I don’t know if I’ve posted this before. I have a terrible memory and I couldn’t find it when I did a search.

Anyway, I’ve been going through my old dream journal on my hard drive, organizing things a bit, and I’m coming across some interesting things. I know some of you already know that there was a time when I was apparently very close to death (in fact, I just re-read the ‘Get well soon, Lost Soul’ thread and had a good cry). For those that don’t know, I had no idea how close I was to dying until the doctor said that if my dad hadn’t taken me to the hospital when he did, there was a very high chance that I would have been dead the next day.

I think I woke up between each dream because I have vague memories of my bedroom, my lizard watching me, my dad saying, “I’m taking you to the hospital”, the dashboard and windshield, the hospital room, the curtain beside me, the lights on the ceiling, my father’s face, and a doctor and nurse standing over me.

So if anyone is wondering what someone sees while they’re dying, here’s my story:

I’ve had a really rough time finding sleep over the past couple of days. When I did find broken sleep, I found dreams. Lots of dreams. Everything happened so quickly that my head is still reeling. When I was home in bed, my body was burning with fever.
When I dreamed during that time, I was in a vast desert. I felt the heat radiating from my skin, just as it was in the waking world. And then, when the fever went cold, I was in a field of snow, dancing with a group of children and a fluffy dog. We held hands and danced in a circle. We were singing, though I can’t recall what it was we sang. Lucius and his boyfriend were there, dancing happily as though they didn’t have a care in the world. The circle broke and we dashed excitedly to a red brick house with a white fence. Inside was juice and cookies for us. But it was hot inside… so terribly hot…
*****
I was standing outside in a blizzard. My grandmother was in the house and it was cold. I wanted to go inside because I felt icicles forming on my nose and I was scared that my grandmother was cold too. But the people with me wouldn’t let me. I realized that my grandmother was dead, and that I almost never see her… I cried. I wanted to go into the house with her and keep her company. I wanted to go inside and keep her warm. But the people around me wouldn’t let me. The people were my dad and some friends. Lucius was there, too.
*****
Aging. I remember something about aging. My brother and I weren’t allowed in the attic because of a mirror that would age us when we looked into it. We found it, we looked into it, and we aged. We kept aging and we shrivelled and died…
*****
I remember being on a plane, looking out over the tiny streets and glittering water. It was a very tiny plane with room enough for me and perhaps three other people. My bag was uncomfortably bunched under my legs, and I felt cramped. But that didn’t matter. I was flying again and nothing mattered anymore. The world is so different from up there. You can’t see the wars going on, the petty fights that people have, the sadness, the abuse… you can’t see any of that when you’re up there. I wondered where I was going. There was a brochure in my hand. Japan… I was going to Japan. I felt very happy. The plane’s nose dipped at nearly a 90 degree angle and we pitched downward, spiralling. What started out as a sunny day grew very dark…
*****
I remember black clouds. Black and grey, swirling. A ship floated at the eye of the storm. It was a black ship, some kind of pirate ship like the ones my ancestors used to sail. The head of a menacing dragon was carved onto the front of the ship, it’s teeth glinting with every flash of lightening and its eyes glowing dull red. The storm tilted and skewed, the clouds dipping so low as to touch the ocean’s surface.
*****
We were in a pool. The water was warm, comfortable even though the night air was chilly, and he was holding me close to him. We shared a kiss and I rested my head on his shoulder. We floated there peacefully for a blissful moment that seemed it could go on forever.
*****
I was in an old, rickety elevator. It was headed to the ground floor. I had bags in my hands, as though I were going on a long trip. The elevator stopped, the doors creaked open, and I saw him standing there, smiling. I ran to him, dropped my bags, and he scooped me up in his arms.
*****
Waiting. I was waiting for him to come home. I was looking up at the stars, admiring what looked to be a rainbow. It was odd, seeing a rainbow at night. But then it seemed natural. It was a special day. We had been married a year. I had littered our modest house with rose petals and candles. I’d even made his favorite dessert (though what that is in the waking world, I couldn’t tell you). Everything was perfect. And I saw him walking toward the house. My heart felt as though it would burst from happiness.
*****
I remember searching for him. He was in trouble… he needed me… but I couldn’t get to him. I remember a giant creature made of stars and galaxies, pushing me backward, keeping me away from him. Every time I got close to him, the galaxy creature would shove me down a whirlwind of stars and planets and I would have to fly the long way to him only to be shoved back again. I tried everything… I even threw planets at him. Finally, I did defeat him. I deflated him.
*****
I remember standing over a white planet. I was sad for some reason, but I don’t know why.
*****
I remember that same white planet, on a shelf in my living room. There was a rainbow outside of the window near the shelf… he was changing its colors and weaving it into weird shapes in the sky. It made me laugh.
*****
A restaurant… I didn’t know who she was. She was Japanese. An exchange student? That was possible. We spoke each other’s language. When I spoke, it was in Japanese. When she spoke, it was in English. I recognized her, but I couldn’t put a name to her. My head was spinning and cloudy for some reason. And then she told me: “I’m you. I’m Tomoe. You’re strong and we won’t let you go.” She pointed to the door and I saw him standing there, smiling at me… beside him was Elli. She walked over to us and she and Tomoe hugged me and disappeared…

I’m sure there was more, but this was all I recorded. I woke up in the hospital with my dad sitting at my bedside. I swear he had more grey hair on his head than when we had come in the day before.