haha i'm not ashamed for wanting sex, i'm frustrated with myself for allowing it to control me like that.
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haha i'm not ashamed for wanting sex, i'm frustrated with myself for allowing it to control me like that.
i just updated the first post in my log with dream goals and things of the sort :)
three lucids this morning, but none are worth a normal entry. i did go to the beach non-lucidly... i'm getting there.
as you can imagine, most of their content involved sexing up girls :?. one was kind of funny though: i'm with this girl and she starts to deflate like a balloon. then i'm sad and un-aroused.
well hey - so far in october i've had 11 days with lucids, 18 individual dreams. i'm definitely sticking with what i'm doing now - it's only a matter of time until i make my stabilization process a habit :D.
had a lucid this morning. wasted it. two really hot girls were in my house - i actually started to wonder if it was a dream or waking life because they looked so real. i normally have no doubt that it's a dream. i tried to take one up to my room but she vanished. i haven't had a whole lot of self-control in dreams recently.
so my goal is to completely abstain from lucid sex until i achieve some of my main goals in setting up dreaming (first several goals on the first post). when the time comes i'll find that woman who seems to be my dream tantric teacher. then it'll actually be meaningful instead of mindless.
in waking life i've been working on being free of desire. whenever desire arises i observe it without reacting to it and stay steady until it passes. i try to see the female form as just a biological structure. i'm not trying to be asexual or repress anything, i just really want to be more in control. i've had so many opportunities to do really important things in lucid dreams...
i've been keeping up with my ritual of road biking to the beach every other day and doing my whole practice there. just a matter of time until i completely stabilize in dreams on a regular basis.
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i made some updates to make this log more reader friendly. check out the first post!
haha cyg. that's what worries me about being non lucid in a dreamshare. Would i try to hit on the actual people lol because i don't know who they are?
yeah! it seems like in most of my non-lucids i'm smoking a joint with a guy friend or trying to have sex with some girl... but often the friend is offering me something and the girl is wanting it :D. maybe that one girl who i later meet in waking life will have fond memories of me before the dreams in which i'm actually lucid and in control of myself at the same time ;)
How about becoming a buddhist monk in your dreams? haha
i don't know - i bet they do lots of awesome stuff in dreams besides just being themselves ;) .. but yeah, there are buddhist teachings that were re-discovered, transmitted or newly created in lucid dreams by practitioners, so i'd like to do that.
two lucids this morning, kind of different. though i didn't stabilize in either and wasn't very in the moment, i did go to a beach and later was completely neutral in a dream (instead of running around doing dumb stuff). so that's good. :)
semi-lucid
lucid
Douchebag Greek god monster
i’m on a beach. the sand is pink-ish. i feel like i’m in a post card for some mystical floridian paradise. i hear my dad’s voice - he says something like “some varieties of sand are actually bits of coral and will cut you!” i turn around and it seems that i’m on a mystical, foggy floridian golf course looking for golf balls. i remember i was supposed to go to a beach and become lucid.
> i try to remember the previous parts of the dream, which i had been trying to remember for most of its duration. i had seen N. (nomad) - we were next door neighbors in some vague location which could have either been around my hometown or his. i’m outside on a patio or something and i don’t seem to have a lot of clothing on. he walks out onto his patio - he’s wearing white robes of some sort. i’m embarrassed and try to get out of view. i start to remember precognitive dreams. i can’t think of much besides that they were important. i had been writing stuff down in a notebook but people kept bothering me and i couldn’t jot much down. <
my mental processing makes me less aware. everything seems to be lit like there’s a heavy fog in the air - kinda cool. there’s some kind of fountain that i approach and walk around. what seems to be a fountain entity appears and starts to reprimand me for something :?. i ignore him and walk towards a giant structure resembling a gong or bell frame. some giant minotaur or something emerges from the wall and is slowly but menacingly striding towards me. i say something like, “fuck you, greek god monster whatever-the-fuck! you guys are always blaming others for your problems. you have all these powers and privileges and just use them to intimidate normal people any time you don’t get what you want!”
it starts to get closer and i’m pretty scared, but i have an ‘oh yeah, this is a dream’ moment. i see a statue and recognize it - “buddha!” i say. i see a couple monks and i go up to them. we start chanting ‘om mani padme hung’ and the beast never attacks. i end up in a non-lucid dream.
hooray for non-violence! :boogie:
Desirelessness
i’m trying to look at dv dream journals, but am in a large, tall closet. there are ribbons indicating different categories of journals - i ‘click’ on one with my mind and something tells me that banana looked at my entry.
i realize i’m dreaming. the closet it maybe 20 feet from top to bottom and there are many pictures on the walls, apparently of girls. i remember i want to work on being free of desire and i start to float around like a balloon... i'm not really thinking much after this. i float up slowly towards the ceiling and try to be steady and not enticed by the images. kind of cool because i wasn’t doing much of anything, which doesn’t happen often in lucids. then i start to float downwards. when i’m close to the bottom i see some gross pictures and then some senior women appear and try to seduce me. i’m grossed out, lose lucidity, and gtfo.
I'm jealous of your lucidity. what methods are you using?
hehe. well, like i've said before, my place of power and stabilization practice (goal #1) is to me the most important part of my dreaming. there's a huge difference between regular lucid dreams and high lucidity; though i get lucid fairly often i'm still mainly anticipating when i'll make a habit of doing what i need to do to have really high quality lucids.
but anyways, i'll make a list of the specific things i do on the first post :)
dream goal achieved (again): teleport to the beach
yaay i get to add a higher level of lucidity for the first time in this log!!
yesterday was the first time i paired images of certain friends with a picture of a beach i associate with lucidity. a few friends kept coming up in NLDs and they live far away now, so i can't do any state test during the day with them physically present. this got me lucid in the second dream. using the same method with pictures of girls i'm attracted to made me lucid in the first one. so that stuff's a supplement to the rest of what i do.
semi-lucid
lucid
medium-high lucidity
Screwing around, pt. 1
i’m laying on the floor of a big, spacious car with two really hot naked girls. i’m looking at their legs and realize i’m dreaming. i look at the car windows, which are slightly foggy and wet - maybe from light rain... or other things. one girl starts to give me a blowjob (hard to resist at this point), and the other crawls to my left side and sort of snuggles against me. i stay like this for a little while but then my sense of feeling starts to go (especially down there) and i wake up.
Screwing around, pt. 2
i’m in a music store and some kid walks by carrying a loose guitar string. the string pokes me just beneath my eye and i start yelling at the kid. i go up to the counter and see a. (a friend who now lives far away). some music is playing and i start to move in a circle with my upper body while my feet are in one spot on the floor.
i realize i’m dreaming and decide i want to break dance (not something i ever do in WL). i spin around for awhile with my arms holding up the rest of my body and i actually get tired and stop. some old white guy in a plaid kanga hat is furious that i’m dancing and marches up to us (we’re now in a misty, green yard) and i say “hey guess what!” and grab his hat. i spin it off into the distance and say “this is a dream!” he run’s off to get it and goes under a big tree. he starts picking up some round, spiky seed balls and throws them at me. i have his hat again and i block the seeds with it and wake up.
Car to beach transport
i’m driving up to what seems to be a gas station drive through, where you pay someone at a window and people fill up your car. i start to remember that i don’t drive anymore. i drive past the woman waiting for me at the window and look at my wallet, which i had out. i open it up and realize i’m dreaming. i let it drop and then i’m in the back seat.
wow. i’m looking at the front half of the car and it looks life-like. i feel like i’m completely ‘there’ and in control of myself. it seems like my left eye’s peripheral vision is gone though. i look at my hands, also real looking, and back at the seats. then i close my eyes and try to teleport to the beach.
i start to imagine myself tracing lines in the sand with my hand. then i start to see this but i feel like i’m laying on my side. my vision shifts so that i’m looking at the ocean. its details are so intense. the surf coming in is so textured and looks really cool. i feel great. there are people off to my left with flashlights (it seems to be late evening) and they are laughing and running away from the incoming water. i look back at the water.
my vision is worse to my left side. now it looks like there is a black surface on the side of my head and someone is pointing a flashlight at it. it seems like i’m about to fall over and i wake up, feeling happy. it’s the time i was supposed to get up.
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yaa! aside from the vision thing and not being able to stabilize that was pretty awesome. i'm a step closer to completing goal #1 :D
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two minor lucids today.
semi-lucid
lucid
- i was gradually becoming lucid because of the dream sign of anger and fighting. then i’m floating up the side of a building while holding on to a drainage spout. i know i’m dreaming but i’m not fully in control of what i’m doing. i see a sunflower that somehow grew in a space to the side of the building. i wonder if i’ll be able to remember details about the odd top level of this building. instead of a flat roof there are a lot of box-shaped structures, which look interesting as if they form a pattern. i’m on top of a ledge and i see a girl. i try to say hello but my voice comes out funny. then she’s gone and there are a bunch of cats around me. they are either red, blue or white. i think about the ratio of cat colors, i guess there were mostly red cats. i wake up.
- i’m at a beach in hawaii - it’s partly obscured by buildings. i look at the water - the waves are huge! i admire them and... i don't know what happened - obviously i forgot to stabilize again. but yay for getting to the beach.
that's 4 consecutive days with lucid dreams. KAPOW! :banana:
semi-lucid
lucid
...Well, since I seem to be stuck here...
i’m in a classroom. i walk to the window and see a bay - there is a blue whale swimming over it in the air! i become lucid. i look at my hands and try to look at the bay but i don't have a great view of it. i'm pretty lucid but i feel like i need to get out of this place and to the bay to really be able to stabilize. i walk out into the hallway and find another window. i try to go through the wall but i can’t. what's the deal! i go back through the hall and find a door that says ‘girl’s locker room.’ well now that i'm here... i walk through and stop for a moment to look at my hands. i take a left at the showers and notice that i have an erection already. i'm just kind of enjoying the feeling of being able to do something impossible in WL. there is a girl who finished showering - she’s all wet and blonde and curvy. she sees me and says “oh my god” and i walk up to her. i smell her - she smells nice (yay for smelling in a dream!). i try to put myself in her but i start to feel my sleeping body and i wake up.
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yesterday i kind of slacked with my 'no lucid sex metaprogramming,' but at least i saved it for the end... hey i don't get opportunities like that much! she was all wet!
yesterday i know i was lucid at some point, but it was really early in the morning and stuff happened after it so i forgot.
two-ish lucids this morning. i was semi-lucid for more than that but these stupid hoes kept making things difficult! there were ho meetings going on in half of my dreams. i'll just share the more lucid parts.
1: i drive a car into a garden center. i try to smell some flowers - they move around in response to me. hoes distract me.
2: i float quickly away from two huge snakes in a red sandy dune towards a park. not as good as the beach but there's a little lake there, so i look at my hands and the water then the wooded area beyond. the table i'm standing on starts to spin and hoes distract me.
yeah... i made a little stabilization progress, so that's good.
since the last post i've had a few semi-lucid dreams. after that 4 day streak i've been having them every other day. in summary:
- random semi-lucid. there was a lot going on, and it was really hard to remember.
- i see a friend who's a dream sign, i run through a building going up ramp-like floors trying to get to the surface.
- i'm face to face with an ex-girlfriend. she looks pretty and i smell her a little - she smells quite pleasant (haha i'm happy my sense of smell is starting to get activated). i try to get her head down to give me a bj.
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* also, i modified my progress charts. when comparing last month to this month (about half a month), there have been these two improvements:
1. higher percentage of lucids in which i look at my hands (which indicates that i was truly lucid and attempted to stabilize).
2. higher percentage of lucids involving a beach.
:)
woo! :)
i've been having a lot of dreams near a body of water, which is great and means that my method is becoming more ingrained and effective. i began to stabilize in this one, but didn't get too far - but still, i'm happy.
semi-lucid
lucid
Mini-beach
i’m running away from a crazed monkey. it’s dark and i jump up into a tree, let it bend, and pop out the other side, then keep running. i find myself at a shoreline and say “haha! this is a dream!”
i look at my hands and then the water. i can see the water clearly, but my peripheral vision is bad. it turns out this is a sort of mini-beach and there’s actually something past the water. a big swell passes through me, and the water runs out of my eyes. i look at my hands again. a big black lab runs behind me and seems to be barking at me. i try to ignore him and keep from getting distracted but he keeps barking and i say “stop!” i wake up shortly after.
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hmm i wonder what the dogster wanted?
(edit): he wasn't very different from the dream dog i found before... i think it's interesting that he came up - i don't want to ignore him next time!
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oh, and i'm going to update the first post with some technique modifications.
index/goals/methods
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Dogs and other animals are guides/gates . next time voice your intent to follow it.
yeah! great idea. i was really just focused on stabilizing because my vision wasn't normal...
i wrote a while back about finding my 'dream dog,' but this one was a black lab, not a chessie. but they're very similar... maybe it was the same one and he wanted my attention!
i actually had several lucids this morning, but only one was really worth noting. i was at the beach (yay), but i didn't look at my hands... at least my vision was normal unlike the other day.
semi-lucid
lucid
- i’m walking to the north along a beach. i realize i’m dreaming, stop walking, and look at the water. somehow it turns into a forest and i go semi-lucid. there are small dinosaurs running across my field of vision. i just kind of look around wondering what to do. i fly up into a tree. there is a gorilla nearby who throws something at me - i wake up soon after.
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index/goals/methods
Cool! My familiar is a reptile with a large head and mouth, but he sometimes appears as a black lab so as not to scare people.Quote:
Originally Posted by cygnus
that's interesting that you can still recognize him when he takes on a different form. and black labs/chessies are awesome! :D
i had several LDs today and yesterday, but i don't really think they're worth sharing. unless something interesting happens or i get closer to completing goal #1 i probably won't update.
i matched my lucid count from last month and it's only the 20th, so that's good.
as always, if you want to check out my goals for the future and stuff it's on the first post :)