Is Dating your Best Friends Ex wrong?(Details inside)

**Forsaken Exposition** · 03-07-2006 11:08 PM

Alright...this could be long, And Im not acting like its big deal, but its really upsetting. Here goes.

This has to do with me, Chris (Best Friend since 6th grade- Currently in Ninth.) And Heather, his Girlfriend.

Now, Immediately reading this topic, I would think, "Hell yeah, thats wrong.." But after I've given others( 4 others...) behind the scene information, they've changed thier mind.

Ok. begining of the school year, Chris got up wtih Heather. He fucked her about a month later. (Excuse the language?) Anyway..From what i know, he pretty much treated her like a sex toy. He wasn't really supportive and wasn't nice to her barely at all. In other words, he treated her like shit. And Then, he broke up with her to go with my Second cousin, Tiffany.. (Whom I really didn't know until last year, and almost everygirl I've mentioned her too says shes a whore...)

Well, during Heather Small depression state I was nice to her and supportive, ( At this point I never really thought Of seriously dating her, mind you..) But I could tell she was kinda flirting with me and she mentioned little things like Me smelling good, I'd catch her staring at me, she'd kinda touch my arm or something, etc. Well, Last friday, she kinda hinted at the topic. She said " Theres a Guy I like." with one of those smiles. I kidna played along and said Who? and Guessed a couple times then asked if it was me. And she said yes and we kinda agreed to go out.

And to add to this, A few weeks ago, when they had just broken up, he mentioned if I was going to go out with her ( And they've been off and On a lot, so I figured he was gonna go back with her..plus I didn't know all the details.) So I said "No, It wouldn't feel right." And he practically gave me permission to date her.

Now, I am going with her (Since Friday) And Out of respect for him, and fromt hat Nagging conscious of mine, I feel odd with her, cause I don't want him to see us holding or hugging each other out of respect for him. Yet even when not around It feels odd cause I want to be with her, but everyone acts like what Im doing is wrong... He hasn't talked to me at all since.

He himself knows that Im not one of those sex guys and ( In total honesty) Sex is the last thing on my mind. Odd as that may sound froma guy, and he knows Im going to treat her much better than he would..

( On a Slightly scarier note, Chris is...Somewhat undecidedly Bi from what I know. So..Heather brought up the fact that maybe he was made cause I was dating her now and wouldn't be able to Go with him.

)

So..What do you guys think? @.@

**InTheMoment** · 03-07-2006 11:27 PM

You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You guys are in hs and the relationships made during that time come and go as often as the seasons.

You sound like a genuine guy and I'm sure your intentions are legit. So if your friend is really close to you, he should know that you "might" make a better bf.

I understand about feeling ackward and wanting to respect your friend, but it's not like they dated for years. Even if they did, I still don't think it would be a bad thing to date her...given your intentions and all.

Anyways, I say go with it and try not to feel too guilty.

[Edit] - Just noticed the whole bi-curious thing...what is your sexual preference and would it affect your relationship with your best friend if he was bi?

**Forsaken Exposition** · 03-08-2006 12:02 AM

Originally posted by InTheMoment
You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You guys are in hs and the relationships made during that time come and go as often as the seasons.

You sound like a genuine guy and I'm sure your intentions are legit. So if your friend is really close to you, he should know that you "might" make a better bf.

I understand about feeling ackward and wanting to respect your friend, but it's not like they dated for years. Even if they did, I still don't think it would be a bad thing to date her...given your intentions and all.

Anyways, I say go with it and try not to feel too guilty.

[Edit] - Just noticed the whole bi-curious thing...what is your sexual preference and would it affect your relationship with your best friend if he was bi?

Im..I guess historicly/Realisticly Straight...I think thats about how to put it. Like.. Im straight so far. But Mentally/Psychologicly I think Im about Bi...I won't do Anal, at least- Receive or give.-

... But I can be sporadic and Im very open minded...so who knows? -Edit- About the Bi part, not the Anal....

Thanks for the advice though. Makes me feel better that an Adult, experienced, agrees.

**Gwendolyn** · 03-08-2006 01:25 AM

If that guy is really your friend, Forsaken, he will understand. Come on...If they broke up, she's fair game. He has no reason to get mad, except at himself for being such an asshole in the first place (sorry, but he sounds like one). Go on with it. I would also talk to him about the situation, no matter how you feel he may react. I mean, if you are his best friend, you should at least let him know that you are still his friend. Anyway, if he doesn't like you with his old chick, he should have thought about that before he treated her like crap.

**Awhislyle** · 03-08-2006 05:14 AM

It really depends how good of friends you are, and how close they were, nobody can tell you, a hundred people over the internet can say it is wrong, or say it is right, but it is still up too you

**OpheliaBlue** · 03-08-2006 03:56 PM

I voted "not wrong"

I mean yeah, it's gonna make your best friend feel SOME kind of twinge of jealousy, and there will be awkward moments, but if he's a good friend, he'll get over it. It's not about him anymore, it's about you and your girlriend. It's true though that some guys can't handle that, in which case the integrity of the friendship might need some scrutiny.

That said, and after reading your post Forsaken, it sounds like Chris is a bit confused. And while there's a remote chance Heather is on the rebound, you two have nothing to be ashamed about. And as screwy as Chris may be, he gave you permission to go out with her. If he has a problem with it, then he's not being very upfront with you about it. If he REALLY ends up having a problem with it down the road, you may end up having to make a choice, but for now, you're doing nothing wrong in my opinion. Plus it sounds like Chris needs some time to figure out his sexuality.

**Burns** · 03-08-2006 09:54 PM

I voted "not wrong under certain circumstances." Generally, I would think your best friend's ex is off limits, but there are certain situations when there's no problem.

One of my friends is currently dating her ex-boyfriend's best friend. Normally, I'd say that was really wrong, but in her situation, her ex-boyfriend was a huge dickhead and I don't feel sorry for him at all. And their relationship was pretty much based on sex. Obviously the ex-boyfriend wasn't happy when he found out his best friend was dating his ex-girlfriend, but they're still friends. It's not like they were going to get married or anything.

And you're around, like 15 years old, right? So messed up, high school dramas are completely fine! Don't feel bad. If it was that wrong, Heather would say that she wouldn't date two best friends. There are two people in a relationship, not one, so you can't take full responsibility for everything that happens. But if your relationship with Chris is going to suffer, then you may need to make some choices. Just ride it out for now. Things always end up working out.

No worries.