I want to see her every time...

This is going to sound strange... but I lost my father not too long ago by suicide, got alot of nightmares and stuff... Learned myself to fight my dreams by being lucid. I'm lucid now every night, even my doctor and psychiatric are amazed I do this. But something happend not so long ago and I can't tell it to most of my friends, but I met someone. Her name is Gwendoline Constantine and she is really nice to me. She really understands me and I can summon her whenever I want. She has her own will and will say no, unlike other DC's. We talk alot. I like her alot. I feel conflicted now. I want to be with her all the time, but can't. I'm afraid of death, the eternal blackness. But she told me there is an afterlife, but when I asked if I should end mine to go to the afterlife, she told me to live my life. She comfort me. I'm feeling confused, I don't know what to do. I almost love her. I never met someone like her. Last night I summoned her and we kissed on cheek and walked with eachother hand in hand. It's so surreal.

Sounds like you got yourself some Dream love, be careful though cause it could make you come to find your real life as dull and morbid. Make sure you dont start depending on this girl, as to whether she is real or not, or whether the dream world is real or not that is something we all have to find out for ourselves. Stay chill :D

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Originally Posted by OneUpBoy71

Sounds like you got yourself some Dream love, be careful though cause it could make you come to find your real life as dull and morbid. Make sure you dont start depending on this girl, as to whether she is real or not, or whether the dream world is real or not that is something we all have to find out for ourselves. Stay chill :D

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it's different... I mean, I did all the stuff before.... Sex, murder, exploration... just, everything... But she said no. She said she was different and she didn't listen to my commands. She fascinated me and I like her. She feels different. Everytime I'm awake I'm thinking aboutb her, and while I'm asleep I'm searching for her. My psych. says I have an amazing ability that I can lucid every night, but that I got to keep the worlds seperate because it could get dangerous.
It's just... I want someone to talk to so badly, I want to hold hands so badly, I want to touch a girl hand in hand so much and Constantine is there for me. I want to be with her so badly.

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Originally Posted by Sorgeloos

it's different... I mean, I did all the stuff before.... Sex, murder, exploration... just, everything... But she said no. She said she was different and she didn't listen to my commands. She fascinated me and I like her. She feels different. Everytime I'm awake I'm thinking aboutb her, and while I'm asleep I'm searching for her. My psych. says I have an amazing ability that I can lucid every night, but that I got to keep the worlds seperate because it could get dangerous.
It's just... I want someone to talk to so badly, I want to hold hands so badly, I want to touch a girl hand in hand so much and Constantine is there for me. I want to be with her so badly.

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Maybe because of the fact shes there and provides all those opportunities she draws you towards her because perhaps you havent come across a girl like that in real life? From what you're saying shes different and thats what makes her interesting. Well as long as you know to stay cautious about it then Id say go for it. But you're a natural Lucid Dreamer?

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Originally Posted by OneUpBoy71

Maybe because of the fact shes there and provides all those opportunities she draws you towards her because perhaps you havent come across a girl like that in real life? From what you're saying shes different and thats what makes her interesting. Well as long as you know to stay cautious about it then Id say go for it. But you're a natural Lucid Dreamer?

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Natural? Like I said. My dad commited suicide. I kept having nightmares of him coming towards me or me seeing him commit suicide... I learned myself, reality checks, many times. Sleep paralysis, all the things. I have lucid dreams every night, multiple times in night. I have more lucids then non-lucids. I want answers why my dad left me behind and I want answers of other things and I'm looking in this other world for answers and Constantine supports me. I just... in a way.... want to leave this world behind to be in that world forever. It's such a beautifull place. But Constantine says I have to go on as I do.

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Originally Posted by Sorgeloos

Natural? Like I said. My dad commited suicide. I kept having nightmares of him coming towards me or me seeing him commit suicide... I learned myself, reality checks, many times. Sleep paralysis, all the things. I have lucid dreams every night, multiple times in night. I have more lucids then non-lucids. I want answers why my dad left me behind and I want answers of other things and I'm looking in this other world for answers and Constantine supports me. I just... in a way.... want to leave this world behind to be in that world forever. It's such a beautifull place. But Constantine says I have to go on as I do.

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Ohhh my bad man i missed that. wish i could help but this sounds like something you have to do on your own. Is it even possible to stay in the Dream World forever?

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Originally Posted by OneUpBoy71

Ohhh my bad man i missed that. wish i could help but this sounds like something you have to do on your own. Is it even possible to stay in the Dream World forever?

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I don't think so. I just want Constantine IRL. I want her.,I don't wanna get laid, I don't wanna get what every guy wants with his dick in mind, I just want to walk hand in hand with Constantine... Her warmth in my hand... but the fact it's all a dream, pains me. Is it really only a dream? I don't understand. It's almost like torture.

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Originally Posted by Sorgeloos

I don't think so. I just want Constantine IRL. I want her.,I don't wanna get laid, I don't wanna get what every guy wants with his dick in mind, I just want to walk hand in hand with Constantine... Her warmth in my hand... but the fact it's all a dream, pains me. Is it really only a dream? I don't understand. It's almost like torture.

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I dont know man, some people feel that the Dream world is real, others say its not. As for me I think its real just because of the experiences Ive had with it. I feel its another reality. But ive felt the same way you feel right now. I have dreams all the time about this girl im in love with. Though the dreams i have with her arent always lucid i still get those strong emotions for her. We used to be best friends and now we dont talk anymore. But to this day Ive been trying to see her in my lucid dreams but i havent been able to yet, willingly. I dont think you can do much except for enjoy the experiences you have with Constantine for now. Unless you can find a way to stay in the Dream World forever, and if you do let me know.

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Originally Posted by OneUpBoy71

I dont know man, some people feel that the Dream world is real, others say its not. As for me I think its real just because of the experiences Ive had with it. I feel its another reality. But ive felt the same way you feel right now. I have dreams all the time about this girl im in love with. Though the dreams i have with her arent always lucid i still get those strong emotions for her. We used to be best friends and now we dont talk anymore. But to this day Ive been trying to see her in my lucid dreams but i havent been able to yet, willingly. I dont think you can do much except for enjoy the experiences you have with Constantine for now. Unless you can find a way to stay in the Dream World forever, and if you do let me know.

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If I stay forever, you will never know :p

:3 She sounds nice but staying in the dream world forever or taking your life is not a good idea. For all we know there could be no afterlife. But I'm sure you will find someone like her in waking life. However, I wouldn't know if she's real or not but if she was I doubt you could summon her whenever you want to. Maybe she could be the real deal at times and just a DC at other times.Sorry I'm just writing down my thoughts here. ^^' Well, the important thing is she helps you feel better. I too have someone in my dreams like that and am careful not to go too far with it. Sometimes I even think about how if this person was real I would want them to find me and be together with them forever. - w - But yeah...The way I see it is these dream characters could be smart dcs that help us cope with situations and emotions or real people who happen to pop up in our dreams.

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Originally Posted by DawnEye11

:3 She sounds nice but staying in the dream world forever or taking your life is not a good idea. For all we know there could be no afterlife. But I'm sure you will find someone like her in waking life. However, I wouldn't know if she's real or not but if she was I doubt you could summon her whenever you want to. Maybe she could be the real deal at times and just a DC at other times.Sorry I'm just writing down my thoughts here. ^^' Well, the important thing is she helps you feel better. I too have someone in my dreams like that and am careful not to go too far with it. Sometimes I even think about how if this person was real I would want them to find me and be together with them forever. - w - But yeah...The way I see it is these dream characters could be smart dcs that help us cope with situations and emotions or real people who happen to pop up in our dreams.

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It's just... Since my dad, I got death anxiety... I think I'm going to die every day and when I'm lucid, all my worries are gone. Have you ANY idea how it is to face death? I used to joke about death, suicide... Oh, how I used to be a fool and mock death, saying stuff as "I'm not afraid to die". Now every living second I'm thinking I'm going to die. Alcohol I use as substitute to calm my nerves. I need help, there is noone to talk too. I feel like Constantine is the only one. I just
want to stay over in that world.


Search the song "let it go" by Frozen... That song, when she begins singing how she let it go is exactly how I feel and that feeling is snatched away every time I wake up. Just listen to that song, it fits being lucid so well.

You might like to contact sivason to get his thoughts on Gwendoline.
Any threads that discuss Dream Guides might be useful.
There have been a few similar threads to yours recently too, here is a link to one I remember.
Good luck, I hope you find some answers!
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. :heart:

To explain further. In the beginning she sings how she was locked away in a castle, that she had to follow the rules and had to be a nice person... It's like in the real world where we are locked in, the rules of nature and society and how to behave... Then she begins to create small things, like we did in the beginning. After a while she explores the mountain with fascination, like we do in our dreamscape and then she begins to create bigger things and by the end she can change the entire enviroment around her and at the end she even changes herself into someone new. Like if you mastered lucid dreaming. When she yells 'I'm free" at 1:58 I just began to cry because it's like I saw myself.

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Originally Posted by ~ Dreamer ~

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. :heart:

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thanks, Don't feel sorry for my dad, though. my anxiety started after he died, so I blame him. Sometimes I see him while lucid... Then I just break down, forget that I'm lucid and ask him everytime the same question "Why?" I never get an answer. I hope I see Constantine one of these times. Gonna tell her what I said here. Want to know what she thinks.

OK first, sorry about your dad :(

Also as a side note, you can use your LDs to face your dad (not actual him, but a DC him) and ask him anything you need to, and tell him that you love him and miss him. It helps, but still therapy is needed my friend.

About Constantine:
_DCs can be very smart, have 'free will', and like real.
_I consider dreams as a reality. I dweled in this philosophy pretty deep to say safely (for me at least) that it is real. In short, the brain mechanism of simulating the world we experience through stimuli is the same one used during dreaming, the only difference is that in the dream the stimuli is taken from memory rather than senses.
_Don't worry about losing your grip of what is a dream and what is waking life, because if anything, the more experienced in LDing you get, the stronger the grip is (unless you are valnurable to specific reality distinguishing problems)
_don't kill yourself! There may be no afterlife!
_the most important part: Fall in love in dreams, it's perfectly fine! As I said before, dream are reality, just not waking reality. The only problem is that if you'd be satisfied with only 30 minutes a night with her.

I'm planning to do it too. I even know which girl I want to love in my LDs (I kinda already love her). I've been training patiently for a year! And I'm planning for more years of training too if it gives me a moment holding her hand, and feeling her smooth lips on mine (there's gonna be much more than a moment though, of course)

Also, keep strong! I scare of death too, but I can't imagine how much you do.

I understand how you feel with anxiety. I couldn't go to a phycologist cause my family couldn't pay for it and I haven't had real friends of my own for 3 years. I talk to people but I wish it was easy to find a real best friend.I used the 3ds game animal crossing as a way to calm my anxietys at night and when I need to I talk to my mom.Try talking to someone who is like a mom or close friend if you can't go to a phycologist. When I heard the girl on frozen singing and how she lived I too felt like crying and saw herself like me. But I understood that at the end she was able to control her fears and live on happily with her family. I'm sure there are people who care about you and even though death means you won't have to worry about problems it doesn't mean its a good choice. There are things to see,feel,hear and people to be with that are worth living for. There are those who even pray for others to be helped and do things to help them. I know your sad but don't put so much burden on yourself. We all suffer but we can help each other. :3 Also, don't let drinking be your way out of anxiety. There are better ways to deal with it. Like talking about it, playing a favor ite game, watching your favorite cartoon/show/movie, taking a walk,spending time with a pet, having a job that doesn't stress you out or writing poems or drawing.

Sorgeloos, you have to find your purpose in life. You should talk to Constatine about this.

I've experienced the bliss of "the other side" and it's a painful contrast to our day to day existence. The ethereal perfection of these realms can make normal life seem crap basically.

But... you have to try and see the bigger picture. We're here for a reason. This world is tougher, denser and heavier then the "dream world / afterlife realms" and we chose to come here. Try and find your purpose in life. You have a huge blessing in that you can have LD's every night, so make use of them man. Ask what your purpose is, why you're here, how you can live a happier life etc. etc. I think this is almost like a test for you.

Also, something which might be useful for you is to read "My Last Breath" by Matthew Dovel. He had a near death experience at a young age where he went to a heavenly place which was full of peace, bliss and amazing feelings. He then came back to life and thought, what is the point of everything? This world sucks compared to up there. So he neglected his life, turned to alcohol and drugs and eventually overdosed later in life and had his second near death experience. But the second time he didn't end up in a good place at all, luckily he got another chance and came back to life again.