Big Bucket of Horses

[horsebucket]

I vaguely remember being in the back of a police car and there was a fat black lad beside me. There was a black police man in front and he stopped to get some donuts. The fat black guy got in front and started the engine. We drove down the street and he went into a record shop to make a phone call. I followed him in and went to the counter. There was a man and a woman at the counter they were speaking Spanish. I pretended I knew what they were saying and acted like I was following the conversation. The fat black guy was speaking Spanish on the phone too. Then the woman asked me something in Spanish. I said what I thought meant I dont speak Spanish in Spanish. It was something like "No como estas Espanol". The other guy said "You dont speak English, you dont speak Spanish, you dont speak French. What do you speak?" I was pissed off and told him I speak English better than the queen of England. I told him I was Irish and he broke out into a fit of laughter. I couldnt see anything else to do than to laugh my ass of myself. I was in a big jail cell. One of my cellmates was Jack Black and the rest were a bunch of black gangsters. Instead of there being bars there were big panes of glass. I was trying desperately to break the glass but I didnt have any weapons. I decided to try and climb out the window but I couldnt fit through it. Jack Black pulled out a screwdriver and said it was a handy tool for shanking people. We all agreed. It was small and easy to carry around. I got the idea to unscrew the hinges of the door with it. I did just that and broke out of the cell. There were a bunch of prison guards outside so I beat one of them over the head with a plastic tray and made a run for it. The dream ended before I got out of the prison. I had a dream the other day I was staying in a tent in the amazon jungle with a friend. We were staying in an open space surrounded by trees beside a small pond/lake. My friend had gone to the shops (in the middle of the amazon jungle) and I was sitting on a foldup chair outside the tent watching panthers and monkeys climb the trees. I noticed an old wood and rope bridge that went to the other side of the pond so I decided to cross it. I got about half way and noticed alligators swimming towards me so I turned around. The bridge was at water level. On my way back I noticed I was wearing a pair of flippers. When I got to the end of the bridge one of my flippers got stuck. I was struggling to get my foot out of the bridge before the alligator got to me, but I had no luck, the alligator caught me and as I was being mauled by it I woke up. I was kind of dissapointed when I woke up that I couldnt get my foot out of the bridge and the dream had to end like that because it was a pretty unique and crazy dream. I was in some university with my little brother. I ran into one of my old friends from Ireland. There was supposed to be some sort of event going on. We were waiting for an elevator in the university building to go up to the event. I went to take a piss and when I came out my brother and friend had gone up. I called the elevator and it came straight away. I didnt know what floor to get off at so I just got off on the second floor up. I got out and it was a big ledge at the edge of the building. There were no railing and I was worried about falling off. I kept slipping towards the edge. Anyway the event was everybody was watching some new low flying space shuttle they had invented. It just looked like a regular fighter jet to me. I couldnt stop slipping towards the edge so eventually I let myself go and I started flying. I was circling the university building at about 50 mph. I got the idea to hang off the back of one of the planes so I did it. I was having fun but I got burned by the flames coming out of the rear end of the plane so I landed back on the university. My dealer was in my house and was laying down powered MDMA or some white powered drug (not coke) on the table. I kept snorting lines and hed ask me "You high enough yet?" I kept saying "No gimme more" eventually I was so high I couldnt even see straight. I was lying on the couch and my vision was pretty much just a big white blur. Anyway in the middle of the night I heard someone kicking the front door. Thats when I remembered there was someone coming to kill me. Both my brothers were slowly walking down the stairs and approaching the door with knives. I said "Lets call the police" and they replied "No Cleo's (my sister) down there. I picked up a fork and went down with them but I was pissed off I couldnt walk or see straight from taking so many drugs. I figured because they were after me it was my responsibility so I pulled open the door and started swinging the fork like a madman. There was nobody even there. Started off I was walking through some ancient catacombs with my uncle and brother. The catacombs were like like Newgrange only way bigger and they were under Dublin city. As I was walking through the caves I ran into Bam Margera from Jackass. I was telling him he was the man and telling him stunts he should do in the next Jackass. After a while we got to a room where everyone was gathered around and there was a wrestler from WWF in there talking shit to me. I was talking all sorts of shit back to him and we decided to settle it over a fight. My brother was telling me I was going to get the shit beaten out of me and I said theres only one way to find out. I fought the wrestler and to my surprise I won. After a while the theme switched and there were a bunch of satanic cultists killing people. The scenery switched to a hospital and I was chasing one of the cultists to get the key out of the catacombs off him. I was in the back garden of my grannies house and my granny had made this huge perfect flower bed with patterns of different colored flowers. In the middle there was a red cross which was the shape of the third reich cross that the nazis used. For some reason the house behind ours was a church and there were old men and old ladies shouting "f%*! the red cross" or something like that. I got angry because in my mind the red cross symbolised the charity but they were mistaking it for the nazi symbol so I shouted "f%*! you" but I regreted it straight after because I thought they were probably gonna mistake me for a nazi. The old men and old ladies started shouting abuse at me. I picked up a rock and was considering throwing it but decided not to but an old man saw it and shouted "Look he has a rock" then they all started throwing stones and bricks out the window at me. At that point it was clear they were going to try and break into the house to get me so I ran into the kitchen and was about to call the police. I heard the front door opening then my granny walked in on crutches and she had blood all over her back. I dialled 911 but a fat old lady came in with a knife and cut the phone cord. She shouted to the other old people coming in "Heres the anarchy" referring to me. I stabbed the fat woman and thats about when the dream ended. I found it strange that she said here the "anarchy" and not anarchist. I regressed back to when I was about 15 in this one. I was joyriding in my mothers car around the rugby pitch of a school in Dublin with a friend. There were people playing rugby at the time and I was throwing campari sweets and the window and shouting "Ho ho ho". After a while I was sitting at the edge of the pitch with my ma and I wanted to leave because I didnt want her finding out I was joyriding with her car. She told me to go get the car for her and on the way I got lost and ended up in the school building. There were 3 nuns in there. 2 of the nuns didnt know I was joyriding but for some reason they didnt want me to leave and the other nun knew I was joyriding but she was directing me out of the building so I followed her. Once I got out the nun told my mother what happened and my ma says "Your a sick child Mick". That made me angry. The nun was still complaining so I said "Get the f%*! out of here bitch". I was kayaking in some sort of lagoon with cliffs and valleys all around. It was about 3 in the morning and I started heading back to the dock to tie the both. The dock was just a stone ledge in a little valley at the edge of the lake. On boat to get to the dock there was a big cave you had to pass by which was just to the left of the dock. On my way I noticed a big cat walking around inside the cave. After a few seconds I noticed it was a cougar or a mountain lion. The cougar looked angry so I decided not to go back to the dock considering the cave was right beside it. The only thing seperating the dock from where the cave was was a little brick wall and a metal ladder. After a few seconds I remembered that I had been walking in and out of the cave for days and hearing the cougar growl but I never considered there was a cougar in there. I considered myself lucky I hadnt been mauled all those times I walked into the cave. After a while I came to the conclusion that being mauled by a cougar wasnt all that life threatening so I went back to the dock again and decided to go into the cave to have a look for the cougar but it was gone. I tied the kayak and went back to the house but noticed my friend was missing. I figured he got mauled by the cougar so I went to the cave looking for him but all of a sudden the cave turned into a huge factory. I was in the back garden of some house and I was facing an inlet from the sea. There were two people fishing with a huge rope. They had caught something huge and were struggling to pull it in. They said it was a seal as a joke. I thought they had got the rope caught on a rock. I gave them a hand pulling it in and when we did we noticed it was a big seal. The weird thing was the seal had a human head. It had a bald white human head. This one was semi lucid. Started off I was in some weird town with my ma and brother and we all knew it was a dream. Neither of them wanted to take advantage of the fact that it was a dream and were acting like it was real but at the same time saying it was a dream. I went around the weird little town place by myself and messed around. I was putting my head through windows, stealing mad looking little vehicles and parking them up trees and weird things like that. At one point I ended up in a bar it had all white walls like the town and had a futuristic look to it. I picked up some guys pint of beer and knocked it back. He got angry and reacted in a way that made me think it was real again. I apologized and told him I thought it was a dream. Then I remembered all the other crazy shit I had done and thought I might be in a bit of trouble. There was a sheriff in the bar with a wanted poster with my name on it. I decided to turn myself in for some reason. Funny enough all he had on me was littering and harassing people. He didnt know about me robbing cars and breaking into houses. Soon after we formed a little group of me, the sheriff and a few other people and went around the town trying to do something I wasnt quite sure what it was though. We were walking around and we passed by a tree with a car hanging out of it. I thought it best not to admit it was me with the sheriff around. I was telling them I was able to fly a few minutes ago and they told me "Thats only because you thought it was a dream, you cant do it now that its real" I proved them wrong and shot up off the ground. They were shocked. Anyway I stopped caring that it was real so I continued on my rampage and started breaking more windows and smashing TV's and things. After a while I started getting chased through a huge building by some agents from the matrix and they were telling me to come back but I wanted to escape. I trying my best to beat them up but I couldnt do any damage. I even fired a shotgun but it wouldnt hurt them. I was in a supermarket in Mexico and there were a bunch of us shoplifting anything we could get. I was the only non Mexican there and I could see the staff were watching me the most outta them all. I could see everyone else was getting away with items so i decided to make my move regardless of who was watching me. I got out the door with one of those huge toblerones and joined the crowd outside. I started eating it then I saw the manager of the shop coming out and calling the police so we all scattered. One guy said "You like swimming" and he pointed at some little canal at the side of the street. We both jumped in and hid and as I was trying to finish the toblerone the police came and found us. First thing he said was "You speak english?" to me. I replied 'I speak english sir". Then he said "I like your shirt". Then he said something in Spanish to the Mexican and said you shoulda stayed in Matamoros. I was walking around some city and I noticed there was some old man following me. He was about 60 and he was pretty fat. He wouldnt say a word hed just follow me around and when id stop hed stop and stand there staring at me. After a while I was at home my old house I grew up in and I noticed the doorbell ring. I answered the door and it was him. He had some excuse he was acting like a salesman or something but his story had holes in it and I suspected he was up to something. I told him I didnt want to buy anything numerous times and closed the door but he wouldnt move he just stayed there standing at the front door. I tried to close the door but the latch wouldnt close for some reason. I felt he was a threat and was if I left hed come into the house and burn the place down or something like that. I told him to f%*! off but he wouldnt leave. I threw a few punches and then he came into the house. I started attacking him but he wasnt fighting back. I suspected he was going to pull out a weapon so my aim changed from getting rid of him to killing him. I slammed the heavy wooden door on his head loads of times and dragged him around the house beating him up. The whole time he wouldnt attack me back. At one point he was on the ground and I jumped off a table and stomped on his chest and he coughed up a load of blood and died. I immediately regreted what I did because I still wasnt sure what he was doing following me around. My mother came down and saw him lying in a pool of blood. She was angry but didnt seem at all surprised or shocked. After that I was doing something in my front garden and noticed and old friend that turned into an enemy after fucking around with us in a grow operation a few years ago. He was just sitting in front of my house in his car with the engine running. I walked up to the car and said "Whats going on James" and he drove forward a few metres. I went to his window again and asked him what he wanted. I couldnt see clearly but I saw him reach into his glove compartment. He pulled out a big bag of weed and gave me a little chunk of hash and said he had loads of homegrown weed and hash for sale. I asked him the price and he said "$80 a half ounce". I told him I could get prices like that anywhere and said Id only buy it for $50. He got angry and said its a good deal but I wouldnt accept it for anything more than $50. I agreed to buying $20 worth off him and started walking into my house to get the money then I remembered that I had quit smoking weed and remembered that this guy fucked us up in a grow operation before. I picked up a shovel and started smashing his car windows. He sped off and pulled a handbreak turn around the corner. This one was set in the middle ages. I was watching a joust battle between Jesus and Judus. There were all these roman troops there doing some crazy shit with chains and shooting arrows all over the place. I figured it was part of the joust battle. Jesus was trying to talk Judus out of battling but Judus wanted to kill him. I was angry to see Judus won and knocked Jesus off his horse. For some reason the leader of the Roman army was Longshanks from Braveheart. I was so angry about Jesus being killed I decided to get some revenge. We were in some big huge castle and the battle took place in a big courtyard. I walked up to the chamber were Longshanks was. For some reason I was able to walk in and I had a reason to be there. I was talking to Longshanks and I had a spiked ball and chain in my hand. I was about to smash him in the head but I considered the fact that he mightnt die quickly and might scream and call his troops. There was a little silver sword lying in the corner of the room so I picked it up and snook up on Longshanks. I noticed he was wearing chainmail so I stabbed him in the neck. I pulled it out and stabbed him a second time in the neck and twisted the blade to be sure he was gonna die. He gurgled a bit of blood and dropped dead. I casually walked down the stairs and passed through hundreds of his troops. Just as I was about to get to the gates of the courtyard someone screamed out "Longshanks is dead" so I made a run for it. I woke up with a bit of pride having killed the king of England in my dream. I was in some tropical country and I wanted to walk into the jungle but there were a load of mad monkeys swinging off the trees and attacking me. I backed off and went back into the alleyway I came from and one of the monkeys followed me. I ran at it screaming to scare it off and he ran into a shed to the right. I approached the shed and he swung around the edge and threw an ironing board at me. I found that funny. I looked into the shed and the monkey was lying down in front of a cat. The cat was hissing and looked scared shitless. I thought to myself Im proud to be descended from monkeys and decided not to go into the jungle to avoid further torment from the mad monkeys. I was on some sort of wooden platform which was about 8 ft above ground level. There was a slightly old man and a woman up there with me and they were slaughtering a pig. At first the man broke the pigs legs and did fucked up things that i didnt like to it. After the man left the old woman started torturing the pig even more. At first i thought they were trying to kill the pig but then the old woman left the pig bleeding with all its bones broken in agony on the ground. Someone asked "arent you gonna kill the pig" and she said "I'll let god kill the pig" implying she wanted to leave the pig there to die a slow agonizing death. I was so angry I killed the pigs to put him out of his misery and I punched the old lady in the face a few times and threw her over the balcony. I was going to go down and finish the job but she appeared to be already dead from the fall. I picked up a shovel and waited for the old man to come out to kill him to but the scene switched. This time I regressed to being a kid and I was sitting at the dinner table with my mother and my stepdad whos dead now but was alive when i was younger. They were wondering where my stepdads mother was and it became clear to me that i had killed her. I said "Alright I own up to it. I killed her.". My mother started laughing thinking i was joking and my stepdad got angry asking me why id joke about it. I kept telling them I was serious until they believed me at that point my mother started crying and my stepdad went ballistic and started throwing punches at me and calling me a liar. I kept walking right up to his face and saying "Look in my eyes, im dead serious" while explaining about the pig but the situation just kept getting worse and worse. I was out in some country house with a bunch of my friends and my older brother and a couple of his friends were there too. We were sitting around a table playing poker and eating chicken. I went outside for one reason or another and was sitting down doing something when i noticed a red streak in the sky flying in weird patters. I knew it was a UFO straight away. I ran into the house and told everyone "theres something weird in the sky" and my brother ran out while his friend was shouting "get a camera" I pointed out the red streak to my brother and he seemed to know we were going to be abducted after seeing this. He says "lets get in the house" I said "if theyre gonna abduct us it doesnt matter if were in the house theyll get us in there" he replies "I dont care if I get abducted". I didnt care much either seeing as alot of people survive abductions and have cool stories to tell. When we got into the house a big purple light started shining through the window. Everyone ran into a small room and I had noticed from the minute I saw the UFO it was getting hard to breath. I was the last to run into the small room and when I got in there everyone was struggling to breath. It was getting harder and harder to breath and along with the breathing it was getting harder to move. I decided to try and fight but i could hardly even stand up anymore. I just accepted the fact i was about to be abducted by aliens I was just hoping they didnt have any anal probing or weird operations in store for me. I felt hands touching me but I couldnt see them. It was obviously the aliens but they were invisible. I though they were about to operate on me and i was hoping theyd at least drug me to cut the pain. Thats when ii woke up. I was canoing or boating down a river with a bunch of drunken indians. 2 drunken indians to be exact. They werent drunk for sure but they were acting as drunk as I was. At first we were floating down a big wide river. One of them says take a left and the other one said "no its too narror we wont make it" and we both said "just do it" so we took a left and we were going down big waterfalls like whitewater rapids. I was getting that stomach jumping feeling like being on a rollercoaster. We were all shouting some native war song id heard before. I was having as much fun as if I was doing it in real life. After a while we werent canoing on water anymore but we were canoing down paved roads. It was even more fun and we started shouting louder and throwing beer bottles and smashing into parked cars. Just before we came to a stop there was a soccer pitch to the left and the soccer players were shouting something and I was shouting abuse back at them and throwing beer bottles at them. The canoe stopped at the bottom of the hill and some woman came down the road complaining that we destroyed her car. I told I didnt go near her car and she picked up the canoe and the 2 indians sitting in it disappeared. I thought id gone mad and were hallucinating the 2 natives but then I remembered it was a dream so I didnt care about the woman taking the canoe so I walked off laughing. ghs