Thread: I need help interpreting this half Lucid dream!

Hello there everyone. This morning I had another half lucid dream, but this one was a vicous nightmare. So it began with me being at my boyfriends house for the weekend, but his ex was there and I guess I fell asleep in his bed but he wanted me to leave so he could hang out with his ex so I go to my car to find my mom in my car. This alarmed me because I am a transgender gay man and my mom is extremely religious so I have many secrets from her in waking life. She has an alcohol problem and has physically and emotionally abused me for many years growing up. We have an unspoken agreement on my privacy which she usually respects, so I was afraid of her being in my car.
So she drives my car with me in it to the hospital to pick up my stepdad. They both seem to be very distant until we get home, where they insist that I take some weird test. (they are always trying to force diets and vitamin regimes on me in waking life and I really dislike it.) In order to take this test I must slit my wrist to drain my blood to be used on this test. At this point I am fighting back and screaming and crying to break free from them. I can feel my body hyperventilating, which triggers half lucidity. I calm down now that I was lucid and I told them no, trying to establish control. My mom comes up to me and smashes a mug over my head, shattering it and she takes a shard and starts trying to stab me with it, at which point my lucidity fades and I pick up a shard and begin stabbing her first. I'm filled with rage and stab her multiple times in the chest, then her face, and I stab her in the eye a few times. Because I was lucid for alittle while, this is in great detail and I could literally see her eye being sliced away. I then decide it isn't enough and I grab her by the head and start violently
bashing it into the wall many many times until blood was smeared everywhere and I finally dropped her. I realized what I had done and began to sob, I love my mom and I was confused as to why I murdered her in cold blood. She comes back to life and forgives
me, and holds me as I cry. After which we all smoke atleast an ounce of weed and relax together
I'm really shaken up by this dream, since while deep down I'm still sore with my mother but we've talked about all the things she's done to me and she's apologized profusely and is a good mom when she's sober and I do love her dearly. I've began the process of forgiving her as well.
If anyone can help me with this dream I'd really appreciate it