continue's Journal

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For the most part other than the brackets Im adding to explain things I wrote all this when I woke at 5am this morning. names and work places have been altered to keep personal details out. working at Browns came down from Blue Room Amanda was yapping on as usual and came by my desk to talk to me i was talking to Sarah who was round by the directors bit somewhere about which director i had been talking to out by the lift 2 directors walked in and she said it was them and i said no, thats ben smith and robert thornton and it was paul archer i was talking to jim was sat opposite me, i was where sally used to sit and he was where the printers were he answered my desk phone and i had a go at him and got pissed off so went outside for some air there was an oil tanker blocking my way back on the road making the path not possible to walk down. they shouted to me, then they were out and i realised it was jack loury and daniel harefield from high school. sean jameson was there but somehow i knew who he was loury and harefield asked me and jameson who both worked at Browns if we knew someone and we said we hadnt heard of him. i told them i was on my way back in and i would let them know as id look it up in the directory. i got in the building but it wasnt the building, it was a high rise block of flats. i wasnt climbing the steps, more sliding under the bottom of the protective rail to get up each flight there was a girl who had got to the top and wanted to jump and i couldnt get to her, so i ran down stairs trying to call for help, when i got to the bottom she jumped and landed on the floor in front of my in a little splat. at the same time the guy from that flat opened the door and said he was sick of people throwing rubbish off the top floor so got a dustpan and brush and swept it up, thinking it was rubbish so paying no attention. i could see the fingers and the eyes and the clothes in the splat but he couldnt cos he didnt know what it was he emptied it out side the door in the bin and i went out a few minutes later deciding not to say anything and the place was swarming with cops. they arrested me and put me in the back of a car, anormal car with 2 people in front but 4/5 of us in the back and we werent squashed either. the car was driving when one guy grabbed the passenger cops head and crushed it with his bare hands. the driver went to help his mate and he did the same thing and crushed the drivers head, opened the door and told us all to jump so we did. they all started running but i couldnt see them, people shouted about the running people so i walked slowly, i had a glass cut on my finger and a cut on my lip. a couple of people asked me if i was ok but no one suspected a thing. i walked and looked for somewhere to clean up and ended up in a toilet with a clear door?? i could totally see the cops coming in but they couldnt see me ?? before i knew it the cops were here with guns often in my dream if its something horrible i tell myself to wake up and i tried this but it didnt work. i tried again and thats all i remember from that part next i knew i was walking downstairs, in my own house, everything the same, i was looking round to check this to make sure i really was awake and not still dreaming. linda was at the bottom of the stairs and so was my hubby, the kitchen was full of party food and drink and the living room was full of people. my hubby told me he was having a party. i thought it was real until he started doing weird things to me like i was a doll, tickling me and shaking me up and down and twirling me around. i was screaming and i couldnt stop him. when he stoped he said it was ok and that i was awake now, i screamed i wasnt awake cos the living room had a massive xmas tree and loads of pressies and it wasnt even xmas. he said it was and to go on and open the pressies, i opened loads and they were all varities of boxes of chocolates, i grabbed at some softer wrapped ones and they were winnie pooh cushions in various characters. he started shaking me again and tickling and saying stuff like i wont ever have children. (in real life we are having ivf and are waiting for the result in a few days time ) i kept telling myself its a deam, wake up and i couldnt. then it worked, i was in bed with my hubby, our bed in our bedroom, i turned to see him sleeping, then his eyes jumped open and told me id never get away. this happened a few more times where i believed i was awake after trying and failing loads. i was in a room and it was my hubby who was there but it wasnt him, it was jim carey, he walked out of the room naked, walked back in and waved his hands and he was dressed. i followed him downstairs and he said it was ok, that i was awake. he said how can we get you to believe...he knocked on a door to the right at the bottom of the steps and said if someone can tell me the time i would believe i was awake. i walked into this room and it was full of theatre attendents, they said i was in a show and i couldnt go. i asked what the show was called and they showed me a ticked that said something like 'your dream life' i was screaming trying to get out of the dream, kicking and lashing out and trying to wake myself up. i was floating in the air and they were grabbing me down by my legs when i eventually did wake up i looked at my hubby and i was scared, he asked me if i was ok and i freaked out, i thought i was still dreaming and he went to put his arm around me and im lucky i didnt start screaming and kicking the way i had at him in my dream. i sat up and was breathing quick and sobbing. i was scared i was trapped in the dream and couldnt accept i was really awake. he asked me if i was ok and all i could do was sob, i was scared of him cos in the dream he had been in bed asking me if i was ok when he was still the evil hubby I often control my dreams, i have people in them i know and i shout at them cos id love to shout at them in real life but i cant. i have also done other things just because i can, things id never do in real life, just because i can telling myself its just a dream. I also often get out of bad dreams by telling myself to wake up. it always works but not in this one. i dont know if i actually wake up usually but it always gets me out of the bad situation. Any comments or thoughts? Thanks