Dream Me Up, Scotty

[dreamMeUp]

Last night I had my second LD. I had been trying to WILD, but it did not work out and I think now that it's because I was sort of blocked. I just remembered the fear of the first successful WILD and that kept me from entering, though I distinctly felt how I sank into a deeply relaxed state. So, when I realized it would not work this morning, I just decided to sleep and I had a non-lucid dream before I entered the lucid one. I can't remember the situation before becoming lucid. And I did not need RCs to reassure me. It was like BAM! "Oh wow, I'm in a dream!" And that's pretty much the amount of clarity I allowed myself. Compared to the WILD experience of my first LD this was actually quite a low-level LD. I immediately wanted to fly, but it was like someone had to carry me upwards and when I realized it would not be total superman style I gave up quickly. I saw a black and huge whirling cloud which I referred to in my dreaming state of mind as "my negative thoughts" and I blessed them. And if that was not enough to show me how dull and dimwitted my awareness had become quickly after going lucid, I met that total bugger of a chick that's attending taiji training with me (only she looked prettier) and I referred to her as a "teacher". Now, while I think that it was not a bad idea to bless my negative thoughts (instead of cursing them... and thereby holding on to them) and while it is definitely true that I always learned a lot about myself from encounters with people who got on my nerves in no time, my state of mind was anything but clear. I forgot to increase the clarity of the dream, I did not contemplate details and I surely was not in control of anything that happened. The strange thing is that this must have been a dream that was exactly like many people imagine LDs to be...: hazy, fuzzy, retarded with a seasoning of "Hey, I know it's a dream" which is the minimal awareness level... I mean, I started my pursuit of this gift just a few weeks ago and it has been a constant development starting with dream recall over false awakenings to LDs, but now that I have seen a low-level LD I would love to come back to the shocking state of clarity I reached in my first succesful WILD.

[dreamMeUp]

Okay. I was reluctant to follow LDing for quite a long time. It had to do with the fear of entering the hidden parts of my consciousness. I think that I have some unpleasant memories buried there and I did not know if I was ready to face them. I knew that I would be studying LDing in depth again some time in my life, though. Unfortunately, the Lucid Dreaming seems like a thing that can't be stopped totally once begun - at least for me. Though I stopped doing RCs in real life - and did not visit any related websites - I had two occurences. One was rather funny. It proved that I am not the right type for RCs, somehow. I had a dream where I was in a ship and was lookin out the window. The water level was up to the window and floating on the water came a watch. I took the watch and read the time (I was kind of happy as it came to me like a present and I wanted to check wether it worked or not...). Two o'clock, p.m. Handles were functioning, it was clearly readable. No weird behaviour or extra handles. I noticed a few smaller displays which I couldnt't figure out at once, but I wasn't really interested to find out if they showed the moon phases or anything... much like in real life... At a second glance, the watch showed three o'clock. Whoa! One hour gone within a few secs? Yea, didn't occur to me. That perfectly executed reality check (which I did not perfom consciously) failed and should have proved to me it was a dream, only I did not notice. That was when I decided that however Lucid Dreaming came back to me, reality checks were not the best way for me. The other one was last night. Me and a friend were waiting in a little hut. We knew that when we left the hut, we would start to dream and learn things. That was the situation. Then I left the hut and I was immediately like: "Whoa! Lucid Dream! Wow! I should be able to fly! Yea!" I practically screamed everything. No time for calming down, no raising the level of consciousness. Just silly euphoria. This was amplified by the fact that the rural surroundings looked like a colour infrared photography. I don't know if you know infrared photos. Check them on google or something. I am very interested in photography and I had mentioned to someone in real life before that I liked infrared photography, because its clarity made it look like my dreams. Now, I was in one of those photographies, like a little hippy bunny on LSD. I screamed to my friend we should rub our hands in order to raise the clarity level. Still totally over the edge. Nowhere near the consciousness level of my first LD. And this was the most ironic part of the dream. Had I really been fully conscious I would have noticed or been aware of the fact that my friend was part of my dream world, too, but I took him for real. I was in a mix of lucid and non-lucid. Rubbing my hands didn't help, btw. When I came back to the hut, there was a therapist, telling me that LDing was contraproductive for that learning purpose and I should drink this (drink with herbs in it) to dream unconsciously again. I was like "okaaay..." I took the glass and swallowed. Then I woke up in a car. The brake wasn't functioning, the car was slowly gliding across the street and I was trying to stop it. And, yea, I was totally not aware of that being a dream. My dream therapist gave me a drink which sent me to a false awakening! Then I woke up for real and what I was thinking after I wrote it down in my dream diary was that I had that moment in my half-lucid dream where I considered spinning to raise LD level and create a new landscape, but I was afraid of what I would summon. When I will have conquered my fear, I know that LDing will play an important part in my spiritual development. Argh! Why am I such a chicken shit coward?

[dreamMeUp]

DILD last night. I am still not practising LDing or doin RCs or anything... it just happens from time to time and it never did so before I heard of Lucid dreaming and practised a few things. I was held captive in a cemetary by egyptian mummies (don't ask) and was flying around trying to escape when it suddenly occured to me that flying meant something... Oh yeah! I must be dreaming! I felt the usual excitement come up and so the first thing I did was I tried to calm down. I landed (was still flying then) and examined my hands. They looked strangely thin, but I could perceive the wrinkles on them. My thoughts were still a bit over the top. I sort of worded everything that I went through. That was a remnant of my hyterical-excited state of mind which I wanted to leave behind. I then tried spinning and I felt the dream world disappear and get smaller til it was at the finger tips of my spinning arms - I felt like I was in a tube and knew I had to summon a new place. I couldn't think of something I really wanted to do (or let's say I could think of something, but preferred not to summon it) and so I found myself in a boring room with a few DCs. I went up to them and said:"You are all dream characters!" (which is a bit of LD improvement, because I wasn't aware of that in my last LD). They merely laughed in disbelief. I shortly woke up afterwards.

[dreamMeUp]

I don't know why, but DILD seems to be the way things happen now. I had another one, induced by flying which is such a reliably recurring dream theme I seem to instantly go "Dream!". I landed and was thinking "calm down" all the time, tried to watch the stars (but there was only a dull face in a clouded sky) and started spinning right away, trying to get me to somewhere I had thought about in waking state. But I couldn't do it properly (the environment did not show up). I think I woke up with a slight frustration, so the next thing I plan on doing is to not try to control anything, but just gain full awareness of what's happening, first. First things first