@greenhavoc, Wait, you're in Texas as well?
http://www.gifanatics.com/files/BenderPanic.gif
I must plan an escape route! Just when I thought I would live a decent life with a decent wife and family....now I have to strengthen my defenses. :cheeky:
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@greenhavoc, Wait, you're in Texas as well?
http://www.gifanatics.com/files/BenderPanic.gif
I must plan an escape route! Just when I thought I would live a decent life with a decent wife and family....now I have to strengthen my defenses. :cheeky:
if you saw me in real life you'd probably piss yourself from laughter, man.
i am so harmless it's borderline pathetic ..tootles
hehe what? Now I'm trying to imagine what you look like
how does harmless manifest itself in greenhavoc's appearance, in a way that's pisspants funny
Yup.
Cause Texas ain't big enough fer the two a ya.
*spit*
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_XQUfLLaDXi...Huens_Crop.jpg
Bah... I slept in again today. I'll get about 3 loads of clothes done and most of those are MY clothes. I really need to tackle the mountain of other stuff that hasn't been done in months. I actually need to sort through the bags and make piles: Goodwill, trash/rags, keep. It's all my kids' stuff and there's so much it's just overwhelming. But if I sort through just one bag at a time, I'd at least be accomplishing SOMETHING.
Last night was rough. I couldn't sleep for anything. My anxiety and rage raced through my head, so I gave in, SI-ed then stayed awake til dawn :roll:
My p-doc is going to be so disappointed in me tomorrow (though he'd never say as much). I keep worrying one day he's just going to drop me because I'm going in circles :bang:
An 8th of Valium is working out fairly well though. For all you math whiz's, what's 1/8 of 10 mg? My hubby says there shouldn't be an accumulative factor but if the half-life of Valium is 1/2 your age in hours and I'm taking 1/8 every day, it HAS to be building up. I'd like to see some numbers so I'd know when to take a break from it. Would 24 hours be enough or should it be longer? Valium is a depressant so I don't need that crap on top of everything else.
Oh yeah, Aly, I kept forgetting to thank you for recommending singing. I sing ALL the time lol but when my anxiety is raging I'm too angry to sing. So I tried :) It helps a good deal.
Another rant is that I was hanging up clothes and the dog found a pile of deer poo to wallow around on top of. I didn't think about it until we went inside and she went straight to my bed :furious: lol. Now I have to give her a bath AND wash my bedclothes...
No problem, glad I could help. :content: That would be 1.25 mg per dose. That's a relatively small dose (I think the lowest they prescribe per pill is 2 mg?) so I wouldn't be too worried about it stacking up, 24 hours would probably be enough. One thing to keep in mind here when figuring out the timing is that if you take it a lot, missing your dose for too long can cause rebound anxiety, so you should factor that in to the decision you make.
Anxiety is terrible, it's an uphill battle. :T I've been calm and collected this last week or so, it's been surprisingly good, but it won't last forever. Are you supposed to just take your valium on a regular schedule? I try to take benzos as little as possible now and as far apart in dose as I can, that way the rebound becomes less and less after each dose, and I can focus on using methods like breathing and singing to bring myself down. I'm making at least some progress so far. :)
And hahaha, that sucks about your bed but it's pretty funny. :chuckle:
Lol your dog rolls around in deer poo?
Hahaha I'm really sorry, that's just crazy, naughty thing.
hehee, the males do that all the time, but this is the first time I've ever seen my little girl doing it (and she didn't pick it up from the boys who are tied up behind the house. She's an inside dog.)
It's common behavior for dogs... unfortunately :lol:
My Valium wasn't prescribed and my p-doc is not going to be happy with me taking it. My hubby's a Dr. and writes it for himself. I get migraines from time to time and Valium helps so I always try to have a few around for that- I just ask my hubby for them. When my anxiety became unbearable so many days ago, I decided to try the smallest amount and it helps....
Valium is not something I like taking. Even for migraines I only take 1/4. And only then if it's absolutely unbearable (once every few months or so).
I have a hard enough time staying awake without those things. But 1/8 doesn't seem to make me sleepy (even though 1/4 knocks me out :roll:)
I'm happy to hear your anxiety has been manageable. Do you have anxious thoughts or just symptoms? Do anxiety/panic attacks still scare you or how do they make you feel?
Unless I'm trying to go to sleep, I just have symptoms. They don't scare me in the least. I know what they are and it PISSES me off. I have a theory that if I can just accept them and ignore them, they'll eventually go away.
But they make me so mad that I can't help but rage "You freagin stupid, IDIOT!!! There is NOTHING stressful about your life, you pampered, prissy, and lazy Good-for-Nothing!!! What the heck is the matter with you, Brain?" Or so screams the Drill Sergeant in me. I don't know how to get past that...
Ah, I gotcha.... Yeah, I have a Xanax prescription (which I purposefully haven't refilled yet) but I end up taking Ativan which I like better a lot which are not prescribed to me... or anyone I even know. I don't mention that to the doctors. :roll: Well, it's definitely best to avoid taking it as often as possible as if you do too much your body will start showing withdrawal symptoms when you're not on it which pretty much just exactly causes the symptoms you take it to stop.
I have just symptoms if it's just regular low-level anxiety, but if I don't put a lot of focus on ignoring them they'll start to get worse. Though, it doesn't get that bad very often anymore. When it does they scare the crap out of me, my physical symptoms get really intense so once the anxious thoughts set in it kind of spirals out of control. The last bad one I had, first I started thinking my heart was beating really fast and erratically, and then I was dripping sweat all over and my whole body was trembling really strongly, I was trying to call my mom so I'd have someone to talk to to calm down (I was home alone) but my phone kept slipping out of my hand, and even when I managed to call her I was stuttering and couldn't really form words properly. I had to take three or four doses of Xanax to get to the point where I was just freaked out for a while, I wasn't ever actually able to be totally calm for the rest of the day.
So, when it gets that bad I start getting all up in my head and thinking I'm about to die, but those times are really rare these days. Generally it makes me nervous now but I can handle it, and I actually recently realized that if I absolutely feel like I need to take something niacin can help a lot, because it gets the blood flowing to your brain which gives you a little clarity, and plus most of my imagined scenarios involve my veins being too clogged or constricted so it gives some peace of mind as well. I usually don't get mad at myself so much as I just kind of despair that I can't talk myself out of it, but the way I talk to myself about it is pretty much the same as you. :?
Got me some top braces today and bite plate for my lower teeth. Ugh it's been painful. At first i'm like "LOL IT'S NOT BAD" then ate some mac and cheese, then about 2 hours later, it was very painful for like 3 hours. Now it's finally lightening up. I'm eating some spaghetti o's. The lower bite plate makes it so hard to chew few, since the only teeth touching the bottom are my back molars(it feels like just chewing against a piece of plastic) (it looks like those clear retainers people have, but mine is on my bottom teeth) luckily i will only have to have it for a month or two. Then go on the bottom braces. my mouth just feels so tight and packed with pokey shit. Oh well xD
I had braces for like three years. I know your pain.
You can make it through!
I hope so xD
I hate working 10 hour shifts.
I need to go to bed but I have a project thing. I want it to work out in the most beautiful way possible, and I ain't going to bed until it's done right.
Oh I just had a thought: who wants monte cristos? I so fucking do right now.
Ophelia, don't worry about me not PMing, the stupid system will only let me PM 3 times every hour. That's so ridiculous.
I'm doing fine now, thanks. :hugitout:
Ok, glad to know you didn't fall of the face of the earth, I was worried.
Glad you're doing better now. I was afraid to go to bed
I feel like my mind is telling me I'm depressed, but I'm too detached from it to figure out about what. I'm really tired but I don't know if I could actually fall asleep. :? I think I'm just having a really dissociated moment because I feel somewhat anesthetized and I'm starting to hallucinate mildly. I guess that's better than actually feeling the depression...?
wait, you're hallucinating?
what of?
Not like full-on seeing-things-that-aren't-there hallucinating, just some perceptual stuff. Like wherever I stop moving I feel like I start melting or sinking into, like the couch right now. Also physical boundaries seem to be less defined than normal and are more dictated by my emotional state, it's kind of difficult to describe. It happens to me every now and then, whenever it does it kind of feels like I've fallen into a trance. So like right now like I said I'm feeling depressed but I don't really know why, I just am, and that's what's setting my perception.
Ah, I think I just need to try to get to sleep. I zoned out on the couch and I started merging with it and I think I almost had a WILD or AP or something. :panic:
Wow, Alyzarin. :? Are you taking certain medication that could make you feel that way? Maybe you should get some sleep.
I hope you are okay. It might be cause I'm drinking but that actually sounds kind of nice now.
Yeah, I'm getting ready to go to bed now. I'm not taking any right now, but like.... I've been having these "trances" for pretty much as long as I can remember, but they used to just be kind of odd emotional states, but then when I was using hallucinogens a lot (way too frequently) I was practicing meditating too, and now lately whenever I've had them it kind of puts me back in that state of mind. I know it sounds kind of bad, but it's not as big a deal as it seems. I think I just kind of permanently opened myself up to altered states of mind a little more, and I am pretty tired so those states will show up more easily. Anyway, yeah, I'm going to sleep.... :yawn:
Yeah, I'm kind of snapping out of it now and just going back to regular tired. It probably would be kind of nice if I was drinking. :P Normally when it happens I'm actually in a good mood and it sort of warps reality to make me even happier. Like I said, it's really difficult to explain, but I've pretty much grown accustomed to it, I just took it out kind of far this time because the mood for it was weird.
Anyways, thanks for the concern you guys. I'm going to bed, have a good night. :content:
I've experienced a similar thing, and as you said, I think it was from drugs. In my case just weed though.
I would get that sinking/floating feeling when tired or stressed. Even when I first started learning to relax myself consciously I would get that floating/sinking feeling, and merge with the couch bed or whatever I was on, even the floor sometimes while walking! lol :lol:
It does go away eventually, I think it may just be the mind making associations between states of mind. Like having a bad trip, so then when stressed some of the other effects come back again.
Maybe. That's my best guess anyway.
I'm sick for the second day now with a bad case of the yuckies. My sleep schedule is completely hosed and I have absolute zero recall. Sleep has been off/on in 1-2 hour shifts. The part which upsets me the most is that it was 60 degrees outside yesterday and I couldn't enjoy it. ...FML, just for the immediate moment. http://www.xjimx.com/dreamviews/Smileys/sick.gif
I must venture out today to get some more medicinal herbs and organic fruit juices.
On a good note, I haven't smoked a tobacco cigarette in 2 days. ...perhaps I should use this opportunity to cease smoking. :)
Yeah, it's starting to get lighter than it used to be. I'm sure a lot of mine is from weed too because I've heard other people who smoke a lot mention it, but at least part of it is from when I was taking huge doses of psychedelics, it feels like the normal sinking feeling mixed with a mild acid flashback. There's a lot of bending and warping kind of stuff like in a trip but it's all perceptual, not visual, but very apparent. Anyway, I'm just happy that it didn't make me panic. Like I said I'm normally happy when it happens, but it used to be that if I were to get really far into the feeling like I did last night I would've had a panic attack for sure. This time I could feel the same feeling it would when it went that way, and then I just snapped myself out of it and went back to normal. So that's cool, I think that's a good sign. :)