Frustrated!!!

[envisionary333]

I've been dedicated to this forum for many months now in my pursuit of the ever elusive lucid dream experience, and I am finally at my wit's end enough to post my story. Bare with me, please! I've had only ONE lucid experience in my 8+ months of obsession, and that little taste has given me enough inspiration to push on in my pursuit. But the more I read, the more I realize that at this point of reality checking and endless imagined scenarios I should be having a little more success. What's especially odd is that I am a visual artist, and I LIVE to imagine dreamscapes, they come to me readily at a moment's notice and literally take my breath away in any waking state. My greatest strength is without a doubt my ability to manifest a visual reality out of a jumble of concepts and feelings, and to make it seamless- which seems to be the very nature of the dreamstate. So why is it that I cannot seem to master a task that is so inherently natural to me in my waking state? Primary in my roadblocks is the current state of my brain chemistry, being that I am on anti-depressants to curb severe, lifelong depression/migraines and finding it literally impossible to hope for a normal life without them. On top of that, I am a daily marijuana user (small amounts using a vaporizer, if that matters) and have no desire to give up either of these "medications" at this time. Unfortunately, both of them seem to exhibit profound suppression of my REM sleep that I wish was somehow avoidable. Messing around with my doses to achieve more frequent REM sleep could have the unfortunate side effect of sending me into a complete emotional tailspin. On top of that, my ability to get to sleep and stay asleep has been deteriorating rapidly due to who knows what. Thanks for letting me rant a little, I just want to be lucid SO BAD and I am sure you understand this desire. Especially when my reality is one I so desperately need to escape once in a while...

[-Blakren-]

Yeah, I'm probably just like you with the whole LD thing. I've been interested in this sort of stuff for 2 years and only had 4.

[envisionary333]

Didn't want to leave my thread on such a sad note, so I'm excited to return with good news! I saw my doctor for my insomnia and have had a small medication adjustment, so now I can finally sleep..... and dream... Last night I had so many dreams, and the most amazing one was of myself and a female companion in command of a spherical spaceship that travels to the center of the earth. The ship had extremely dense, silver-plated walls, and seemed somewhat like a mechanical womb with only enough space for the two of us. It required three energy "circles" to work (they looked like flickering circular bands of light), one in red, one in green, and one in blue- the three colors that make up light. The sense of intense gravity, isolation, awe and fear were all so intense. I didn't become lucid, but I don't even mind since the dream content was so amazing. Yay!

[Sylph]

Good to see you're feeling better. I was reading your first post and thinking that back when I was on medication I had some really crazy, epic dreams. It probably had more to do with the fact that I slept more than with taking meds, but what I mean is that meds didn't get in the way (in my case). Try not to get so worked up about LDing. Can't you also find some escape trough your art in the meantime? If you're a world builder, bringing your imaginary worlds into the real one in some way (painting, 3d modeling, writing...) should feel good as well. In my experience, nothing beats the feeling of creating something. And, who knows, maybe if you give your head a break from the thought of LDing with some other personal project, you'll find yourself lucid when you least expect. Your brain won't forget what you're after. Cool dream, btw.

[supreme]

Keep trying and try to relax about it. Sometimes i think that LDs are a little like magic-eye pictues. Everyone can see them (unless there is an eye problem preventing it) but even tho everyone can see them, not everyone can. My husband has tried for years and cant see the pictures in them and doesnt even believe anymore that there really are pictures hidden in them. I believe everyone can LD. They just need to figure out what works for them. Once that barrier is breached then youre on your way! Once you finally see the first hidden picture in magic-eyes, youll always be able to figure out how to see it again. If its any consolation....pot and/or anti-depressants do not inhibit LDs at all, in any combination.