(Warning: VERY long story) Addiction to social situations

[Arra]

I've noticed a phenomenon in my own life and would like to know if anyone else experiences it. I'll explain/summarize my situation briefly and put my long personal story in a spoiler, so no one has to read it. I'm normally very introverted (I have virtually no friends), and have no desire to socialize, but have found that a few times in my life, I'll become briefly involved in some social group and my mindset will completely change. It is like I lose my sense of individuality, and instead think in terms of the group, with a group mentality. What's more strange is that I become addicted to the social aspect of the situation, in groups of friends who I know well enough. Hanging out with them becomes so fun and addicting, I can't stand to leave and am very saddened by the thought of leaving for whatever reason. It isn't mere disappointment, it's agonizing to have to part from them. This doesn't seem to happen to other people, only me. I've wondered if maybe my usual lack of social interaction is the cause, that there's some buildup of social need (even though I don't feel like there is), so when I finally do experience it, I become addicted. Most people seem well-balanced. They'll enjoy hanging out with friends, but don't seem to experience anything close to the problem I have. It seems there is something wrong with me. Does anyone have any ideas, or has anyone experienced anything like this? Spoiler for Personal story/situations: Throughout my life I've been very introverted, and since I was about 14 (I'm 21) I've had virtually no friends. Even before then, I've had maybe 1 or 2 friends at a time. I've never been to a bar or a party. I've had my boyfriend who I talk to online or on the phone (lives far away), but I'm so comfortable around him, talking to him doesn't at all feel like a social experience. When I was 16, I went to a spiritual centre in Costa Rica. It's sort of hard to explain, as I've never heard of anything else like it. That itself is a long story, but I'll stay relevant to this topic. I stayed there for 3 months and then came back the next summer, when I was 17, and stayed for 2 months. Most people there were from Vancouver or around here, as that's where the main 'psychiatrist' running the place lives so that's where the word about the centre spread. The place has a couple buildings but is mostly jungly, and everyone lives in cabins. We go on outings once a week, but apart from that, it's very secluded. My second time there, there were a few people around my age and I started to get involved in what I guess was my first real 'group' of friends. It involved one other female and three males. I started to feel something I never had before. It wasn't just nice to be around them, it was addicting. My normal introverted self is completely happy to be alone, and finds social activities annoying and unnecessary, something stressful I would only do if forced, and I was always the outsider. I never understood the allure of social situations and, if anything, I considered extroverted people to be inferior in some way. I'd think (and automatically still tend to) that they're weak in some way, less intelligent than introverted people. In this group, I was still the outsider. The strange one who talked a bit less than the others. I actually had to be forced into the group. The other female would urge me to talk with them, be extremely nice to me and go to great lengths to make me comfortable around them. Only after a couple weeks did I finally become comfortable. But I became too comfortable. I was completely addicted to whatever happens in the brain while in that group social situation. I became extremely saddened when we had to stop talking, when one of them got tired and needed to sleep. I was tired too, but wanted to continue interacting socially so badly, I didn't care. I wanted to stay up. Some part of me realized what was happening and was mad at me, but the addiction was so overwhelming there was no fighting it. When they had to leave to go home, I realized I would have to go back to my normal introverted life, and was so saddened by that thought that I actually cried about it. My regular life seemed so boring and incomplete. I think I understand now how people feel when they view me from the outside and feel sorry for me for having no friends. But the truth is, during most times in my life, I'm missing that addiction, so it doesn't bother me. I'm not missing anything because I don't have the need for anything more than what I have. During that time, I went through mental changes that are so different from my normal mindset they scare me. It was like my individuality was partially taken away. My unique way of thinking, my sense of self, was replaced with a group way of thinking and a group sense of self. I imagine people who are always extroverted might experience this all the time, but don't realize it. There's another strange thing about that time, which seems stranger every time I think back to it. Most people lived in cabins, but we were 'volunteers' and lived in a 'house'. I use that term loosely, since it was more like one giant high-ceilinged room with 3 or 4 rooms coming off of it. All of us volunteers were assigned our own rooms in the house. There was this pile of spare mattresses in the house, and everyone started making beds in the large main room out of the mattresses, by piling them on top of one another. We made our own beds, and began to sleep in the same room for the rest of the time. Now, normally, I would never sleep in the same room as anyone else. In fact, when I first got there and heard I'd have to have a roommate, I was in tears. But for some reason it felt very important that we all sleep together, the beds right beside one another, as close as possible. That craving to have my own personal space which I usually value so much completely vanished. Looking back, this almost seems disturbing, like we were a pack of wolves who needed to den together. It seemed that I was the only one in the group who went crazy with an addiction to the group mentality, who couldn't stand to be alone. So I've wondered if maybe the lack of regular social interaction in my life is the cause. Maybe there's some buildup of social 'need', and I go without it for so long, that when I finally do get it, a huge addiction sets in. It's happened a couple other times in my life, the addiction to socialness. I even get it very slightly with this forum. Specifically, right now I've been getting it drastically with the game Left 4 Dead 2 which I've been playing lately. I've been playing it recently with the (online) friend who bought it for me, along with some of his friends. I'm so addicted to the social aspect, even though I don't talk much (it's a game with mics), just being sort of involved with the group, and hearing them talk and joke around socially, is so entertaining and addicting. I'm always hoping desperately that they choose to play one more game. I would play all night and lack sleep because I want it so badly. But eventually they all say they need to sleep and I'm left in disappointment, feeling a huge void, a sadness. It seems impossible for me to find a balance, to be in a group but retain my sense of individuality. I'm either terrified of people and would sooner suffer physical pain than be forced to be put into a social situation, or I'm so immersed in a social situation that losing it practically brings me to tears. The thing is, I don't get the idea that other people experience this at all. If they did, they wouldn't want to leave the game, and we would end up staying up all night. So if you're one of the 0% or so of people who have read until the end of this, have you ever experienced what I describe, or have you ever heard of such a thing before? Do you have any idea what might be happening?