Ever since we gave my cat Ana to the shelter, I've worried about her suffering, happiness and what would become of her. I tried my best to find her a home, and I don't even know why I made it MY responsibility anyway, it was just because I cared about her so much, so I shouldn't blame myself. Some nights I just couldn't help but want answers, so last night I looked up the shelter online, and found a link to their website where you could send them a message/question with your e-mail. I asked them what happened to my cat, and gave all the specific info about her.
This morning a very short, simple e-mail came back saying I'm sorry to tell you that Anastasia has been put to sleep.
So... I guess that's it. In a way I'm relieved, because she's not suffering. She's dead. And I assume it was humane. I had a dream last night that she actually came back to live with us and we were so happy (except she still hissed at the other cats, as always). I don't really want her back for good, although she was wonderful, I just wanted her to be happy, and I wanted to be sure of it. It would have been nice to see her again, happy and comfortable, even if it was just a new picture of her.
6 years ago we rescued her as a tiny kitten from a shelter in Oregon, and she had a great life with us for all those years. She had plenty of happiness and comfort, even on her last nights with me. I had a big white, soft, fluffy blanket on my bed, and she'd come up and knead it for a while, purring deeply and looking blissful. I'm also glad I comforted her as much as I could waiting at the shelter with her, making nice kitty talk and scratching her chin through the cage door. She'd push her chin against my fingers between being scared and I think that helped.
I'm afraid to e-mail any more questions, afraid that the next answers would be 'yes, she suffered quite a bit and got very sick before we had to put her down'. It's always the worst case scenario for her.
Anyway, Stephen Colbert said some great things that apparently his mother told him (on a YouTube clip I saw of him on The View), that suffering happens to everyone, you can't avoid it, and as crazy as it sounds, you should be grateful for it, because it helps you empathize with others who go through hard times, and makes you a more caring, stronger person.