Thread: Burned up dreams

Originally Posted by Burned up

I wonder what it is that makes it so. And how will my children remember me I wonder?



I woke at least twice with rather unremarkable memories of dreams but didn't write them down and didn't remember in the morning. It's while since I've woken with absolutely nothing. I should really jot down those fleeting dream memories as they fade in seconds.

Mate you don't seem a bad person at all I bet you are a really good father plus if you say you had a bad time with your father I don't think you would make the same mistakes he did. I often find that those who have those experiences always tend to be nicer people. I'm sure your kids love you

Yeah I do that sometimes to, if I have a dream that I don't think much of I often just ignore it

Originally Posted by mark

Mate you don't seem a bad person at all I bet you are a really good father plus if you say you had a bad time with your father I don't think you would make the same mistakes he did. I often find that those who have those experiences always tend to be nicer people. I'm sure your kids love you

I agree completely. My grandpa can be a very nasty person at times. He still treats my dad badly and I can see the great pain it causes him. My dad says he has tried all his life to not be like his dad. I think he has been successful in this.

Thanks Mark and Raklet for your encouraging comments. I guess I just do what I can and hope for the best. The rest is down to fate or whatever.

3 people and a scary intrusion

A gathering of people I know from another forum was going on at my old home (home when I was aged 10 to 18). I have never met these other guys - call them B, J and C - they are only names on a forum IRL. In the dream they looked like early Beatles or Shadows members so probably age around 18 themselves. Also 2 others there who I didn't have names for. B was in the garden in some kind of glass room.

Next we were playing volleyball in the lounge (which had grown in size) and I was a bit embarassed about this. Then we were playing cards. Then we were sitting in a row watching TV. Although we started in the old-style suits I noticed I was now wearing a yellow jumper and light brown trousers (I owned both of these ages about 18). B was now talking to my mother, joking etc.

At this point I really wanted them to go. My father then came home. I was about to tell him about the volleyball in the lounge but decided against it as he wouldn't have approved. However my mum told him anyway. A car arrived to take the 2 I didn't know away and I saw them sitting in the back like children.

Then another car arrived. More of a limo. It was painted decoratively and the back hatch door was open revealing I think 3 people who were all drunk. A woman faced me, grinning insolently. I told them to leave and set about noting their car number. As I did this the car started moving - not away out of the drive but into the garage. At that point I was aware of some kind of fear or terror as these people had disappeared into my house. My father then came home (yes, I know he was already home earlier) and I was pleased as I could pass the problem on to him to sort out.

Some previous days processing here. The three people on the forum were in a thread I was in yesterday. There was some tension between them then but they seemed to be friends in the dream. B is a bit of a joker in the forum and that's how he was in the dream. Also the discussion here of my father seemed to have conveyed him into the dream. Also I was talking about going on holiday with 3 friends when I was 18 with my wife.

The dream was clearly situated when I was 18. The year I went to uni and was planning on another holiday with a different 3 friends. I seem to be very accommodating of these friends although it was all a show as I really wanted them to leave. Internally these must be (male) parts of me that I see as some kind of competition.

I experienced my parents as I would have expected. I note the feeling of doing the wrong thing (as defined by my father) and the oedipal feeling of being betrayed by my mother.

The last scene was a bit disjointed. It seems to be that combo of two men and one woman again, with the woman grabbing my attention. This time they're more "in my face" and threatening. Like they drove their car into my belly and it felt like a punch. When I woke up I had a sore tummy from poor digestion, so that explains the feeling. But unconsciously a sore tummy seems to come through as fear or dread. It was my father I wanted, not my mother. Presumably I felt like that at some time in my life (but probably not when I was 18).

Lost car and some random dream stuff

I was working at a local radio station in a part of my home town where I know it isn't! (Actually where my son has dance lessons). I had to go and move my car from its illegal parking place but I couldn't find it. I went to a shop over the road and realised I didn't have any trousers on. When I came back my boss (a stranger) was outside the offices suggesting we go for lunch. I wasn't totally sure what he was saying and he was just staring almost in desperation at me. I still couldn't find my car.

Is this one worth analysing? Lost car seems to be some kind of lost freedom. Working at a radio station - Needing to communicate perhaps? Lunch with boss - pass. No trousers - feeling a bit exposed presumably. Location of dream - where I wait during dance class, which I actually enjoy.

I'd like to piece that bundle together but can't.

Originally Posted by Burned up

[SIZE="4"]oedipal feeling of being betrayed by my mother.

Oedipal? Yes, I could look it up, but it is more enjoyable to hear you explain it.

Originally Posted by raklet

Oedipal? Yes, I could look it up, but it is more enjoyable to hear you explain it.

Err.....OK then.

Well there's this greek myth about a young man called Oedipus who, following many twists and turns in the story, ends up by murdering his father and marrying his mother.

Freud used this story to illustrate how an infant becomes attached to the opposite-sex parent and sees the same-sex parent as a rival. More generally, it's a feeling of wanting to be with one person only and getting angry when a third (or more) person joins in or is otherwise getting in the way. The theory being that the first group we ever knew was when we realised that we weren't the most special person to the most significant person in our life. Of course that only applies if you had two parents/caregivers or one and their partner. It's an important part of growing up (coping with groups) and is more difficult if we were brought up by one person alone.

Soooo.......the 3 people in my dream could be an illustration of a couple plus a third person. I can't make that work for me, however, so it probably isn't.

Important piece of theory is the oedipal complex!

Front line antics with a cameo appearence of a cherry tree

There was some kind of war on but the participants weren't particularly effective. I wanted to get across a bridge that was the front line and I had at least one friend with me. A soldier from my own side who I recognised as RF timidly told me to go back as he held his gun. People from the other side were distracting him and laughing at him and we just walked past.

The bridge led to an old tower, kind of a round squat one like a large beehive. I wanted to go somewhere far away to hide but my accomplice wanted to go in. We went in and up some stairs. The stairs seemed to lead to street level but at this stage it seemed important to hide. A man was there, naked, perhaps washing. Another friend was now with us called EA and she didn't seem too worried. We (now my wife and I) knew that two people, both women and one apparently called Fiona were looking for us. We saw them go past from inside the tower as they continued up the stairs past us then came in and sat on the sofa. We weren't worried.

Next thing, the room was ground floor and B and S, friends of ours were in the dream with the other DCs gone. They were talking about a cherry tree and putting some meat-based home-made substance on it to help it grow. They got the idea from a book.

The useless soldiers reminded me of the useless football team from a couple of weeks ago. Seems like my men DCs are still pretty useless - can't play football and can't guard a bridge. Much of the rest of the dream seemed to feature women who as individuals appeared stronger. My men wanted me not to cross the bridge - so what was I crossing from and to? It seemed quite nice the other side although it wasn't a place I recognised.

It was dark in the tower and quiet. But I wasn't rested as I felt I was being followed. The mysterious Fiona was after me. (wtf is Fiona?). My friend EA is one of those very efficient people so I seemed to be engaging with a very practical/pragmatic part of me. And probably a wise part as she knew I wasn't in as much danger as I thought I was. Is this just me being paranoid as usual?

Dunno about the cherry tree as this seemed to be a different dream sequence. The natural substance of the tree contrasted with the darkness, the stone and emptiness of the scene. Something symbolic about passion and growth and beauty in that tree and how I should be looking after it.

Odepius hmm that sounds dodgy as anything to me.

sometimes I think freud was a little bit insane

Originally Posted by Burned up

People from the other side were distracting him and laughing at him and we just walked past

Hehe..if only war actually worked that way.

I haven't had a "war" dream in a long time...but I do get those dreams, kind of similar in which there is a big to do about something you just cant figure out...hehe, no purpose really. I don't like the feeling of being followed so your dark tower scene, knowing someone was behind you have me the chills .

Talk about symbolic..that cherry tree sequence certainly is...kind of bittersweet..you can attribute alot of meanings to that.

Originally Posted by mark

Odepius hmm that sounds dodgy as anything to me.

sometimes I think freud was a little bit insane

Probably - he did half an hour of dream analysis every day.

Originally Posted by bro

Hehe..if only war actually worked that way.

I haven't had a "war" dream in a long time...but I do get those dreams, kind of similar in which there is a big to do about something you just cant figure out...hehe, no purpose really. I don't like the feeling of being followed so your dark tower scene, knowing someone was behind you have me the chills .

Talk about symbolic..that cherry tree sequence certainly is...kind of bittersweet..you can attribute alot of meanings to that.

Hi bro. Yes, the cherry tree was totally out of sorts. There's something romantic about it too, and fresh and many other adjectives. Yes, bitter and sweet. I like that.

Hot news from school

Chatting with schoolfriend PB, possibly at his house. He said that GR, who was at school with us but our paths didn't really cross, wasn't working in security any more. I kinda made out I knew this, but didn't. PB said that while GR was involved with protecting Princess Di she suggested they had sex together but he refused and left.

This is tough. PB wasn't a particularly close friend and GR I hardly knew at all. GR could have been a pro footballer IIRC but decided against it. I suppose he was someone I respected but who was quite different from me.
PB was someone I wanted to have as a friend and I probably tried hard to cultivate the friendship. I suppose I wouldn't want to appear uncool to him. My interest in what he had to say and my pretense in knowing already his gossip covered up my own fear of not knowing what I was "supposed" to know. If this was about sex in particular then I guess I was inexperienced at the time when the dream was set. But I wouldn't have admitted that.
Also why Di? When this dream was set she would have just appeared on the scene.
Still confused.

Originally Posted by Burned up

Probably - he did half an hour of dream analysis every day.

dam if thats the case what does that make is lol?

I cant wait to read your interpretation on the dream you had

Originally Posted by mark

dam if thats the case what does that make us lol?

hehe, I was just thinking the same...
But I think Bu already knew

For years I've only known Freud because of this picture my dad had in his working room: http://www.planetmike.com/opticalillusions/freud.gif
(being a young kid, it took me some years before I suddenly realised what really was on that man's mind )

Originally Posted by mark

dam if thats the case what does that make is lol?

I don't even want to think about that...

Originally Posted by Sara

For years I've only known Freud because of this picture my dad had in his working room: http://www.planetmike.com/opticalillusions/freud.gif

Yes that's what was on his mind...

Originally Posted by Moonbeam

Yes that's what was on his mind...

And freud believed "it" is on all our minds too. The libido, the sex instinct and all that.

I've read that a man thinks about sex once every 8 minutes or so on average. This leaves me thinking that there must be some men who don't think about sex much or at all!!!

Grief and avoidance

Not sure where I was but it was a house, possibly the 10-18 yo house that's featured a lot in recent dreams. I looked in a glass panel in a door and saw my paternal grandmother dead on a chair. (She died back in 1990). My first thought was to find my dad but on the way into the lounge I first came across another man. A stranger. He was there to fix the TV I think. He started chatting to me and all I could think was that I wanted to go to my dad but I was too polite to tell him to stop. Eventually he did and I found my dad sitting in an armchair. I went to hug him, to share our grief. But rather than grieving he jovially said "That wasn't supposed to happen, was it".

My outward patience / inward impatience to the TV repair man was totally in character, especially in my younger days. Maybe I listen to pointless messages from my internal TV repair man - some kind of thinking function I suppose. And that listening takes me away from matters of the heart like grief.

Who was my grandmother to me? She was a simple, busy woman. Her death in my dream could be a way of locating something in time or it could be something about death of something in me. But I'm going for a third option. I've always thought there's some unfinished business regarding my father and his mother's death. Like I never acknowledged it with him. I felt I let him down by avoiding the issue at the time. And now we're closer it may be we can talk at that level for the first time. Within me, I think I found the part of me that can share grief - something our family has always been avoidant about. And my dream father's avoidant response is how I perceived him then and how I feel safe to experience him now. I guess I'm at the point where the contradiction of avoiding grief and inviting it is in my awareness.

Snuggled up

I was in the home of my former counselling supervisor/mentor the previous evening with three others from my previous course. I sat on her sofa next to a female colleague.

I was in J's front room where a few of us counselling trainees were watching a DVD. I was on the sofa with a (female) friend with whom I have shares a lot of "stuff", and her with me. I wanted to snuggle up to her and felt brave enough to do so. To my relief she responded and held me close. Later I had to go out of the room for some reason and when I came back in I modestly sat elsewhere. I noticed she looked rejected so I went back to the sofa and this time she snuggled up to me. Last thing I recall was packing a car to leave and looking for my shoes.

I think this is one of those "feminine side" dreams I sometimes get. The friend is important to me but our relationship was never physical other than hugs and kisses on meeting and parting. But I recall always wanting to be closer, looking for something in her that I couldn't find in myself. Dreams like this remind me of that feeling and, ultimately, the feeling of being held as a baby which I can only access via these adult experiences.

The shoes and car scene was a bit of a side-show I think. Although I does leave me with a feeling of sadness about relationships coming to an abrupt end.

Originally Posted by Burned up

Snuggled up

Sounds like a very nice dream mate!

These are some of my favorites kinds of dreams, did you find that you thought differently about her upon waking?

Originally Posted by Burned up

Snuggled up
I was on the sofa with a (female) friend with whom I have shares a lot of "stuff", and her with me. I wanted to snuggle up to her and felt brave enough to do so. To my relief she responded and held me close. Later I had to go out of the room for some reason and when I came back in I modestly sat elsewhere. I noticed she looked rejected so I went back to the sofa and this time she snuggled up to me. Last thing I recall was packing a car to leave and looking for my shoes.

I have dreams like that lots of times. That is one of those times when I agree with you that it probably doesn't mean what it seems to mean, more the physical representation of the platonic relationship; like you are glad that you are "close" to her.

Brilliant analysis, no? You never would have figured that one out without my help.

Originally Posted by Burned up

And now we're closer it may be we can talk at that level for the first time. Within me, I think I found the part of me that can share grief - something our family has always been avoidant about.

Wow, that sounds great. Amazing what self inflection can do over time in changing attitudes and perceptions. The dream sounded sad, but I was happy to read the positive interpretation.

Originally Posted by mark

Sounds like a very nice dream mate!

These are some of my favorites kinds of dreams, did you find that you thought differently about her upon waking?

It was. I've been wondering for a while when I'd have one. Long overdue!

Originally Posted by Moonbeam

I have dreams like that lots of times. That is one of those times when I agree with you that it probably doesn't mean what it seems to mean, more the physical representation of the platonic relationship; like you are glad that you are "close" to her.

Yes I would agree with that. The dream was about closeness not sex.

Originally Posted by Moonbeam

Brilliant analysis, no? You never would have figured that one out without my help.

Yes, a truly inspired insight