Background:
My name is Loren. I'm 17, going on 18, and finishing my senior year of high school. I'm enrolled to attend Colorado University at Boulder next year, but finances are really worrying me. My dad doesn't have a job at the moment, my mom doesn't work, and we have a lot of medical bills. I didn't get thatmuch financial aid (I did get a few merit scholarships/need grants/etc. that didn't add up to much) but we're filing for special circumstances that should bring us more. That's about the most stressful thing in my life right now. I love Boulder so much, but it's really expensive. I have other places offering me a lot more, but I'm so in love with Boulder and would be willing to do whatever I can to make it work.

The other thing stressing me out is my boyfriend. He's a year older than me and in college already. He's great, really; that's not the problem. We were good friends for a long time, mutually crushing on each other kind of off and on, before we finally started dating three months ago. He's my first boyfriend, but he's had a few girlfriends before me. He's in college, also in Colorado, so we've only gotten to spend about two weeks of these three months physically together. The night before he left at the end of spring break, we had a big discussion about our relationship. Essentially, it's too soon for him to say how much he really cares for me, especially since he's been away so much. But, we both agree that I feel for him more than he feels for me at this point. He also told me that real connection with another human being is kind of scary for him, but I really want to connect with him. Lately I've been stressing myself out over these things, especially since he's away right now. I've been thinking myself in circles; you all know how it is.

Also, I have a hard time telling him a lot of the things I'm feeling. I have a hard time expressing myself when it really matters in general because I have a big fear of vulnerability. I am opening up to him slowly, but there are a lot of things I wish I could say to him, but feel like I can't.

That's my background story. Everything else in my life is amazing. I'm really very happy and I don't have much to complain about. High school ending is a little sad and a little scary, but I'm ready for it to end and I'm really quite happy.

Dream:
Last night, I had the first nightmare I've had since I was literally about ten years old. The dream started off pretty normally. I was lazing around the house; it was summer. I was heading out of town for college orientation in about a week. Then things started getting minorly creepy.

There was something following me around. I could feel something brushing against me from time to time. (I'm getting a little freaked out just writing about it.) Whenever my cat would see me, she would go absolutely insane. She would start screeching and viciously attacking the air around me. I soon somehow knew that there was an "evil spirit" (which I don't even believe in) following me around, trying to get something from me. Soon enough, it started possessing my cat as she was trying to attack it, and used her to attack me.

Somehow, it then managed to send a message to me. Using my phone. It wanted me for something.... It basically wanted to use me for some bigger, evil movement that was happening. I didn't have a choice.

It was a long dream, and I don't remember most of it, except for the very beginning, which I've explained, and the very end. (I do, thankfully, remember quite a few details I probably would have forgotten had I not written it down after half an hour of lying terrified in bed.) I remember that once I did go away for this "project," of sorts, there were around four other people there, as well. One was a boy about my age who was very quiet, and very, very innocent. Helpless, really. The other main character was a girl.

This girl and I were very opposing forces throughout the dream. Actually, I started off as one of the main characters, but somehow I managed to distance myself from the dream and turn what was myself into just another dream character, so that I wasn't actually a part of the dream by the end. I really just think this was some minor lucid dreaming on my part, because I really did not want to be in that dream. For continuity's sake, I'll still refer to this character as "me," though I'd keep the fact that I did manage to break myself off from this dream in mind.

There was one major difference between this other main girl and me: I believed that purpose in life was found through human expression. Poetry was what I emphasized. The other girl did not believe that. The other girl believed meaning was found in violence and inflicting pain on others, especially twisted, physical pain. And she did it, too. She had a large butcher knife with her always, and she would sharpen it many times throughout the dream. I was terrified around her. I knew that she would come after me on a whim, and that the only thing that was keeping me safe was her fancy. Still, I did not cease to be vocal about our differences of opinion.

Remember, this was a really long dream. A lot of other stuff happened involving the other characters that I don't remember now. I do remember that this girl did act on her beliefs. A lot. And I had to watch. I don't remember any specifics, but I do remember the end.

The girl, boy and I were outside sitting on some rocks near a small house. I think it may have been somewhere near the mountains. The sky was red and orange, and the color of everything was off. It was reddish, brownish, more sinister.

The boy was even more terrified of this girl than I was. He was only there because he had to be, for whatever reason, just like me. Just like we all were. I remember the girl was just sitting near us on the rocks, sharpening her large butcher knife. As she sharpened, she was singing. (This part may sound a little silly to you, but it absolutely terrified me in the dream.) She was singing, "I miss you and where you begin to grow." In the dream, I knew "where you begin to grow" meant where she started to cut someone, where she first pressed the knife into their flesh. I still remember the melody. It was a pretty beautiful melody, actually, but absolutely terrifying.

Suddenly, the boy turned to her and told her he wanted her to come after him. So, of course, she did. I begged her not to and tried to get her to stop. I tried to stop the whole thing, but I couldn't. I had to watch helplessly as she tortured him.

That was when I was finally able to force myself awake. I have no idea how something so creepy came from my subconscious. And I have absolutely no idea what it means, or why I had a nightmare at this point.

Strange.