Belladonna's 'living Dreams" Journal

[Belladonna]

A repeat offender “Nightmare” It always begins with me running down the same cold dark street. You remember the one that I am talking about, remember the very first cult classic Freddy Kruger, when the blond bimbo was running in her dream from old knives hands down the back alley? I had long hair and I was wearing jeans and no shoes. I had a read tea shirt on, and it was ripped from the attack I had just escaped from earlier. Well the Cinematography was the same except that the streets where wider. The homes on each side of the neighborhood where all two story and old. They looked to be abandoned but I knew they weren’t, I knew that there were people at home but they chose to keep in there homes and to ignore my cries for help. As I ran, I could feel the cold slipping down my back, I thought why me, why is it always me. I moved from Missouri why does the pain always have to follow. As I continued to search for a hiding place, I looked down to the left and a side street appeared. I kept stumbling and looking behind me. It was dark, but I kept running. Suddenly I heard him and I darted into an abandoned home. I cried out as I crawled through the decayed dead animals and broken glass. It smelled so bad, I wanted to vomit. My feet were cut and I was already bleeding from the attack I received earlier. I kept crawling from window to window; it was like a maze inside this home. A blue dark, I crawled inside and under a hole in the floor and it was so dark and eerie. But it was like a blue haze was over everything. The silence was deafening. I looked around myself and I realized that I had just got myself stuck inside a box that had razor blades for wire everywhere. I thought to myself O my gawd, I must have run into his home, I must have run into his trap. If I just could get past the pain, I can get out of that opening over there. I could here him moving up above me, my heart was pounding, I just knew if I could get out of this, damn how did I get in here, he can’t know that I am in here. I kept looking around, and it was as though I am trapped in some kind of maze and if I could just figure it out I could get out. I started panicking again. [Note to self, it is weird here, cuz for a moment I remember that I reality, I have a high thresh hold for pain, so no matter what I can do this, this is in 11/06] I started squeezing myself through the opening when I feel the blades cutting and tarring into my flesh on my forearms. I could smell and taste the tangy copper scent of my blood from whipping my face over and over trying to clear my eyes. My clothes are being ripped to shreds but I keep telling myself just a little more. I worked my way out a window on the bottom floor. But when I was trying to crawl up through and out the window, it became me trying to crawl down from a window into the back yard of the same abandoned home. I then started running through the field into the street. Then same street I had started up this time I started screaming for help, “some please help me, he is going to kill me”, I turned around and I could see him coming for him. He stumbled out of the same window that I came out of but instead of being a window, it was a door. A wooden door, that wasn’t quite on both hinges and he was angry. So angry that I was still evading him, I could feel is rage rolling off him and I just knew if he got a hold of me this was it. I kept swinging my head from left to right; my hair was flying all over being stuck in my mouth as I am screaming for help. It was sticky from my blood and I crying and mumbling please someone just please help me. However, no one would, no one would just help me. Finally, I feel a jerk his hand is in my hair and he is dragging me down the street now. I am twisting and fighting him. Trying to pull myself out of his grasp but I can’t. I look down at my legs and I have shoes on now; my feet are dragging and kicking out. I am punching his arms and sides. Then suddenly he stops then we are at the cross road [ the one I mention at the beginning that was dark to my left, well now its on my right] I look to my right and there is a street light shinning down and it looks dreary and misty I can now see the other homes but no one is out. This is all happening very fast. I look up at him and he is only a shadow of man, then he raises his harm and I see his knife, huge knife, he starts stabbing me. [ this is when I am both inside my body then on the outside looking on as a spectator, so I am able to describe both what I am feeling and what it looks like, well this is how I see it each time] I see/feel the knife coming/going into my left side of my collarbone; the pain is so intense, to block the next downward thrust I throw up my right hand. The knife cut into my arm leavening a huge open gash. Its funny as I am watching this I only see the blood on the knife but none anywhere else, everything is turning dark now, as I continue to watch him stab me. I feeling so much pain now, I start to jerk, and he is now leaning over me on the ground. Still stabbing me, I am wondering now why does he continue, and why doesn’t he move away from my upper body, I have lost more for him to…. This is the end but to be continued

[Belladonna]

1/10/06 I will start in the middle for the exercise of dream recall, leave out a few specifics, but I am curious as to why I feel as though I was lucid with some control and aware but I felt like someone else was in my dream trying to do me harm. It was very scary to say the least. I tried this earlier somehow tried to post it but its gone, so I will retry again. If its out there I am going at it at a different angel but it is still the same dream. ......I am in the home of Lavonne and Ted. It is dark outside and the living room and bedroom are muted. [I remember the room now, it is the same room of my old next door neighbor that I had a long time ago when I lived in a duplex.] Now Lavonne is setting on the floor crossed legged. Her hair is still the same, long. She is Cherokee Indian. As I am kneeling down in front of her, I tell her, “you don’t understand what he has done, to ---------------------, it is unforgivable, I cannot believe he would do this to ---------------. He has to die, you understand this don’t you?” [some of the conversation that I had is more clearer now that I am setting in a quite room typing this] I turn my eyes up to the right and see my uncle or whom I preserve to be my uncle and he has his left hand on Flavone’s shoulder. In the interim I can here my Husband who is also my Father in Lavonne and Ted’s bedroom killing him, or executing him for his crime. [Now, I cannot see this with my won eyes, but I can give some details, weird I don’t know is it? ] The bedroom is dim, and full of Native American décor, there is a waterbed with a dark wood bed frame. The bedspread has wolf motif, there is blood all over it now, and I can hear them slashing Ted’s body. I can hear the fight going on for the death. I can now hear them dragging the body into the bathroom and the sound of them hitting the wall to my right. I flash all my attention back onto Lavonne now. All of the sudden I notice that Lavonne is radiating such a powerful vibrating energy that is red and black that I start to lean away from her. She starts to lean towards me. I can’t hear her words but I can hear them in my mind, she says to me “you can’t do this, who in the hell do you think you are, you don’t have any power here”. [This is where I believe I become lucid, because this energy starts to hurt physically, and pain in my dreams is a symbol for me that I am dreaming that this isn’t real] I realize that I am dreaming and that there is something wrong with this dream. This DC is very strong, the energy that is rolling off of her, is very strong and is still hurting and it is meant to put a curse on me is some fashion, but I am in control of this dream so in my dream I am pushing back and refusing to allow this DC to place this curse on me, but the red and black energy is so powerful, every punishing at me. I realize that this could be something that I can’t control; maybe someone has slipped into my dream to hurt me. Therefore, I told myself to wake up. This is where I get closer to my husband, because he is the head of the household, just in case there was any evil spirit at work here. I then turn to look at the alarm clock it is now 4:06 am. I hate this dream so I decided that I want to slip back in and finish killing off Ted, and I hate unfinished business. I am now in Lavonne’s bedroom, and it is light and bright outside and in the room. The decor is the same, but now I can see the weed plants and the pipes all over the place. I smile to myself because this is just the way I remember it. I tell myself this is amazing, why I bring such details back into my dream but make so many others up and let my mind wonder at the same time. Then I see Lavonne coming at me. Lavonne gives me a hug and says, “I understand now, it had to be done, but its okay I can just start all over again, I need to be free anyhow”. There was someone else standing next to us but I couldn’t make that person out, I focused on the bathroom again. Then I got sucked into the living room where I was setting on the floor I think [I have lost some details here, I had them earlier but when I tried to post this earlier I somehow either I put it out there in the forum somewhere or lost it] but on young child came up to me and bent down to tell me in a cheerful voice, “Man that was hard”, as she was rubbing her hands together and kneading her arms. “It was hard getting all that flesh and blood off of the bones and that mess up, but we did it, now there are only bones left”. I was happy. I kept getting flashes of blood and bones in my mind. [The girl was about 12 years old, she had dark should length hair, I know who she is, and her real name, why she was in my dream of all children; I have no idea.] Because after she told me all of this, I decided that, I was finished with this dream so I left.