Schmaven's Dream Journal of Randomness

I fall into an icy river, and race a polar bear to a floating ice berg. We both get there at once, and climb atop to get out of the water. Floating for a little while, we approach a large waterfall. I suspect there are lots of rocks at the bottom, so I jump to shore before falling over the edge. Several people run over the edge of it, telling me to do the same. It is really far to the bottom, so I can't tell if they made it safely or not. I decide it's too risky, and turn from the cliff. Walking uphill, a young lady is next to me, quite short, and I can't see her face. Suddenly, I recognize her, and she's my age it turns out. She climbs on my shoulders and I give her a ride to a small cottage. No one seems to be home, but she wants to check first before we go inside. I take in the beautiful warm night scenery around me as she checks. Not much light, just a dim glow to the grass, the ground, and the cottage. There are some trees in the distance that all blend together into one blob of shape and color. The whole dream seemed rather surreal, and very fluid.

Guiding someone along a path, I send them around a river as I navigate the rocks and earth in the middle wearing waterproof boots. I slip and fall in the icy water up to my waist, feeling the water get in my boots. Happy they are dry, I ignore the accident and we move on. Reaching an adorable old city made from red stones, we take a break to eat. Many meditators are also relaxing here for a lunch break, having a good time together.

A woman tells us all that it's time to go back for the next meditation, and we all get up and start walking along the road. I follow them this time rather than taking the cold river pass.

Suddenly, I am somewhere else almost like a time traveler, but without the continuity, rather a gradual fading out and back in. I think it would be nice to go back to that town from earlier, and set out down the road toward it, this time in the evening. I find myself on a longboard, and enjoy the ease of travel along the flat road. As I approach the town, I see it is now fenced off, and a van is parked just inside a chain link gate. I roll closer and some people see me. They are doing something that would upset others and cause trouble if more people knew about it. To protect themselves, they try to kill me in case I might tell someone.

Quickly turning around, I kick off fast and tuck into a speedy position on the board. Despite going uphill now, I manage to gain speed just through willpower as I outrun those guys in their van. I turn down a dark road, and lose them. Hopefully for good. A guy approaches me as I am looking at dark places to hide along the road - in a tree, next to a fence, etc; and he tells me there is a key to the car right underneath it, and points to a car in a nearby parking lot.

Riding my bicycle on a narrow path through the snow. I stop to let another bicyclist enter the path. As he does, someone else approaches and they block the entire path as they talk. I wait a bit to see if they start moving. They don't. I go to sneak past them, but they shift their stances and block my way. I'm just happy they are having a good conversation. The second guy notices me and lets me through.

As soon as I pass by, I notice a side path that goes to a floating wooden island in an ice river. I ride out to it. The two guys follow me to it because it is a really cool raft that is connected to the path. The two of them ask me where the forest is. They have heard there is an impressive forest around here. There was. I look around at all the tree stumps from where it was all around us, and inform them that it is gone now. Also, it wasn't that impressive in terms of size compared to other forests.

Suddenly, the platform jerks loose from the path, and begins moving through the water. We all hang on, nearly knocked into the river. Stabilizing ourselves, the two of them jump off as we near the shore. As they do so, the raft jerks again as it accelerates rapidly, nearly knocking me off. I hold onto the front edge of it, letting my bike fall into the river as I lay down to stay on it.

It speeds up again, too much for me to hang on, and I fall into the water. Before being left behind completely, I grab onto a small metal ring with one finger and hold onto it with all my might. It is really cold, and I am completely soaked.

Holding on against all odds, I stay with the raft, and manage to pull myself back onto it. It is just coasting now. I lay down on the raft and catch my breath for a bit.

I am sitting alone in a big apartment complex, listening to the rain pitter patter on the roof. It's night time, and I'm not sure what to do really. I faintly hear a knocking outside, but it's not at my door. I consider ignoring it, but decide to see who it is, since it is raining outside, and someone might need some help.

I go outside, and around the building to the front side of it about 100 ft around the corner and see that it was my spiritual guide knocking at the door. I got the impression he was trying to offer me a ride. He is now just about at his car, and about to drive away. I run up to him before he leaves, and tell him that I'd like a ride.

Once I get in the car, my good friend from school is now the driver, and it is day time. We're on a snowy mountain road, driving faster than I would drive given the conditions. There is a narrow band of dry road that is totally safe, but on each side is a slippery mix of snow and ice. My friend turns a corner too sharply, dipping into the slippery area, and the car spins off the road. Now air born, we are falling toward an icy river that looks really unpleasant. I see a snow bank just below, and think how nice it would be if we landed there instead.

We do! The front of the car sinks deep into the snow bank, far enough that we have to use the rear doors to get out. As soon as we get out and climb away a little, the snow gives way, and the car falls into the icy water below. As soon as it splashes in, I see my spiritual guide again next to me, with his lower robes all wet like he had been playing in the water just now.

I am playing Dwarf Fortress, and mix with the game a little as I micro-manage the Dwarves to build an epic tower defense style entrance to their underground Fortress. It should be impenetrable! But I have to meet my friend A for coffee before I go to work.

I drive to the coffee shop on the North end of town in a white pickup truck, keenly aware that I don't have much time before I have to go to work, in the opposite part of town. I don't see her as I arrive, so I park in one of the open spaces and get out. There are little Dwarves around me, and a large wooden post next to the truck. I tie the truck to it with a rope as the Dwarves climb over the rope, the post, and the truck. Seems normal. Then the truck next to mind pulls away, and gets stuck on something, pivots substantially, and puts a big dent in the side of my truck.

Ignoring the dent, I still don't see any sign of my friend, so I go into the coffee shop. Immediately, some people ask me to participate in a study. I recognize most of them from when I was involved in the same study earlier. I was an auditor, checking in on their work, and never found out exactly what it was they were doing. Out of curiosity, I agree to participate. I thought I saw needle marks on some of the other participants, even though no needles were involved, so it seems like they have something to hide.

Assuring me that they just need to do a couple blood tests, a strong guy literally picks me up off the ground by my left arm and carries me down the hall. I would've walked, so I let him carry me. Then I suspect that perhaps the reason for this treatment is because what they are going to do to me should make me want to run away. I struggle to break free, but he is ridiculously strong. All my struggling has puffed out my arm veins. He stabs a big needle into my main bicep vein, and quickly draws blood out of me. I conclude that this all was just a very efficient method to get blood samples, and I relax.

I overhear a few scientists talking about one girl who they gave an injection to earlier. She has turned into some sort of monster, and is very dangerous. They have her barricaded in one of the lower levels of this building, about two floors below us. They then tell me that as part of this study, I must feed her, and they hand me a brown tray with a few unappealing plates of food on it. Apparently, she has killed all the guards, and everyone else who has gone near her. Great...

Making my way down to her floor, through some sturdy doors, and down some big stairways, I see her at the end of an abandoned hallway. Several open rooms are on either side of the hall, with no one in them. Some doors open, some closed. Blood, debris, and trash is strewn all over the floor and walls. It looks like a massacre. ...Quietly, I walk up to her from behind as she is hunched over a dead guy wearing a white lab coat. It looks like she's eating his flesh. I poke her gently in the back with the food tray to get her attention. With twitchy reflexes, she turns to face me abruptly, her cheeks and mouth covered in blood and weird black slime. Letting out a low growl, she begins to turn her body to face me as well as if she's getting ready to pounce like a cat. Basically, she's one of those scary fast zombies now...

Dropping the tray at her feet, I turn and run as hard as I can down the hall back the way I came. I hear her approach, but don't dare look back as even the slightest hesitation might be the edge she needs to catch me. I dart to my right into an open room, and close the door, locking it faster than I thought possible. A sturdy wooden door, with a very narrow window, I feel safe now.

Smashing the door right through the frame, she jumps into the room after me. I back away, and jump over a bed, putting it between her and I. She slowly walks up toward me, and climbs onto the bed. Laying down on her side facing me, she begins to speak normally. She tells me of how she no longer needs to have sex to reproduce. Having been discouraged by many males' eagerness to have sex, and concerned about that, she gave it up in favor of killing people to reproduce instead. Somehow it works for her. Almost on queue, I jizz in my pants. Yes, just like that SNL skit... "Well, now I especially am in the position to get killed by her!" I think, as I try to stay on my feet.

I put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her, and am teleported to a river in the middle of the night. I am positioned precariously on a steep snow bank, that is rapidly being dissolved into this raging river. I try to climb out, but the snow is too wet and slides down the bank, nearly taking me into the river with it. It all turns to slush around me.

With a few steps, I leap across the 10 ft river, onto the opposite snow bank that looks like its in better shape, and try to climb out of that side. The top of this one is crusty snow, and large chunks of it break off, falling over my head as I try not to fall with them into the frigid rapids right behind me. However, I have no other choice but to try, so I make another leap for the edge, only to have it break away, sending me falling backwards into the river.

Now looking down on the river from up in the sky, I see that I have died, and my body is being carried by the currents downstream. I watch as it floats along. Then it is carried to a Dwarven Fortress that is harnessing the water for some sort of industry. They fish my body out of the water and pass it to the medics to see if they can revive me. I watch as they try, and then conclude that I have died.

I re-materialize in front of the coffee shop again, having just parked the truck. This time there is a parrot on the post that I have tied the truck to. The parrot criticizes me on many levels. The parrot seems to have been emboldened by being let out of its cage. I let it criticize me, not really caring, because soon I must deal with the demon girl. I warn the parrot of this girl, and how the parrot himself should be careful - as she is very quick. I perceive images in my mind of the girl transforming into her demon form after being a cat, then a demon cat, in various stages of development.

I realize that time is not linear as we normally perceive it, and get in the truck to drive to work.

I'm standing in a strange room, not really sure where, and realize I'm dreaming. I feel a bit mentally tired for some reason, so I decide to mostly just go with the flow of the dream rather than change it a lot. There is an army general looking guy in front of me, like the Russian guy from November Man. At least that's the role he's playing in my dream. Since I'm dreaming, I hit him across the face a few times to teach him not to be so evil. He just sits there and doesn't do anything, then gets up and motions for me to follow him. He walks over to a door, and opens it to a black void and steps through, disappearing out of the room.

I tell him to, "wait, I just need to find a fortune cookie" as I remember one of the Tasks. I reach into my right pocket expectantly, but its empty. I try my left pocket - empty. I reach into my back pockets, and they are empty too. I notice a shelf on the wall, full of bags of chips. "There's always fortune cookies stashed away on the back of shelves like this" I tell myself as I reach far back. I have to stand on my tip toes to reach back to the end, and I push all the chips over to the right as I feel around back there. Then I feel it - "A'ha!" I'm excited to see what it has to say. Before I open it, I wish that whatever wisdom I receive from this cookie, that it is beneficial for everyone and helps me as well in profound ways. I unwrap it, break it open, and scarf down half of it as I pull the tiny paper out. I notice that it tastes just like a regular fortune cookie.

I look at the fortune, and everything starts to get really blurry and the room starts to spin, everything starts fading as well. It seems like I'm about to wake up. I tell myself that, "I'm in control here, I can do what I want!" and remind myself that I'm dreaming, I have a dream body, and I'm standing in this dream room, about to read a fortune cookie. I'm holding the fortune upside down, so I rotate it right side up. As I do so, the lettering all changes to become very cryptic. I remember from looking at it upside down that it said something to the effect of, "It's godly to have no delusions, but look in your garden" I want to get a more accurate impression of the punctuation, spelling and so forth, but the more I look at the fortune, the more cryptic it becomes until it's just dots and commas, maybe a y and a j on there, but the message has completely changed. I look away and look back, but it is still losing clarity - mark by mark on the tiny paper.

I decide that I've milked that task for all I can so far, and remember the shoe task. I sit down at the table in the same room, and put a shoe on each foot. They just spontaneously appeared in front of me as I sat down, and my feet were just wearing socks, so it was really smooth. They even fit! Just regular running shoes. The room spins a little, and I'm now standing in a hallway, walking through a dorm building to my room. I really have to go to the bathroom, but I again remind myself that I'm dreaming, focus on my body, and my environment, and some sort of plan. That's it, a plan! What was I doing? I remember the shoes task again, but am not really sure I ever tied my shoes.

I walk into my room, the middle of which is a shower, surrounded by bunk beds. I don't see anyone else in the room. The lighting is rather dim, and I'm dressed like I'm about to take a shower (well, not dressed at all it turns out). The water turns on by itself, and the whole room seems to have become a shower. As the water pours down on me, I enjoy how warm and relaxing it feels. Now for the shoes. I normally wouldn't put shoes on in this situation, but I'm not satisfied with how it went earlier. Bending over, shoes again appear next to my feet. Some sort of running shoes again. I put them on, and tie a granny knot on each shoe - now soaked through and through from the shower.

Having to go pee really bad, I question just going in the dream, but don't want to wet myself IRL, so I hold it. Holy crap it burns I have to go so bad though. I remember drinking a 1/2 gallon of water just before bed, so it's probably an accurate signal.
I lose lucidity, and find myself on a boat, being excommunicated from my town, sent south along a river to Mexico or somewhere. Basically anywhere but where I was. It is a nice day, and I enjoy the sun as my room mates and I are floating down stream. I ask where they think we're going, and they don't know. Then my room mate RZ grabs onto a rope, and opens a sail, then jumps off our boat onto a raft. Pulling at the rope, he builds up some tension, then leaps off the raft and flies through the air, leaving us all behind to watch him fly away.

Then I wake up, having to pee, but not that bad.

Aboard a cruise ship with some friends, it starts to motor around in a large bay, doing a slow circle around it, gradually speeding up. It starts going faster and faster. Now on the second lap around the bay, it's going dangerously fast, and can't turn sharp enough to maintain the circular path. I hear the engines rev even higher as the ship scrapes on some rocks on the port side as we turn starboard to stay in the water, still circling clockwise.

Then, the captain takes us right off a 500 ft waterfall, and the entire massive cruise ship does a 360 degree spin mid-air before landing in the water below. Then a sharp right hand turn as it skirts along a narrow river just above another cliff. I turn to my friend and say, "We just did a 360 in a cruise ship!"
"So what..." he replies as he shrugs his shoulders unimpressed.

I hold onto the railings on the deck of the cruise liner, not sure if the captain will jump this cliff too. He gently floats us down the river and into the ocean from there. We cruise across a big body of water and get dropped off on land on the other side.

After spending some time amongst the thick green trees in some amazing warm weather, two friends and I decide it is time to go back. The two of them jump in and start swimming. I am a little hesitant because my new cell phone is in my pocket, but jump in anyway. It's water-resistant, so it might make it. We swim a ways out to a wooden raft anchored in the deep water. A small boat is parked right next to it as well. My friends climb aboard, and I begin to drive this boat. It is very small, just big enough to stand on, with a second story above where my friends hang on, legs dangling over the edge. It has a massive engine, and I take off with a spray of water behind us.

Driving wicked fast through the water, I give it full throttle as everything starts to blur. Our path home takes us from the ocean to a wide river. Still going super fast, everything is just streaks of blue and green along side of us. The river begins to narrow and turn a little in each direction. I have to really focus to stay in the water going this fast. The river narrows to not much wider than a two lane road, and the thought occurs to me that perhaps I should slow down. Instead, I increase my focus on driving, and manage to keep going super fast through this small river. Although it seems not to matter much because about half the time, we are in the air after hitting a small wave anyway. The back of the boat now has a giant propeller, like one of those swamp boats you might've seen, only about twice the size.

I sort of expect to start flying soon.

I am the new batman, just finishing up the right bat costume. Unfortunately, I still have white socks, drive an old Buick, and work at a lousy low paying job. On the way home, I drive through the park, and see someone getting mugged. I'm too tired to stop and do anything about it after work, and have to work again early tomorrow, so I drive past, trying not to let them see I'm batman. Both of them see me, especially the white socks and white undershirt. I park the car in front of my house, and blow up an inflatable decoy batman to leave in the drivers seat. Going inside, I don't yet notice that the inflatable batman has somehow managed to start the car and put pressure on the gas pedal, slowly driving away down the street.

I run downstairs, and get on the motorcycle to chase after my car and recover it. Going way too fast, I nearly crash a few times, and get some good air time off speed bumps in the road. Finally, I crash the bike, it launches off a hill, and smashes into a stone archway leading down to the ocean. I go air-born, and slam into a castle wall. Not really hurt, just stunned, I lay there for a bit. The butler comes out, and yells at me furiously. I see the car! Running to my car to get away, the butler is in hot pursuit.

He chases me through town, and tries to ram me off the road. I slow down and dodge him, also slowing to avoid the river and cliff up ahead. He keeps going full speed, like he is going to turn around up there and come at me head on. Not knowing about the river and cliff, he careens right off the edge, smashing his car to pieces and being thrown out of it, down a hill thick with trees.

I walk down there to see what happened to him, and see no sign of him at all. Suddenly, he appears behind me with a garrote and tries to murder me with it. He exclaims something about being a well known bad guy by the name of ___ (forgot it). I grab the wire from around my neck, and flip him over my head, onto the ground, and kneel on his neck to choke him out.