The cruelty of Mother Nature

[mathmagic]

Okay so I'm becoming 18 next month and during the last year I've been becoming aware of this cruelty in nature that still affects us. Many people believe that we control nature, especially scientists. We partially dominate nature but in the end it's nature that controls us. With this cruelty I mean the borders of happiness and luck. Some people believe that they are going to be lucky in the future, luckier than they ever were. They believe that they can find this in wealth and maybe in their believe. Others believe that they are going to be happy in the afterlife. I also believed this until last year. I'm finishing secondary school in June. After that I'm going to study product development because that way I can use my talent of creativity in a useful way. Maybe I'll become rich one day, maybe I'll become poor, maybe I'll stay right like this. This won't really affect my luck. I find it cruel that we have this instinct that makes us chase luck even on moments that we are happy. If we win the lottery, after a while we want to be luckier. The ultimate state of happiness doesn't exist. We're all like donkey's following a carrot on a stick, thinking that we control this carrot but what we don't know is that there's something holding this stick, that something is nature or faith like some people may think. But we sometimes do taste this perfect state of happiness, in dreams. Dreams can be sons of bitches. I think that everyone has already had this experience. You dream of this ultimate reality like for example: I once dreamed that I was playing in the woods with this perfect girl, we were really in love, I felt this warm feeling. The dream was so vivid and this feeling was something I never felt before. It was luck in its ultimate form. When I woke up I felt so bad that I almost had to cry. This is when I realized that you can't control everything. This may be the reason why I try to have lucid dreams. Not to escape reality but to relive this perfect state of happiness, to understand it. But I'm doubting that I can attain this while being conscious. I had my first lucid dream this night and it wasn't really spectacular. I was just walking through this building trying to stay calm, which worked, I also felt this weird tingling in my head like I was walking inside my head. Every year I believe that the year before was better but I have proof that this is my brain fooling me, because 3 years ago th relationship with my friends went out the wrong way. I almost lost my friends and I knew that this was because I was being an asshole, I betrayed a girl that really liked me (as a friend) because my friends didn't like her, I did some stupid things to improve the relationship with my friends. The year after that year I changed alot, I won back my friends but still I kept thinking that the year before I was happier. Love is also something that isn't running so well in my life. I only fell in love twice the last 6 years and both of these girls were unattainable for me, both occupied, both to perfect for someone as imperfect as me. It would be much easier if I could control this feeling called love. I didn't care about this until now. I'm almost an adult and I don't want to spend my whole life alone. Okay, I have many friends, both male and female but I really want one person to share a house with. I also don't really know when I'm in love, these 'love' feelings of mine aren't really strong, it's like I have some sort of a disease in my brain where your love feelings lie. I now only feel a strong affection for a girl without the strange feeling in my head or in my stomach. I don't really think about this girl all day long, I'm just happy when she's in my presence. Maybe I won't feel comfortable in a relationship, who knows. I also feel like some sort of an underdog. I feel a kind of paranoia towards my friends. I don't have anyone to tell my secrets to. I don't really trust anyone. I feel like I'm the fifth wheel of the wagon. I have other interests, I listen electronic music, my friends are rockers who play instruments. I draw allot, work with photoshop and Illustrator, they don't really appreciate my work although they think I'm talented at drawing. I also spend a allot of my time behind my computer. They do invite me allot for some activities but I'm the non-serious hyperactive fool of the group. I always feel that everyone is looking down on me. When they don't invite me I feel betrayed and sometimes this happens. Why do I tell you this? Because this is another something that can't be controlled, acknowledgment. We are all puppets on strings trying to make the best of this thing called life. And I may sound really depressing but I'm not depressed at the moment, I'm not suicidal because I will always stay curious. I want to discover new things in life. I want the experience of having kids, of having a wife, of growing old, ... I won't bother you any longer with this depressing shit, it's peanut butter jelly time If you familiar with my experience, please comment. things that are in the hand of nature are marked bold

[mathmagic]

You would expect that I'm in some sort of depressed mood today but actually I'm not. It's weird, I couldn't be happier today. I feel an urge to scream, to run (that's what I'm going to do, I put my nikes on and run for 30 minutes or longer, until satisfaction kicks in ) I'm in some sort of psyche, this is fun! (and no drugs are involved!)

[Xaqaria]

Forget perfect, control, luck, and any human emotions such as cruelty applied to nature.

[tkdyo]

tl;dr some day we will actually control nature

[Carôusoul]

tl;dr some day we will actually control nature What do you mean by nature.

[tkdyo]

I was just being mean implying that we will control anything that can harm us. It was sarcasm though, I know we couldnt truly do that.

[Carôusoul]

It was sarcasm though. Sadly you'd of needed some digusting simplistic smiley to convey sarcasm on the internet. Its really tragic.