I'm considering creating a Dream Journal Blog. Having never created a blog or expressed myself so intimately over the Internet I thought I'd dip my toes into the water before diving in, by starting off with just one post. I decided to start a dream journal today (April the 22nd) because for the first time I've experienced a dream where I was aware that I was still asleep, and yet I nmanaged to stay caught in the dream for a bit longer. I've become aware of my existence in dreams before, but this is usually a result of a night mare causing me to fear for my life. Once I'm aware that its not real I simply wake up. Since I became slightly lucid I decided to start recording my dreams and try to find something of significance in them. So here is the first entry in my journal. I've blurred out names or other details of the sort that I don't wish to express.

April 21 – 22, 2009.

I’m living my last days in Residence in Toronto. I frequently travel between the residence building (which seems much more one dimensional then usual. Like it’s one floor. No bedrooms. We’re all just living in one giant room. I have mixed feelings about how I’m feeling in here) and a marketplace. The journey to this second place, what I believe to be a market, is a short hike over a hill riddled with forest. Once or twice to make this journey I’m shot out of a cannon and rocket back and fourth. Once I’m back in residence we are struck by an earth quake. I quickly race to an elevator and rush to the roof of residence. Unlike before, the one room one dimensional version of ****** S-Building Residence has transformed into a magnificent sky scrapper. On the roof of my building and the surrounding residence buildings hundreds of other students are holding on the roof. We are towering in the air amidst this giant tremor. I appear to be straddling the ledge of S building as if it were a diving board or a plank of wood. Helicopters fly by and news reporters can be heard in the air as they report the great disaster. The violent shaking continues as the buildings slowly break apart and people fall to their deaths. I hold on for dear life regardless. Unlike other dreams that reach violent climaxes at high heights I never let go and I never fall. I briefly became aware that I was dreaming which inspires me to hold on for a little bit longer. The dream doesn't go anywhere from here, I just wake up. It should be noted that that I experienced a very high number of false awakenings.

While I did wake up several times between 11:30 in the day until 3:00 in the morning, the number of false awakenings was very vast and outnumbers the real awakenings. There was what I guess would be a potential que when I realized that the layout of my building wasn't quite right. Then being at such a high height became a que to the point were I achieved extremely brief lucidity. The diffirence between this lucidity and the normal acknowledgment of dreaming during a night terror is that I was able to stay asleep for a brief moment aftwords. I controlled my dream and I hung on to the building where I normally would of fallen, acknowledging that It was a dream and I could hold on if I wanted to.)


Some of the context for this dream is extremely obvious. I’ve just finished my second last exam and must depart from residence on the 24th. I’ve been waiting my whole life to get onto residence and now it seems like that dream is drawing to an end. I realize that I have a house right by the residence next year, but I can’t put a conclusion on the feeling that it’s the end of a lifestyle that I’ve waited so long for. A mix of care-free, independence and socialness. I keep feeling like I’m saying good-bye to friends for the last time. If I recall someone like ****, who its been over a year now that I’ve seen b/c of our female related mishaps (and who I miss very deeply), this heightens these feelings. This one dimensional lifestyle of being carefree, loving my friends, trying to pick up girls and just living casually could represent the one dimensional aspect of residence. The end of the year and my fear that this lifestyle is coming to an end might represent the building coming to a new form. Holding on to the top of the residence building for dear life. Could it stand for trying to survive in a new threatening lifestyle, while I hold on to the memories of residence, scared to let go of the lifestyle of old, and the friends that I had? The reporters analyzing everything, could it be because in the next part of my life, my actions mean something and effect people more. A move into responsibility? The travelling between this marketplace and residence. I can’t remember all the actions that happened in the marketplace. I could over psycho analyze what this meant if I did, but I guess that’s part of the trials of holding a dream journal. I kind of feel like it could have been mis-used time while I was hear. Not appreciating my settings enough. That’s why I travelled outside of rez. But then again, isn’t that a big part of the lifestyle that I appreciated and will always value of residence? Just wasting time? It should be important to note that residence does have a forest behind it that I have frequently walked through, and I have made a lot of trips to a strip mall for haircuts, beer, smokes, supplies and groceries etc. which explains how this situation materialized in my dream. In conclusion I would like to say that the overall vibe I got from this dream is that I might be scared to let go of such precious times and move into adult-hood. It is not final though to say that I have said my final good bye to every important face yet, that next year won’t be the same lifestyle since I am in college. That l won’t live in my house with **** & **** the same way I lived here or that I will really become a man. (Although I won't have to use a fake ID anymore this time through) However drawing a conclusion to residence which I’ve waited my whole life to be a part of, and now its done, definitely amplifies the reality that this will happen eventually.