The guys side of the Story

**Howie** · 05-28-2004 03:42 AM

The Guys' Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1 . Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

**IAmCorbin** · 05-28-2004 04:52 AM

ha ha , that's great

~Corbin

**jacobo** · 05-28-2004 06:17 AM

i want to see lost souls rebuttal... she’s good at those. although i suspect 50% of it is going to be "we have boobs"

**Truthbearer** · 05-28-2004 08:32 PM

Yeah...she could most likely beat the crap out of you with that single yet powerful statement...

**WerBurN** · 05-28-2004 08:36 PM

this isnt a list of whats better about guys tho...its a list of rules for girls to follow when interfacing with men...tho i expect LS will try now that its been said and its almost expected...or kaniaz will come in and try ;p

**Truthbearer** · 05-28-2004 08:40 PM

Or lowercase will come and post:

Originally posted by Lowercase Society

**WerBurN** · 05-28-2004 08:44 PM

Originally posted by Falsebearer+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Falsebearer)</div>

lowercase society always posts this: <!--QuoteBegin-Uppercase Society

and thats funny, cause i can make fun of him for it! HAR HAR! [/b]

**Truthbearer** · 05-28-2004 08:49 PM

The point being?

**Umbrasquall** · 05-28-2004 09:04 PM

Originally posted by WerBurN
this isnt a list of whats better about guys tho...

I found some:

1. Your backside is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't give a hoot if no one notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work .. more pay.

11. Wrinkles-add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. One mood, ALL the time.

18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

20. You can open all your own jars.

21.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

27. No maxi-pads.

28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

32. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.

33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

36. Christmas shopping can be done for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 15 minutes.

37. The world is your urinal.

**Death-Wuad** · 05-28-2004 09:17 PM

now just watch the female population on the forums drop to 1

**Truthbearer** · 05-28-2004 09:19 PM

Hasn't that been posted already...I think it has

**Umbrasquall** · 05-28-2004 11:55 PM

Might have been. Meh. Probably when I was gone for those 5 months.

**A Lost Soul** · 05-29-2004 10:59 AM

I've never heard "the rules" from the female perspective.

And by the way, I don't even need to make a rebuttal here. The assholiness of man shines right through this list.

**Lucius** · 05-29-2004 11:14 AM

- Shopping is a sport actuallly
- One never has too many clothes
- Sunday sports suck
- I cry alot
- Columbus was an idiot, he didnt know what exactly he was doing =P He went the wrong way

The rest of the rules are pretty much teh crappy aswell(who made them up =P) ^_^

So there. *sticks out tongue*

**Howie** · 05-29-2004 01:00 PM

Originally posted by A Lost Soul
I've never heard \"the rules\" from the female perspective. *

And by the way, I don't even need to make a rebuttal here. The assholiness of man shines right through this list.

Thank you A Lost Soul! I am now an official assholieo!

**Death-Wuad** · 05-29-2004 02:06 PM

i think both sex's never think about how the other sex's mind works, so we're all assholieos!

**A Lost Soul** · 05-29-2004 06:37 PM

[quote]

I've never heard \"the rules\" from the female perspective.

And by the way, I don't even need to make a rebuttal here. The assholiness of man shines right through this list.

Thank you A Lost Soul

Be proud! There's even a song about you.

I'm just too tired to write the tease-you-back responses at the moment. My brain just isn't set in Witty Mode right now.

Oh. And by the way, women always win by default.
We have boobs.

**ffx-dreamz** · 05-29-2004 06:42 PM

Boobs are teh best...lost soul has beaten us all with her chest..

**Lowercase Society** · 05-29-2004 07:17 PM

Originally posted by Lucius

The rest of the rules are pretty much teh crappy aswell(who made them up =P) ^_^

So there. *sticks out tongue*

I agree with Lucius.

Most guys are ass holes...its the truth, insensitive bastards.

And i am proud to say that i am in touch with my feminine side.
Yes, I am romantic, I cry, i get overemotional...etc.
Anyone who thinks that i am 'gay' or 'bi-sexual' is wrong.
And if you don't like it: Fuck off.

**Truthbearer** · 05-29-2004 08:42 PM

The whole gender issue is really fucking ridiculous. Since we are born we are taught how we are supposed to behave, corresponding with wether or not we have a penis...

I commend Lowercase, for not caring about what others think. I do what I do because I feel like doing it, whether they consider it gay, womanly, pansy, or whatever. We are all human beings, let us embrace our humanity and disregard what we have been taught to forget!

**Lowercase Society** · 05-29-2004 08:55 PM

Hats off to you, my friend.

**jacobo** · 05-29-2004 11:58 PM

*raises hand* i'm an asshole. *spits tongue out*

actually i believe i'm a lite-asshole... or at least that's what i've been told. i guess it's that damn penis and society keeping me down.

i'm all for people's character reflecting their environment but it's a stretch to say that environment or society is solely responsible for one's behavior. one's behavior reflects them... if they let society tell them how to act that reflects upon them as a person... not society's f*ck-up's.

**baconmastermind** · 05-30-2004 12:07 AM

I think that any of these "guy's lists" or "girl's lists" are bullshit. They basically promote sterotypes by stating that a whole gender applies to this list. Not every guy is the retarded, fat/lazy-ass sports fan that most of the guy's lists imply, and not all women are the self-centered shopping obsessed mega-bitches that the girl's lists imply.

I have another list, the human list:

1. Stop making fucking lists
2. Everyone loves the smell of bacon, even vegatarians

**jacobo** · 05-30-2004 12:20 AM

i don't think you know the hours of enjoyment list making entails... make a top 5 list and see how you feel. then add stereotypes and see how fun things get. if it works for tv it's gotta work!*

*please note the blatant hypocrisy. it was instilled in order to make a point. we all know that these lists are generalizations, we recognize that. for example: "Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we." mr. columbus' ignorance is common knowledge... that makes it funny. see! hypocrisy can be funny!