Who's driving? Synchronicity...

[Taosaur]

I find myself enmeshed in a web of synchronicity, acting on impulse, I think, but then finding the path laid out as with signposts in front of me. I keep coming across movies that point me toward lucidity. Yesterday I found Abre los Ojos at Half Price Books (it's the movie "Vanilla Sky" was based on, basically a nightmarish series of FAs leading to lucidity), and today I randomly grabbed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind at the video store (I was in line with another movie, noted ESOTSM on the "new arrivals" board, and went and got it instead). About 45 minutes of that movie involves an attempt to become lucid after having given over control of one's mind to others. Also, various situations keep bringing up unpleasant memories and forcing me to choose either to face them lucidly or suffer in their grip (for me, the span from Halloween to my birthday in early February is basically one big mass of overlapping trauma--deaths and sour relationships and whatnot). There's this sense of tremendous potential energy and forces aligning, like I'm running ahead of myself and putting things in place for a release of some of the bad shit I've stored up in the present millenium. Even when I run from it--get drunk, play a video game, watch a movie--I'm steered back in the same direction, toward increasing lucidity, responsibility, and awareness. I feel like I'm at a bit of a bottleneck. I'm coming into what has been a dark season for three or four years now, and I'm finding a growing determination to face it and release the demons. Granted, this is how I'm feeling having had a few drinks and watched a Romantic fil-m. Perhaps I'll have a less dramatic view in the morning. Still, I'm interested if anyone has any feedback, particularly folks further along their lifespan who have maybe faced similar circumstances. Peace, Taosaur

[O'nus]

Essentially what seems like apprehensiveness and anxiousness - I have possibly been in a similar stage to yours. The anxiousness lucidity and control over your dreams can create this fordboding sensation or overly-anxious behavior. This may be because reality isn't living up to how you want it to be. Or perhaps you are actually anxious about meeting someone or resolving a commitment (relationship related, perhaps?). It seems that this anxiousness can be created from what is effectively a power-lust or actual loss of control. The great desire for further control could be perpetuated by the further loss of it as one gradually drifts into dreams and fantasies being more pleasurable than their reality. However, you will not meet many individuals who are in this spell to admit it or see it in themselves. I know I did though. However, you may also be onto something. You may be near a personal resolution. Hope all goes well.