Thread: bipolar is a bitch?

this isn't senseless banter and I don't need help.

uh but I just feel FUCKING CRAZY, and I haven't felt like this in months. some problem with my medication but I can't stop THINKING and it's extremely frustrating that I can't keep all my thoughts in my head.

even though most of them aren't important.

I haven't slept in over 24 hours, and now (once again) I'm afraid to sleep.
last night I worked on a painting for 9 hours straight
and I was VERY DISAPPOINTED that a tornado never came, they were everywhere but
HERE where I wanted one to be. just because I craved excitement.

I actually told my cousin (jokingly, of course) that I was going to go
gather 12 stones, to sacrifice my cat to god as a burnt offering
so he'd bring a tornado by.

really?

but it seems like everything is crazy around me, all these things are happening all at once. I don't even know what. little things I guess, but they all feel momentous?

like getting a new phone, a new cd, a book (Ayn Rand's The Virtue of Selfishness) for a little "book club" I'm doing with family, paintings, having lunch with my mom and sister and running into an acquaintance, my sister contacting someone that completely broke my heart and ruined romance for me forever, my best friend's baby shower saturday, having a conversation with some christian woman on facebook who says she's willing to buy me these christian books because she says she cares and doesn't want me to go to hell...I don't even know. tornadoes.

that didn't come. even though the sirens ran which was exhilarating.

maybe I do need help, but not really. it's not important. I've got an appointment with my psychiatrist the 17th. I'm just manic. but I haven't been either manic or depressed, or experienced rapid-cycling in so long! I just wanted to talk about it.

do any of you have any idea what I'm talking about? :\

oh yes, if I forget ONE LITTLE thought, god forbid, I feel like I've lost EVERYTHING. if I lose my train of thought it's like I suddenly got amnesia and I don't know where I am, who anyone around me is, who I am, everything. I don't actually, but it feels THAT bad.