Very funny open letter IMO

[Oneiro]

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Dr. Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative......... Dear Dr. Laura Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them. 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence. 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don.t agree. Can you settle this? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn.t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, Jack

[Spartiate]

Would love to see the response...

[DrunkenArse]

This does a very good job of underscoring the perspective that anybody who thinks that that piece of trash is a "holy book" as serious problems.

[Solarflare]

............................. O_o wtf

[davej]

haven't been here in a long long time and i was just passing through and thought i would take a stab at this. 2.--- In the times this was written and for those adhering to Jewish law and custom a dowry was paid whenever any women was selected as an intended marriage partner. The discussion then talks about the various situations and what can and can't be done in each of them. In most cases the marriage took place and that was that. In no case can the "buyer" simply sell the daughter off to foreigners - this is a protection for the women, and so on. Almost the entire quotation is providing protections for women from mistreatment when they were hiring out as nannies/maids or selected as a potential bride. The tradition of dowries existed for a long, long time and still does in many parts of the world. 3.--This law applies to a man and his 'wife'. If you are not married than, according to the same passage, every woman is in that category. Again, tied in with question number two, women were below men in that day and time and had no rights. 4.---That was the Old Covenant for the Israelites... not the New Covenant. read the rest of the Bible, then you will know what this is all about? You are reading in Leviticus. It was told to the Hebrews, not us. There is a NEW CONVENANT since Jesus came and died on the cross. The slavery thing does not pertain to us. You are only using a verse in the Bible to try to mock the Word of God. 5.---This instruction is part of the Old Covenant, a contract that God made between himself and the Jewish people only. This is not an instruction for non-Jewish people, as both Old and New Testaments clearly indicate - repeatedly. The Old Covenant also **demands** that no one be executed unless they are first convicted in a formal legal proceeding by a duly-appointed judge. If a duly-appointed judge does not sentence a Sabbath-worker to death, killing that person is considered MURDER according to the Old Covenant - and murder is a capital offense under that covenant 6---Clean and Unclean. Although King Solomon’s wisdom embraced the field of natural history, including a knowledge of fish (1Ki 4:33), not once is a specific kind of fish named in the Scriptures. However, the Law did make a distinction between clean and unclean water animals. Only water animals having fins and scales were ceremonially clean for food; this ruled out such creatures as catfish, eels, lampreys, rays, sharks, and the crustacea, many of which live on sewage and decaying matter and often are contaminated by the bacteria that cause typhoid and paratyphoid fevers. (Le 11:9-12) Israelite fishermen therefore had to separate the fine fish from those unsuitable for food, a point highlighted in Jesus’ illustration of the dragnet.—Mt 13:47, 48. Figurative Usage. In the Scriptures men are at times likened to fish. The congregator compared men to fish from the standpoint of their “being ensnared at a calamitous time” like fish in a net. (Ec 9:12) Jesus Christ constituted his followers as fishers of men, and he likened righteous persons to fine fish and the wicked to unsuitable fish that are thrown away. 7.--as a believer or rather..if you were a believer you would know that this goes hand in hand with Jesus' own statement of "take the spect out of your own eye before you try to see someone elses" and just in case you can't quite figure out what that really means..it means this...fix your own wrongs before you try to point out what someone else has wrong about them. Now this is even more fitting because we are told that Jesus was and is the word of God...and he used passed scripture to make his point. so here...God tells us with his word...not to approach his alter if you have a defect in your eye...Jesus told us to remove the spect out of our own eyes before pointing out someone else's spect...so what is God and his word really saying? Come to God's alter with a clean heart. has nothing to do with bad eyesight..other than the fact then when you have evil in your heart..you won't see things so clearly...and if you can't see clearly, or understand clearly, then what God has to say to you at his alter..will not make sense. So come to God with no defect in your eye..come to God seeing things clearly, Come to God with a clean and open heart. 8.---What you are talking about was part of the Old Law given to the Nation of Israel. Christians today are not bound by the law. The law was fulfilled in Jesus when he died on behalf of mankind. You should read the context and not just pick what appeals to you. The law at Lev. 19:27 was evidently given to prevent the Jews from trimming their beards or hair in a way that would imitate certain pagan practices. (Jeremiah 9:25, 26; 25:23; 49:32) However, God’s command did not mean that the Jews could not trim their beards or facial hair at all.—2 Samuel 19:24. 9.---It would be if you lived thousands of years ago before we had refrigeration and other ways of preserving meat. Now we do though. Jesus has already mentioned that we can eat pork, so you are safe to play football. Matthew 15:8-11 "'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. (9) They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.'" (10) Jesus called the crowd to him and said, "Listen and understand. (11) What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean,' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him "unclean.'" Acts 10:14-15 "Surely not, Lord!" Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean." (15) The voice spoke to him a second time, "Do not call anything impure that God has made clean." 10.---So your aunt and uncle are orthodox jews living under gods original covenant. I would love to meet them. The name "Leviticus" was bestowed on the third book of the Pentateuch by the ancient Greek translators because a good part of this book consists of sacrificial and other ritual laws prescribed for the priests of the tribe of Levi. Continuing the legislation given by God to Moses at Mount Sinai, Leviticus is almost entirely legislative in character; the rare narrative portions are subordinate to the main legislative theme. Generally speaking, the laws contained in this book serve to teach the Israelites that they should always keep themselves in a state of legal purity, or external sanctity, as a sign of their intimate union with the Lord. Accordingly, the central idea of Leviticus is contained in its oft-repeated injunction: "You shall be holy, because I, the LORD, am holy." These verses came from the Old Covenant which were the old laws for the Jews. When Jesus came, the new Covenant was formed which us Christians go by. It is great how people take various versus from the Bible without truley understanding the Bible just to try and mock it.

[Solarflare]

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Dr. Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative......... Dear Dr. Laura Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them. 1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence. 4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don.t agree. Can you settle this? 7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn.t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, Jack Now some actual answers 1) KILL THE **** 2) $20.92 3) SMITE THE FOOLS 4) EH 5) if ya wanna 6) no 7) will there be wiggle room when i **** u? 8) rip their insides out and pull their intestines out and strangle them. 9) football?? 10) use a match.... it works the best..... sry..... i was trying to be funny lol