Faculty of Groaners, Puns and Crap Jokes

[paragon]

Velcome to zee faculty ov groaners, puns und crap jokes. I am zee Dean of zee faculty, Professor Herbert von Paragon (PhD., LBW., CD., DVD., MP3). Eye vood like to shtart today's lecture wiv a few groaners. Q. Who lost at the Battle of Waterloo and exploded? A. Napoleon Blownaparte Q. What's the best thing about an EMO pizza? A. It cuts itself ! Q. What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A. The bull has the horns at the front and the arsehole at the back!

[Baphomet]

Come on. Nobody else got a kick outta this?

[paragon]

Zey don't appreciate quality humer, mein faithfull stoodent. Zey only like cock jokes. Here's another: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

[Amethyst Star]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Ha! I like that. I'll have to remember it for later. Have you heard the police are looking for a short psychic? She's a small medium at large.

[paragon]

Q. What did one lift say to the other? A. I think I'm coming down with something.

[Keresztanya]

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, one to hold the giraffe, and another to fill the tub!

[Sandform]

These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" The string says "Yeah." The bartender says, "aren't you a string?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

[Yosemine]

A snail goes into a car dealership and asks the salesman to paint a large "S" on the side of the car. "Why?" asks the salesman. The snail answers, "I want people who see me yell out 'Look at that S car go!'" What a killer.

[Mysteryhunter]

Why did the blonde go to church? *Stretch arms out to sides* She heard there was a guy in there hung like this. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and orders a pint. As the bartender gets a good look at the pirate, he notices the wheel and asks, "Hey matey, do you realize you've got a steering wheel in your pants there?" Pirate says, "Arr... it's drivin' me nuts."

[paragon]

Some absolutely apalling ones there. Keep up the bad work! And remember, no good jokes - they belong in the other thread nextdoor. (I wish they'd keep their bloody music down.) I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A. They're trying to get away from the noise. Q. Where did the general keep his armies? A. Up his sleevies

[acatalephobic]

That sleevies joke never fails to make me smile for no good reason... ---------------------------- The Famous last words of a certain mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?" ---------------------------- Q: How many snobby-indie-scene-kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 3. One to actually do the work, and two to argue about who did it first. ----------------------------- Shut the door, take off your clothes, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs. -Love always, The Toilet. ----------------------------- Q: What was the centerpiece of the annual Anorexia and Bulimnia sufferers convention? A: A cake jumping out of a girl. ----------------------------- Q: Q. What's the last thing that goes through a fly's head before it hits a windshield? A. It's ass. ----------------------------- Lame and/or corny jokes are my favorite kind. So this thread makes me happy. Thank you for that.

[Invader]

Your mother is so stupid, she thinks a lightsaber has fewer calories. -Emperor Palpatine.