The other day, I was pretty sleep deprived (I'd gotten slightly more than 5 hours of sleep in the past two nights) and I'd been taking modafinil (brand name Provigil; prescribed for narcolepsy and shift work related sleep disorder; in practice, provides a sensation of wakefulness with little actual stimulation) to fight away the sleepiness. Because of the Provigil, I didn't feel at all drowsy, and my ability to pay attention to things was normal. I did feel some of the secondary effects of tiredness: astereognosis (the inability to recognize objects by touch), some headaches, and some minor problems with memory. All of these happen to me ordinarily when sleep-deprived.

Despite my fatigue, I still decided to make my way to a party at a friend's house.

On my way there, I had no problems at all driving...definitely did not feel like falling asleep at the wheel, and remembered exactly where the house was, even though I'd only driven there once before several months ago. It's pretty safe to say that at this point, my mental functioning was normal.

Fast forward to about half an hour after I arrived at the party. I drank a couple of beers and take a few hits from the hookah. At this point, I wasn't really feeling anything. Then, someone packed a bowl. I took maybe five good-sized tokes. (I know, in retrospect, my experience proves this was a horrible idea...but still...it seemed like it'd be fun...)

Fast forward to a few minutes later. I'm walking around my friend's basement with an enormous grin on my face, convinced that EVERYTHING is one big lucid dream. None of it's real. None of it matters. It's like I can do anything I want. No one is real. It's as if I've seen God...

This is when I realize the problem. There are other similarities to a dream, too. I've lost my memory. Well, it's not exactly lost, just intensely distorted. Every time I remember something, I feel like I'm remembering it in a dream....it's almost as if I'm making it up on the fly. (Apparently, the clinical diagnosis for this is source amnesia, or more specifically, memory distrust syndrome.) My memories lack context. I can't tell the difference between last week, last month, and last year. It's as if my memories were stored in a book, and the pages are still there, but someone's ripped out the index. At this point, I'm completely terrified, thinking that I'm actually erasing these memories, or making them worse by recalling them. Worried that as soon as I remember something I'll remember it distorted forever, I finally end up going to sleep.

The next day, I had most of my life up to the last week under control. It all came back after another night of sleep, although whether it was the sleep or the drugs wearing off I don't know.

Anyway, I'm wondering if any of you have noticed anything like this, perhaps under different circumstances. The feeling of dreaming while awake (although not actually hallucinating!) was certainly an interesting experience, and I hope I haven't lost too many brain cells because of it...I wonder what insight it gives into the interaction between sleep and memory.

</drug induced rant>