hello!

[Mrs. Jones]

I'm 20, female, MI. Had many lucid dreams as a child (usu. accidental, nightmares), learned ~preteen that they had a name and a method, joined this forum some years after and achieved very modest success LD'ing. (wish I had kept with it!) Last time I was here I was in high school. At the time my reason for LDing was to bring dimension to my physically/intellectually/geographically limited life of sleep, internet, public high school and occasional friendships. I wouldn't have phrased my purpose this way back then, but lately I've come to believe that 'the experiential breadth of one's world' crucially determines the direction(s) one's character can take (generally speaking), and thru the lens of this notion I recognize my drive as a teenager. That notion is one major reason why I'm returning to the forum / lucid dreaming (time will tell if i stay) Recently I've experienced a major lifestyle change, currently riding out a temporary medical condition that keeps me home-bound/debilitated. (Withdrawing from long-term medication; should be 6-12 months.) My tiny $500 apartment is my whole world now. Imagine, with such a limitation, my perspective is necessarily more nuanced and detail-oriented. More significantly, for over a month I have been avoiding using my glasses, and I am blind past 5 inches. Now, by default, physical space is blurry, inarticulate, flat. When something is in focus it's because I deliberately placed it in my field of vision, and I must experience it closely, so that every time I eat, read, bathe, groom, etc., it's an intimate experience/relationship. Though more easily describable in the context of my sensual life, this intimacy/nuance is just as present in 'the life of the mind'. (Not that I want to get into that now; the suggestion should be enough for you to extrapolate.) This unique opportunity to explore what they call the 'psyche' isn't something I want to squander, especially since it's right in line with some stuff I've been reading/thinking lately. I've noticed my dream recall has been 'kicking in' after a long dormancy, and for the first time since I gave up the idea that dream interpretation is stupid. I've had a good time relating dream events/elements to waking life memories, anxieties and biases, and unlike before it's accompanied by a sense of honesty/authenticity/certainty that I didn't have as an insecure teenager. I'm kind of tired of writing now; it's an effort to get these nebulous observations out. They're not all down, but I feel that what I wrote gives a good sense of what I'm here for and who I am right now. Dream background: *Had good dream recall since a young child. *Have been conscious in the sleeping state/periphery frequently enough to be very comfortable describing/experiencing all the wild brain shit that happens; it's all normal and healthy. Present "sense of ownership". *I'm also familiar with my experience of physical/mental phenomena between waking and sleeping, and the level of ambiguity and uncertainty about what I actually remember vs. what was imagined. *I experience 15% lucidity often... how to describe... an awareness that everything is temporary and unreal, and that I can conjure what I please, that I am free to break rules without consequence, and nothing really bad will happen to me if I do x, and the resulting confidence of a lucid dreamer; while still being immersed in the illusion, and as dream-dumb and characteristically lost as a non-lucid dreamer. *Sometimes I go through periods of months of not remembering dreams regularly, but this is comparable to a normal person's once-a-month insignificant and/or "I had the weirdest dream last night!" experience; it's not like I completely lose my ability to recall. For the past several years since I've joined this forum I've had this constant problem of experiencing the very beginnings of sleep paralysis, but getting too excited about it to allow it to transpire. This will happen many times in a night, and happens often. I've wrote about this problem on the forum years ago, and I was told that it takes practice. However after ~4 years my experience hasnt changed. WHAT GIVES. I've WILD-ed only once, a long time ago. any advice? (I recall a major thread by I think Oneironaut Jeff?? that emphasized resisting an inevitable, overwhelming urge to shift your body. That shit is harder than it sounds.)

[Skillet7]

Welcome back, Mrs. Jones. As a real newbie to this forum, I envy your natural adeptness. I also hope the large font size facilitates your handicap and does not corrupt my message's intimacy.

[Mrs. Jones]

Today is a glasses day, but I appreciate the thoughtfulness nonetheless! Welcome to the forum to you as well, although it feels weird to say

[LucidMonogatari]

Hey welcome back to dreamviews Mrs. Jones! Even though i have never heard of you before XD