HAHA! oh god, this is hilarious!

**nightowl** · 08-04-2004 05:43 AM

http://www.uspoliticsforum.com/emergency/ oh and these pictures ARE real from what i can tell

Im going to save you all the trouble of clicking on the link for you lazy bastards

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a stations wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.

Bribe terrorists to leave you alone with American consumer devices.

BushÕs hometown Ð no great loss.

Terrorists usually have terrible indigestion from eating our food. DonÕt use the restroom after they do!

A degree in chemistry can help you fight off terrorists.

Terrorists may try to contaminate your laundry detergent. Smell clothing to ensure it's fresh and clean.

If you see a nuclear explosion on the horizon, pull to the side of the road and wait for the blast to hit you.

enjoy

edit:didnt realize there was a page to, so i added that crap in here to

**Scwigglie** · 08-04-2004 05:49 AM

LOL!!! That's hilarious.

**Taosaur** · 08-04-2004 08:14 AM

I was also in tears. That is some funny shit, Nightowl.

**Kaniaz** · 08-04-2004 11:39 AM

I liked the M.J one best.

**Maystar** · 08-04-2004 01:43 PM

ACE!!!!!

just been crying with laughter at work!

**gameover** · 08-04-2004 02:23 PM

I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl!

**Umbrasquall** · 08-04-2004 03:18 PM

Originally posted by gameover
I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl!

...

That's funny stuff. Though I could swear it's been posted here before.

**Kaniaz** · 08-04-2004 04:10 PM

Originally posted by Squall+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Squall)</div>

<!--QuoteBegin-gameover

I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl!

...

That's funny stuff. Though I could swear it's been posted here before.

[/b]

You know, I think it has. I posted it before I think... SEARCH SLAVES, GO HITHER AND FIND ME THAT POST!

**Amethyst Star** · 08-04-2004 04:56 PM

Nightowl! You win my Hero of the Day award for Aug. 4th, 2004! Not everyone wins my HotD award, but that's friggin hilarious. I would have laughed harder but I'm at work.

*gets back to work*

-Amé

CT · 08-04-2004 05:24 PM

seen it before.... loved it - still awesome hahaha.

after reading so many of those things you get in such a cheesy mood that you'll laugh yourself silly at ANYTHING heh.

**Umbrasquall** · 08-04-2004 06:09 PM

Originally posted by Amethyst Star
Nightowl! You win my Hero of the Day award for Aug. 4th, 2004! Not everyone wins my HotD award, but that's friggin hilarious. I would have laughed harder but I'm at work.

*gets back to work*

-Amé

Truth could learn a lot from you.

Yeah.

**Damascus** · 08-04-2004 10:30 PM

that had me in stitches! been a while since i laughed as hard as that xD

**gameover** · 08-04-2004 11:39 PM

That little girl line is in the third austin powers and I saw it recently. Anyways, It fit. Funny shit.

**Alaurast78** · 08-05-2004 05:02 AM

Aww shit I clicked on the link and THEN realized that you posted it all here!!!

Funny stuff...

**nightowl** · 08-05-2004 05:41 AM

Originally posted by Kaniaz+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Kaniaz)</div>

Originally posted by Squall@
<!--QuoteBegin-gameover

I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl!

...

That's funny stuff. Though I could swear it's been posted here before.

You know, I think it has. I posted it before I think... SEARCH SLAVES, GO HITHER AND FIND ME THAT POST![/b]

you know you're probably right, but that thread is dead and lost. Besides all these new people haven't seen it if there was a thread like this

glad you all enjoyed it

**feralgypsydragon** · 08-05-2004 04:58 PM

right on , whats his name and Ebert give it 5 stars....not, but I do hilarius!!!!

**Truthbearer** · 08-10-2004 04:14 AM

Originally posted by Squall+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Squall)</div>

<!--QuoteBegin-Amethyst Star

Nightowl! *You win my Hero of the Day award for Aug. 4th, 2004! *Not everyone wins my HotD award, but that's friggin hilarious. *I would have laughed harder but I'm at work.
*gets back to work*
-Amé

Truth could learn a lot from you.

Yeah.[/b]

It does sound like an interesting and intriguing philosophy... Nah, I'll just call it a day...