grant is at the foot of the bathtub drying off a young male child who may be one and half or two. I ask him what the names of our children are. He says that the first on is Ezra and I am happy, as he changed the boy’s name for me. I ask if the next male’s is Trevor but it ends up being Travis, which with I am even more pleased. I forget the name of the girl and it may not have even been told to me, could have been Duplex or Polly…I think it was the name of the female character of Duplex the movie because now that I think of it that’s what the little girl told me. She was sad that she couldn’t watch the movie. Someone else then said that it was too bad that the new version was rated R even though the old one was only PG. The children look nothing like me but they are really beautiful children. I hug the two near to me and express my excitement for the future, for all of us. ~I thought that Jennifer Aniston was in Duplex but she’s not…it’s Drew Barrymore. Upon further research, Drew’s character’s name is “Nancy,” a name I would never curse my children with. 6-16-04 Very cute puppies. Unimaginably cute puppies. Big brown eyes and long face hair. 6-17-04 I’m outside and find a dog. Its collar is thick and too big for him. It kind of looked like one of the high fashion watches that are so popular now days but without the face of the watch. I try to tighten the collar on the dog but it gets the collar off. I’m afraid of the dog running off without a collar so I’m trying to keep the dog there as well as fix the collar. It turns out that the collar is battery powered and someone hands me batteries from behind. I try to fix it but it needs rewiring beyond my capabilities. The dog runs around and another dog appears. This one is lighter in color and fluffier in fur. I don’t know what to think. 6-19-04 emo girl, chris mack’s girlfriend, is playing the piano..she’s playing Fur Elise but it’s crappy. I tell Jackie that later I’m going to play something to impress everyone and show her up. Jackie’s happy about that. But, later, when I want to play, the piano is wet and dirty and nobody is around and I feel as if I can’t play a song due to lack of practice. There is a contest where you paint on a big canvas, hoisted up like an ad sign next to last year’s winners in the ocean. Jackie and I want to play but Katri can be seen running to the third and final canvas. I meet a man, I think he is the owner of the apartment. He tells me things. I am on the phone. I ask a friend of a friend to give me a ride. I dropped my camera into the water again, so it didn’t work when a woman came in and asked if we could borrow her camera. She seemed like a teacher but was more like Steve’s mom, the hot Walgreen’s manager. LUCID I just go around trying to have sex with a bunch of people but I don’t get turned on that much or find a lot of people. I do Ted. I try to get John to do me but he refuses due to his loyalties to his girlfriend. I’m a little surprised and ask him if he’s lucid. His answer is unclear. My lucidity isn’t total. I keep telling myself how lucid I am in an attempt to gain full control. I try to have sex with myself but it’s difficult to imagine what I look like. I soon think that I have woken up. I am walking back into my room to go back to bed when I pick up a handheld mirror in the center of my room, floating. I pick it up and realize that I must be dreaming still. Things are kind of blurry and ever changing. The world is like a painting. Marcus came back and is in my house with Richard. I am very annoyed and tell them to leave. I think Richard was cleaning my house or something and brought Marcus along. When I ask Marcus how he got there, he said Richard and by then I look out the window and there Rich is, getting into a small red car about to drive away. I yell out to them and I think they stop. I am suddenly in a silver van-ish thing and I talk to Marcus in a bothered fashion. Then, I notice that the driver’s hair looks really familiar. It’s Mike, my old boyfriend and I’m embarrassed that he heard me be so bitchy but I rub his hair and he doesn’t care. In moments, I realize he isn’t Mike when he turns and messes up my hair a little bit. We are at this large house where I am to play little red riding hood and beat it. It’s creepy but I go. Outside, I try to warm up to Marcus because he’s changed physical appearance to something more pleasing. His hair is blonder and his face is actually bearable. But, his personality is still painfully annoying so I say, “fuck it.” Inside, where I am to play the game, I decide to start from scratch and from a demo or intro, realize that I’ve played the game before and after level two, it’s really, really hard. I then spend some time choosing a character and decide that I want a cute small Asian in a red hood but there are a lot of options, you can even get larger than normal characters, etc. 6-23-04 on a field trip there are banana trees and the bananas are huge I eat a giant banana and it is sooo tasty I go to other trees and realize that many bananas are growing on evergreens, etc so I pick one and the ones on the non banana trees are hollow peels My parents are in this dream 6-24-04 LUCID (*morning) I’m at Grant’s house and suddenly Brittany comes over and I go with her to the store or something. We’re going to snort coke but I forgot the plaque that we use. I want to go back to grant’s house because he though we’d be staying together chilling that night. But, I can’t go back. Later, we’re all in grant’s living room but spadaro is there, looking really weird, and a lot of other people, too. This is when I realize that I am dreaming. I float away. (*night) a man is catching a killer whale. Jackie wonders why anyone would ever want to do such a thing and she’s angry. But the man in the smallish boat is netting the whale and another ship is doing something to help entangle the whale in the net. The man soon has caught the big animal and hoists it onto his smallish ship. He is so very pleased but Jackie is appalled. *the first dream was uber realistic. It was amazing. I really didn’t have my plaque on me, and brit and I really do plan on doing more coke. Amazing. I also had the dream while at grant’s house and the feelings I felt are exactly the same as I would if the dream had really happened.

[quillchorus]

Part II of bringing this dream journal up to date. There are mature topics in here, be warned. Not all entries are in this particular journal. My comments are preceded by a "~" or an asterisk. Different dreams in the same night or sleep period are marked by different paragraphs. 6-26-04 we’re in a neighborhood that this girl wants a few of her closer party attendees to help clean up. We’re not very close but I help her with her web site. So, we return. I’m flying a hot air balloon, maneuvering it past telephone cables, etc. there are Charleston Chews for me to eat and some other candies but I eat only the chews because I think, “These are a pilot’s candy, this is what pilots eat.” I land the balloon in somebody else’s backyard, near the party because she doesn’t want us to park in the road, etc. I clean up a mucky staircase of one house and the lady who owns the house comes out and tells me something. I feel kind of weird cleaning up, like I’m being used, but everyone is helping so I suppress these feelings. Travis is here and he’s taller. We hug and are very happy to see each other. Grant and Will are also at this party. The house is huge and suddenly it’s not so much a party as a church. We go in and there is Father Bill Tracy doing church. I sit down with Grant and there’s a black kid next to him who is really devout. Grant falls asleep but feels guilty because of the kid whose name starts with a “P” or a “Ph.” So, we go out into the huge corridors and find another mass. But, Father Tracy is still the one doing mass. We sit down where we were in the other room and I hear a very, very eerie creaking sound every once in a while. The cross in the back moves with Father Bill and I realize that the creaking is the moving of the cross that is hanging far up on the wall behind him, moving with the priest by some mechanical means. Father Bill isn’t the only one at the head of the church. There is the torso of a younger man, dressed in similar garb, with bushy, curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. He is connected to the hip of Father Tracy like a conjoined twin. The people around us are evil. They frighten me and I want to leave. I head for the door but hands that look a different color in the dimness of the room are reaching out for me. Only when the door opens and a man looks in, wondering if he’s in the right place (which he isn’t) do I get the chance to escape. He reaches out his hand and takes mine and I am safe again with this black man with glasses…I think his shirt was green. We are walking together and I inquire about what the hell that was. Why was Father conducting these evil rituals as well as the regular masses? The man told me that the Father has no control when the “diseased pig” is on him. He takes my right hand and looks at it, he sees that I have a small, crescent-shaped scar in the top of my wrist and he tells me that I “bear the mark” of someone true and righteous. Later, I am in the backyard and Grant is there. I see Travis and he hugs and kisses me. I’m so happy, I’ve missed him so much. We talk and they react as if the whole two church thing is a matter of preference of entertainment. Grant was so embarrassed about falling asleep in front of the “p” kid that he decided to take us to the scary one. Later still, this chick and the one who invited me are talking with me and the other chick says she’s been thinking about getting someone to help her work on a web site. Jackie tells me to pierce myself at the “x.” I understand and make a cloverish shape with my tongue and designate the point. She’s impressed I knew what she was talking about. She takes out her tongue ring and it’s very sharp and long. She tells me to pierce myself but I don’t because I fear the pain and making it uneven. I stick my tongue out, it is longer than usual and I think that is odd. 6-28-04 mars cheats on jackie with me. *this was a very long and elaborate dream that lasted for days. It wasn’t sexy or anything, I believe mars and I just kissed once or twice but I forgot the dream’s details b/c I didn’t write it down right away. 7-2-04 I’m trapped in ken’s backyard. There is a final way for me to get out of the woody, rough area. I jump and reach for a plank that I must pull myself up onto but I slip. The nails are coming loose from the plank and I know it’ll only get worse if I continue to fail. I jump and hold on for a little while but the plank comes loose and I fall and feel pain. A dog comes running up to me. It’s ken’s dog who has been trapped here for a long time. The dog is spotted with big black blotches and is very friendly. We are in a canyon of wood: planks and logs, twigs and twisted roots. We probably aren’t going anywhere. I think that Jackie and Mars come to ken’s. 7-2-04 playing a game outside kind of like paintball but people are using bows and arrows…it’s almost everquest or anarchy online-esque. I’m being chased and shot at with arrows and I get hit a few times. I have to pull the arrows out and keep on running. I see mars and jackie in the distance and feel some relief but realize that I can’t be helped. I continue to run and find a great wide staircase made of sand. Each step goes on for a few yards to my left and to my right. The steps are very wide and shallow and leave my footprints in them as I run. 7-3-04 my old school counselor, Mr. Cook tries to rape me. I am nearly pinned to the ground when I see the full length mirror of his office. It’s screwed into the wall and I grab its edges and try to yank it out. The mirror begins to crack and the screws begin to come out of the wall. I have the mirror, or at least a large shard of it, and I cut Mr. Cook in the stomach and a few other places. These scratches are not very deep but they stop him. The next day, I surprise myself by telling a few people about the incident. I tell Ashley and say, “I cut him like opening eyes.” Nick Spadaro overhears me and I don’t know whether to feel proud or embarrassed because I may have sounded crazy. It turns out that Mr. Cook had a history of molestation but had been hired as a counselor anyway. The staff had known he had problems. Everyone authority, all in control had known and though sometimes I wondered when the trial would be…there was also a nagging feeling that nothing would be done. I go to English class and sit in the far right row of Mr. Costello’s room. I take some cocaine out of my bag and look at it. I realize I should hide it somehow because someone is suspicious. I have an empty container made of plastic with cupcake holders. It’s cheap, like something you’d get out of a vending machine but it holds 12 cakes. The container is covered in plastic. I put the cocaine into one of the holders and think that I’ll just tell people it’s sugar…I’m a little concerned about this plan as someone may want to taste sugar. Peter comes up to me and finds out that it’s cocaine. He wants some. But, I’m more concerned about Mr. Costello who seems to strongly suspect I have cocaine. A black classmate of mine has lost my camera. I am very mad and tell her that she must find it. I have difficulty coming up with insults…they’re mostly along the lines of, “if you don’t find my camera, I’ll…kill you.” I turn to see that Cos has picked up the container. Peter and I are very, very worried. I try to come up and take it from him but he is calm. Costello suddenly has a white, plastic spoon and takes a spoonful of crack into his mouth. Peter and I are shocked and deathly afraid. But, Costello looks pleased. He tells us in more or less words that he’s cool and that in his youth he’s done plenty of drugs. He is glad that we were able to allow him to relive his past somewhat and won’t tell on us. 7-4-04 Mars is living in a small apartment…like a motel. His mother is in a nearby room but is really gorgeous. I’m doing errands for her and I always do them well so she likes me. Mars has a killer web site but then I realize that I’m looking at ebaumsworld.com. The art is amazing and I’m relieved because my art would be crap to him if he was that good. Hannah has to call Mars’ mom but I do and I call a lot. When I leave the room, Hannah or Mars tell me that they counted seven phone calls. Mars has video of me being really cute and sometimes naked. 7-5-04 I’m a white tiger and I have to escape from this science complex with my friends, who are human. We have to kill people. I’m in a scary cavern and with a lot of people. We’re set up in teams and there’s a hiking portion in which teams choose two members to go through the caverns. I’m chosen and partnered with a girl who hiked Fuji once. I tell her I climbed Fuji twice. We go in but I suddenly can’t find her so a man in a kkk outfit becomes my partner. Earlier, he had picked me up and given me a peck on the cheek. I call nikk’s house and a girl answers the phone. She tells me an elaborate story about people and a journey or something and it goes along perfectly with flowers that are on my blanket. Later, nikk and the kidd and some other guy are all half naked and we’re in bed together. We’re going to have some kind of kama sutra sex or something. 7-6-04 I’m a white tiger in some kind of science complex. I have to escape with this group of humans. I think I maul a few people 7-7-04 ashley and I travel to this big house. There’s a posh party going on downstairs. She’s a little mad at me because I haven’t called and stuff. But, she opens a suitcase and it’s filled with cocaine. It’s for me. 7-8-04 I have sex with a tiger man. 11-29-04 my piercings are gross and pus-y. 11-30-04 I'm talking with Jeff, or reading in his presence when I start speaking with an English accent. I'm very stunned and soon stop, trying to ignore the strangeness. There is a metal cylinder with screws all over it. The screws turn into eyes and it has mouths. I only speak to one if its flat faces. It tells me, “They just want you to be happy.” And these words echo with evil intent. The cylinder is my friend, he’s just mimicking what others have said so that I realize how malicious those who say kind things to me are. 12-1-04 I'm in a school classroom, much like my English class at Zama American High School. Travis, Spadaro, and Mikey are there. I'm so happy that Trav and Mikey are there. We go and do stretches around the perimeter of the classroom. Nick is at the far end of the line, closest to the door, next to Travis. I stand between them and talk to Trav. Then, I push him around and he asks why I did that, irritated. I'm embarrassed because I was hoping to convey the deep friendship of Trav and I to Nick. I am traveling in a car with an older woman. She’s a business-looking woman in her mid to late twenties. We go to a carnival or something but there is no parking available that isn’t handicapped. But, she parks anyway, gets out of the car, removes a handicapped sign on another parking spot and gets back in with me. We exit the spot and not only go into the other spot, but through it to a grassy area that clears into a dirt parking area. The only exit is the single hole in the fence which we entered through. We’re on a mission or escaping something. My sister is with me and a lot of other people. She and I are in the back of a car and I look at her, thinking that she looks more Asian than usual and…that isn’t normal. She casually avoids my staring by turning her head. I'm in a strange, white room with very angular architecture. It’s a dorm room and Breanna is there. She looks at me and she has a secret to tell me about. I kind of know it’s going to be about a horrible experience she had. She talks about a car accident. I say, “Like, a silver Porsche?” And she says, “Yes, like that,” she says it like it isn’t really a silver Porsche, but she just wants to tell the story. Lindsay comes in and is in the bathroom or looking a closet. I close the doors on her and look to my sister, who is sitting on bed for approval. She says, “That’s fine.” Someone gives me a bottle of alcohol and I pull open another closet’s doors. There is a shelf where I keep my alcohol, the wood is a triangle shape, connecting to two walls. But, the center dips angularly so there is a slope. I add the whiskey bottle to my collection, I think that there is a bottle of Kahlua and what would have been a strawberry daiquiri, but I couldn’t recall the word precisely in my dream, so the bottle read, “Strawberry Dakilala.” It slides to the center. Jeff is there and we are in a large sewer type of area where there are people after us, maybe monsters, we aren’t very scared, we’re thinking very straight and tactfully. Later we are laying down and I have very long hair. I'm so pleased that Jeff can see what I look like with long, beautiful hair. ~Breanna got into a car accident yesterday that she didn’t find out about until today in which she was parking or backing out of a spot and hit a white Subaru. I think I forgot to write in this that lucid dream I had in which I walked through the mirror where everything was pink, instead of blue like the other side of the mirror. 12-2-04 My hair is long in the front and I'm looking to the mirror. I move my hands around in my hair, thinking that I want to straighten it since it’s longer. But, then I think, “My hair is short.” And then, feeling the back of my head, find that only the hair in front is long, and only about down to my shoulders. I'm not sure if it will look good, but I decide to straighten it anyway and hope for the best. ~I can’t believe I didn’t realize that this was a dream. I mean, I just had the long hair thing going on in my last dream. Argh. 12-9-04 Grant and Jeff dream pool. I'm in a really nice house, in the living room. I'm sitting next to Grant, and I look at him, feeling guilty for sitting next to him instead of Jeff, who is sitting in another chair. But, it is then that I discover that the relationship that I have with Grant is...really inconsequential because he knows that he has absolutely no control over me. Then, I'm sitting next to Jeff and …..(~I forget) I go outside and there is water everywhere….but mostly shallow puddles here and there and a lot of people playing. Something big and yellow is running out there. 12-10-04 Ashley and some Asian kid at a party of some kind. Mike Taylor may be coming but it’s unlikely. I tell them to call him and tell him that I'm there so he’ll have to come since we haven’t seen each other for years. I'm so pleased that he’ll be seeing me in my beautiful prom dress. They say something about calling Miami. I think, “if mike is living in Miami, there’s no way he’ll make it here.” But then they say, “now he lives in the city.” And I think, “oh, maybe he moved from Miami so it costs to call his old cell phone that’s a Miami area code. I go outside. There is a couple sitting on a row of concrete and they’re smoking. I ask if I could bum one, but the guy refuses. And, I realize that he only lends out to friends he knows. I'm annoyed that he didn’t give me a smoke, but at least I'm not smoking. ~I'm trying to quit smoking. I talked about Mike Taylor the day before. 12-11-04 Really good food- some kind of paddies filled with vegetables and turtle. Restaurant. Getting lost in bathroom and back of 1101. I go to this restaurant with Hannah and Katie and we get those paddies, a soup, and a dessert. It’s so good that I have to get it two more times but I don’t have any money since my ATM card doesn’t work and so I just bum from Katie and Hannah, who are nice enough to lend the cashola to me. I'm alone in the first floor of Mercer looking for a bathroom when I discover a very small compartment with a toilet in one stall and a heater in the next stall. There is another room but not enough space to enter it. But, when I try to leave the way I came, it is an entrance into the back of the 1101, but it’s much more spacious. The people who work there smile at me and it makes me wonder if this place is more of a shopping center than a cooking place. It’s so large and full of food, I decide that it’s definitely not a shopping location when there is fish and fruit too close to each other to pass. Jeff is high and we all live in some kind of large roomed house. It’s much like a dorm situation. But, then, a young girl, maybe seven or ten years old, comes up to Jeff and expects him to play with her and take care of her. She has the role akin to a niece. He plays with her and some people ask if she’s his daughter. 12-12-04 A boy is sitting on the edge of a boat with a wolf standing behind him. The wolf is his father. The wolf’s eyes are reflected in the ocean’s water and something says, “It is sad that…” something about the fathering of the child and the loneliness of the wolf. Later, a man in blue is fucking a white wolf. This is a different wolf and it’s male. Later, he is fucked by the wolf. I remember a movie that I saw in which, on the cover, there was a wolf positioned right in front of the crotch of the man and I wasn’t sure if they were trying to make it look like they were copulating or not. Now I knew. Another location: I somehow befriend a wolf. The scene of the boy and the wolf in the water and the voice repeat and this is the memory of the man. He suddenly recalls that he is the son of a white wolf. There is a particular pack of wolves that is made up of only black and white wolves. He brings them into his castle, his lair, and pets a black one. There is something ominous about all of this, like the wolves are beginning to take over. I am sitting in a grand chair next to the man, petting my brown and black spotted dog-like wolf. | I look into the mirror and I have blonde hair. I change my hair color at will from blondes to browns but for some reason, am unable to become lucid and only wish for the ability to change the length of my hair. I see some kind of home movie or something in which I'm in a bathing suit and my father is videotaping me moving some kind of symbols about. When I watch it, I rewind it and see that I have markings, scratches, etc, that I have presently that couldn’t have lasted so long. There are women in a bath house from all over the world. One is a little buff and she is a wrestler. She speaks about how she really isn’t here for the purpose, but can’t wait to return to her high school in order to continue wrestling. But, when I enter, I seem to have a reputation or history with these people and they become very jealous of me and suddenly care about the purpose (~whatever that is) and wish to beat me. I am at a large pool, above-ground pool standing on the edge with a friend. There are two boys outside and their mother, whose pool this is, who shouts, “I'd prefer if you wouldn’t stand on the edge…the higher you are, the deeper you’ll fall.” And so I jump in, and it is high so I fall deeply, much deeper than I imagined I would. I make it to the bottom and the thought of drowning crosses my mind for I am below for so long. But, when I am out of breath, I simply breathe in the water and was alright. The two boys come in and one of them starts playing games or making out or having sex with my friend. The other boy comes to me and starts to finger me. But, when he does, he pulls out of me a large, bloody mess of fabric. He starts to insult me and I feel small but then he says that he was just joking and is really much more mature than that. He gives me a blanket to cover it up and go to the bathroom with in order to throw the mess away. I'm so embarrassed and relieved all in one. I'm walking down a hall and someone says, “Hey, Tracey, what happened to your toe?” and I respond, “Um, infected.” ~In the first dream, the memory of the videotape was conjured by my dream. No such videotape has ever been seen by me. 12-13-04 Dad wants to go fishing. He’s had these urges before, four times before. Each other time we hadn’t caught anything but this time, he’s sure that we will. My sister has written something on a piece of paper. We are in the woods, in a clearing surrounded by giant trees. I wonder why we are sleeping here when we should be fishing. My sister shows me her paper. She had written, “Undergo” or some word that began with a “U,” but it had been changed to spell, “cultist” with a “C” and “U” written in red and some other letters manipulated slightly in red. I accuse her of being some kind of cultist, at this point, I look around and ask her, “Which tree will fall on us?” My sister and I move a few feet because I think she knows that a tree will fall on us and kill us. I'm still looking around, paranoid and looking at the trees, I can see two little lights on each tree, moving around together. The trees are looking at us. The trees are staring. “Make them stop looking at us,” I tell my sister, but she has no control, she doesn’t know what is going on, “Make them stop looking at us,” I say. I'm in a building with Ron and some other people. We are going mad, being challenged by some kind of evil force. Ron and the others think that I’ve been contaminated or am possessed or a spy. I fight Ron and eventually run away but am stopped by a woman who tries to rape me in a small room. I'm scared and I'm claustrophobic. I escape her and run out a door. I'm shocked to find that it was the exit and the Navy Lodge is just outside of it. I run into the Lodge and there is the woman who tried to rape me in the scary Mercer-like building. She’s Asian, with her hair done up in two giant loops, one on either side of her head. She’s wearing green and loop earrings. I have a feeling that without me, my group who betrayed me inside the building is not faring well. I feel they are dying…being possessed….or tortured. I go under a pool table with the girl, who seems to morph back and forth between the hot Asian girl she is and a black man, and we have sex in order to reinact what happened inside or show that we are totally different people outside of that evil place. ~I'm kind of concerned about the lack of lucid dreamage. I mean, when I record dreams for consecutive days, I usually become lucid within three or four days. But, I haven’t been using my techniques, been a little distracted… 1-23-05 In Drama class, we are sitting in a circle and Lee is telling us about how, since we don’t have much time to perform all of the class’s monologues, that, instead, we will perform one and read two other ones. I am appalled, sickened. She is wasting so much time. I think that Paul goes before me and I am next. Lee looks to me and asks something like, “Well, would you like to go now? Do your monologue and read?” And I respond with something akin to, “Fuck no.” I think that this is such a waste of time and that it is utterly illogical. 1-24-05 Pop tarts are in this dream. We are at some kind of military facility and we are all given half of a poptart. My sister has married a man in Korea who is part of a gang called, “Deitek.” You can tell who they are by the symbols on their cars. A “D” With two vertical lines instead of one. We go looking for him and he lives in a small apartment. We go to the store where my sister picks up a fur coat that he bought her. I buy hair dye. He wants to kill me. I turn into kimberlee but make myself turn back. I look beautiful with silvery hair and blonde hair. Luke is there and he is sick, he asks if I'd like a computer. 1-25-05 I am at school. Jackie has decided to go to UW as well. We sit, eating food and cracking witty jokes with each other. I enter my room and it’s completely clean except that most things are in the closet. When I ask who did it, Breanna tells me that it was Mars. I'm shocked and pleased but a little embarrassed. Later, when I enter my room again, Ashley is my roommate but she isn’t there. Instead, there are three girls, including Monica, sitting around and around are little things of theirs. I tell them I'm trying to keep it clean and then decide to go through a few doors. There are three in my room on the other end of the entrance. They are doors to sex rooms of all females. The first is tame, the next medium, the third, which I enter, is the raunchiest. I meet a girl in the limbo that exists on the way to the door. She likes me. LUCID I am in the library or main lobby of a huge building at the university. This is when I realize that I am dreaming and am, quite excited. I try to think of what I want to do when I remember that I want to have a shared lucid dream with Paul. So, I yell out, “Paul, Paul, Paul!” He is suddenly there, but his beard isn’t. I'm kind of disappointed that his beard is gone. I spin a little to focus. I want to talk with him and hang out, but I realize that Jeff will be coming in and waking me up soon…and he does. ~I love yelling in dreams, it’s so liberating. 1-28-05 I am an older man and climbing a drain thing on the side of an apartment building. There is a black family in the window and a boy comes out of the window. He’s falling, I try to save his life, but cannot and he falls. But, then, he turns green and disappears. It turns out he was some kind of genie or prophet or something checking my worth. Since I tried to save him, I would be able to play a game or have him as my genie or something. Either way, a game begins and I must hold onto a vine coming from a pine tree while the world spins and everyone else falls off. When it stops moving, I go outside and there are people but I try to pretend that they aren’t there because I have to immerse myself into the mindset of the game for it to be enjoyed or experienced or something. Nightmare. Man throwing babies on the sidewalk to give me a hard time. I can’t save them all 1-29-04 Dream with Paul again. We are in a large library of some sort and talking. We talk and he says something about how I have to decide whether or not we are going to be try to take things further between the two of us or not because on some roads there is no turning back. Something along these lines but more subdued, subtle. 1-30-04 I am going, driving somewhere maybe. I realize that I have to turn around but instead of taking the first exit, I decide to take the second one and suddenly I'm on foot with a bunch of other people. They seem kind of dead, the ground is muddy and bubbling. I am with someone, but I'm not sure who it is, maybe it’s my sister. We are in this very low-key hospital. It takes your dead body and makes you into an android. There are androids walking around of different capabilities…some are very realistic while others are minimal and some people there are just clients. I think that I must save my money, become a millionaire so that I can have this done. There is also a plastic surgery type of thing. You can take pieces of people from magazines. The lady who worked there showed my sister and I some of the things that people came up with. The magazines were collages of beautiful peoples faces. But, one person had taken a magazine and made all the mouths go away on these two beautiful models. The woman commented on this, saying how good it was. She puts it through a machine and a beautiful man and woman photo come out. The one of the man is very stylistic in browns and oranges and below is written, “Hot Guy”. The woman is a bunch of different flesh tones and is quite pleasing. The woman says to someone going in, “It’ll be fifty minutes,” she means of surgery. She says to us, “It’s all very extreme surgery.” I ask if it’s like Extreme Makeover. I ask if it’s like after you die, you as an android continue, with a personality and thoughts. She replies, “No, it’s not like that.” But doesn’t elaborate. I suddenly have second thoughts about the procedure. ~Had another dream before this…can’t remember it. Damnit. 2-1-05 I am with Paul. We go to this big castle, which is Diana and Yellowore's place. We end up making out but he totally rejects me. He tells me that he really wanted something platonic and that it was totally immoral of me and, he apparently doesn't want to be freinds anymore. I feel so bad, I tell him that I'm sorry I've just had such a huge crush on him and he says, "I know you do, it's really been bothering me, I've been trying to ignore it." I totally screwed up. In the backyard, there are many birds, including Starlings. I tell Diana that if ever her chicks needs a home, I'll be there. Paul fakes his own death. I make out with Jackie because I'm lonely. She is beautiful and wonderful. Paul leaves for home in running pants. They make a memorial to him with one of his shoes at Diana's. *evening nap Jeff and I are at some kind of relationship improvement resort. It's in a huge building and the lady organizing it yells, "Okay, I want you and your partner to think of something abstract....write it down, yeah, write it down!" There is a computer, someone with a wheelchair. Later, I am lying down on the bed telling Jeff about my dream while he is drinking form this orange and yellow pouch, that looks like it's made of foam, with a straw, and I'm drinking the ginger ale that he got me. ~I woke up a little while Jeff was answering and talking on the phone to his friend, Chris, about Chris' computer troubles. I woke up when Jeff put the can of ginger ale on my stomach and then I told him about the dream. 2-2-05 Betta fish swim on a shallow shore. I’m choosing them with a test tube. Ron has gotten a cat but it was a bad choice. 2-3-05 A man and a woman are following me kind of. I am traveling and smoking and need to get out of this territory. i smoke with the guards but my cig messes up and i get another one. Outside, I find my car, the Subaru, but the man and woman tell me to give them the keys. ~At that point, i begin to wake up a little bit, I make sure that I intend on beating them up so that if i fall back into the dream, i will. My family takes me to the mall. I'm searching for pet bird things. I find a cool cage but it’s 70,000 yen and I think that that is a bit much. When I meet up with my family again, they’ve bought me everything already though the cage is a little small. they got me a pet canary. Griff is my yellow pet canary or something. he smokes. my mom and dad got him all sorts of stuff at the mall. When we bring him home, i ask him to come and sit on my arm, but he says, "Maybe later." I'm disappointed to have a human for a pet and feel it won't work out so wonderfully. 2-4-05 Marilyn Monroe is driving and needs a great number of animals to do a shoot of some kind. there are a few other people...a man who thinks he knows everything. He wants Monroe to go in the car with five great Danes. i try to suggest to Monroe driving with the smaller dogs, due to the loud barks of the Danes but then realize that the high-pitched voices may be worse. We’re suddenly driving next to each other slowly down a highway. there is a song that corresponds to the situations but then I wonder if it's really some other lyrics which would mean our trip would be long. 2-5-05 Jennifer from cast wants to make out with me we are in a pool and swimming from one end to the other Fingering a princess. She says no because she's still a virgin large insects, my sister and i living together. Parents visiting but porn on the TV, the emperor wants me to make him a sculpture out of artifacts. I break a man's crafted little house and it's very expensive but i decide to use this wood for the sculpture 2-8-05 Paul reciprocates my flirting. Jeff sees us. Paul has his arm around me. I see Jeff going down in an elevator. I’m in the classroom of my English class but my sociology teacher is teaching it. For some reason, I’m attracted to him and when an older man comes near me, i think that it may be him. But, it's not...it's some weird other guy who takes off on of my head phones and strokes and plays with my hair. He tells me how soft it is and i feel uncomfortable. LUCID I’m walking and talking with Jackie in a house when i realize that i am dreaming. I’m excited and want to have sex with her, but then she turns into a man and it's not so interesting. a blonde man with blue eyes. We sit in a chair together, kind of having sex. But I’m bored. 2-13-05 that bathroom dream 2-14-05 I'm in bed with Jeff Echert and Sean Nelson's imagined younger brother. The younger brother talks about how he's never touched a woman's breasts so I take his hands and put them on my chest. He starts fondling me hardcore. I'm jacking Jeff off in bed when I hear a noise from downstairs. It’s porn that I thought I had deleted from my computer. Sitting on the floor is Justin, masturbating to some porn, trying to find something decent. I'm embarrassed but he doesn't seem to care. My hand is covered in cum. There is a girl sitting in Breanna's desk chair. She looks like a doll or a zombie, she is motionless, and she’s with Justin. I'm part of an excursion group of some sort. We go around studying animals and stuff. We find a particularly strange animal and I am told to hold its mouth shut and press in-between its eyes so that it doesn't move. At first it looks very bird-like and perhaps fierce. But, it starts to look like dino. It's red and smooth. I have to keep on pressing, and I press hard. But, the animal furrows its brows, it is in a lot of pain because of the pressure. I tell the leader that I don't want to hurt the animal but she tells me to just keep pressing. It looks so sad and it's suffering, so I refuse to continue and leave or something. ~During the first dream, Jeff was fondling me in real life. 2-15-05 Two-toned cats in the Japanese garden, half tabby, half black. 2-16-05 The mall. Looking for hot topic for some reason. I have a piercing on my hand below my knuckle. I think Jackie and Mars are there… 2-17-05 LUCID Lucid dream. I'm walking with Jackie, I think, when suddenly I'm all like, “I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming!” And just bounce around before I lose it. 2-22-05 I am at a party of some sort in the woods. There are many people invited. After the party, I am riding a jeep that’s like a horse down a hill, I fear I may fall. But, I make it down to find three pieces of dirty luggage. I'm looking for Jackie’s Prismacolor pencils. They are in the last case that I look in. there is someone there, next to the luggage, something either threatening or scared of something that’s coming for us. I have sex with Stewart Patrick. He’s my step dad but my step dad committed suicide a few days ago and this is actually an android or a hologram. I am the only one who seems to know or care. He is going to leave us soon to die and become a tree. I want to have a way to know which tree he is so that I can take care of him. He is rugged looking and very buff. I like him much better than in his shows. I begin to think maybe the shows aren’t that bad. I'm lying in his bed and my mother walks in, at which point I get up and go to the bathroom. My step dad android is shaving his back and chest, he’s really hairy. Underneath this thick black hair, there is a giant tattoo of a serpent. I tell him how much I like it. 3-1-05 My father is dead. I am traveling with a few girls. There is something magical about them and they don’t really, really accept me. They want me to go and count the steps back to my home because the last girl that did it made an error. I suspect it’s just a way to get me to go back home and stay. We get to my house and I’ve counted the step, about. My mother is home and strange. On the computer, I see that my father was dead, was brought back to life by that electro thing, died again, but is now awake on life support. 3-7-05 My father got me a horse. I open the door to a room with a coach in it, horse piss on the black floor and a white horse with a unicorn’s horn. I tell my dad that I was hoping for a black one or an appaloosa or something. I seriously consider owning horses throughout my life. I pet the horse. At one point, I fear it may bite me. There is a girl named Laura in my dream who is a lot like Sara from my Bio A class. She’s going out of the country and I consider going with her but decide against it. Later, I see two country horses are for sale. They are smaller and when I see them they are saddled and have riders. They are brown and muddled in color. I decide that I should just start out with one horse and I wouldn’t want to separate the male/female horse couple. I am sitting in the back seat of a car with the horse and I tell it that it’s horn is just adhered to it’s forehead. And, it looks a bit off. Later, the horse becomes a dog and it runs around playfully but we want it back. While my father and I are trying to get the dog, Laura mouths to me, “Yeah, Oooh, jizz all over me, I love it!” This makes me laugh. She says something about jizz to my father and he wigs out, angry at her for being so crude and at me for having friends like her. (*it could have been at this point that the dog runs off.) I yell out to the dog, “Lau---Bob, Dog! Dog! Dog! Dog!” I feel horrible for kind of wanting to name the dog “Laura.” My father gets the dog and reprimands it but then, I tell him, “If you’re the aggressor, when you’re gone, he won’t listen to me.” 3-9-05 LUCID I am in darkness, it’s kind of swirling, and I am lucid. I decide that I may as well call Paul in since I’ve been saying I'd try. I call him out, but no one comes to me in the smoky, liquid swirling blackness. I am bleeding profusely. Blood and water. It’s to the point where it’s running down my pants and getting on my boots and I leave bloody footprints wherever I go. I go to the female dorm bathroom and in the hallway, I see Jeff sitting through the open door. ~During a twenty minute nap after receiving no more than four hours of sleep within the last 24-34 hours. 3-10-05 I'm supposed to get to these people. there is a boy and a girl driving a car down the Mukilteo speedway towards the ferry. I jump into their backseat when they are stopped or slowed. they don’t notice me for a little bit. the cops are after us. there are ambulances and fire engines and police cars but they take a left somewhere behind us and we are relieved. then, we realize that they are still on us and that was just a diversion. so, I tell them to park and just walk away from the car, like it isn’t ours. so, we do that but then these cops walking catch up to us and ask us questions. we feel like we’re doomed. but the girl lies to the policeman really, really well. I am all over the boy. our arms linked, it’s kind of an act but when the cop leaves, we are reluctant to lose our closeness. the girl is jealous. On campus, I'm walking around and end up at this Asian girl’s house. She gives me a whole lot of birthday presents. mostly toys like pink elephants and blue things and all sorts of little knick knack toys. I'm starting to get the feeling that she’s just trying to get rid of stuff. she gives me so much and I act appreciative but the truth is, I have no idea who this girl is. I’ve never seen her before. When I get back, I see someone, perhaps Jeff, and tell him about it. I'm really good at flirting. Erin and Celine want me to flirt with this one white guy. he’s standing behind this stand selling some trinkets. the black guy from the first floor of mercer is there. I'm unsure about my flirting abilities but I don’t really care what happens so I just go. “Aries with Scorpio rising” I say to the black guy. he smiles and shakes my hand, and inquires how I knew. I turn to the white guy and, having no idea, I just say, um, “scorpio!” he says that he’s really a pisces and I say that I am too and we shake hands. his handshake is strange he holds my hand, then on the let-go, he squeezes my hand at increments of an inch until my hand is out of his. Celine and Erin are really impressed and invite me to some kind of get together or party or something. I'm trying to get to Kane. I'm wondering how to get there when I realize that I'm in Odegaard. So, trying to leave the building when I see this big buffet restaurant at the exit of the building. I'm looking at all the food when CJ, the drama TA, grabs my industrial piercing with chopsticks and won’t let go. He’s twisting them up and he’s wearing makeup. I try to stay cool and do something or say something threatening that makes him stop. I get some food and hear Professor Lewell, who is sitting at a table with her food say that all of her knowledge from her studies in relation to Shakespeare is in the sausages. I definitely grab a sausage. | Trying to escape Odegaard and get to Kane, I think. I am with Jackie and Paul is also there, directing us on how to get out. He gives us written directions and promises to meet us later because he decides to go through the kitchen. the directions lead us down a hallways and to the left, where there are two elevators, we read Paul’s directions and they say that this elevator is, “an elevator that goes to 7, sometimes.” so we continue and take another left into another hallway. 3-11-05 we have a dog and there is a little blue trolly car that’s been turned into a restaurant. inside, there are a few men eating some noodles or something. I am walking my dog, trying to get it to heel and one of them men tells me that my methods are faulty and that the dog will never learn. but the dog is excited and anxious to walk. 3-12-05 I must steal a special key from my mother that will turn on the caboose of a train and the front of a train. these pieces are disconnected. I must go in the caboose and the other girl must go in the front of the train and we will travel in different directions in order to search for something or save something. I have a special ring. it’s worn on my middle left finger. I look at the diamond ring on my right middle finger and it is cracked. the special ring has a rounded oval jewel on the top surrounded by two smaller jewels of the same color and shape. it makes me invisible. I am able to search in my mother’s room for the keys. I find the wrong keys. the key is in my mother’s jewelry box which I notice is strange, as in reality, it has two drawers and a top thing while this one had two large drawers with locks. eventually she comes in and finds the key, which looks like an old Asian artifact made of black stone and intricately decorated. we go in our trains. there are spirits or gods about. I travel with spirits. they are beautiful women. we try to lure a goddess down by dismembering one of our friends. the goddess comes down, pieces the girl back together, brings her life….but then reconsiders and kills her. I am hiding in a corner alley in the city, afraid to move because I'll be discovered by something evil. I think there’s someone entering but it’s just a Korean schoolboy. later, I'm in a dirt field where one of my spirit friends is being beaten by three evil guys. 4-2-05 lucid rummaging through some stuff below the bed I realize I'm dreaming face paul car paul turns into me try to turn him back sex man sex with paul paul sex with me not getting off room porn jeff dog father amy dog changes porn to child site I turn off monitor guitar is hit and sound resonates trhough guitar and chest of drawers can’t stop it LUCID DREAM a hell of a lot of good sex with a lot of mediocre people 4-20-05 car accident, my fault. into a silver/gray truck. my assignment for drama class due today is to take three episodes of the family guy and redub them with new lines. I am peter and the cartoon is like said and believed to be like hamlet. the king, peter, lies about a few things. 5-31-05 I am in the backseat of a car. There are some frogs and I am told that once they jump three times, they are transformed into tadpoles again or very tiny frogs. My section of the backseat is filling with water and fish are appearing. There is a large yellow tang, some fish wish shiny silvery diamond shapes on both sides of their body with neon colors behind, yellow and orange. The tang doesn’t look so good and I begin to fear that all the fish will die because they are tropical salt water fish and the water is fresh water. I am shopping in the fish section for live rock. It comes in little boxes with pictures of different types of coral. But, I begin to think that the pictures only indicate what size of living rock you would like, because the pictures are different than what is inside the box. Scooby, the cat, looks like he has a black-haired wig on him and doesn’t come too close, he’s on his way elsewhere. 6-5-05 LUCID I'm in a place that’s like Red Square on campus. I'm excited that I'm having a lucid dream but this one has a lot more internal thought and control in that arena that control in the dream. I don’t want to be bored and I want to do and see beautiful things. I think I try to have sex with someone and there may be someone that is a threatening presence. But, when they are talking to me, I simply say what I want them to say and they repeat it and go away. I try to will a dragon to come so I can ride it away to another location since this one is dark and dreary. A seven-headed green quadruped behemoth comes out from behind a building and it reminds me of all those pictures I was looking at with the religious reference to the seven-headed, crowned and horned head of a dragon or something. I don’t recall actually riding it but I do remember trying to fly away. I was having difficulty there, too, because I kept on floating back down, as if I were taking giant jumps on the moon. Later, I tried to call in another dragon but this one was gigantic and bipedal, pink and pixel-y, with a giant egg-shaped belly. Spadaro dream again. He is mostly pink and is intentionally being aloof towards me. 7-1-05 at the mall with my sister. a picture of us is taken by someone who works at a posh store. they like my sister but not me and take the picture a little too early, before I am ready but the lady comments on the beauty of my sister’s smile. the picture is simply a large black sheet 6x6, with a red dot in one corner that is pushed to take the photo. I go to a different store where this guy I had sex with is. he is in the little kid’s class at the mall. I go into another store and there is aleta, who isn’t really aleta, but a girl from middle school who was really nerdy, and she’s changed. her hair is very cool and she’s got a hat on. we notice each other but, because we weren’t friends back then, we don’t talk to each other. she’s wearing a white t-shirt and is very thin she has jeans on. I finally decide to approach her. she’s cool and her sweater says she’s a lesbian. we are in a store where there are rows of shelves and she goes to another. she’s left her peach smoothie and so I go into the next row but she isn’t there, but a boy is, I ask him if the smoothie is his, and he says something but he takes it. later, we are all sitting at a table, the boy with the smoothie, aleta, and someone else or maybe just us three. I say that when I saw aleta and her hair, I was like, damn! and then the boy with the smoothie, who is kind of like her boyfriend, says that I'm making aleta get the hots for me. 7-5-05 During Nap with Jeff LUCID DREAM I am at John and Hannah’s house and I have just smoked a large amount of pot, which is why, I surmise, I cannot remember how in the world I ended up being at their house. Jackie is there with someone who looks kind of like Richard. They are snuggling, I come in for closer inspection and the man turns into Mars, which is still curious but more acceptable than Richard. Christian is there and does something weird with his hands, then I realize that I am dreaming. I am then in a small circular pool that has a current. It’s got an island in the middle so, indeed, it’s a ring of a pool. Somehow, my tank spills into the pool and I try to retrieve my shrimp, which is the only creature that seemed to be in it. I begin to worry because the pool probably has chlorine, the wrong pH, is too cold, and/or is too salty or not salty enough. I then realize that I don’t have to worry because that shrimp is not really my shrimp, and this could have been the point where I realized that I wasn’t dreaming. I look over at the tank which is perfectly secure on the island and think, “There’s my real shrimp.” Then, Jackie and I are on a bus. I am talking to her, trying to tell her that we’re having a lucid dream. I ask her what she thinks about it, and she responds with something like, “I think it’s very cotour.” I am trying to confirm whether or not this is Jackie and whether or not she is lucid. I realize that this probably isn’t. The bus stops and she’s going to get off, I don’t really want her to go, but knowing this probably isn’t really Jackie anyway, I let her go without argument. Then, the bus continues along and I suddenly tell it to stop, which it does, but I’ve told it to stop too soon, just outside a tunnel, when I wanted it to let me off just outside the tunnel. It won’t move, and the tunnel is only about two feet deep, so I decide that I'll just get off here and walk through. I am suddenly somewhere and trying to fly into space. At first, I am having a lot of difficulty, but then, I try to swim through the air, which works quite well for some time. I am quite high up and when I look down, the world is laid out like a map with little decals and images but the continents are in the wrong places. I want to go higher and I also want to be riding something so a giant wolf-like dragon, golden in color, nears. I mount and we ride, though we are beginning to fall. Suddenly, a green version of the animal I am riding is flying above us and for some reason, seeing something else flying above makes it much easier for me to fly. I am grasping onto the hair of the animal when suddenly, very suddenly, I am sitting on my bed, in my room, holding onto a small brown horse stuffed animal with hair on all its ankles except for the front right one. It was a very, very strange and abrupt transition. Lying in the bed asleep is Jeff. I turn him over and inspect his penis, which is very, very small. But, I think it will suit me well, for I'll just put it up my ass. So, I begin to suck on it but it grows to quite a large size so I put it in my pussy instead. Though somewhat disappointed, I am not deterred. I begin riding him, while he is still quite asleep, and masturbating. I soon awake, before I am able to come. ~Not exactly sure of the order of the circular pool and bus experience. This was a wonderful lucid dream. Very vibrant and with many varying environments. Too many times have I had lucid dreams where I was stuck in a dark and dreary, boring place. In this one, I had no control of the quick transitions and these quick transitions didn’t seem to have any effects on the quality, length, or control of my lucidity. What woke me was Jeff, he had woken. 7-9-05 I'm taking a class taught by Apnea. I'm such a huge fan, I don’t want to seem stupid. She explains that she is not a qualified doctor or teacher. She seems to take a special interest in me. The house where the students live and where the classes take place is all in a Japanese style, with paper doors and lots of tatami mats. She stands on a coffee table when she teaches and I cannot believe how beautiful she is in person. She seems to take pleasure in teasing some of us and she takes me to her room, where we lay on the floor underneath a blanket together. We kiss and my hands start to roam her body. She has a penis and it’s hard. This doesn’t at all seem strange to me. I start jacking her off and soon start to suck her off. This scene is cut off. I am invited or find myself at Lithium Picnic’s home. It’s mostly a black and dark place, with lots of black wood in Japanese style, contrasting the light brown wood found at Apnea’s current residence. He is wearing his sunglasses and I wish that he wasn’t because I want to see what he looks like on a daily basis. He’s not the most physically attractive man. I think about his lack of eyebrows. We are in the back talking about some relationship issues he is having with Apnea. I know I am in the presence of genius, trusting me with information…this is unbelievable. But, I'm pretty sure that Apnea can hear us, as where we are talking is right next to the open kitchen window where Apnea is standing with a few students. I'm kind of hoping somewhere that they break up and Apnea and I start dating. I kind of want to let the other students know of my personal relationship with Apnea and Lithium. Later, when I am talking with Apnea, she humiliates me, makes me feel ashamed, by telling me that I went way too fast when I was alone with her. We had barely begun to make out when I started grabbing at her. I try to explain myself, how I'm in such awe of her, how I couldn’t control myself, but that was my only chance. Much later, maybe in another dream, I have gone on some kind of trip. I have the Subaru and Jeff’s Van. I’ve used his van to haul things in an attached cart before, and the Subaru won’t start, so I want to attach the Subaru to the Van. I seem to do this with some difficulty and choppy recollection, and end up at a gas station. Then, the Volvo is also there and I am concerned about what my parents are going to be getting around with. I have accidentally run over one of the carts that I need with the Volvo, so I drive back over it and it’s a big mangled, but it could still work. I'm having major difficulty with the Subaru and getting it to attach to the van and I wonder if this is going to work at all. I also fear I may have dented the Subaru with the Volvo. I realize that I have to get into the Subaru but can’t because I don’t have the keys. I must have the keys to get in and realign the cars so I can attach them. But, then I realize that the trunk is open and I crawl in and unlock the doors. Then I realize, this doesn’t help me because I don’t have the keys to start the engine. I suddenly ponder, “Isn’t the engine of the Subaru busted? Isn’t THAT the reason why I can’t drive it?” But, I rationalize and think that, well, I can’t drive two cars, so I have to attach them. And I wouldn’t want to have to drive all the way to wherever and back to get the other car. Then, this is a 7-11, by the way, my parents are coming towards the entrance from the parking lot and see me. We talk for a little while and I am concerned about them seeing my piercing. In my dream, I recollect it as having been done during the Apnea dream. I did it with a ring of jewelry but had broken it off so it’s just about 2/6 of a circle and inserted it vertically into my gums between my left canine and the next tooth moving toward the middle. Ah, yes, now I remember, I gave it to myself in the Apnea dream and Lithium and other students assured me it was cool. I was concerned, though, about infection, as I did it myself, and holes/scars left over if I wanted to take it out. Anyway, I am walking with my parents in front of the 7-11 and I'm walking away toward the cars when my dad tells me to pick up this nasty, old, gross, big cup of chocolate milkshake somebody littered on the floor. I tell him that I don’t want to, I'm not going to, that’s disgusting. But, my father tells me that there’s a cop nearby and if he sees me near this litter, he’ll give me a ticket whether or not it’s mine. I pick up the cup, milkshake leaks out of it, and I put it in the trash. Just then, a cop drives by with his window down. He’s white, has a large black mustache, is wearing black sunglasses and a hat. I say at a normal volume, “I hate you.” He hears this, looks at me, but continues driving. I continue to walk back to the cars. 7-24-05 at a nighttime carnival I want to go on a scary ride with my friends. suddenly, there is a halfpipe where we are trying to skate and there is a group of female skaters who are very, very talented. one girl in roller skates is balanced in a pole and spins around it a few times. then, we have to leave. something is chasing me and a person that I am with. we make it to the beach. the beach sand is mixed with black or grey grains and gnarled drift wood is everywhere. it looks like the docking point of a ghost ship. my friend shrinks him/herself and goes into a very, very small house/birdhouse thing and so I try to shrink but only get to be about the size of a toddler or so and must become the size of a bug. I'm annoyed that my friend deserted me as such so I look for an alternative method of escape. walking to a cliff, below is the ocean, an old man in robes and with a big white beard, riding a pterodactyl motions to me. he is small too and the maroon pterodactyl is about the size of a large dog. he ride a little bit away and my own dinosaur comes to rescue me. I hop on, though I'm a bit too big, and as we ride away, I know I will shrink myself enough to continue. 7-25-05 am experimenting with meditation & OBE’s. first night of experimentation, tried to meditate and visualize and counted backwards from 300. tried to find “happy place” on beach with Bear. began to experience some dream content but fell asleep. did this twice again after waking. 7-30-05 I want to get tattooed. I get a tattoo of a girl on my stomach with long hair. I kind of want her submerged in water. my parents or someone is disapproving but this tattoo isn’t real and comes off. i go to a parlor where the artists are assholes so I leave and go to another where my old drama ta, Brandon, works. he’s a jerk but he makes a tattoo on my right oblique down to my hip. it’s another girl tat. I have ripped abs. they are very small and seem to move a little too independently. in the mirror, the top left ab looks like a stomach and protrudes out, unattractively. I try to position myself so that this doesn’t happen. 7-31-05 Brandon pats my right thigh. there are three native german speakers, they seem to be teachers. one is leaving so I say something like, “yeah, leave, I don’t ever wanna see you again” the other two ladies are appalled and I say, “yeah, I'm an American brat”

[quillchorus]

~Experimenting with melatonin for the first time (3mg). Jeff bought some for me due to my chronic sleeping issues that have been erupting as of late. I'm also trying to experience an OBE and I think that the melatonin may help. This dream was vivid, but not too disimilar from my typical dreams. I was surprised I didn't catch any of the blatant dream signs and I did feel paranoia upon waking. During the dream, the only strange thing, which made this dream distinct from my norm, was losing the chunks of time...I was almost in a vegatative state at some points in the dream, just zoning on the couch for what were hours and days in my dream. I was living in a house, not unlike my old base house in Atsugi, with the very small kitchen. I was living there with Cassie and two other people...and two cats. We were there for some kind of reality show, but this wasn't very apparent...Cassie helped one of the cats deliver kittens, the mother had a history of sickness, but delivered four just fine. I am in and out of this dream...losing chunks of time and feeling confused. Cassie comes around to the living room holding the kittens, much later, she leaves for a date. I am in the kitchen and there's a box on the counter opposite the stove...I look in the box and am surprised to see four kittens that look...rather funky...large eyes and dog-like skull structure. The father of the cats is standing inbetween me and the box, on the floor, on two legs. He pulls the E.T. head thing and raises it to my level. I realize that everyone wants to eat these kittens for the show. For my show interview, I consider saying, "Hey, I'm Asian, and, well, they're not dogs, but waste not," but realize that the nation may not agree with my sense of humor. I also know that I cannot eat these cats. The father cat and I have a touching moment on the kitchen floor, I'm sitting and he is standing, he holds my hands and we're completely ignored, he kisses my forehead, in this way, imploring me not to kill his children, which, I realize are...not normal cats. I have to save the kittens...everyone is conspiring against me. Much later, a memory is injected into my skull of meeting a version of myself from the future who tells me I have to kill those cats. Someone has let them out of the house. I rationalize that if the future me wants those cats dead, they must be a serious threat and I must kill them. I see myself holding all four kittens against a cutting board, their necks drawn thin and long, and I'm chopping them like green onions at the spaces between vertebrae. But, I don't think I've actually performed the task. I've bought a bunch of yellow M&Ms and dump them into an already half-full plastic pumpkin. Realizing the house still has so many left over from Halloween, I'm embarraseed of buying too many...I hear Cassie at the door, back with her date...I have to hide, so I shrink myself and hide in the pumpkin. I fear of being passed off as an M&M and eaten.

[quillchorus]

*haven't recorded for a bit b/c I've been out of town. I am in a large building--a mall, it seems, walking with a friend. I hear talking behind me...It's Travis and a female friend of his. With bubbling excitement, I jump on him, giving him pecks all over his face and neck. I pay nearly no attention to the girl he is with. I fear I may be being too friendly with Travis for Jeff's liking but Travis was my best friend in Japan, so he'll understand. Then, a few of my friends are gathered, mostly sitting in a circle. Levels increase at one point of the circle, so maybe one person is squatting, next leaning, next standing, next leaning, squatting, sitting, and the rest sitting. Next to me, is Nikk. He looks at me and kisses my cheek. This kiss is so incredibly passionate, loving, and knowing, that when I awaken, I am still filled with its intensity. *the man was Nikk, but that kiss was definitely Jeff's.

[quillchorus]

*w/ melatonin This dream is kind of dark. My mother is cutting fruit and she tells me I must feed some to my sister, eat the smallest share myself, and give some to my cousin, Tangerine. The seed must be given back to her so she can grow something from it. I find it very magical for her. The fruit is called tangerine, but it apparently isn't. She is in the shower. I go into another room and the lights won't turn on. I hear something vibrating and try to find out what it is. I fear getting electrocuted. There is only a sliver of the fruit left, there is no seed, I've eaten some, my sister is in the computer room playing Silent Hunter. I give her her share. Looking on the computer, I see pics of myself with long, pink hair. I dye a streak of my hair pink. Tangerine, my sister and I are in a cave sleeping...the whole house seems part my family's home and part cave. Another dream begins and I am in a spiralling tunnel following a bunch of old people on skates. They are part of a class and are practicing. Down the tunnel we go on skates. At the bottom, I am alone, and one of my shoes is kicked off by mistake and falls through a hole. A plug turns into a shoe and this is when I realize I am dreaming. I begin to run up the spiral, trying to think of what I want to do. When suddenly, I am not so lucid anymore and I am laying in a hospital-like bed next to somebody. Then, a black man with no legs steals my bed. I lay on top of him because I'm not going to give it up. Then, the nurse pulls two beds together and suddenly we are spooning. I become lucid again at this moment and remember, hey, I wanted to use this to have an OBE. I try to leave my body and start using imagery of floating upward. The dream goes black and I can feel my body vibrating, especially in my arm as I begin to leave it. I freak out and return, I'm back in bed in my dream. For some reason, I put his finger in my ass. I think it's because I'm scared and I feel comfort in knowing that in a dream world, nobody cares about anything and nothing bad can happen to me. Then, I get brave again and try to leave my body. I can't get my feet to leave. I return. I try the roll-out method, and my whole body is tingling, but my feet, again, get stuck in my body. This time, when I return, I wake up. ~Holy fuckin' shit, man! That was crazy! My only question was, was it real? Or was it me telling myself it was because I want one so badly that I made it all happen in my lucid dream?

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Ron is at my house. He comes over and my mother isn't very happy about this. In my dream, he comes back to the U.S. every weekend to hang out and goes back to China during the week. I kind of wonder about how that works, as far as timing goes and the length of the plane ride, but I don't dwell on it. I take a shower and dry my hair. I'm trying to get ready, I lotion my face, but I'm taking too long. Erin and I are walking up a hill and for some reason, it's very difficult for me. Cute guys are jogging down and pass us. We slow and jog backwards, turn and follow them a little so they have to pass us again. There is an unidentified male character with us. We are on a bus and are trying to find something--I'm looking for a bathroom. At a restaurant thing, we see Andrew, he is the host or something at the restaurant and we hug then I start humping him and Erin starts getting humped by him. He moves to the corner of the room and tells everyone, who is in a uniform with a black apron, sitting at the booths, that they can't tell anyone about that. They are all very dissapointed. Erin and I get back on the bus and driving by, I see my mother and some other Asian women in black cooking fish and things. They've been here since early morning, I know because I've seen them before. They're some kind of tourist group. I get off the bus and am chatting with my mother, who is using grapes and grape leaves to smoke a fish. She seems distant and doesn't have any friends in the group, which makes me feel guilty. The bus is leaving and I look around for Erin, but she's still on the bus. I'm worried, b/c I don't know where the bus goes or anything.

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*3mg melatonin in a large apartment/gym/studio, I'm in a young girls' dance group. We're all about 16 years old and in old-school burlesque/can-can costumes. The lead girl is in yellow, she's very talented and younger than me, she's Asian. I try to copy her moves and my mother is also there, but, as I see later in the recorded version, I'm way too fast, definitely not in time with the group and my final poses are awkward and too long. The girl in yellow starts a move and I try to copy. She's moving forward, hunching her back round, and looking very strange, when suddenly, she begins moving on the very tips of her toes, a move, that I cannot perform. I'm embarrased. I'm with my sister and we have to solve a mystery. We are in a strange house and are shown pieces of the past. A young boy was killed, about 6 years old, but he looks like he's 4. There is a woman, his caretaker, who looks like a scary Frida Kahlo. We see him again, but in present, he is wearing a skeleton costume and he has no eyes. His face is all black and white with skull paint. We know it's him but the ages are off...we know he's he one we have to save. I am always only halfway there, like I'm a ghost watching these scenarios. The caretaker sees me in a small corridor, she lashes out but from behind her, an axe falls on her head and chops her skull into quarters. It's the caretaker's twin sister, who had been locked in the attic. Inside the broken brain, is a shiny piece of metal. I pick it up, it's silver with a small green jewel and, with my sister, put it on a slowly spinning fan below the floor that will take it down a series of holes and free the spirit of the boy. We also saves two ghosts who needed sandwiches. I have to fill my backpack before we leave, it's taking me forever. My sister, who may have turned into Jackie, has left me. I turn and see there's a man with a little girl (maybe 10-12) in a red dress. He knows that my sister has left me alone and he's going to kidnap me.

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johnny depp is my master. i am a slave. i never know if he is going to kill me or help me to escape. eventually, him, or perhaps other people help me escape via a roller coaster. The man behind the roller coaster gives me a white ticket/reciept, he tells me to wave it to the woman in the glass box, above the coaster, she turns and acknowledges it. If I hadn't done this, I would have been shot. It's like a vacation ticket, but I'm running away. he tells me i will probably be landing in san fransisco. I am very excited about this. I end up in the desert, barefoot, with only two purse-fuls of personal affects. I have my cell phone, but it is in my other luggage, which wasn't dropped off for me, and I must simply leave behind. I start walking. The dirt is dusty and blows around low on the ground, there are bones in the dirt and I realize I must simply get used to my new life. Even though it sucks now, it's freedom. I reach a bridge, and across the water is Seattle. I'm annoyed that I'm not in San Fransisco, I feel as if now, I'll be going to spend time at friends' houses, my parent's place...something of the like, instead of starting a new life all by myself. The bridge ends in an airport where I see a huge woman walking with a thin man, she has a pinched face. I complain about being in Seattle, and then when she thinks I'm a complainer, I say, well, because I expected to be in San Fransisco, in a joking manner, and she smiles. My mind is preoccupied by thoughts of the cell phone battery and recharger.

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i woke up laughing for some reason... i'm on a battlefield. a young girl has a heavily beaded bag hanging from her shoulder. this bag is called "the emblem" and it gives her control over various beasts, known as the "doppelgangers". these animals have god-like powers. i know that this girl is going to start a huge battle. one of the beasts, in the form of a unicorn, comes to me. i hold him close to me, knowing that he's about to change into something horrendous and powerful, he whispers in my ear, "i don't want to go to war." it is then that i stab him, and hold him tightly until he stops moving. i'm in some strange woods. there are colorful, organic growths everywhere, and i'm sitting in my sister's lap. she grabs my left breast and yells at me about my piercings. i try to get away. finally, i do, but when i look down, i see a ball from my nipple is gone and, in my mouth, one of my tongue piercings is also missing a ball. i look down, and find some barbells, but when i take the balls off, little pieces of screws and things fall out, making the ball useless. even when i assemble these things together, there is something in my way. elliot sees me and i give him a peck and he returns this gesture with passionate kisses on my face and neck. the scenery is amazing. there is a waterfull surrounded by a grassy hill. the hill is topped with some kind of small building, maybe a bathroom or giftshop. below is a lagoon. tony is on the water. i realize i'm supposed to meet him. i chase tony around, trying to catch up with him on the water. we're both just running on the water, and suddenly my cell phone rings. it's nikk. unfortunately, the water has fucked my cell, so i turn it off and try to get out of the water. i drip-dry the phone and call nikk back. he's right next to me. tony is then, also, there. i reminisce, introspectively, about the shared dream experiments of nikk and i. talking to tony about what just happened, i become lucid to a minor extent. tony and i talk about the dream we just had, which was the one about us running in the water. he says that he was dreaming about us running in a race. we are at the top of the waterfall, and i jump off and try to fly a little bit. it's works out quite well, and i return. there is a girl there, who is very familiar to me. i tell her she can fly, too. i think i believe that at this point, all my dream characters are lucid. i try to teach her.

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standing on a balcony, i see a falcon chasing after a bunch of specks in the sky. the falcon catches a bird and drops it, it picks it up again and flies right by me...it was a brilliantly blue starling that it held in its talons. dancing with paul. on a military base or something...