Nes, hating yourself isn't good, either. Might I suggest at least looking into a few Buddhist ideals? I'm not saying join them by any means, since you probably wouldn't be comfortable with that. But at least look at their beliefs, maybe attend a few gatherings. The whole ideal is to become at peace with yourself and with the world, and it's a very admirable goal. I've been working on it with a friend for a while now, and it's amazing how good it feels to relax and know that if you have to go now, that's okay. Fearing that you'll go to prison if you die is irrational and unhealthy--Fear of death, once it passes a certain point, is also a negative pressure.
Personally, I feel absolutely no fear or uncertainty related to death. I'm an atheist, but I've reached peace with my end, though it likely won't be coming any time soon. I know that when I die, even if it was at this moment, I'd have died being the person I wanted to be. You ought to be able to feel the same way, as should everybody in this world.
So you hate yourself. Why? So you're clumsy. Ask Draco, he knows me personally and can attest that I have all thumbs AND two left feet, and I have a hard time figuring which part of me is a thumb and which is a left foot half the time. I got clotheslined trying to learn to swing dance today 'cuz I can't figure out which way my head wants me to go or which way my feet are going. But I just got up and laughed and kept going anyway. Then, after dancing a while, I promptly tripped over a stool and bashed my arm into the mural I was working on, leaving a nice sized dent in the middle of it all. I laughed again, and painted over it. I didn't feel any compulsion to punish myself, I didn't hate myself for it, I just painted over it and moved on. If anything, being clumsy just makes my life more amusing to me...
But something tells me there's more to your self-loathing than just being clumsy. May I ask what? If you don't feel comfortable talking about it out in the open, I still would welcome any PMs. I'd even give you my phone number if you wanted--you live in Utah too, so it shouldn't be long distance, then you can explain everything, or just talk about LDing, or whatever. I'm just saying that you need to accept that whatever faults you may think you have could be to blame on something outside your control. Before you just blow me off, at least give me a chance to hear you out and think it over with all the pieces in play.
Back onto the cat topic, putting an animal down involves chemicals that do more or less the same thing--halt oxygen flow to the brain, though the means of doing so may vary. But in the meantime, carrying said cat to a vet would take a considerable amount of time--time incredibly excruciating for the cat, only for it to recieve more or less the same means of death, if less crude in execution. Also, with a cat in such bad condition, finding a vein in tact enough for such an injection could be difficult.
And the death by halt of oxygen would be quite painless, as Leo said, pleasurable, even. The only thing swifter or more humane would be cervical dislocation (breaking it's neck near the base of the skull to immediately kill it), though with an animal as mangled and as large as the kitten, that would be difficult and likely to go wrong, making asphyxiation of some form or another more viable.
And Seeker, I completely agree. Not so much about sitting at the tree and such, but being at peace--it's a wonderful feeling, knowing that you're proud of what you've done, and that you can truly accept a peaceful end.
EDIT: Microwaves would be an incredibly painful way to die. INCREDIBLY. One, it isn't nearly as short as you might think. I've played around with broken microwaves before--making it so the microwave can run with the door open. I didn't want to zap my whole body, so I closed the door with just my index finger in the seam, then turned the microwave on. it was like lighting the bone on fire--not the skin, the bone. It started to burn instantly, too, not just a slow acclimation of heat--and it was AMAZINGLY painful. I pulled my finger out before I could feel anything else. Sticking your whole body in a microwave would be like dipping your skeletal system all in molten steel, then reinserting it into your body while it was still burning---generally unpleasant.
|
|
Bookmarks