I wanted to add my two cents about the drug thing, because that thread has been a floater for awhile now. Forgive me for waxing personal.

Don't ever believe anyone who says that drugs are ok and what you've been fed is propaganda or whatever. They don't know shit and damn them for assuming that any single person can exhibit the self-control it takes to smoke weed or pop pills. As I said before, I don't really have a problem with drugs and drinking, if you have self control. Whatever tops you off. Who am I to judge anyone?

But when you look to chemicals to instigate a change in your life, then it becomes a problem. It's like you suddenly become this different person. Obsessive. Sneaky, but obvious at the same time. Angry. Like the world owes you something for the shit hand you've been dealt. No one notices... so you do it more, because deep down you really want to get caught. Anything so someone will help. Then you get more daring. Like chasing pills.

I don't know exactly why I did it. Why does anyone do stupid things? I think I know what sparked it off. The candles on the cake of my life, so to speak. It's not his fault, though. He just had bad timing. Everything I've encountered on the path of my life, all of my personal burdens, had built so much that I was beginning to lose my balance. It just happened to be his foot that I tripped over. He doesn't love me. So fucking what? I should have just shrugged it off. Not like it's really any skin off my back. I should have been like, "Whatever, sucker, it's your loss." But I wasn't. For some reason, I took it very personally and I let it drag me down. I let myself drown. I started chasing pills. I liked how it knocked me the fuck out. The blackness of sleep was comfortable. But I always woke up again... and to this day, I still don't know why...

I did it right under everyone's nose. A part of me was hoping that someone would catch me, that he would notice that there was something different about me... and care. But you know what? He didn't notice. I shouldn't have been surprised. It was stupid to expect a man to notice from so far away. But what's even sadder was that no one else noticed either. Not even the people I was living in the same house with.

It's all water under the bridge now. I don't understand why I'm so friggin stupid sometimes. No one could rescue me, especially not someone who lived a billion miles away. The only person who could change things at that point was me. The only person you ever have in life is yourself. No matter how much you are in love with someone, or how close a friend someone is, or how close you are to your families, always keep that in the back of your mind.

The only person you ever have in life is you.

I used to have a personal saying: We are, each of us, angels with one wing and we can fly only by embracing each other.

I'll fly on my own, thanks.
And by the way, I've been 'clean' for almost two weeks now. Yay me.