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    Thread: Differences

    1. #1
      Member frozen_joth's Avatar
      Join Date
      Feb 2004
      I'm Not Sure


      These poems are ones I wrote differently. Different style. I dont really like them to much but there different to me so i decided to post them for some odd reason. Well thanks for clicking the thread and reading. feedback would be appreciated!!

      I can only think when I haven't thought about you,
      I play to song that sings straight through,
      Do you hope it rains for the fallen sky,
      is it the only fear that you chose to buy,
      Where are the prayers for my lonelyness,
      Has the peace been so ridiculous?,

      Whats the time here I haven't fallen today,
      Addicted to when I can't hear the words you say,
      Into the whispers I followed into the forest,
      The moon breathes my last rest,
      Secrets written in a fog's breaths.
      Hatred consumed my remorse for death,

      Sickened by the lies I found,
      To bury my body beneath the ground,
      Into a life I haven't been able to hold,
      Where are the souless souls I sold,
      I brought you into this frame of discomfort,
      Wishes and prayers of my rebirth,

      Please take me into your arms,
      The only place I feel sane,
      Not knowing why I have have harmed,
      I only know my name in vain,

      Pray to me I dont live again,
      Pray to me I dont live through this sin


      This is a real different style from what I usually write I dont like it to much but I was wanting some opinions on it.
      Say what you feel on all my writings, I take no offense to any words, good or bad
      Take this word of faith and kill me,
      I haven't begun anything you see,
      Silenced hatred depressed my illness,
      I haven't given my all or my best,
      Weeping tears of fires blazing,
      Nothing continuing or phasing,
      Moonlight crept on us like vengeful light,
      Not the right place, not hwere this is right,
      Wings fold upon my name of blistered souls,
      No life resides in this withering soul,
      Your touch gave me a name,
      A reason of without the game,
      A gave a rose to a shadow,
      And was given a kiss....

      Like I said before, I dont like this but its a different style I had a urge to write. Just let me know what you think. I know they suck so if you think they do please just say so.

      Are we dreaming?

    2. #2
      Member irishcream's Avatar
      Join Date
      Feb 2005
      Where angels fear to tread...
      i wouldn't say they were bad, or anything like that, although i liked the first one better than the second, i like how you portrayed that fact that when the person you most want to be by your side isn't, how it can be so unlike proper life.
      at least, that's the way i saw it. Hope i've got it right!
      'all of the moments that already passed/
      try to go back and make them last.'

    3. #3
      Member pinkcheese's Avatar
      Join Date
      Oct 2004
      LD Count
      birrrrrmingham, alabama
      I really do like the first one, especially the first and fourth stanzas.
      I partially disagree with irishcream's intepretation of it though....yes, it did have the whole "I need you but I can't have you now" theme to it, but I got more of a regretful, "forgive me" kinda thing.

      I couldn't really put my finger on the second one, I couldn't really decide if I liked it or not. :S

      Keep it up, as always, your work is awesome!

    4. #4
      Member jay dawg's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jun 2005
      i like them both alot. i definitely like the second one a little bit more. man thats deep
      420/24/7/365 herb?

      <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(mayhembrown)</div>
      i tried to fly but cudnt, so i went outside in the garden but still cudnt.. i then thought lets go and find a girl!

    5. #5
      Member Awaken4e1's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2005


      Man that's really "down" there emotionally, must be going through some hard times.
      "I feel ya brother,

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