Thread: Fluffy Bunny Feet's First Dream Journal!

Dream #1- I was laying in bed next to my husband. He was talking about this symbol, he didn't know what it meant. It was on a necklace he had...it was like three teardrops in a row, the first two were upside down. I picked up the necklace and threw it to the side. Then this girl appeared, she asked me if I had touched the necklace and I said yes. She said that meant that either me or my husband was going to die today. I was horrified, I begged her for it not to be true but she kept saying it. Then I told her I didn't believe her, that my dream characters always told me my husband was about to die, yet he's still around. She seemed offended but I felt a little better.

Dream #2- I was at school. The teacher was making these life and death decisions and decided to send my husband off to be killed. Then she started harassing me. We were doing some sort of cakewalk and I accidently sat in the bucket of paper mache glue and got it all over my butt. Then suddenly, the teacher had gotten everyone to pick on and harrass me. She had this big remote control helicopter and kept using it to hit me in the head. Then she had this electric razor type thing and she shaved off half my hair. I was very upset and ran off into the hall, trying to find a place to hide with them chasing me. I accidently got myself into a dead end with a bathroom. I went into the bathroom and told a girl in their to please not believe what the teacher says, she's just brainwashing everyone. Then I looked at myself in the mirror, and somehow I was naked, half bald and covered in blood and dirt. Not a pretty sight. I peaked down the hall to see where everyone was, but someone saw me. And so I was running for my life again. I came upon the entrance of the school, but there was some sort of high security system where there were a bunch of doors, and each one took a while to open. I was afraid they were going to catch up with me, but it actually served to slow them down. I ended up in the basement somewhere and collapsed, exhausted, finally thinking I was safe. But then the evil teacher saw me through a window and flew right through it at me. I was again running, down a starcase, and she had this giant laser gun she was shooting at me. Then I remember the white light, and used it on her gun, which made it stop working. I used it on her, which seemed to make her angrier. Then I awoke.

Dream #3- I was laying in my bed, surrounded by pure whiteness. The evil lady from last dream appeared, except she was like a drawing, black outlines on the white. I tried to use the white light again, but it didn't work this time, possibly because of the white background. She came right up to me and talked in my ear. She hated me, was angry that I'd escaped her last time, and this time she was going to get me good. It was almost seductive the way she said this into my ear. She seemed to be some sort of ancient high priestess, and she was angry that I didn't believe in her gods. I told her I didn't really believe in any gods. She showed me this book that was like a bible of her religion. There was a picture of this demonic beast, I think it's name was Gog. Then they were carrying me away with my bed, they were going to sacrifice me to this beast. The first question that came to my mind was, "Like on King Kong?" And she said yes, like on King Kong. I had visions of being held by this big ape and decided I'd rather not go through with it, so I used my only remaning defense and made myself wake up.

Dream #4- I was at high school (again!). There was some kind of special event going on, like a contest sort of thing where you sort of beat each other around and the last person to cross the finish line was the winner. Everyone was dressed in these elaborate costumes, like a masquerade ball. I was doing pretty well in the contest and there was a group of more popular girls that didn't like this. They were led my this girl who I'll call An, who in real life bullied me teribly in 6th grade. Anyway, this group of girls were doing everything they could to keep me down, keep me from winning. I spent most of my time trying to hide from them. Then I got stopped by this tall guy who was kinda dorky attacking me. I asked him why and he said it was because I'd slept with some of his friends. I asked him who he meant and he said a few names that I didn't recognize...I told him I'd never even heard of those people and he believed me. But a little later a couple of his friends came to me, didn't believe me and were harrassing me. I told them I'd never even had sex with anyone before, I was so not cool that I couldn't get laid if I tried. That seemed to satisfy them. The competition was getting really heated at that point, so I went putside for a while and hid behind a tree. When I tried to go back in, the door was locked. There was this band that was going to play getting set up near another door and they let me through. The singer was talking to me for a while, and then they let this leopard out. I was impressed and a little scared that they'd brought a leopard with them. But then I realized it was just a guy in a suit. I went back to the contest area, and the only one still competing was An. Everyone else was having this fancy dinner and dance. When she saw me, suddenly her attitude seemed to change completely and she playful and friendly to me. I asked her what the purpose of the competition was and she confirmed what I had thought. We were walking together toward the finish line when she asked me to hold some of her pills for her. I accidently dropped a couple so we were on the floor looking for them, they seemed very important to her. Then I saw a kitten with both back legs broken dragging itself across the floor. I felt terrible for it, like we should do something, but it didn't seem likely that it would survive. An was still desperately looking for her pills, and she looked kind of pathetic searcing the ground like that. I wondered if she had more serious problems than she let on. At this point I could feel myself waking up, which I tried to stop because I wanted to know what would happen. But alas, I couldn't stop it and so I woke up.


Thoughts & Themes- Once again we have the theme of school and being picked on. These things happens to me just about every night in my dreams. In the first two, there was also the theme of losing my husband, another fairly common dream for me. I've always been afraid of losing the ones I love most. The symbol in the first dream was interesting to me though I don't know what it meant...possibly represents a number...for some reason 663 came to mind in another dream.

Dream #2 & #3 were pretty typical for me, though the religious themes at the end of #3 were interesting. I googled Gog when I woke up to find out if it had any meaning. Apparently it's a common character in mythology and often refers to a giant or demonic being. Kinda spooky. In dream #4 I was fascinated with how my relationship to An changed once her friends were gone. She almost become a weak pathetic creature...kinda like the cats in the dream. The leopard that was really just a costume, and the kitten with broken legs. I actually felt bad for them and her, even though she had been so cruel to me. This is something I'm not sure I've expereinced before, so I find it to be a promising sign.

Dream #1- I was at some sort of breakfast buffet. I got myself an omlet and some pancakes. Something distracted me and my food got cold, though I ate it anyway. I don't remember much about this dream, but somehow there was a background feeling of evil, something ominous. I don't know what it was.

Dream #2- I can't remember! But there was that evil feeling again.

Dream #3- I was sleeping at my house and some people I knew came in but I couldn't wake up. This one guy I know in RL, I'll refer to him as Ch, put a post-it with a note to me on my forehead. Somehow, I couldn't read it. He had brought this video about the history of our house. It showed that it used to have a really nasty bathroom, and a fancy fireplace and glass wall, like some rich people lived here. I was walking around the house trying to comprehend this when I realized I wasn't in my house. I took a shower but couldn't find any shampoo. I went outside with just a towel on, looking for my house. I came across another girl in just a towel who had the same problem. I pointed out the house I had come from, thinking maybe it was hers. I asked he where Lane St (the street I live on) was. She pointed to the left a few blocks. But there were a bunch of big buildings there, so I knew that couldn't be it.

Dream #4- I was at my Grandma's old house, and there were these cartoon guy superheros having some kind of meeting. There was this spaceman guy who seemed to like me. He kept chasing me around and it was really annoying, almost like a stalker. I had to physically fight him off several times.

Dream #5- I was on vacation with my family, my husband, and some cousins. We stopped for ice cream at Dairy Queen. I saw that they had everything half price between the hours of 5-7 and was really excited. I went to ask my husband what time it was. He pulled out his cell phone, which was really huge for some reason, but couldn't get the time on it. We figured it was probably too late for ice cream. I went back in the camper we were all staying in. I had to go to the bathroom to wash my hands and the bathroom was on the bottom part (2 story camper!). I got up to the sink but there was a used tampon next to it. I was totally grossed out and didn't want to use it, so I tried to go back upstairs, but the hallway was so narrow I could hardly get past it. I was looking around desperately for some mlp's that I had stolen.

Dream #6- Don't remember this one well. There was a house and when I tried to go into the basement, it was too narrow and I was afraid of getting stuck. I was in the Madison campus area, and there was serious flooding going on, everything had turned into a river. I was running up a hill to try to avoid it. There was a helicopter chasing after me.

Dream #7- I was at a school cafeteria getting some food. Beavis (yes, from Beavis & Butthead) was standing there at the entrance and so I gave him a beer, which I knew was going to get me in trouble. The food all looked pretty gross and most of it fell off my tray because the trays were so flimsey. The lunch ladies wouldn't give me more. I went and sat down next to some old high school friends, but they were mostly ignoring me and my meal consisted of one bite of hash browns. I started dancing, it seemed to come really naturally. Before long I was gliding through the air, flying while dancing. Some guy told me that my haircut wasn't very stylish and I told him I didn't care.


Thoughts and Themes- Well, I don't know what to say. I didn't find last nights dreams to be terribly interesting and there were so many I was having trouble remembering. I would like to know what the evil thing in the first two was, it was something very hellish. Other than that, there were a couple food/buffet dreams which I seem to have quite often...it always seems like I can never get the food I want even though it's right in front of me, which is frustrating.

Once again, though I did much dreaming last night, I don't remember most of it, but here's what I do.


Dream #1- My and hubby were on vacation, at my uncle J's place (though it looked nothing like it). I don't know much of what happened here, but at some point, some psychotic girl stabbed Grant in the back. I remembered the white light and thinking it could be used for healing, so I tried it and it worked. Then we were running from this girl. At some point we came to a spiral staircase that went way down. I figured I could fly down quickly, so I told Grant to hold onto me, but somehow he fell and severely injured his legs. I must have brought him to this room, it was like a hospital room, and tried to heal him again with the light. I was having a hard time concentrating though, because the crazy girl was right there, trying to get in the way. Eventually I suceeded. All I remember after that is being in someone else's hotel room and watching tv. I thought I head the person coming so I sneaked out, but couldn't get the tv to turn off.

Dream #2- I was sleeping in my bed, and I could hear the old neighbor lady talking to someone. She was telling them about all the houses around here, and then she'd take them into each house and comment on everything. She came into our house and I was feeling a little odd cause I was sleeping naked in my bed, though she didn't come upstairs.

Dream #3- We were at my Grandma B's for Christmas. All of my cousins were there and we were all much younger than we are now. There were lots of sweets and cookies. My pet rats were running around the house, and tended to turn really tiny sometimes (I have this dream all the time). I ate tons of cookies cause I knew I was dreaming, but I started to feel sick despite this. My little cousin L had a She-Ra castle and some mlp's that I was jealous of. Then it was time to go and I was taking some cookies with me. I was excited to discovered some frosted ones. I put a bunch into a bag, and then L came over and was mad at me for taking their frosted ones, even though they had 8 boxes of them. We were packing stuff into the car, and at some point my cousins were carrying out a toilet. We were about ready to go but then I remembered I had to run in and get the rats. I found them, though they all seemed really heavy somehow. I came back out and everyone was complaining that they had to wait for the sake of rats. I pointed out that it had only taken 2 minutes to get them. My mom was like, "That's 2 minutes I'll never get back," I said, "If we got home 2 mintues earlier, you'd just spend the extra time watching tv anyway." They seemed unable to argue with that.


Thoughts & Themes- once again, I was rather bored with my dreams last night and I think that's why I don't remember that much. I don't see much to link them together, honestly. The only thing that interests me is my use of the light in the first one. I had been suspecting it could be used for healing and I was glad to discover that it is.

Dream #1- I was at some sort of celebration/buffet. This girl I was friends with in grade school, I'll call her Al was sitting next to me. She was getting on my nerves so I told her I had to go sit by my family. When She got up, I noticed she had these crazy pink patterned contacts in her eyes and there was a giant eyeball in her belly that was looking around. Apparently this was her halloween costume. My cousin Lisa wanted me to sit with her, but there was only one spot at the table. I went to sit with my parents instead. I got up to get some food but accidently went to the wrong side of the buffet. By the time I got out the food was gone.

Dream #2- I was hanging out with this girl that used to pick on me a lot, I'll call her J. Somehow I earned her friendship. Then I went home to look at my mlp collection and I realized one of them was a fakie, which I hadn't known before. J admitted she had secretly switched one of hers with mine. I went to look at her collection and she had some really rare things that I'd never seen before. I was scheming to think of a way that I could get them from her cheaply, knowing that they were worth a lot. Then there was this beanbag bunny from my Grandma S's old house sitting next to my bed. And there were 3 red ones that looked just like it but a little bigger. One of them had fallen apart. It had been filled with beads, and all the beads were strung along on my bed, many of them falling off. It made me very sad. And there was an ornament on the Christmas tree at home that was broken which upset me as well.

Dream #3- I was in grade school again. I was hanging out with some kids, determined not to become the one that gets picked on all the time, so every time they made a comment about me, I blew it off with some smart-ass remark. We were walking down a hallway and there were a bunch of those plastic animals that look like they're shitting when you squeeze them. I stole one and everyone thought it was really cool. Then we were sitting at a picnic table and I had all these different colored pills that I was bragging about. Then the pills turned into pasta salad and we ate it. In the distance I saw a big wave coming. Before I knew it, the wave hit us. I grabbed onto a dock so it would carry me away. But another wave was after it, and then another, each one bigger than the last. I help my breath as they passed, but then a really gigantic one approached. I figured I would have to hold my breath for 2 mintues and 40 seconds, which I didn't think I could do.

Dream #4- I was walking around the block with Grandma B. We came across this guy who suddenly thought that he was in a relationship with me. I told that I'd been married for over 5 years and he was angry that I hadn't told him sooner. I said that was because I'd only known him for 2 minutes. He said he didn't realize that. Then he said something like "Get your ass over here babe so I can spank you." I told him no but he kept insisting. I finally looked him in the eyes and told him absolutely not. This seemed to really piss him off, so I flew away so he couldn't get me. I went back home, but I had to do some sort of test to make sure I hadn't done something wrong. It involved me being tied and hanging from some pole. I didn't want to do this because I knew it was going to say I'd done something wrong, I knew all the evidence was going to point to that, though I hadn't done wrong. I kept trying to convince my parents to make the test stop. I thought it was ridiculous and kept commenting on how stupid this was, at one point remarking, "This is like being in a bad horror movie." I flew up to the roof and decided that I didn't like this dream, so I started spinning.

The next thing I went to, I just remember seeing a bunch of toilets and shit, which I didn't care for so I spun again.

This time I decided I was going to have to create some some nice scenery so I decided on mountains. All I could get were rocky bluffs, though it was still pretty so I figured good enough. I made snow on the ground and started walking through it. Then I remembered snow was supposed to be cold, and I became very cold, so I made myself some boots and a coat and snowpants. I walked up the bluff and began to see bigger mountains in the distance. I was really enjoying the dream at this point, I decided the only thing that would make it better was some companionship, so I made my husband and my parents be along. Somehow then the dream changed character, we were walking into some underground pit filled with lava. I remember telling my husband not to die (he always seems to die in my dreams). It seems like he just disappeared, along with my parents. There were these giant figures floating around like gods, or demons. They wanted to sacrifice me to the lava. I was on this platform that was lowering down into it. I didn't want this, so tried to wake myself up.

I woke up (false awakening) not knowing where I was. I deduced that I was at a Chuck E. Cheeses. I was topless so I borrowed a little blanket from a kid. I figured I was in downtown Madison, though creeped out that I didn't know how I'd got there. I was thinking that even if I found a payphone that I could call for help, I didn't have any money on me. Then I caught a glimpse of my reflaction in a window and I realized I had the same strange hairstyle from the last dream. I was horrified, and ended up back in the hellish place. I spun again.

Now I was surrounded by metal. Everything was space age and silver, like something out a sci-fi movie. This lady was inviting me into this big ballroom type room, but I didn't trust her, I thought it was going to be hell again. In the other direction there was a hallway with stores and things. Behind me, going down, was the "furnace room." I asked what temperature the furnace burned at and they said 65. I didn't think that seemed too hot, so I decided to go that direction, thinking that the furnace room couldn't be hell because that would be too obvious. I was wrong. There was a big friendly furnace with a cartoon face. Then things got dark and hellish again. The demons returned, angry at me for eluding them again. They talked in these horrible demonic voices. They turned part of me to metal, which felt very strange, and welded me to something so I couldn't move or spin. I made myself wake up.

Dream #5- Something told me that my uncle Jerry had just died. I was talking to my Grandma B and she was saying that she wrote her will inside all these little plastic Easter eggs. The eggs had become lost somehow and this was very upsetting to her. Then this guy who had apparently been her neighbor came up with a few of the eggs, only they looked like polished marble. He said he knew where the rest were. I asked him to show me, and I was taken into Grandma's old house. I don't remember how it was activated, but there was this sword against a wall that you had to make go up. I wasn't sure if the sword was there in real life (it isn't), so I promised to ask my dad about it. The next thing I remember is being a theatre at school. There was this guy I knew, and I was telling him I didn't have time to talk, I had more work to do. I had to rescue this blue cow that was on the stage, I flew down and hooked onto it with some kind of plunger thing and flew it up to the balcony, where this little elf or something was waiting. It thanked me and then flew off with the cow. I knew there was one other thing I was supposed to do, and I found some old high school friends that were telling me what it was. They wanted me to edit some webpage. I thought this was weird given that I'm not great with computers. I asked them if I could do it psychically, they said yes but they wanted me to do it on the computer. I asked them why they didn't get someone who was better with computers to do it, which they didn't seem to have an answer for.


Thoughts & Themes- Oh boy, where to start. I had so many dreams last night, I'm quite sure I'm missing some in the journal. But I don't have 3 hours a day to devote to this. There were a lot of things that are common for me- giant waves, being sacrificed, hell-like imagery, contact with dead grandmas, buffets that I can never seem to eat, etc. In a lot of my school dreams I get picked on, but I seem to have found a way to avoid that. Unfortunately it involves acting like someone who I don't really feel is me. And it seems like I got punished for that in the dreams.

The most interesting dream for me was #4, particularily the lucid part with the bluffs and snow. I had tried the technique of spinning, that I read about on here, for the first time. Although I'm often aware I'm dreaming and can generally control my actions, it's rare for me to be able to change the scenery to such an extent. It was a very refreshing experience. Unfortunately, it went bad and I'm not sure why. This whole thing about being sacrificed seems to follow me sometimes, and it kept coming back no matter how I tried to change it, so I resorted to waking myself up, as I inevitably do in these sorts of dreams. I'm wondering though, if I shouldn't just allow myself to be sacrificed and see what happens. I'm always afraid that something terrible is going to happen to me because of it, but if I don't let it happen it'll probably keep haunting me. I don't know what to do...

I don't remember much from last night, mostly fragments. I spent a lot of time thinking I heard my husband talking on the phone, which was rather uninteresting.

Dream #1- This is the only one I remember substantially. It was sort of like 3 dreams in one. I was in my bedroom at my parents' house. There was this message on my answering machine that I couldn't figure out where it came from. It was an unfamilier voice, and I heard myself talking to it on the message. The person was telling me I should volunteer for the church picnic because it might help me find a job. I said "Yeah ok," without intending to, though I had no memory of this. I went downstairs to watch tv. I saw a kitty-cat at the door...except it was a mountain lion. My brother's old friend was standing by the door, I warned him not to open it but it was too late. The mountain lion came in and was snarling at us. I held onto my dog Buster tightly so he wouldn't go try to play with it, but he was scared anyway.

I woke up in my old bedroom again (false awakening). My mom came in and I told her about the crazy cougar dream I just had. I realized I hadn't seem their dog for a while and asked where she was. My mom suddenly looked very sad. She said that the dog had run into something very hard. My dad brought the dog up and she was missing both back legs. I felt terrible for her, though she was still able to get around a bit. I went up and petted her and she was very friendly to me (in RL she's very cautious and shy). I felt very sad that she wouldn't be able to play with Buster anymore.

Once again I was sitting on my old bed. I wasn't sure if the dog thing had been real or a dream. My mom and brother Mike were sitting there too, saying there's something they needed to tell me. Mike was angry at my mom because she didn't seem to care enough about what happened to him. I asked him what it was and he told me to look at him and see if I noticed anything strange. I didn't. He showed me his ear and it was blue, like it was deeply bruised. Then I noticed he had bruises all over his face. I asked him if he got into a fight. He said yes, there were four guys that somehow turned his truck over (he doesn't have a truck) and beat him up. Then one of the guys came over "and fucked me in the ass," he said. I was horrified but luckily waking up at this point.

Dream #2- We were at my Grandma S's house, sleeping over. Except it was like a motel and daycare in one. Me and a couple cousins got stuck in the daycare room, which was like a bunch of seats and a pool of water, reminded me of the oceanarium at the Shedd aquarium in Chicago. In the morning it was time to go and we helped everyone load up the car. Then when we came back to the daycare room to get our backpacks, it was completely filled with kids and they were driving me nuts. My backpack was soaking wet, some kid had thrown it into the water. I was very upset because my cell phone was completely ruined and I didn't want to have to buy a new one.

Dream #3- We were at my Grandma S's house, playing some sort of wild west game with guns and stuff. We were running from the shooters and came upon this little store. They were selling fake halloween bullet wounds and I thought it would be clever to put some on and fool them into thinking they'd killed us. The only other thing I remembered here was running through the woods.

Dream #4- I'm not sure exactly where this one occured in the sequence, I just remembered it. Once again, there were giant waves coming toward. I had to keep looking away from them and concentrating on something else to make them not hit me. I somehow called Gamera, the mythic giant flying turtle from cheesy Japanese monster movies. Gamera picked me up and I flew along with him. I decided it was safe to let the waves come back because we could fly over them. Then a really huge wave came and we had to fly really high, but we were able to go over the top of it. After the waves ceased, Gamera dropped me off on land. Unfortunately he seemed to be melting into a pile of green goo by this point.


Thoughts & Themes- Again, the only one here I really found interesting was the first one. Between the mountain lion, the dog amputee, and my brother getting raped, it was like a triple punch. Yikes. I used to very often dream of wild animals being at my parents' door but I think it's been a while since I had it. I dream a lot of injured pets as well. I'm not sure what they all mean...

Dream #4 I take to be a positive sign. It says to me that not only can I make my problems less severe by re-focusing, but I can actually overcome them no matter how huge they seem. I just may require some help to do so.

For a big chunk of last night, I don't remember anything, possibly because I went to bed a bit tipsy. I did have several lucid dreams in the morning though.


Dream #1- I knew I was dreaming. I was in some sort of giant room, floating around in the air by holding onto a balloon. I wondered what would happen if the ballon popped, and then I remembered I didn't need anything to fly, so I let go and just started flying around by myself. Then I was walking through a hallway with these girls that were kind of annoying me, so I made a wall behind me to block them from coming with me. I came across several people that I incinerated with my mind. I was surprised at how easy they were to kill, but felt bad about it. I decided to try to avoid killing people. I kept going down flights of stairs and finding another huge room on each floor. One of them was a giant stage and I flew around it naked for a while, knowing that the audience couldn't see me. This one lady, who was in some kind of control room, did see me, I was surprised that anyone could. She had red eyes and was very offended with what I was doing. I changed my appearance because I didn't want her to recognize me. Then I was in another huge room, this one had a huge waterslide going down. I flew around for a while and then rode the waterslide. Then I tried to get off, but couldn't quite seem to gt there end ended up waking myself up.

Dream #2- I was laying in bed and some little boys had pulled a prank on me and left the hairdryer on in my bed so it would burn me. I went to turn it off which somehow resulted in my hands being tied up. I realized this was part of their plan and they also wanted to make the door close and trap me, so I went to the other side of the door. Then they were chasing me and I climbed over a fence.

Dream #3- I was talking to this corporate-type guy. He was apparently the devil, or something of that nature. I asked him a bunch of questions about his job. The only one I remember was I wanted to know if the lady in the previous dream that could see me worked for him. He said that she did. He asked me how I flew. I said I didn't really know, I just did it. He was supposed to show me something then. He gave me this remote that I could use to change the scenery around me like channels on a tv. I was supposed to go to channel 231. But the remote didn't have a 1 on it, so we ended up on channel 23. I pointed this out to him and he was pissed because that meant he wasn't going to make any money today. I asked him what he really looked like and he turned into this halloween costume type devil. I told him that wasn't very scary but he didn't want to show me his true form. For a while he kept changing appearance and size and distance from me. He showed me this room where people were hooked up to these crazy machines which kept them in suspended animation. He said he was actually human, one of these people. Somehow I got the idea that he was Walt Disney. Then he was gone somehow and I saw this series of 3 doors, one on top of the other. I knew the top one held something important, perhaps the thing that the devil had been unable to show me. I was scared, sensing serious danger. It had been locked but somehow it opened for me. It led to a library. I didn't have much time there though, because there was a group of people coming in behind me and I wasn't supposed to be there. I hid, but someone saw me before long. This led to all of us trying to kill each other, though none of it was successful. We then agreed that we'd wake ourselves up instead, which I proceeded to do.

Dream #4- I was taking some sort of class, I believe it had to do with mythology and lucid dreaming. I found it all very interesting though I don't remember any of what was said. Afterwards, I was flying around and I came across this girl who I though was another dreamer. I told her I was having a lucid dream and we talked about them for a while, then she disappeared. Next thing I remember was running from some nuns or something and hiding in a closet. The closet was full of these chocolate fudgy Easter eggs that we used to sell as a fundraiser in grade school. I always really loved those eggs, so I ate a whole bunch of them. Then there was this little boy that I cared very deeply about that I saved from the other people. And I'm sure there's more that happened but that's all I remember.

Thoughts & Themes- Last night's dreams were quite interesting. Dream #1 was almost fully lucid for me and was a very enjoyable experience. Though I find the inability to orgasm in dreams to be annoying. I have gotten there before, so I know it possible, and when it does happen it's the most amazing experience, I saw God a couple times that way. Anyway, what interests me most is that lady who could see me. I wondered if she wasn't some sort of actual supernatural being or something. She seemed different than the other dream characters. Apparently, according to Dream #3, she works for the devil. Hmmm....

Dream #3 was very interesting as well. I'm not sure if I've ever talked to the devil on that level. Surprisingly, I wasn't scared at all. The ending of this dream was strange as well, with us all trying to kill each other. I wondered if all those people were other lucid dreamers. Same with the girl I talked to in #4. And I'm wondering about the little boy in #4, he seemed to hold some special significance.

Dream #1- I was at high school, but it was a different school than the one I actually went to. I was late for swimming class. We were in the pool and the teacher suddenly rose the water level. My backpack got all wet and I was upset because I though my cell phone might be ruined. Next thing I remember, we were on some sort of field trip. We went too this carnival type water-coaster ride. I remembered being on it in a previous dream and losing my husband there. I wondered if maybe I would find him. We started riding, but my backpack kept getting tangled in the gears of the machine and ended up making it go out. I felt stupid. On the bus ride back, people seemed to be really angry at me and were picking on me. I asked everyone that hates me to raise their hand and about 7 people did. I was planning on sneaking out once the bus stopped so I could get away from the school, but it drove right in and there were locked doors that only let people out with permission. I really didn't want to go to school so I looked for a place to hide. I was thinking the bathrooms but they were just these pull-down things on the wall. I felt totally trapped. Then I remembered that I was dreaming and had special powers. I found a room with high ceilings and started flying around. This guy that hated me from the bus was chasing me around flying as well. We were fighting with wooden yardsticks. Mine had a metal edge and I accidentally slit his throat with it, though it wasn't very deep. There was a bunch more fighting and that's all I remember.

Dream #2- This one's pretty fuzzy. I was playing the newest Grand Theft Auto game. I flew off a cliff with my car and a tank chased me but could fly through the air. Then I noticed a giant turtle flying around that I could steal, it was Gamera. Everything was goofy and cartoon-y like Scooby doo or something. My dad was complaining about having to watch it. Then music videos came on.

Thoughts & Themes- Well, I only remember two dreams from last night, which is unusual. Lately I seem to be getting my backpack wet and worrying about my cell phone a lot. Very Strange. I'm glad though that toward the end of the dream I realized that I had some power. Fighting is pretty common in my dreams as well...it's never something I want to do, it's like I have to defend myself.

Dream #1- This one's fuzzy. There was something about being on a boat and falling into the water. Then I was playing Kingdom Hearts except it was more like muppets. This little girl that I knew found it very entertaining.

Dream #2- I was in a school cafeteria. I couldn't find my backpack. I found a bag full of expensive camera equipment and gave it to the lost & found guy. I asked him if he'd seen my backpack but he hadn't. Then I saw my brother so I asked him and he said he thought it was somewhere, but I don't remember where. Then I went to the school theatre and there was a play going on. There wasn't really room to sit in the seats so I sat in front of the stage. Then the people in the show started dancing around in front of the stage, so I tried walking up the aisle, but there were more dancers coming down that way. I was in the way and messed up the routine for one of them. I was terribly embarrased. I sat in the seats but then this girl I used to be friends with, Jl, came dancing by and made me come up the aisle with her. This was part of the act, apparently. I couldn't really do the dance right though. When we got to the end she told me how horrible it was and how I'd messed it all up. I felt terribly embarassed again and started crying.

A care bear came and hugged me and then I was on this swing on stage. I didn't really want to be there, but everytone seemed to be enjoying it so I felt a little better. When the show was done, everyone was being really nice to me and I finally felt like I was part of something. They brought down this shelf with tons of candy and I accidently knocked that over too, though no one seemed to really care. I was hoarding up the candy. I remember getting a huge chocolate bar and a chocolate-cherry bar that a friend was jealous of. It was leaking its filling all over though. Then a guy I used to go to school with, Br, stole my chocolate bar. I went up to him and asked him to give it back. This really pissed off another guy, St. I was wearing these black vinyl pants and he cut most of the leg off one side. He stitched both sides through my skin. This was all done in less than a second.

I was very upset so I went to another room that was sort of like a nightclub. I needed to use the bathroom so I could get the stitches out. All the bathrooms were just closed with curtains so it was hard to tell if anyone was in there or not. I found an empty one and went inside, but then a random guy came in and tried to molest me. This upset me even more and I sat down next to this girl. I almost reached for her water bottle but then realized it wasn't mine. She gave me a strange look so I explained that I always kept a water bottle on my right side. She told me that she had tried to slit her wrists earlier that day. I told her it sounded like we were both having shitty days.

Then I was in this hallway. There were guys pushing around carts of dishes, like the back room of a cafeteria. There were a bunch of platforms you could jump off. None of them were very high and I chose the lowest one. I ended up in a bowling alley full of old people. They all thought my jump was very entertaining. I said "From now on I'm hanging out with the old people!" At least they thought I was cool. I met another girl there that I remembered seeing at the play. It turned out the she had almost the same experience as me, I felt a realy connection with her. We decided that we'd write a book together. She was telling me her myspace when I woke up.

Dream #3- This one was sort of like an alternate ending for #2. I was in the same stage area. There was some sort of raffle going on. There was this game where you were supposed to act out something in front of other. I got picked to do it and all I could do was collapse and sleep. The person running it told everyone I was narcoleptic. I won second prize, which was a skull mask type thing. Everyone thought it was really cool and wanted to try it on. Someone must have gone away with it, cause I couldn't find it then. I found another, though, that was similar. It was time to go, and I took all the Halloween decorations that were hanging around the place that I could carry. I was about to leave when another guy I knew from school, Kv, tried to stop me. He wanted to fight or something. I asked him why he hated me. It had something to do with his mom talking about me. I told him I'd never met his mom. He said that I'd stolen coins from a basket in kindergarten, which I couldn't remember, though I apologized anyway. Then he seemed to love me.


Thoughts & Themes- once again, I got the feeling of being a social outcast, a fuck-up, not being accepted, etc. This comes through in a lot of my dreams and in real life I struggle with social anxiety. What's different is that there were moments of feeling accepted that alternated with the rejections. I also found it interesting that my mind wanted to relive dream #2 in order to change how it went, perhaps this was a good sign...Dream #3 had a more positive feel overall. Also, my backpack seems to be showing up a lot recently, I wonder what it represents...

Dream #1- I was living in some sort of dorm-type setting, but there were no walls and no privacy. The girl next to me kept making fun of my mlp collection. There was an ugly little dog that ran around the place and it loved to bite people. It would bite pretty hard and was quite painful, though it never punctured the skin. Everyone would sit on top of tables to avoid the dog. I went to the lady and asked her if maybe she could try to find a new home for the dog, ahe said she couldn't afford to or something. The dog bit me again and I was very upset.

Dream #2- I had to do some sort of mission and the Catholic high school in my hometown (note: I went to Catholic grade school, so would have known most of the kids there, but I went to public high school). It was graduation day and everyone was all dressed up. Everyone rode in a train to the entrance. One evil-seeming guy told me I'd never be able to do what I'd been sent there for. When we got to the door, there was some guy checking who people were at the door. Everyone had a band-aid on their finger and gave it to the guy in order to be let in. My band-aid looked different and I knew I wouldn't get in this way.

So I went in a back way with the help of some girls there. But the graduation area was in a big bubble that I didn't know how to get into. To do that, I had to solve some sort of puzzle that involved wine glasses. I came close to solving it but time had run out. Now I had to do things another way. I had to be very careful so none of the students would recognize me. There was a group of people hanging out in front of a big projector screen and I asked them if they were the band. They said they were. Now I had to play some sort of video game on the screen. Somehow it was very important that I finish it, or the demons would get me. The band gave me a drink they said would help. I don't remember much of anything about the game itself, except that I got through 6 of 7 levels and was near finishing.

Suddenly some German nazi guys came and stopped it. They kidnapped the band and turned the floor to ice that was melting quickly. They had a big ship that was filled with weird animals. There was a white furry elephant that spoke to me and I felt I was in love with him. He had a very sad look in his eyes and I wished I could help him. I told him I hoped to see him again. I convinced the Germans to go away but now time was running out again. There was a guy who said he was going to take amtrak out of there. It seemed like a good idea so I went with him to see when the next train left. It wasn't for a couple hours, so I went to see if I could finish the game. But I couldn't get back to the area the normal way, so I tried to sqeeze out of a small space in skyway but I was having trouble. I was thinking I shouldn't have worn my silver vinyl skirt. I could feel myself waking up, which was unfortunate because I hadn't accomplished my goal yet.

Dream #3- I was at the mall. My brother Mike had just come out of some some of virtual reality computer game. We had some pet rats along, but they were smaller and didn't look like mine. I changed the hair color on two of them so they looked like my actual pets. I told Mike to do the same on the other two. He did, and I told him "Congratulations, you've just had your first lucid dream!"

Dream #4- I was trudging through the snow, up and down giant hills. I had Christmas songs running through my head but they all were in minor keys. It had been a long journey and I was cold and exhausted. I knew I wouldn't make it much farther so I stopped at a church along the way. They let me in and it was warm and full of journeying people like me. This preacher lady was handing pamplets out. Mine said I should watch out for my cousin Lisa becasue we'd be competing for something. Lisa happened to be there at that moment and we discussed it and decided she was full of shit. So I decided to leave and went back out into the snow. There was a rich lady in a pumpkin shaped carriage leaving...it went really fast and was attached to a truck as big as a building. She said it was her hospital, she brought it everywhere in case she needed it. Then I saw frozen food on both sides of me and realized I was actually in the freezer section of a grocery store.

Dream #1- I was doing some sort of activity with a bunch of girls, maybe like girl scouts or something. I kept messing stuff up and the girls in my group were all pissed at me. It was lunch time and I had no one to sit with. Then I woke up at my parent's house (false awakening). I was having a hallucination that my fingers were really long and telling my parents about this. Then I awoke fully (in my dream) and my mom tried to bite my ass. I was deeply disturbed and offended by this. My mom had somehow become a completely different personality. She was walking around half-naked, spoke with a southern accent, and didn't remember any of us. I though maybe she had been under so much stress that she escaped by becoming someone else. I was distraught over this. I begged her to be my mom again with no luck.


Dream #2- I was at school, probably high school. I sat next to this girl that was complaining about everything. We were attached to these cords so we could swing around and stuff. While the teacher was talking, I accidently burped really loudly. This girl that used to pick on me a lot, An, told the whole class that I had done it, and said something making fun of my dad, too. Soon she had everyone picking on me. I decided to escape. Outside the classroom, everything was littered with rubble and broken glass which kept getting stuck in my skin. I came upon a river that was pretty much covered in large garbage, furniture, appliances and the like. I found a small white shelving unit that I wanted to take with me. I jumped from one piece of rubble to the next to get down the river. I met several people along the way, including one guy that really creeped me out, and a cowboy. I wasn't able to take the shelf back with me for some reason. When I got back to land, I started looking for my bike, I thought I had left it around there. All I could find were these little boats that resembled bikes.


Dream #3- I was in Japan. I saw a lot of topless women and surmised that this must be ok in Japan. I looked forward to telling my husband this as I'm sure he would enjoy the scenery. I was with some sort of tour goup, following them around, but somehow the group dispersed and I was left alone. I went back to what was known as the American section of Japan. It was all people in booths selling stuff- jewelry, clothes. I was sad that this was all we had to offer. People were trying to sell stuff to each other but no one had any money to buy it. There was a room with a bathroom and payphone that I went to, thinking I needed to get out of here. The line for the phone was like a mile long, though. There was another room, called the "trophy room." It had a bunch of old industrial machinery in it, which disappointed me as well. I talked for a while with a girl I went to high school with, desperately looking for a way back home.


Dream #4- I was at my parents' house, even though I knew I was actually sleeping at my house. My rats were running around on the floor, I was marveling at the fact that they could do this even though they were home in their cage. We were talking about whether we preferred passionate or laid-back personalities...my dad and brother preferred passionate, my mom, laid back. Then we were out in the garage and my mom was showing me some pictures that she'd taken. There were a few of me that I really didn't want her to take and I told her how upset about it I was. I kept unwrapping things and finding them to be camera components. My mom had become quite the photographer.

I'm not sure this was the same dream, but I think it was. My mom asked me why we hadn't left town yet for good. I told her that I'd been to the edge of town, and everything in every direction was a wasteland, just like it is here. I figured things weren't going to be any better anywhere else, so I might as well stay by my family. Things had gotten really violent everywhere and there was no where to feel safe. We went on a walk to go to an atm or something. We walked past a school for creation science. As we were leaving, this guy brushed up against me and signaled to me that he wanted me. I wanted nothing to do with him, but he had a gun, so I started running. I warned my family ahead of me to run like hell. I turned a corner and a little girl came running the opposite direction. I tried to get her to turn around when the guy shot her several times. I was deeply upset and kneeling down next to her, looking at the guy and yelling "You killed her, you bastard!" Then he shot me several times.

I wasn't sure if I was dead or not until some people came up and confirmed it. My family was deeply distraught. I felt a profound sense of sorrow, mostly for their sake. I wished I could talk to them, but I couldn't. They grieved for a while and then resolved to move on, for they had no other choice. I was sad to see them go but proud of their resolve. Then I was surrounded by blackness, along with the little girl that had been shot, like we were both in some afterlife. I cuddled with her for a while and asked her where she had come from. She said she'd been wandering the desert for years. I asked her where her mommy was and she said she'd never had one. It was a tragic thought, this child suffering alone in the desert for some long. I wanted to tell her about my family, but I was afraid it would make her feel bad, since I did have a mommy.



Thoughts & Themes- Well, last nights' dreams were rather depressing. I the idea of a wasteland running through them. I think the wasteland represents the U.S. I have always known this in my heart, that the way we live is eventually going to end up this way, but I guess it's become more apparent due to recent economic conditions. I'm truly afraid for us. Like in Dream #3, where in the "trophy room," all we have to show is a bunch of old machines that don't work. Or masses of people that only know how to sell things that no one can still afford. Or Dream #2, with its rivers of garbage.

Dream #4 especially scared me. It was like post-apocolyptic scenario where things were shitty everywhere and violence was how people got what they wanted. It's always especially disturbing when I get killed in a dream. I felt so deeply for the little girl that I ended up being killed when I could have gotten away. Perhaps this represents my sense of empathy and how it makes me vulnerable. I've always though that I felt more, that I have a greater sense of compassion than most people. This is who I am, sometimes it seems like a harsh world that's not meant for me. I wish that we did more for each other in this world, because life is difficult enough as it is.

Double post, oops...

Oh God, where to start? Last nights' dreams were profoundly disturbing. I still feel shaken up and in a crappy mood about them.

Dream #1- I was at some sort of college music class, we were sittting in those old-fashioned wooden seats in a medium-sized lecture hall. There were these things on some of the seat that would emit a force that made you unable to move. I was trying to stay away from them and moving around the hall a lot. There was this geeky guy that kept talking to me about stuff I wasn't at all interested in. I'm not sure how the scenery changed but then I was in like an underground house. I found myself really weak and having a very hard time moving. The place was filled with demons- they were all like the hairless, naked humans with sharp teeth and nails. They wanted to make me into one of them. They told me I had to make some kind of great sacrifice for them, to become a martyr for their cause. I didn't want this, because I don't want to die. They were fitting me for this cap that was supposed to trap me inside the dream or something, but as soon as they put it on, it fell off.

The scenery changed and I was at a cafe or something, sitting at a table with a bunch of these demons. Except now they looked like regular people. The geeky guy from before was back, I guess he had brought me here. There was a young woman with long black hair sitting across the table, I told her she was beautiful. She seemed to have a threesome sort of relationship with a guy and another girl. I kept asking them what they wanted from me, and they said that the snow demon would be along soon to make a deal with me. I asked them what would happen if I refused, they said they would haunt me forever and make me crazy. I asked them why they chose me for this, and they said it was something the snow demon decided, I was the right person in his opinion. I was still unable to move as I wanted, they said it was because demons weren't very flexible. Then I saw the snow demon approaching. He was like a really big hunchbacked guy with hat and trenchcoat that was covered in snow. The girl sitting next to me somehow released something, like a nightmare, into my ear, as I made myself wake up. I had some sort of hallucination as I woke up. The dream really messed with my head and I had to read for a while just to get it off my mind.

Dream #2- I was in a city somewhere, it was dark. This giant statue had come to life and was marching toward me. I was gliding along the ground away from it, but I wished I could go faster. The ocean was ahead and I knew I'd be safe if I went deep enough. I kept looking back and seeing the statue like a block behind me. Once I got to the water, I was unable to glide anymore, so I fell in. I was having a really hard time remembering how to swim.

Dream #3- I was in hell, I think. It was sort of like an underground club. The first level was like a concert place. I made it through that level and got to the second, which was like an arcade. Little monsters and robots kept chasing me everywhere and I had to avoid touching them. I was standing on top of something where they couldn't reach me, and I somehow asked if I could save the game. I had to fight this demon in the corner in order to do that, and it looked scary to me. Then this robot with a long arm came up and tagged me, so I had to go back to the beginning. I came across this guy, who was like the champion of hell, who was laughing at me and saying I'd never reach his level. I was in the bar again and there was this band playing that sort of reminded me of Motorhead. I went up to the bar to get a drink but they didn't have any alcohol. People acted like I was really strange for not knowing this. They said it was too strong, everyone used pills, except people in the lower levels would use alcohol "while they were hanging," whatever that meant.

Dream #4- I was taking some sort of astronomy class. I was trying to explain to my dad something about time dialation, so I spun around a cop hat and told him to imagine it was the earth and we were on it...then I couldn't remember how to explain any further. The class started and the professor was projecting all these crazy things onto a wall. Then he asked for a volunteer to hold a light. Grant wanted to but I told him not to, I didn't trust the guy. The person who volunteered held and candle and the whole thing turned into some sort of satanic ritual. There were patterns on the floor and we had to find a specific one to sit at. The professor had become the devil, and he mentioned something about writing an article for the Isthmus, a local newspaper.

I don't know whether to classify this as the same dream or not. I was in a classroom again and someone was handing out copies of the Isthmus. We were all supposed to read from them aloud. The writing was much like the bible, but with God replaced with satan. I refused to read when it was my turn. This set off a chain of events that had the devil chasing me the rest of the night.

Dream #5- This is actually a series of dreams, but I don't know where to make the distinction, or what order they occured in. I was in a class again and the devil was teaching me. He kept mocking me for my refusal to play along. I was wearing sunglasses and he made the other students take them off. They were all making fun of me and I just stood there.

This was more like a hynogogic halluncination. I was laying in bed and I kept hearing music, I could swear I was picking up radio stations in my head. Then I heard this loud, distant drum and I knew it was the devil. He had manifested himself in the flesh and was marching with a band in order to take over the world.

I went back into dreams. I was in some sort of apartment buidling, and there was the devil, again. We were discussing this old bible I had picked up at a thrift store. He said it was giving him power because there were evil spells in it somewhere. I was wondering if I should get rid of it, but I didn't trust him and thought it might actually be protecting me. He tried to seduce me by putting on this show with a bunch of people singing and dancing. They all stacked up on each other like a cheerleader pyramid. The another group would do the same thing much closer to me. They kept getting closer until I got freaked out and ran up the stairs, which woke me up.

I was talking to the devil again, and he had a good rat and a bad rat (they were blue rats, similar to the ones I actually own). I wanted to take the good one and save it, but the bad one crawled up my sleeve as well. I was trying to get it off me when it bit my finger really hard. I knew that the bite would somehow infect me.

At some point, I remember another fragment of me reading a book about hell, and it sitting open on my bed at my parents' house.

And there's more, I'm sure of it. But that's all I can remember for now...


Thoughts & Themes- Ugh. I am really sick of struggling through hell and being chased by demons and the devil. I don't know what's up with all this hellish imagery lately. There's not anything particularily monumental going on in my life, I don't think. I guess the devil is something that scares me, that won't leave me alone. Maybe it's related to social anxiety?

Dream #2 bothered me the most, I didn't know what to do. Whatever it was they wanted from me was terrifying. I can't imagine it was death in a literal sense though, death in dreams is never really the end. Perhaps I should have waited to see what the snow demon wanted. I guess I've been in the habit of waking myself up rather than enduring what may come. Maybe I'm delaying progress this way. But I get so scared...

Dream #1- I was running some sort of virtual reality program on my computer, it was like a simulation of my hometown. I was driving a train through town, and I tried to stop someplace with a tower but it wouldn't stop fast enough. The front of the train ended up vertical against the tower. I knew I was near where I wanted to be. Then I crawled through a small space in the computer screen, and into the simulation. I wanted to go to the high school, the one I didn't actually go to (I'll call this St. M's from now on). I was on the road next to it but there was water flowing evrywhere and it was hard to walk through. Then I was afraid the girl at the door wouldn't let me in because I didn't attend school there.

I also remember using our very old computer (from the early 90's) at a public place. There were all these pictures that I had drawn in windows paint when I was a kid. There were also some shots of my vr trip to St. M's, which I didn't want anyone to see, because I didn't want to have to explain my obsession with the place.

Dream #2- I was at my Grandma S's old house, in her basement. This one teacher, that I always disliked, Mrs. S, was there teaching a class. We were watching movies down there for the class. Then there was this worksheet about the movies that we were supposed to fill out but I didn't do mine. I found some notebooks with some old, morbid poetry that I had written in high school. Mrs. S looked through the books and I wondered if she was going to think that I was deranged or something. I almost hoped she would.

Dream- I was at my parents' house. I found tried to use the toilet in the spare bathroom that doesn't work. My brother Mike had some Halloween makeup that I accidentally dropped in there. I was trying to wash it off with this thing, it was like faucet on a stick, in the porch. I kept knocking over all this stuff that was leaning against the wall and I was having a hard time turning the faucet off. My mom came in and said Mike was at the hospital and probably had some sort of serious muscle disease. Then later she said it was fainting.

I went to the hospital to visit him. The elevator wouldn't go to the right floor. Everyone was acting very gravely, like there was something very wrong with him and I wasn't supposed to see him. A former class mate, J and her family were there in the elevator and being very rude to me. I ended up getting out of the elevator back on the first floor. There was a tv screen that showed Mike. He had been kidnapped by some terrorists and was in another country.

I was trying to leave the hospital and this guy kept trying to get my credit card. I didn't want to give it to him and he said if I didn't there were going to be plagues and ice. I asked him if he was talking about biblical things and he said no, not that intense. I asked what would happen if I did give it to him, he said something about me being happier and in my husband's will. I said "Wait, so you're saying that in the best case scenario my husband dies?!" I tried to give him the credit card but he ran away.

Another former classmate T came along and was trying to get my phone number. He had this list of numbers and he would win something if he got the most. I didn't want to give it to him. Then this guy, who was supposed to be my uncle E told me that he was on his last life. I was supposed to get phone numbers for my friends and then call him. He said it was just for the kind of friends that I'd have over for dinner. I thought that would be easy since I never have people over for dinner. He gave me his phone number on a piece of paper, I was supposed to call him. Then J and T were chasing me around and trying to get that number, it was very important somehow.

There was also something with creepy dolls trying to eat me...

Dream #1- I was at high school, I think gym class. We were going cruising on this big wooden ship. I was walking up to it with these 2 guys I used to talk to online, back when we only had a local service to chat on. They were both not attractive to me, though they kept wanting to talking about sex. One of them was really getting on my nerves. I got on the boat and chose to sit right in the front, on this board that was sticking out way above the water. I changed my mind as the boat started moving because I was like 100 feet above the water. This girl swung out on a rope to get me off there. I noticed there was something odd about her swimsuit: It was more like a kinky garter belt and cupless bra, it didn't cover any of her naughty bits. This made me realize that I must not be in school after all. We swung over to another part of the ship where there were 2 pretty girls wearing eleborate vinyl dresses who were apparently friends of mine. I was also wearing a vinyl shirt and short skirt, and I realized I had no underwear on. I was both aroused and embarrassed.

It turns out we were all models. We went to this island and were walking around doing photo shoots in our swimsuits. We were walking over so many big rocks and I kept tripping and scraping my legs on them. My legs got so scraped up that I felt I couldn't go on, and asked if we could walk on the road instead. Most of the group was agreeable but this one bitchy girl who insisted that we stay on the rocks. I couldn't go any further with them, so I wandered off to this lake, I think it was Lake Superior. There was a little bay with a large rock sticking out in the middle. I wandered out to the rock and then some people came and got me. Everyone was upset at me for wandering off.

I'm sure I'm missing some part here, it has to do with people trying to attack and hurt me...I'm certain it had to do with blades and slicing. I realized I was in a dream and I could defend myself so suddenly my hand turned into a bunch of giant blades. I sliced apart some of the people that were threatening me. I let the others gets away. Then there was this guy on stilts, probably 30 feet tall, coming to fight me. I didn't want to fight him because I couldn't get my blades up that high so I ran instead. There were a bunch of bridges going over the area that slowed him down, since he was taller than them. I ran up a ramp to a dining room type area.


Dream #2- This occured right after dream #1. I was in an area with a skate rink. This girl was trying to get me to participate in some thing, but I said I wasn't sure I was dreaming, though I thought the odds pretty good. I asked if there were going to be any blades involved, since I didn't feel like being sliced up again. She said they would get me really high and I wouldn't feel anything. I went along with it, mostly out of curiousity. Everyone in this place was like a giant, at least 30 feet tall. I figured that was what the girl had meant when she mentioned getting high. Everyone towered over me. Then I was supposed to meet this guy who ran the place...he was really important or something. It was a young, attractive black man in a suit. I was really nervous to meet him and couldn't think of much to say. His wife was there and kept trying to tell me what I should say to him. She was really drunk though, so I wasn't understanding her. Then we left and I didn't feel the meeting had gone well, and I was going to pay for it somehow. I met this guy I know in RL, I'll call him J. He asked me how I was liking the place and I said I didn't. He asked me something like are there too many transexuals running around? I said no, that didn't bother me. What was bothering me was my meeting with the leader guy, I told him.

Then there was this announcement saying that the walls were about to expand greatly. I had to run to keep the walls from slamming into me. I finally took refuge in a little closet room with a bunch of others. The leader guy showed up in front of us and told us we were all cowards and we were about to be killed. I realized everyone around me had sort turned into a zombie and we were all covered in this plaster stuff that wouldn't allow us to move. He said there was one exception, though, it was this vampire girl. She was naked and very pale with strange eyes, the leader invited her to the other side. He was giving her oral sex and told his servants to kill us. His wife was protesting that. A short woman dressed like Alice in Wonderland tried to tell him that he was wrong but it didn't work.

Then my teacher was saying that the woman wasn't being brave enough, she should have done something about it. I realized that everything that had just happned had been on a movie that we were watching for a class. It was supposed to teach some lesson about morality.


Dream #3- I was riding in a car around Madison with my cousin Lisa and some of her friends. They were talking about a waterfall that was in Madison somewhere. I was very curious about this and asked for more details, but Lisa said she'd already explained it to me a bunch of times. I thought I must have been talking in my sleep those times. The waterfall was suppose to be near the intersection of Regent and some other St. that started with a P. Lisa wouldn't tell me anymore because she was sick of explaining it.

Then we got out and were walking through a field. I was pulling a wagon with a bunch of my stuff, including Christmas teddy, a beloved stuffed animal from my childhood. I came upon a theatre of sorts. There was a huge room with a bunch of balconies at diferent levels on all sides and a stage down in the middle. There was a fashion show or something going on. A girl wanted to buy one of my shirts that was in the wagon for $5. It was a black crop top with long sleeves and sequins. I told her I'd think about it. Another girl wanted to buy a red slinky dress of mine but I didn't have it along. I told her I'd go back and look for it.

I went back to this area that was like storage for everyone living in dorm rooms (which apparently included me). I saw lots of neat stuff that I wanted to take but there was a cleaning lady around and I was afraid she'd see me. I was looking for my backpack but couldn't seem to find it. As I was leaving the area, the show ended and everybody ran to get they're stuff...but it was like free-for-all and everyone was taking each other's stuff. I was glad I'd gotten mine out of there already, and I realized my backpack had been on my back the whole time. The stage in the center of the theatre had changed into a giant stereo. The bass was so loud on it that it made you resonate. I took a board or something and surfed across the sound waves on top of it. Then I wanted to go back to where I started, but ended up going way in the air on a platform above it. I was wondering what I should do there when I woke up.


Dream #3- I was looking at pictures, there were a bunch of me dressed up in a costume. I couldn't seem to find Grant in any of the pictures, so I thought that maybe he'd taken them. Most of them were kinda blurry with bad lighting though, and I knew Grant's picture would be better. Then my dad was looking through them. I was a little self concious because there were a couple topless shots of me by a lake or something. Dad wanted to take pictures of me in their back yard. I asked if we could have Grant do it later. He said that Grant uses a hand held camera and he had something else that was going to work better. I really didn't want to do a photo shoot with my dad so I kept asking to wait for Grant, and he kept insisting on doing it now. I was getting angry with him.



Thoughts and Themes- Wow, what a bunch of kinky dreams last night! I don't see sex and fetish in my dreams as much as I'd expect. I'm not sure what to make of it. Modeling and photography seemed to be a big thing as well last night. These are all things that I'm interested in, but don't necessarily want to commit myself to. I think with any sort of glamorous scene, the more you get "in" to it, the more people get snobby and judge you. That sort of thing has always really bothered me, which is probably why I never felt like I quite fit in anywhere.

Dream #2 was definitely a manifestation of social anxiety. Everyone else was a giant, I felt very small. And then I had to meet this guy and impress him and I couldn't do it. Not only didn't I know what to say, I really didn't like having to try to suck up to him. I don't like to have to pretend to like jerks just because they're powerful...this is something that frustrates me socially.

I thought it was interesting that I was thinking about Grant's photography and how it was better than the pictures I was looking at in the dream. I'm sure he'll be proud to hear that. My dad used to be a photographer as well- in fact, Grant uses his old camera. Dad always seems to upset me in dreams, he's always still treating me like a kid. This is something that's been an ongoing frustration for me, though it's definetely improved in recent years.

Dream #1- I was with my family at in Grandma's back yard. We weren't supposed to be there because someone else owns it now. They kept yelling at us to get off their property. The creek that ran through the yard had become a huge river that covereed much of the yard. We all found it sad that things had changed so much. Then some sort of alarm went off, signaling that a dam on the river was opening. Suddenly the water was trying to sweep us away. I know my rats were along and it was quite difficult to keep the little buggers from drifting away.

Dream #2- I was in a church, although it looked more like the theatre in 10/7, #2's dream. I had won some sort of contest and my prize was a red and white candle in a fancy holder. Somehow I ended up sliding down the stair and onto the alter area. Everyone was laughing at me so I pretended like I had meant to do it. I was slowly trying to make my way back to my seat without disturbing the service. There was something odd about the preacher. He demanded that we move to another church at the other side of the building. Instead, he loaded us all into a bus. Then he started driving eratically. We were on top of some pretty big hills, so it was kinda scary. His driving kept getting crazier. I was with some people at the back of the bus and we decided that he'd totally lost it. We kicked out a window so we could escape. We were unsure though, whether we should try to jump or not from the moving vehicle.

Dream #3- I was with my parents on a trip to California that we never took. There was a newscaster asking us what we wanted to happen. Then there was something where I escaped from a tarp. My parents were gone and I had only a long t-shirt on. I went back into the motel looking for a towel and this girl by the door tried to get me to insult her. Then she wanted to fight. I beat her up, saying something like "Why won't you people just leave me alone, I hate fighting!" I went to take a shower and it was moving around on a cable up and down and everything around was rainbow (ugh, sometimes these things get really hard to describe!).

Dream #4- This was like continuation of the last dream. I was a little girl alone in a motel. I followed a family to their room in order to make it look like I was with them so I wouldn't get in trouble. Somehow then I ended up on the top floor of the hotel, which was like a casino strip club. No one seemed to notice me wandering around there.

Dream #5- This one's fuzzy. All I remember is looking for Grant and finding him singing with a band on stage. Then I got tangled up in the guitar cables or something.

Dream #1- Grant and I were camping with some of my extended family. They had a huge, 2-floor camper we were staying in. We were sleeping in the camper and I thought I heard NIN's Santified, and I got up and was listening. Then Grant got up, he was naked, and started like moshing around to the song. I was rather surprised at this, but I knew he was doing it in his sleep. I went to look for some clothes for him, and suddenly the camper was under attack. My cousin Lisa screamed and said there was a demon at the window. I was too terrified to look at it. I went back to find Grant...I was rreally scared and thought we were all doomed (and then Grant woke me up in RL).


Dream #2- I was in that damn camper again. I was meeting with some people about what to do about the demons. We were going over various methods, chants and stuff. Others in the group didn't like us doing this. They tried to stop us somehow, and I ended up being in great pain but I don't remember the details.


Dream #3- It was the end of the school year and I had to clean out my desk/school storage area. I was one of the last people to do it. I had been keeping my pony collection with my teacher...when I went back to get it, she said another person had left there collection there a while ago and she didn't think they'd ever pick it up, so she said I could have it. They were all stacked on top of each other and went as high as my head. The collection included lots of really rare stuff. I was overcome with excitement.


Dream #4- It started the same as #3, but I only got a few ponies, though they were rare. For some reason, I went outside and left my stuff in the school. Then the doors were locked, and the only way to get back in was through a Goodwill that was in the school. As we were leaving with our stuff, the store manager tried to get us to pay for it all. She didn't believe that it was ours and we were just carrying it through. I ran from her and she called the cops. They chased me down. They had a huge black dog that liked to be petted. I told them what happened and they left me alone. I couldn't remember where I'd parked my car so I ended up walking to my parents' house. There were tons of cars outside their house and something going on at the nearby church. I thought maybe it was funeral.

I told my parents I had no idea how I'd gotten there. I didn't rememeber coming to FDL or why I was at the school. I was afraid they'd think I'm crazy, which they kind of seemed to. I thought maybe I'd sleep walked/driven there. I was afraid they were going to put me in a mental health ward or something, but I needed a ride back home.



Thoughts & Themes- Dream #1 was a real nightmare. I must have cried out in that one, because Grant woke me up. I think I said something to him then about "they're going to try to get you!" when I was still half asleep. Dream #4 was scary in the sense of wondering if you're going crazy. I have those dreams once in a while, where I'm no longer able to make sense of the world around me, and have to be taken care of by my parents. Yikes...

Dream #1- I was at my parents' house. I was going to die. I begged for it not to be so and I was told that in order to prevent it, I had to give a wood frame to my aunt by a certain time. I went around desperately searching for one. I found found something the resembled one, in pieces, in the garage. I wanted to just put it in my uncle's truck that was parked in our driveway, but something said that wouldn't be fast enough. So I teleported over to their place and put the frame in their garage in the nick of time. Then I met a gang of motorcycle people that would have apparently cause my death in a car accident...somehow putting the frame in there delayed them for few minutes, so everything would be all right.


Dream #2- I was somewhere with a bunch of people from school. Maybe it was a school, but it seemed like we were on a field trip. I remember changing in a bathroom and people making fun of my clothes. I'm having a hard time remembering the details, but I know at some point I attacked back, and someone made a comment about how they'd created a monster (me). Then this girl I knew in high school, Jn, was showing me a list of things I could do to make my life happier. The main thing on the list was to "find Jesus." I protested this and she said I was just being stubborn. She told me that "false love makes people happier." I asked her why I would want false love when I have the real thing. I remeber walking through a cafeteria at one point and thinking this whole thing was a set-up. I could tell that these people had set things up and were acting as part of my epic story.

I met some old guy who was supposed to be the antichrist or something, he taunted me a bunch. I then had to fight this dragon, his name was Dracula (which btw, in Romanian means "little Dragon-" it was the nickname of Vlad the impaler). He was more like a humanoid figure with dragonlike features, and he was huge, like 100's of feet tall. He was floating in the air and I began to try to attack. Everything he did to me, it hurt immensely, and I could see that he seemed to be stronger. I was thinking it was going to be a long and painful battle. Dracula was one of the last demons left, and one of the most powerful. I figured there were only 2 that were more powerful. He had this long stick that was flaming at both ends that he kept spinning and using as a weapon. It burned terribly when it hit me.

Then I was called out of the fight by another former classmate. She told me I could prevent getting burned if I got a spray-on tan. So I went to the tanning both and got one. Only it didn't go on even and some parts of me were black and others pale. The black parts made it looks kinda like a painted-on outfit. A bunch of the black was on my face too. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my hair was all stringy and I found it strangely sexy. I walked back feeling more powerful. Then there was something I was supposed to retrieve at a bottom of a pit. In order to get down there, I had to pass various moving machine parts at the right time. I had no problem doing this and people told me I was first person to make it to the bottom. Then I could feel the dream fading, which was disappointing because I hadn't been able to finish my fight with Dracula. I asked the dream characters to save my spot and remind me of what needed to be done.


Dream #3- I was at some sort of church service. The preacher seemed like a real jerk and kept yelling at people in the audience. Then somehow he made our seats rise way up into the air. I was kinda freaking out because I'm afraid of heights and there was a 100-foot drop right in front of me. I somehow seemed to be attached to the seat with a harness though.

The preacher was then talking about removing something infectious from a woman, and I realized he was actually talking about abortion. I called him out on it, saying he was a hypocrite talking about it now like it was necessary, when before he'd been posting pictures of dead fetuses everywhere. He acted like he didn't care, but I'd kind of started a revolt by all the other people in the audience. They pretty much all left. Then I saw the dragon from the last dream rise again, out the window. I didn't feel like fighting him again, but I felt I had to. I flew out the window. This time, he looked more like a stone dragon sculpture and his name was Draco (which, incidentally, is the name of a constellation in the shape of a dragon). He was much less tough this time. Although his hits still hurt, the fight was over in almost no time. I was almost disappointed in how easy he was to beat.


Thoughts & Themes- In my dreams, I always feel like I'm the star of my own epic story. Last night was a time when that feeling was particularily prominent. I even saw how the whole thing was being staged for my sake. It's always an odd feeling to me, to feel important somehow. I've struggled with self-esteen issues for a long time but I feel like I'm slowly gaining more confidence. This shows up in my dreams as me challenging false authority figures (the priest) and taking on tough battles.

The dragon fight in #2 was especially memorable. Most of my dream fights I win with little effort, so it was a little odd to actually have a worthy opponent. I was scared of Dracula, but I had no intention of giving up. That determination is something that I hope I can carry over to real life.

The false preacher seems to be showing up a lot in my dreams lately. I'm not sure what to make of him. I never believe what he's saying and often challenge him, which is good, but I'm still not quite sure what he represents...

Dream #1- I was at some sort of family gathering. There was a buffet with all this great looking food. I couldn't find any clean dishes though. When I finally found one, it was still dirty and I somehow ended up at the end of the line. The serving lady closed everything just before I got to it. Soemhow this ended up with me a conveyor belt going into a slicing machine or something. I was terrified.

The next thing I remember, I was running away from people who were throwing all kinds of food at me. It was like some kind of game for them. I ended up in a swimming pool where they were holding me underwater. I somehow faked my drowning so I could escape. Then I was in back somewhere, talling this guy about my experiences and how humiliated I felt. He seemed sympathetic at first, but then he tried to rape me. I had to run out in front of people again, and they started chasing me again. I had to make my way through a field of babies until I found a teleportation point. Then I was in a video game and I decided to just leave it at the menu screen so I could take a break. But the people chasing me could disconnect me somehow, so that didn't really work.

Dream #2- I was staying again at Chadbourne, the dorm that I stayed at in college. I wasn't supposed to be there but nobody seemed to notice. There was this huge waterfall/rock sculpture in the lobby of the building. I was trying to get to the top of it, but there were people up there blowing things up. Then the dorm came under attack and I led the fight against the attackers. We were mostly throwing food and squeezing condiments at them, which actually worked. I became in infamous hero at the dorm, but then I had to go so no one would find out who I really was.

Dream #3- I was in downtown Madison. It was nighttime in winter. I wasn't sure how I'd gotten there and I was lost. I crawled over a bunch of building with cardboard roofs. I wanted to call Grant to come and gets me, but the cell phone I had wasn't mine. It belonged to someone in Russia and wouldn't work here. I was riding my bike around trying to figure out the way home. I kept flying off it for some reason. I got stopped by a cop and he was saying there's something wrong with my bike. I apparently had been pulling along an ancient snowblower with it. Then I was sleeping in the passenger seat of my van. I wasn't sure how it was driving itself or if I should trust it.

I know I'm missing some stuff here...I was still in Madison and lost. I was walking around and feeling kinda paranoid. I found a bed at the edge of a parking lot and wanted to go sleep in it. There was already a girl using it. We talked for a while and she recognized me as the hero from the Chadbourne incident in the last dream. It had apparently happened a few years ago. But then she walked away with some friends and made fun of me, saying I wasn't really that person.

I came across a large group of former classmates. They were playing this game where people picked their dates and stuff. I put my head down and felt depressed because I knew no one would pick me. Sure enough, the game was done and I hadn't been picked. I felt like crying. I kept wishing Grant was there and none of it would have mattered. There were still two guys left afterward, and me and another really fat girl that I'd known in school. The two guys, I'll call them St and A, immediately came up to me and started hitting on me. The fat girl walked away looking totally rejected and devastated. I felt terrible for her and wished I could include her but felt that there was little I could do.

Dream #4- This is a continuation of #3, though I know I woke up between the two. Still in Madison, things turned nightmarish. There was this demonic small child that was taunting me. He kept chanting the same thing over and over and it was making me crazy. I kept trying to get rid of him, at one point I threw up into the sky until he became a small point and exploded. And yet, he was right back there in my face, chanting and laughing mercilessly with his hollow yellow eyes.

Then, suddenly, I was hit by a car. I wasn't actually hit, it ran over me but the wheels didn't touch me so I was ok. Another former classmate, C, was driving. She was very apologetic and nice to me. We walked around and talked for a while. She took me to some sort of shelter where people could help me. I told them I didn't need a place to stay, I just needed a phone so I could call my husband. Then St and A from before broke into the place. They were trying to kill us. St was saying that he had AIDS and was poking himself with a needle and trying to poke us to infect us. I subdued them with a syringe of tranquilizer. I remember someone saying something about we should have compassion for them. I said I'd have compassion once they stopped trying to kill me. Then I was finally on my way home and the shelter really appreciated what I'd done and wanted me to write an article for their newspaper.

Dream #1- I was in my bedroom, but it looked exactly like my old bedroom at my parents' house. I was amazed, it had the same pink striped wallpaper and carpeting and everything. I somehow concluded that I was at my current house though. I went down the stairs, except the stairs went up this time. When I got to the top, I came across this rather large room that we never used. I had kinda forgotten about it and vowed to make better use of it in the future.


Dream #2- I was at some sort of high school, one that I never went to or knew existed. I was in this class about soap operas or something...I think I was in the wrong place but I didn't want to disturb class by leaving. We were watching this soap opera about two women, sisters, who were both dating dom guys. One of them was left tied to the bed for several days and got really scared...when the guy finally came back, she stabbed him. I fell asleep in the class at some point. Then the teacher came around and sprinkled glitter on everyone.

When the class was done, I was wandering the halls because I wasn't sure what or where my classes were. I stated digging through my backpack to see if a could find a schedule, and this big bag full of rotting food fell out and got all over the floor. People were mocking me mercilessly for this and I felt horrible as I tried to clean it up. Then I went to wash my hands and this girl started talking to me in Spanish. I just shook my head to say I didn't understand. I got lost trying to find my backpack again, but finally found it in a hallway below some gigantic theater. I knew I was late for class and didn't know where to go anyway, so I just napped on my backpack. There was another guy there that I talked to a little about how upset I was about being made fun of.


Dream #3- This was almost like a continuation of the last dream. I was at school, and for some reason we were going to a bar for class. My cousin S was along but hanging out with other people. There were a bunch of big tables that we all had to sit at. I ened up sitting next to an old grade school friend, Al. She was really annoying me though, so I got up to see the other room of the bar. My plan was to get really drunk. When I got up there, though, I realized it was a bunch of really snobby upper-class people that looked at me like I didn't belong. So I went and sat back at the table.

Then this lady started talking to me...she was about 3 feet tall, black, and apparently a chain smoker. She asked me why I was hanging out at a lame place like this, and I should be doing something better with my life. I told her I didn't know what to do and she said I did...what I wanted was to go back to school so I could get a job as a counselor. And for some reason, she said I should do this in another state. I said I still wasn't sure it was what I wanted, and I wouldn't want to go out of state when UW-Madison is nearby. I didn't fully trust her...she was talking with her friends and kind of ignoring me at this point.

I had this really odd hairstyle. It was long in the front, and then there were like cornrows going back a bit. Behind that I was totally bald, but there were all kinds of piercings, like corset piercings, in my scalp. My hair was bleached blond but there were remanats of multi-colored dye at the ends. I was rather fascinated by this and stared at myself in a mirror for a while. I could hear people making fun of me for it but I ignored them. When I was done, I said to the lady, "I don't know how to be who I am." She pointed to a tv screen that talked about some sweepstakes or something, run by the Onion, where you could win a college education.


Thoughts & Themes- Dream #3 was interesting with the girl telling me what I needed to do...that's something I've been going over in my mind. Part of me wants to go back to school and another part of me knows that there's lots of obstacles in the way and I'm not sure if it's the right thing. The dream plays out this conflict. As for the crazy haircut, I think it represents the wilder side of me, the part that has a hard time finding an outlet in my relatively mundane life ("I don't know how to be who I really am"). One of those individual vs. society things, I think, and another longstanding conflict in my mind.

Dream #1- This is really fuzzy. All I remember is that there were a bunch of tornadoes, like 5 or 6 of them. We were in a car and trying to avoid them all.

Dream #2- I was at school, in some sort of math class. I decided I didn't want or need to be there, so I got on this roller coaster. It eventually flung me off in Madison. There were lots of beaches and waterfalls that I explored. I was at the top of a small waterfall and there were a bunch of baby dinosaur skeleton painted into the rocks. Then this dinosaur skull mask came floating down the river. I picked it out, but it was supposed to be for someone else, so I put it back. There was a gift shop next to it...they had a bunch of mlp's, including some really rare ones I'd never seen before. They were really expensive though, more than I could afford.

Dream #3- It was the last day of high school. There was a shop in the school that was selling off all its stuff, and candy bars were like 5 for $1. I didn't have any money though. I went home and told my mom about it. We went there shopping except it had become a little Woodman's a block away from their house. My mom bought this jar full of pickles and little animals. I don't like pickles but I somehow ended up eating some of them. Across the street, they were putting on a carnival of some sort with rides, games, bands, and shopping. My parents were in that part and I wandered through the store part...it was nothing but a bunch of fancy clothes but I got stuck there behind a wedding procession. There was a girl with a really huge dress that I couldn't get past. Then I ended up on this hill with a bunch of melting snow on it. In the distance I saw this giant wave coming. It hit the carnival but missing the hill. The carnival became completely flooded out and I was very worried about my parents. I kind of woke up after this but kept thinking my house was about to be hit by one of these waves, though my logical mind kept telling me it was impossible.

Dream #4- I think this was sort of continuing the last dream. I was in fdl and things were sort of flooded out. I was in a car with my cousin S. and for some reason the guy who played Slater on Saved by the Bell was there too. I had to use this video game thing, it was like a primitive version of GTA, to drive the car. I was doing lousy and kept crashing or getting shot, so I finally had someone else do it. We were going someplace, though I'm not sure where. We passed some waterslides, and me and S really wanted to go on them. They were really small, so they shrank you down before you went on them. S was before me, and she shrank down and looked just like my old rat Molly. Then I went on but I don't think I got shrunk. I ended up bumping into a line of people back up into the slide. There was a bunch of broken glass on the slide and we were carefully navigating around it. I finally got to the bottom, and tried to help of few of the shrunken people (who all looked like animals), by throwing them through the end of the slide. Then, to shrink me so I could go through, they dipped a rose in the water. So I went through the end of the slide, which suddenly seemed really long since I was so small. It was hard to hold my breath that long. I came out the other side, and the people I saved were sitting there on the ground. They were actually muppets, one was Gonzo and the other was pink bird of some sort. They hadn't wanted to be rescued, they wanted to go back in the slide.


Thoughts & Themes- More disaster dreams. The giant wave and the tornado show up an awful lot in my dreams. I think it's obvious they represent some overwhelming, scary thing, though I'm not sure exactly what. The weird thing about the tornadoes is that there's always more than one, and usually they're not that big. Sometimes I even get hit by one and it feels extremely odd but I'm generally left unharmed.

As far as the waves go, sometimes it's like I can't be by a body of water without seeing one. And they're always much larger than said body of water would be able to produce. I seriously doubt a 20-foot-at-its-deepest-point lake would be able to produce a 100-foot wave. Yet this fear is so deeply rooted in my subconscious. I thought it was interesting that the wave hit my parents this time. Yet I kept thinking I was about to be hit...I don't know what this can represent except a deep fear of the impossible.

This is more of an analysis post...I've been wanting to make a list of the situations/items that show up frequently in my dreams for reference. I know I have an awful lot repeating themes and I'm trying to make sense of them. I will add more to this later, just wanted to get a start on it.

Common Situations

- Religious imagery, particularly hellish things- I've always wondered if it's normal for one's dreams to contain so much hellish imagery. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck there, I fear never getting out. It seems like I'm always struggling against major demons. I'm always afraid, and yet know I have to fight. Sometimes it's like I'm a holy warrior, other times a martyr or savior. It's all rather odd considering I'm an agnostic and don't literally believe in these things. I guess they represent things that are extremely scary for me, things that I seem to have to fight constantly. My personal demons that want to drag me down...

- Being attacked physically- sometimes by demons, sometimes by other people. I never start fights in my dreams. I don't care for fighting and try to avoid it when possible, but many of dream characters seem intent on attacking me. I almost always fight back and almost always win, which I take to be a good sign. But it bothers me that I have to do this all the time. I take this to be a sign of the constant struggle in life and me being able to overcome those obstacles.

- Being attacked verbally- made fun of, mocked, insulted, etc. Usually these dreams happen back in school, though occasionally they're in the present. In contrast to the the physical attacks, I haven't quite learned how to fend off the verbal ones. Often they make me feel very bad about myself. I often find trying not to show my hurt, trying to hide. Sometimes I fight back physically. I think this represents the social anxiety that I still face and struggle with. I feel that thing are improving in this area, and my dreams reflect this, but it's still a big thing for me. I hope that I will continue to learn how to better deal with these situations.

- being in school and not being interested in the subjects- often my dad is forcing me to go. I realize that I haven't been paying attention and my grades are going to be terrible, but it doesn't seem to matter that much. Maybe I'm finally getting over being pushed so hard to get good grades.

- trying to drive but unable to control car- This one takes two forms...in one, it's like I'm trying to drive through a video game that I'm really bad at. I think this is about life in general- sometimes life is like a game, one that I have trouble controlling. Somehow though, I never really get into trouble like I think I'm going to. In the other, I can't reach the brake pedal. I'm trying as hard as I can to reach it, but I never can seem to stop for the stop sign. This seems to imply being afraid I won't be able to stop myself from something- I'm not sure what that something is, though.

- having a big buffet in front of me, but being unable to eat from it- This one's really frustrating...either I can't find a plate or the food keeps falling off it. Or I'm at the very back of the line and by the time I get there, everything is gone. I think this represents the frustration of seeing all these wonderful things in front of you and not being able to get them. Life is like a buffet with it's infinite variety, but I often find myself unable to partake for one reason or another.

- a guy trying to rape me- Luckily, he never succeeds at this. I always fight back. Perhaps this relates to a fear of being objectified sexually. I get this feeling a lot when I'm riding my bike and people yell things like "hey baby" and "nice ass" out at me. I do find it kinda bothersome though I try to shrug it off. I am afraid of large masses of testosterone, though. I've never had someone try to rape me in real life but I do fear it.

- giant waves
- tornadoes
- being in something like a video game
- finding rare mlp's
- being lost in an unfamiliar place, unable to use a phone
- being stuck in a church, not agreeing with the preacher
- fighting with my parents
- being unable to find Grant, being told Grant's going to die and watching him get killed
- finding a new room in the house
- backpack
- broken glass/pins, sometimes stuck in my skin
- waterfalls
- pet rats, usually running around someone else's house
- campers/vacation
- waterslides/roller coasters
- theaters/stages

Ugh, way too many dreams last night! I'm just going to detail the more prominent ones in my mind, otherwise I'd be writing a novel...

Dream #1- I think I was on some sort of vacation. I was looking up the creek that ran through my Grandma's back yard on something like google earth. Only it was live and I could zoom in to tiny levels. I was marveling at all the strange creatures living in the creek...I zoomed in to this slug-like thing and was able to see it's insides and everything. You could also zoom into buildings...there was like a little aquatic zoo near her old house. They had a bunch of small exotic sea animals, sea dragons and the like. I was looking at them for a while and then my dad started yelling aboout something and we had to go.

Dream #2- I was in Grandma's basement...there was some sort of class being held there. My classmates were mostly playing with toys on the floor but I didn't feel like I could join them so I sat in a seat. I had rat shit on my hands and had wiped some on the side of the seat. Some popular girls sat next to me. Then they saw the shit and were grossed out and moved away. I felt terribly embarassed. My dad showed up and was drinking something foamy. I took a drink and it all stuck to my face. It was really sticky and I had to go to the bathroom to get it off. Again I felt embarassed and mad at my dad.

Dream #3- I was at St. M's HS, the school I never went to. My family was in there, having some sort of Christmas party. I mentioned something about how I was dreaming and kept making interesting foods appear. I also said something about Santa Claus not existing, which had some sort of traumatic effect on my niece, Courtney. She went and opened some presents but didn't seem to care about them. I had this feeling that something terrible was going to happen to her. She disappeared and I asked someone where she was, they said in the garage with someone else. I immediately tried to get to the garage but got stuck in a huge series of hallways in the building before I could find it. I was extremely afraid for her. I was hearing voices, like chants, in my head...there got to be progressively more of them as I got closer and closer. I felt like I was going insane. Finally I got to the point where I was outside and could see the garage. I was scared as hell of what might be happening to her and the voices were defeaning. I screamed out just before entering, which woke me up.

Dream #4- This was kinda like dream #3 but not as intense. I was at St. M's again, this time Kayla, Courtney and Jaden were all there. I was babysitting them. I needed one of their library cards for something and they didn't want to give it to me. Jaden was fascinated by some video tapes. Then an alarm went off and I knew we had to get out of there. Once again, we made our way through a series of corridors to find the exit. It seemed more like game this time, like it was a Halloween haunted house or something. We got out but I was missing some of the kids, so I demanded to a former classmate that seemed to be along that he go in and find them, which he did. Then I was looknig around for my car in order to get out of there. I couldn't seem to find it.

Ok, I haven't written in here for a while, but last night's sequence of dreams was so disturbing that I can't get it out of my mind. I thought maybe it would help to write about it. This probably isn't going to make any sense to anyone...it doesn't to me either. I'm not sure about the chronological order either. I'm not seperating into different dreams because it all seemed like one long dream, though I did wake up to go to the bathroom a few times.


Crazy Dream Sequence #1
It was the last day of high school. We were playing some sort of football video game and my team was winning. I had to control the players for a while and I was doing badly because I don't even know how football is played. Somehow we still managed to win the school championship. Our team decided to go party then and invited me along. I was thinking about going but then I ran into an old friend Als. She wanted to go along but I didn't want to hang out with her so I said I had to go home. She knew I was lying and said something like, "You hate me, don't you?" Then she walked off looking rejected. I wasn't sure what to do, I felt bad but still didn't want to spend time with her, so I let her go.

Then I was walking home, taking this shortcut that I'd taken before. It sometimes got muddy and I had to jump over a few streams, but this time it was really flooded out. I thought maybe the shortcut was a bad idea and decided to turn back but then I got swept away by the current. I was drowning but then was rescued my a mermaid that was also a former classmate. She carried me down somewhere, like into some ancient underwater world. There was a class reunion going on down there, and everyone was swimming around. There was some really good candy and drinks. I took some pieces of candy for later and then I was put back into the raging river, now on the other side of town. I was struggling to swim and had to let go of the candy. Then I got stuck on a rock and a stick came down and impaled me. I saw my body aflame and I begged not to be dying. Then I saw Als. again and felt bad about treating her badly before. A voice told me that if I embraced her now, she would carry me to my grave, so I did. But I really didn't want to die, and something said I would be kept alive a while longer for the sake of someone else.

I was with Als. then, in a dinner theater type place, waiting in line. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get in. There was a giant projection screen in front of us. Everything started to get really strange. It's hard to describe. I kept waking up in strange places. At one point, it was like I was in the mouth of a giant. I thought maybe sliding down into the mouth would bring me to where I needed to be. I ended up getting stuck in the excretory system of this giant and it was really nasty. I just wanted to go home...

I woke up at my parents' house. They were taking care of me, there was something really wrong with me. They thought I had taken some bad drugs that turned me into a human vegetable but I was able to move slightly. I crawled my way through the hallway and down the stairs. They were surprised that I was able to do this. They wanted to know how I had gotten this way. I had remembered hanging out with some people, and this guy gave me a ride home. I had a headache, and he gave me this pill that I thought was tylenol. It turned out to be some sort of poison that hit me a few days later.

Then I woke up at a university in the south someplace. Because of my condition, I was a research subject. This guy was trying to get me to be able to communicate. My conciousness was intermittent, I'd spend long periods completely out of it and sort of wake up every once in a while. While I was aware, I tried to tell him who I was and where I belonged by typing, but I couldn't seem to hit the right keys. Then I felt myself drifting again.

I was in some sort of human processing plant. It was a place where they got rid of all people who were useless to society. Apparently I had been a vegetable for a while and no one expected me to awake out of it, and they couldn't figure out who I was or where my family was. So I woke up in this horrible machine. I was in this vat that was full of human guts and body parts decomposing. I was struggling to stay afloat, hoping someone would see me and rescue me. Then I ended up on a conveyor belt. It was taking me to this giant blade that was slicing people in half. I was horrified. Somehow the machine stopped at the last minute.

I was at the theater again. There was all kinds of twisted sexual things going on the screen. I was aroused by it, but trying desperately not to be because I knew I would lose myself again. I ended up putting on my own show of this sort, though it was much more carefully controlled.

At the high school I never went to, we were swimming for gym class. These giant waves were coming at us in the pool. I was worried about my cell phone getting wet in my pocket and ended up not quite swimming fast enough and failed whatever it was I was supposed to do. Then there was a buffet and class reunion...

I was at my parents' house again, they were still taking care of me. I realized that I was completely crazy. I had no idea what had really happened and what had been my imagination. All I knew was that there was something severely wrong with me. It was hard to move at all. I wanted to call Grant but couldn't get the number right on the phone. I had this necklace with tiny beads that broke all over the bed. I realized the beads were extremely toxic and they had made me crazy. I tried to clean them up so the rest of my family wouldn't come into contact with them, but there were too many and they were too tiny. My brother came upstairs and I saw he had the head of an elephant. He said he was having trouble seeing. I warned him to never touch my bed. He got scared and ran away.


Thoughts & Themes- The idea of going crazy is extremely scary to me. Occasionally I have these series of dreams where I know some of the stuff can't really be happening, but some of it may be. And I get really confused and think I must have lost my mind. Maybe that's what it's like to be schizophrenic. What a horrible condition.

Another thing that kept happening was the extreme weakness, where I could barely walk or move. This is something that happens regularily in dreams as well. I'm not sure what it means, but sometimes it seems to correlate with feeling physically weak in RL. The last couple days I've been very sleepy and feeling mentally spacey as well. I tried a new anti-depressant 2 days ago and it completely knocked me out...I think my condition now is a combination of that and the beginning of my period, which always bring extremely vivid dreams with it. Hopefully it goes away in a couple days.

It's just bothersome that I kept going back into the same sort of dream. Every time I feel asleep I seemed to dream. And the dreams seemed to go on for an eternity compared to the actual time they took up. I wonder how our sense of time can be so off?

I'm still feeling shaken up and mentally off. I think it's just a combination of anxiety and the monthly blues but it hard not to worry after a night like last.