Discover Me, Like Emptiness: My Dream Journal

[Starforsaken101]

DISCOVER ME, LIKE EMPTINESS Why did I call my journal this? Well, not only is it one of my favorite songs by In Flames, but I find it describes my dreaming habits quite well. I like the sound of the name. Beyond you will see some of the most screwed up dreams I will probably ever have, starting with September 22, 2007. I should've recorded much earlier . September 22, 2007 The Attempted Kidnapping I was sitting in my house. However, this house did not resemble the house I actually live in. Usually I can recognize the areas, but I really just didn’t this time. My mother and I were simply just sitting and relaxing. Suddenly, we saw people around my house. They were relatives of mine: my uncle and my grandfather. Of course, my uncle and grandfather looked NOTHING like my actual real-life uncle and grandfather. They looked more Italian than my actual relatives (I’m not Italian at all). Anyway, they brought a bunch of masked men with them and started snooping around the house. They had weapons. My mother and I decided to hide in a closet. Of course, because dreams tend to not make sense, the left wall of the closet was gone and those walking into that room could clearly see us. Well, I grabbed the first object I saw (which I don’t really know what it was, but I remember it being really thing and useless). My uncle walked in and I lunged at him with this pitiful object. Although I do karate in real life, in my dream, I had no experience at all so I failed. He held me with one of his arms and punched me in the face with the other. Well, I somehow managed to get his hand in my mouth and I bit down as hard as I can. He screamed, and I fled. One of the weirdest moments of this dream was realizing the bite caused one of my front teeth to bend backward. I ran and I ran until I found one of my friends. She led me to her work building, which was huge. Once I was in there and safe, I tore out the bent piece of tooth in my mouth and my friend led me to a doctor inside to get it fixed. After, it was a big blur and I somehow warped to two weeks later or something. The facility I was in somehow transformed into a school. I went to the washroom, but when I was done, more people came into that stall and all I was thinking was: “Why the hell are so many people in this stall?” I left the stall and noticed a woman patrolling the aisle of the stalls, and of course she looked at me funny. This woman started picking other girls out and complaining to them about breaking small rules or something. At one point, she started bugging me because I took too many paper towels to dry my hands. Of course, I said, “In a real bad mood today, eh?” She then looked at me and grabbed me out of the washroom as if I just committed a serious offense. After her saying that it was just her job and whatnot, I simply said, “Woman, I just had the crap beat out of me two weeks ago. Do you really think I care about your stupid ass problems?” At some point, I remember feeling sympathy towards her, but then I woke up.

[Starforsaken101]

September 24, 2007 Trashed and Scattered…Again? *** I’ll have to start this one off by a small prologue. Any *** under the title of my dreams involves a hypnagogic hallucination beforehand. Yes, this makes my life incredibly interesting. No, it doesn’t make my sleep very happy. Before going into Dreamland, I was sleeping on my side facing my window. I have a reading lamp that’s connected to one of my bookshelves and it was there too. My eyes suddenly shot open and I visualized that lamp in the dark to be SOMETHING. By something, I mean I’m not sure now if it was another human being, an animal, an alien, or anything else. Well I lay in bed in absolute fright deciding whether or not I should scream for my mother. Unfortunately, I couldn’t anyway because I felt absolutely paralyzed. I could barely breathe. Gotta love a little taste of sleep paralysis before actually getting to sleep. Now what I find interesting in this experience last night is that I actually figured out on my own when I was out of the sleep paralysis stage. I discovered that when I feel my heart racing and my breathing gets fast, that’s when I get out of the sleep paralysis stage. I also learned that I involuntarily opened my eyes. I don’t remember EVER wanting to open my eyes at that point. A little discovery? Yes I do think so. On with the dream! I was driving somewhere. The temperature outside is quite chilly with a little bit of snow on the ground. I’m assuming it was November or March. Anyway, I arrive to a house, which is coincidentally MY house. Apparently I do not live in it in my dream. I get to the door and a crazy masked man grabs me in. He takes my arms and puts them behind my back. I look inside and there’s someone else held captive the same way by another person. I look to the other side of the room and there’s another person. They look like henchmen or something. Anyway the masked man throws me to the free person and he grabs my arms. The masked man yells that we captives are going to die after being whipped a lot. Because I’m smart in my dream, when I was forced to lie down, I lay down on my stomach. The other guy wasn’t so smart and lay down on his back. I didn’t want to get that whip in my eye. Funny how my henchmen guy looked a lot like my boyfriend in real life. The only difference I noticed is that he was a lot scruffier, looked more sad (my boyfriend smiles all the time in real life), and he looked like he was forced to serve his duty for the masked man. I also find it amusing how the masked man sounded a lot like the crazy uncle I had in my other dream (refer to September 22). The masked man commanded the whipping to start, and it sure did. He hung around for a bit as I winced as the whip hit my back. He then went upstairs. The other captive was really getting it bad. However, my henchmen guy wasn’t giving it to me at all. He made it seem like he was whipping me by whipping the chair next to him. When the masked man would come back, he’d have to whip me again but I could feel that he didn’t mean to. The last time I saw the masked man in this dream, he came down and grabbed the other captive. He said he was going to give him a slow and very painful death. When they went back upstairs, along with that captive’s henchmen guy, my henchmen threw the whip away and sat on the chair after lifting me up. He glanced at me, pointed to the front door, and told me to get out while I still could. I ran to the front door and grabbed my shoes. I, however, went back to my henchmen guy and wrapped my arms softly around him from behind. I knelt down, kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear, “Thank you,” He looked at me with sad eyes and kissed me. I wanted to take him with me but he said the masked man owned his soul or something. I don’t quite remember much after driving off, except for walking around the McGill metro station/underground shopping center in my pajamas. All of the stores were closed and it looked like I almost owned the place. That’s when my cat started walking around on my bed and woke me up. Note: If I actually believed in Night Stalkers, I would assume this masked asshole was the same guy from my other dream two days ago.

[Starforsaken101]

September 25, 2007 The Almost Breakup I’m not really sure how this dream started. I guess I was at my grandfather’s house with my father, and my boyfriend, Nick. However, since dreams are screwed up that way, in the dream my grandfather lived in Dorval (for those who don’t live in Montreal, I’m sorry). I’m pretty sure it was Dorval, and you’ll know soon. We were helping granddad out by fixing something. I think it had something to do with his pipes. Nick and I were cuddling on the couch and joking about what we’re getting each other for our one-year anniversary. We have this ongoing joke in real-life that we’re getting each other a car. I think we joked about that for a while until my father said I should drive Nick home. So I drove Nick home. This is why I think we were in Dorval. I was speeding like a scary mofo down the 20 right past the Dorval Circle and it was like, really scary fast. Then I decided it might be a good idea to slow down after almost hitting a car. Then, I’m back at granddad’s house and they’re watching TV. I decided I would go on the computer and talk to Nick on MSN. Nick starts acting really bizarre on MSN and brushing me off, so I call. He says he has Alex over but he’s still brushing me off. I start questioning his motives. In the dream, I’m in university, but somehow Nick isn’t in CEGEP (which he is in real life). So he’s telling me after 3 years of Marianapolis (a Quebec prestigious CEGEP), he wants to go to University in Minneapolis. Now, don’t you find it funny how both of those names sound similar? Yeah, great creativity going there, good ol’ dream. I told him I wanted to move out to Minneapolis with him, because it would make sense that way. I would be finished University as he starts his, or something. Well, Nick fought against it, and said it would be essentially worthless. I start crying. That’s when Nick said this famous quote in the dream, which I’m still laughing at: “My mother and I both agree that our relationship is kinda like John: happy-go-lucky and going nowhere.” (Note: our friend John is in Music/Science at Vanier, another CEGEP, and he’s pretty damn smart, so this is why I’m laughing my ass off at that quote). I decided to hang up because Nick was being so bad. I cried at the computer desk for a while. Then suddenly, I’m at my kitchen table with my phone in the middle. I go to dial Nick’s phone number, but I got it wrong so I hang up. Suddenly, a voice starts speaking in the phone. It was Nick! He hadn’t actually hung up from before! Nick then starts saying, “Ash, I need to talk to you about something…” That’s when I was blubbering stuff like NONONO Don’t…PLEASE…DON’T DO IT…I LOVE YOU…and I woke up. I’m very happy I woke up from that one because I don’t know if I would’ve been able to handle the emotions from the ending. I’m already kind of shook up. However, I know it’s just a dream and that Nick actually does love me J. Note: I realize that maybe the trigger of these weird and bad dreams could be the consumption of lactose before bed. I remember hearing that somewhere. I eat cheese before bed most of the time to prevent myself from passing out of hunger the next morning. Maybe that's why I'm getting such bizarre dreams.

[Starforsaken101]

September 26, 2007 A Little Taste of Dream Shopping Wow. I hate it when I wake up, and immediately after I don’t remember what I dreamed. I know I dreamed some things but I can’t exactly place it in story form because I don’t remember much. I remember shopping…a lot. At some point, I was shopping for things to construct part of my gift for my boyfriend for our first year anniversary: tape, construction paper,…more tape, and I think maybe some glitter. Then, I went to search for the actual scrap book or sketchbook to put them in. I don’t remember finding one in the dream though. Since I’m interviewing Sonata Arctica tomorrow (in real life, guys), I had to go searching for batteries and stuff for my camera and my friend’s tape recorder. However, I think I needed to acquire the tape recorder first from my friend (montrealhorizons, this is you, dearie). After that, I remember calling up the tour manager and stressing to come up with good questions. I was also pushing to interview Tony Kakko. And that’s when I woke up and realize my dream was one of those messed up ones that are all over the place. Note: I tend to get dreams like this before a major stressful/exciting event. They're either all mixed up like this or really bad (i.e. failing the exam drastically that I have the next day).

[montrealhorizons]

September 26, 2007 A Little Taste of Dream Shopping Since I’m interviewing Sonata Arctica tomorrow... Note: I tend to get dreams like this before a major stressful/exciting event. They're either all mixed up like this or really bad (i.e. failing the exam drastically that I have the next day). I'll be at LGroulx around 1:40~... don't be stressing so much it'll ruin your composure hahahaha! Oh god I am really exhausted.. Good luck on the interview tomorrow!

[Starforsaken101]

Thankies Frank <33!!

[Starforsaken101]

September 27, 2007 Dating an Ex I’m having these cut up dreams a lot lately where I don’t know how they started. I don’t even remember if the start of this dream had any relevance to the end of it! We were at a friend’s house (coincidentally looked like my house in real life) and I was with Pavel. The thing about Pavel is that he’s my ex-boyfriend from a long time ago and never talk to him. Well, in the dream, I was somehow dating him again! We were with a bunch of my friends from CEGEP, people he wouldn’t know. People weren’t really liking him so we hung out in someone’s room. I told him we could ditch the party and go back to my house. I called up my Mom but she also didn’t want to see Pavel. We thus had nowhere to go where Pavel was liked. That’s when I woke up? I was so confused.

[Starforsaken101]

September 29, 2007 An Array of Rock Stars Well this dream had no point either but it was cool nonetheless. I recently met and interviewed Henrik from Sonata Arctica and saw their show. This is what probably fuelled such a dream. I was still working for Light a Dream and we were somehow organizing a huge event for which bands will be playing at. All of the bands were bands I like (Atrocity, In Flames, Sonata Arctica, etc.) My boss was having a group meeting with all the bands at the building I worked at. Since I knew this, I decided to sneak in and say hi. When I walked in, the band members were all outside. I remember seeing guys like Alexander Krull (Leaves’ Eyes/Atrocity), Jesper Stromblad (In Flames), Anders Friden (In Flames), Mikael Stanne (Dark Tranquillity), and some more people. I even saw some of the guys from Audioslave, and I don’t even really like them. Very random? Yes, quite random. Considering I woke up.

[Starforsaken101]

November 30, 2007 Jesus Ranch Okay, so I realize I haven't written here in a while, but this dream was so...awesome, that I just have to write it. Now, I only remember the main happenings of it (yes it was a fairly large dream). I remember snippets of being in someone's arms getting kisses on my cheek and returning them, possibly being paranoid about being robbed, and others, but THIS MAIN PART is awesome. So I used to be part of a school newspaper committee and we used to get like, free CDs and stuff. Anyway I went to a concert that they were hosting, and apparently the Cult was playing. There was also a contest going on at the same time where whoever gets the most points, they get the new CD signed by the band and you get to chill with them and stuff. Anyway, I just went for the entertainment because I haven't really heard much of the Cult. The band comes on stage and BRET MICHAELS is the lead singer. I was like, uber confused, however fairly excited because Bret Michaels kicks ass. However, in my dream he looked a lot like the lead vocalist of Firewind instead. And the rest of the band looked like crazy heavy/power metal artists rather than the Cult. Oh well. Anyway they gave us time to compete for some points. A girl from the committee (who I do not like) got out her acoustic guitar and sang a Cult song and she was awful. The band gave her two points. SO anyway, the band starts playing, and they started playing Jesus Ranch by Tenacious D (however in the dream it was their song...for some weird reason), and I'm all excited because I'm like OMG I KNOW THAT SONG AND I LOVE IT! So I start singing along because I love it, and eventually I notice Bret Michaels stopped singing. As I'm continuing, I look up at him and he's watching me. He then awards me 10 points. So enough said, I was the winner of this contest. I got their new CD all signed by the band and several pictures of me and Bret Michaels. I was all excited, especially since one of the shots was for a rock magazine. Yeah. Pwned, you stupid singing bitch! (the chick who got 2 points).