Hi!

I had my first LD about two years ago. I looked for it and after many reality checks during a couple of weeks, I could get one. The experience reminded me of the only time I experienced with acid, which was quite horrifying. I can resume it in “fear to craziness and not to being able” to cope with everyday reality…

My first LD consisted in becoming aware of the fact that I was dreaming, while I was walking in a beach. After taking a look at my hands, I became fully conscious about everything. I looked to the sea, and saw an enormous old city in a big island in front of me. Everything in this city was of a pale yellow color, and although I was at a certain distance, I could see the details of every construction in it. There was no one living in this city, and it seemed to have been abandoned hundreds of years ago.

Although the view was beautiful I suddenly felt a state of fear of not being able to wake up again. I try to shout, to ask for help, and when I sometimes wake up I realize I’m still dreaming (sort of Waking Life) but with fear. Of course I do finally wake up, but since then, I’ve been trying to avoid LD, but I don't seem to be able to handle having or not having LD anymore. I try not to check reality, but I find myself many times testing reality in a dream itself, totally unconscious.. And another lucid dream from which I only want to get out from. While LD, I try to relax, to think that I’m just sleeping. I’ve also tried flying, which is something incredible, but in some point I still have fear.

I guess that this could be compared with “try not to think about a pink elephant in your room”…. Haha…. I’ve also heard that to cope with these experiences (LD, acids or OBE) someone needs to have certain peace with himself, or at least with his spirituality. I believe I’ve tried to have LD for the first time while I was having a great existential crisis, and it was very difficult to be in peace with myself with reality, and while not understanding the world, the cosmos, or whatever is that someone needs to understand for not having a crisis.

Did anyone have a similar problem regarding being very afraid while LD? Does anyone know a way on how to not have LD´s? I know this forum encourages LD, and I know that for many people this can be the greatest experience of all.. well, not for me, at least until now…

=)

Thanks. Sorry for my English.

M. Argentina.